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Coming out to my parents

Burgess23

Active Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2017
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Hey guys, recently I have been trying to contribute more to the forum when and where I can. I thought I would explain my situation and also ask for some tips and advice for my ongoing dilemma. Until very recently I had always been with a girl, I find girls mildly attractive but they never quite ‘did it for me’. Earlier this year I split with my partner, with whom i share a wonderful daughter with. Since then, I have had to face the facts of moving back in with my dad and adjusting to being a single parent. After breaking up with my partner I have felt the urge to explore more with guys (I have done in the past, even a few times whilst in a relationship!) I have found a guy that I really connect with and have been exclusive for the past few months. I have come ‘out’ to my close friends and my brother, but have so far struggled to tell my dad. My dad is probably more ‘old school’ and at times has been quite homophobic, however his views are much more liberal now. A situation has arisen where I am going to a family bbq and my partner has been invited, I really want to tell my dad and am planning on coming out to him this Thursday but I’m scared. I don’t know how and what to say to him, however my brother has said he will be there with me when I tell him. I don’t want to live a double live but I also dont want to lie or hide to him anymore. I’m just worried that he may react badly or worse kick me out. I think it is probably more in my head but wanted to get some advice from people who may have been in a similar situation to myself. Apologies for the long post and thanks for taking the time to read.
 
Wow! I wish I had some advice to give. Sometimes parents will surprise you. My mom sure did. I am 53 and only came out to my mom 2 years ago. She really didn’t have anything to say except, “I guess I always knew” but then again I never dated women or married a woman. All I can say is good luck and wish you the best. Maybe others will comment and have better advice to give than me.
 
Also, thanks for starting this thread. It’s good conversation with hopefully some good advice coming forth. These things are important and I appreciate you posting this and hope you’ll post more.
 
Also, thanks for starting this thread. It’s good conversation with hopefully some good advice coming forth. These things are important and I appreciate you posting this and hope you’ll post more.
Thank you for your response! Your comment has definitely made me feel abit more at ease! I’m trying to not make it a big deal but I’m just worried he may not take it in the way I hope in my head! I will try and post more often as I love reading this amazing forum!
 
Thank you for your response! Your comment has definitely made me feel abit more at ease! I’m trying to not make it a big deal but I’m just worried he may not take it in the way I hope in my head! I will try and post more often as I love reading this amazing forum!

I hope you do post more often Burgess. I love having new voices joining us here. I never came out to my parents but that was in a different era. When my mom died in 1984, my brother who I had come out to, told me that her gay hairdresser who came to our house to pay his respects told him that she knew I was gay, but it was never discussed among our family.

Regarding your situation, my only reservation is your decision to come out to your dad at a family bbq. Perhaps you should talk to him in a more private situation and give him time to digest your situation before bringing your boyfriend to a family outing, (no pun intended). But I am from a different generation, and you and your brother probably have a much better read on your dad. Good luck and please let us know how it goes.
 
Thanks for your sharing> back in ancient times, I did not . I married very young & had kids so was covered . But of course really only was fooling myself. But you did even in these times took courage and commend you.
 
First off thanks for sharing your story with us. I think coming out is scary for most everyone and I have definitely been there. I agree with Mikeyank that maybe not doing at the BBQ may not be the best environment to do this in. I know my family had a digestion period even though they were pretty much ok with it. One of my x boyfriends told his Mom and she had a really hard time with it at first but then was totally fine with it. Once again she had to digest it. I know a big part for females is they want their grand kids and being gay takes that out of the equation usually so that is hard for them and can be for the males as well. You said you have a daughter so maybe that won't be an issue for them. I would still suggest doing it in a quieter environment when there isn't a lot going on and pick a low stress day. Even at the BBQ you could tell him and everything could be totally fine but it is risky imo. I wish you the best of luck and I hope it goes well no matter what you decide. :)
 
Wow thanks for all of the responses! It certainly means a lot! Sorry for clarification I am planning to tell him on Thursday as my brother is hosting a bbq on Saturday and has invited my partner and I as well as my father. I was planning to tell him beforehand just mainly to get it off my chest but also so that he knows how this person is. I am not one for public affection anyway, straight or gay, so it wouldn’t be obvious if that makes sense. I feel I owe it to him after all he has done for me and he is one of the last to know which I feel bad about.
 
Wow thanks for all of the responses! It certainly means a lot! Sorry for clarification I am planning to tell him on Thursday as my brother is hosting a bbq on Saturday and has invited my partner and I as well as my father. I was planning to tell him beforehand just mainly to get it off my chest but also so that he knows how this person is. I am not one for public affection anyway, straight or gay, so it wouldn’t be obvious if that makes sense. I feel I owe it to him after all he has done for me and he is one of the last to know which I feel bad about.
If you are close to him, you may find he already knows. As a father I knew a lot about my sons without them telling me.
 
Wow thanks for all of the responses! It certainly means a lot! Sorry for clarification I am planning to tell him on Thursday as my brother is hosting a bbq on Saturday and has invited my partner and I as well as my father. I was planning to tell him beforehand just mainly to get it off my chest but also so that he knows how this person is. I am not one for public affection anyway, straight or gay, so it wouldn’t be obvious if that makes sense. I feel I owe it to him after all he has done for me and he is one of the last to know which I feel bad about.

You are very welcome Burgess. It makes me happy to know that this forum can serve as a supportive and loving community to you, as we’ve all been in your shoes in one way or another at some point in our lives. And thank you for the clarification on the timeline of your planned conversation with your dad. Good luck and please let us know what happens.
 
Hey everyone! So I’ve finally done it! I will set the scene for you guys. I had arrived home from work at around 6pm and my brother had also come round to support me. We ate dinner and I thought to myself after we had finished, come on you can do this now. I tried to open my mouth but the words wouldn’t come. We watched eastenders, chatted about politics and wind rush and then caught up on some T20 Cricket. All the time I was clock watching thinking you can do this now. Again I tried but no words came. It got around 9.30 and I finally plucked up the courage to say ‘dad I need to tell you something’ I was getting nervous and my words were faltering, through a few tears I said… ‘I’m seeing someone’. He replied ‘aww that’s lovely’. I said ‘but it’s not a girl’. Then the floodgates opened! I was crying and working myself up when my dad said ‘Was that all you wanted to tell me?, you know all care about is that you are happy.’’ I want you and your daughter to be happy that’s what makes me happy’. He was amazing and so supportive, I feel so relieved and at the same time exhausted! Thank you everyone for your kind messages and support, you have made it a lot easier for me! Now I feel completely free and can start building my life with my daughter and new partner!
 
Hey everyone! So I’ve finally done it! I will set the scene for you guys. I had arrived home from work at around 6pm and my brother had also come round to support me. We ate dinner and I thought to myself after we had finished, come on you can do this now. I tried to open my mouth but the words wouldn’t come. We watched eastenders, chatted about politics and wind rush and then caught up on some T20 Cricket. All the time I was clock watching thinking you can do this now. Again I tried but no words came. It got around 9.30 and I finally plucked up the courage to say ‘dad I need to tell you something’ I was getting nervous and my words were faltering, through a few tears I said… ‘I’m seeing someone’. He replied ‘aww that’s lovely’. I said ‘but it’s not a girl’. Then the floodgates opened! I was crying and working myself up when my dad said ‘Was that all you wanted to tell me?, you know all care about is that you are happy.’’ I want you and your daughter to be happy that’s what makes me happy’. He was amazing and so supportive, I feel so relieved and at the same time exhausted! Thank you everyone for your kind messages and support, you have made it a lot easier for me! Now I feel completely free and can start building my life with my daughter and new partner!

Wow! I have tears in my eyes too Burgess. That is beautiful and your dad is great, saying exactly what he should have. Best of luck to you and your family and your partner. Hopefully you stick around on the forum. I am so pleased that everything went so wonderfully.
 
Wow! I have tears in my eyes too Burgess. That is beautiful and your dad is great, saying exactly what he should have. Best of luck to you and your family and your partner. Hopefully you stick around on the forum. I am so pleased that everything went so wonderfully.
Thank you! I will definitely make sure I make some time for the forum! It’s a great place!
 
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