Austin, Masturbation Habits, and Exorcism
Dear underwear fun,
I'll gladly share Austin and/or Jimmy (Slater, I assume) with anybody with any sexual orientation and will NEVER EVER feel shortchanged or complain! In fact I will feel the Penis Gods protecting all Gay boys have smiled upon me with all that implies!
Getting back to the original statement of jacking off 19 times in a 24 hour period, I just want to know if this is due to extensive use of video games? Also, who is doing your skin grafts and how many times per week do you visit him? Are you getting a "frequent flyer discount" on his services? Have you been diagnosed with "carpal tunnel syndrome" as a consequence?
Even if you purchased ID lube by the 55 gallon drum and had an applicator suspended directly above both your bed and your couch or easy chair (much like the quick fill applicator used at your oil changing service bay), I would check into a clinic immediacy to see if you have OCD or at least are manic or has someone disguised some Viagra in your candy bowl.
No. You will not go blind or have hair growing from the palm of your hand(s). Hair cannot establish itself in an ocean of ID Lube. I imagine your biggest concern is the possibility of igniting a fire through spontaneous combustion. Surely you don't smoke, heaven forbid! From here on out, I would only use foil lined condoms just in case a spark got started. You would be better off with asbestos lining from Midas but we can't have you coming down with dick cancer, now can we!
As an adolescent, I was repeatedly reassured by health professionals you siimply cannot j/o too much because you would eventually hit a dry well (using petroleum industry terminology). I have to ask can you even hold down a job or currently have sufficient time on your hands to answer the phone?
Truthfully, in my sophomore year in college, I did approach your frequency approximately but I soon found out that the old law of economics on "diminishing returns" applied equally to my semen resources and my overworked testicles. In my prime I achieved a record of only 12 times in the same 24 hour period without lube. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Boy, Oh Boy did my little boy suffer mightily from these times of unusual stress and hardship! In fact OSHA federal workplace requirements mandated me post the following notice on my dorm room door stating
"Masturbation Area Testing Zone - Hard Hat Protection Required for All Entering This Erection Site"!
It was a little embarrasing at first but then my local priest started visiting regularly with his bulbs of garlic draped around his crotch for my exorcism. No, i said exorcism, not circumcision. He did not abuse me as I would have much preferred. My biggest regret is that this exorcism would not have happened if the damn scaple used for my doctor at birth for my circumcision had only been blessed with holy water and the doctor had steadier hands. I don't intend to make this topic too long, but I did get the short end of the stick. I have had to adjust living with this nub or remnant of my former glorious self ever since he sliced and diced me. Just remember that routine circumcision was intended to reduce masturbation by reducing sensitivity of the glans thus discouraging frequent need for masturbation.
I wonder if the uber-masturbator is cut or uncut? Only time will tell!
Wanta get married?
I really was trying to come on to underwearfun because I find him to be very hot! Anyway, it is some consolation that I have indirectly gotten you hot too! Lucky you! With your lube-free zone and all!
