It's Dimitri! Staying true to myself, coming out post

[DimitriThomas]

Thanks for being so open and honest, Dimitri. You really are a wonderful human being. Since you are willing to be in A.M.A. mode, could you share with us what were the first indications you experienced that led to to realize that you are female in a male body?

I like that, "AMA mode!" Sure! Some of my first memories are from when I was around five and people kept telling to go hang out with the boys. Even though I was into a lot of "boy" activities (and still am) I didn't feel right and I instinctually said "But I'm a girl." I remember awkward conversations as a little kid of my parents telling me otherwise, because my teachers told them about all of this. So to stop being bullied I put on a face and I went pretty unharmed until I started hitting puberty. When I was dating my last girlfriend as a guy I even felt envious of her at times. How I really felt is hard to articulate to someone who doesn't know what it might be like...it's like the way you think, feel and the perception of who you are is always being denied by everyone, and your body changes against your will. It was agonizing to look in the mirror and have every part of you hate yourself for not being able to do something about it, or face the consequences. At one point I thought it was a phase and I "manned-up" which was the worst decision I ever made. So I'm other words, I have known about as long as I remember but I didn't put a name to it until puberty.

 

[DimitriThomas]

Dimitri, I'm wondering if you are willing to comment on just what role Broke Straight Boys played in your coming out process. And maybe why you chose to do BSBs at that point in your transitioning process. What were you thinking as you thought about joining BSBs. I realize you said AMA, but if that is too personal to answer, I would certainly understand.

I will certainly answer, although I haven't spoken of my coming out process very much. Me coming out was a very independent move that I made alone. As far as Broke Straight Boys goes my friend Kaden Alexander knew and Damian Christopher I told during a break in my interview, support from them and other people in my life has helped aid me with enough strength to honestly believe that things will get better. I chose to be on Broke Straight Boys at that point (after they said they liked me, lol) because I was and am still in need not only for transition but my education that will get me to where I want to be. I was scared just like most newbies would be I guess. I wasn't sure how I'd be received, although I am 110% more confident and at ease now that a burden is lifted.

 

[DimitriThomas]

Dimitri, you are an amazing soul and one of the coolest guys I have ever met. Thank you for sharing with me what you were going through during the time we spent together. You confided in me and, while it was tough not to tell the other staff members, I connected with your sense of pride in your individuality, your robustness, and your courage and kept your revelation to myself.

Again, you have my full support and if there is anything that I can do, you just pick up the phone and call me (if i don't call you first, lol). The person I met hasn't fundamentally been altered or lost – he has actually been discovered. It's important that you know I will forever be proud of you, more than ever. You are my wonderful friend and I'm enormously proud that you have the courage to be yourself and take on so many obstacles.

With help and the love of your Broke Straight Boys family and friends you will survive this difficult time and it will give you the strength and resilience to hold your head up as the beautiful young woman you will become.

To the members, please show respect, kindness, and dignity in your responses to Dimitri. The models are real people, with real struggles, and this is a perfect example. We can't always share with you why someone hasn't come back, or why your favorite model isn't on the site anymore. People have struggles that are their private business. Please show respect to Dimitri during this difficult time he has chosen to share with the world.

D

Reading this gave me the biggest smile, thank you Damian for making my day! I will also always see you as a friend even if I am states apart, it is amazing how much can happen in just one week. I am always around and available with school being my one main focus this moment, haha don't hang up if you hear a different voice! I am glad that Broke Straight Boys has you on staff and you were a big part in helping me to feel at ease there since you are so personable. You are also right, while my struggle may be unique all of the other models have a set of their own they go through each day and we can't forget that they are all brought together under one roof in order to correct the negative circumstances that life can throw our way.

Anya Thomas

 

[mikeyank]

Your comment about Price is fascinating to me as both he, and Dimitri, were among the models on this site that I found most arousing!

First a hearty to the forum, my fellow New York Metro guy! And as I recall, David had told us that a former Broke Straight Boys model was undergoing hormone treatments and when we guessed it was Price, David did not deny it. For those who do not remember, this is him on the left with Kyle from December 2010.

 

[mikeyank]

I like that, "AMA mode!" Sure! Some of my first memories are from when I was around five and people kept telling to go hang out with the boys. Even though I was into a lot of "boy" activities (and still am) I didn't feel right and I instinctually said "But I'm a girl." I remember awkward conversations as a little kid of my parents telling me otherwise, because my teachers told them about all of this. So to stop being bullied I put on a face and I went pretty unharmed until I started hitting puberty. When I was dating my last girlfriend as a guy I even felt envious of her at times. How I really felt is hard to articulate to someone who doesn't know what it might be like...it's like the way you think, feel and the perception of who you are is always being denied by everyone, and your body changes against your will. It was agonizing to look in the mirror and have every part of you hate yourself for not being able to do something about it, or face the consequences. At one point I thought it was a phase and I "manned-up" which was the worst decision I ever made. So I'm other words, I have known about as long as I remember but I didn't put a name to it until puberty.

Thank you so much Dimitri for explaining that to me so clearly and concisely that I now can understand what you've gone through. I can see that you were trying to hide something that might be considered even harder to explain than my hiding that I was gay to family and friends right through after my college days, when I finally began to tell people close in my life.

 

[DChristopher]

Reading this gave me the biggest smile, thank you Damian for making my day! I will also always see you as a friend even if I am states apart, it is amazing how much can happen in just one week. I am always around and available with school being my one main focus this moment, haha don't hang up if you hear a different voice! I am glad that Broke Straight Boys has you on staff and you were a big part in helping me to feel at ease there since you are so personable. You are also right, while my struggle may be unique all of the other models have a set of their own they go through each day and we can't forget that they are all brought together under one roof in order to correct the negative circumstances that life can throw our way.

Anya Thomas

Sending much love back your way!

 

[bad4apple]

I want to echo Mikeyank's sentiments, Anya. Thanks so much for the insight into your earliest experiences.

 

[johnny]

Anya
Just so hard trying to make it through life being who we are supposed to be. Hope you find happiness and more.
And you really are a great writer. Thank You...

 

[stowe1]

Totally agree peterh6308, sounds like someone took an overdose of asshole pills today.

When it comes to overreacting and lashing out rudely and being insensitive to his fellow forumites, I rate Stowe a 5 - which is way uncalled for in my grading system. For you that's quite clever; and thanks!

Frankly Stowe I am shocked that you didn't take the high road and seize the opportunity to educate us as to why certain things that were said may be construed as offensive or objectionable, especially since you seem to be well versed on the subject.
I suspect that Dimitri was not offended as she did not react negatively to anything that was said. But enough about you.

Congratulations Dimitri, may your future hold much health, wealth and happiness. - Jason

-

 

[tampa24]

I want to echo Mikeyank's sentiments, Anya. Thanks so much for the insight into your earliest experiences.

What they said Anya. haha

While we in the gay community are not perfect, I think you'll find for the most part that we bring much less judgment to bear on how people live their lives. We have so often been judged by the straight world on our supposed "lifestyle choices" that we tend to do that the least to others. We didn't choose to be born gay any more than you chose to be born into a body that didn't match your gender identity. So I think you can see in here that we just want you to be happy. As long as you are happy or at least on the road to your own happiness and personal fulfillment, it doesn't matter to us which gender you present as or which gender you would prefer to have sex with.

Plus we know the feeling of being in the closet and making the very difficult decision to come out.

 

[tampa24]

Your comment about Price is fascinating to me as both he, and Dimitri, were among the models on this site that I found most arousing!

Welcome to the forum Lakeside!

 

[silvercamel]

I will certainly answer, although I haven't spoken of my coming out process very much. Me coming out was a very independent move that I made alone. As far as Broke Straight Boys goes my friend Kaden Alexander knew and Damian Christopher I told during a break in my interview, support from them and other people in my life has helped aid me with enough strength to honestly believe that things will get better. I chose to be on Broke Straight Boys at that point (after they said they liked me, lol) because I was and am still in need not only for transition but my education that will get me to where I want to be. I was scared just like most newbies would be I guess. I wasn't sure how I'd be received, although I am 110% more confident and at ease now that a burden is lifted.

Thanks for your honesty!

 

[bobbity]

Whether male or female, you are fucking beautiful and I applaud your courage and honesty. ^.^

 

[joninliverton]

Whether male or female, you are fucking beautiful and I applaud your courage and honesty. ^.^

Indeed Bobbity. xx

 

[Ambivalent]

I will work to keep in touch better. I haven't lost hope with my family, it's possible they'll come around, they just need to learn more about what is going on. I do plan on surgically transitioning, my goal is before I graduate so that I am done with everything before moving into the "real world." Hm, I was seeing a gender therapist to be formally diagnosed with gender dysphoria over the last year and a half. I've been on hormones for 3 months. I've also had laser hair removal on my face and do voice training as much as I possibly can to be taken more seriously and before my classes begin. Prayers are appreciated.

***************************************

Hey, Anya (XOXOXOXOXOXO) ~

THANK YOU for sharing your story with all of us, here on the board. . . I can only add my voice to what others have already said, more eloquently, and all I have to say is:

*You're a kind, gentle, much-loved, and much-admired friend, to all of us.
*While I know all of us feel sorry that you have had to struggle with gender dysphoria, over the years, I know that ALL OF US feel glad that you are well on the path to reclaiming your true self, Anya.
*I know that all of us love you, and are eager to keep in touch with you, and be updated on your progress as you transition to reclaim the person YOU have always known, you are.

Anya, I hope this isn't too forward, or wrong of me to speak about (if so, please ignore it): but, you have made a couple of comments about "Russian-ness". I have quite a number of Russian friends, in real life - some straight, some gay. (None who is transgendered - till this moment - though.)

I know that my gay Russian friends have sometimes spoken to me about the difficulty of being reconciled to their families, given presently-received "Russian traditional values" ~ both cultural, and religious. Like everybody here, I am sure, I am dearly hoping that your family, over time, will come to appreciate and understand and love you as Anya, the person you ARE. It is difficult, though - when a family member embarks on a gender transition, their FAMILY must transition, too.

Of course, in a spiritual sense, it OUGHTN'T be so difficult. Because your SOUL has never changed - you are still the same person, INSIDE, you have always been. But I think it does take time for families to grasp that, what they perceive as a drastic change in a loved-one, is really only that loved-one coming home, to happiness and genuine selfhood. (God, of course, knows this.)

So, like our dear Tampa, and everyone here, I'll pray for you, Anya - for your grace and strength through this important time in your life; for your family's growing understanding; and for your happiness, as you get to the place you were meant to be. And I will light a candle for you, too, Anya, to illuminate, our prayers for you.

Бог благословит вас и держать вас, Аня. (Bog blagoslovit vas i derzhat' vas, Anya ~ "May God bless you and keep you, Anya".) And may all the saints and angels watch over you.

"A" XOXOXOXOXOXO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzK5YEVMHn4

P.S. Sorry, my Russian is so bad. . . .

P.P.S. Please, please keep us up-to-date on your life. We care about you. XOXOXOXOXOXO

 

[danleeh1984]

Hi anya, first of all I just wanted to say that anya is a beautiful name. Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing how you were feeling. It couldn't of been easy going through all of that and yet you still turned out such an amazing person which proves how strong you are. I can understand in a small way some of what you are going through as im a gay man that lives in a homophobic family so ive had to live a false life nearly my entire life and when I was a child I noticed all the other guys around me noticing the girls and talking about them in a guy way and I never felt the same as them in any way but I couldn't admit that so I used to just nod and lie and pretend to feel the same way. Then in my teenage life naturally my mum used to keep asking me if I had a girlfriend yet and obviously I couldn't tell them the truth so I used to have to pretend id had all of these relationships and when she asked if she could meet them I had to tell her she was shy or busy and throughout the teens that happened and then the lie changed to I wasn't looking for relationships just the sex.

So I can understand in a way how hard it was to hide the true you but what you've had to deal with on top of that must of been so hard on you and so I have nothing but respect for you and what you've gone through and im so happy that your able to be yourself now and that anya can finally be free. So now your life can truly begin and you can experience things for the first time as the real you and not have to hide or pretend. Much love and respect. Dan

 

[tampa24]

***************************************

Hey, Anya (XOXOXOXOXOXO) ~

THANK YOU for sharing your story with all of us, here on the board. . .and all I have to say is:

*You're a kind, gentle, much-loved, and much-admired friend, to all of us.
*While I know all of us feel sorry that you have had to struggle with gender dysphoria, over the years, I know that ALL OF US feel glad that you are well on the path to reclaiming your true self, Anya.
*I know that all of us love you, and are eager to keep in touch with you, and be updated on your progress as you transition to reclaim the person YOU have always known, you are.

Of course, in a spiritual sense, it OUGHTN'T be so difficult. Because your SOUL has never changed - you are still the same person, INSIDE, you have always been. But I think it does take time for families to grasp that, what they perceive as a drastic change in a loved-one, is really only that loved-one coming home, to happiness and genuine selfhood. (God, of course, knows this.)


P.P.S. Please, please keep us up-to-date on your life. We care about you. XOXOXOXOXOXO

What a great post Ambi!

I hope Anya knows that you speak for many of us in here.

 

[Ambivalent]

Kisses, Tampa.

"A" XOXOXOXOXO

 

[bradleyreed88]

WOW, Dimitri;;

I know that took a lot of courage to share with us. Rick and I both wish you the best and all we really care about is
that you are truly happy inside going forward in life!

Bradley

 

[mtfrc81]

Dimitri all I can really say is I'm blown away! The idea that you felt safe to share such a big part of your life on the forum is one heck of a leap of faith. I wish you the best of luck in moving forward with the rest of your life! Stay true to yourself!