Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Grandma got dobbed in
-
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Bad Jokes
- Thread starter Markymark
- Start date
Oh Father, Oh Father I've come to confess
I've got your young daughter in a hell of a mess
She lay in the meadow all naked & bare
With something in her stomach that shouldn't be there
Oh son, oh son you should have know better
In my young days I used a french letter
Oh Father, Oh Father don't do me unjust
I used a french letter but the fucking thing bust
I've got your young daughter in a hell of a mess
She lay in the meadow all naked & bare
With something in her stomach that shouldn't be there
Oh son, oh son you should have know better
In my young days I used a french letter
Oh Father, Oh Father don't do me unjust
I used a french letter but the fucking thing bust
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
A woman goes into the confessional and says 'Father, forgive me because I'm guilty of the sin of vanity. It takes me hours to pick out the clothing and make up to best set off my features and figure. I can't stop thinking how lucky the rest of you all are to see me all the time and I have to use a mirror. What penance should I do, Father.' To which the priest responds 'Don't worry, dear. There's no need for penance. That's not teh sin of vanity. It's just a mistake.'
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
God, I just told you in a mail that I love you too...this is getting very very emotional...
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
For the 1st time in their 3 year marriage, a wife asked if her husband would mind making the next day's lunches for them both.
Obligingly he agrees.
The next morning, the young wife asks her loving husband, 'Where is our lunch, honey?'
He replied, 'I placed it on the second shelf of the fridge. My lunch is the one on the left, and yours is on the right'
Have a look at the photo…
LOVE IT!
Obligingly he agrees.
The next morning, the young wife asks her loving husband, 'Where is our lunch, honey?'
He replied, 'I placed it on the second shelf of the fridge. My lunch is the one on the left, and yours is on the right'
Have a look at the photo…
LOVE IT!
Attachments
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Found these online. I suspect the author's British...
What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...
Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty scousers showed up.
Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, Saint Peter said
he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him
to admit the ten most virtuous from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peter
returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone!"
"What? All of the Scousers are gone?" asked God.
"No!" replied Saint Peter. "The Pearly Gates!"
Bloke driving along in the car, when he gets pulled over by plod.
Police Officer says "Having you been drinking sir?"
Driver replies "Why, Is there a fat bird in the passenger seat!"
Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after
his wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, "How long before we can have sex?"
The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."
A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She selects some milk, some
eggs, a carton of juice, and a package of bacon. As she unloads her items
at the cash register to pay, a man standing behind her in line watches her
place the four items on the belt and states with assurance, "You must be single."
The woman looks at the four items on the belt, and seeing nothing unusual
about her selection says, "That's right. How on earth did you know."
He replies, "Because you're fucking ugly!"
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same
sleeping carriage of a train, after the initial embarrassment they both go
to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of
the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm
awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better
idea.... let's pretend we're married" "Why not", giggles the woman.
"Good", he replies, "Get your own fucking blanket!"
A no-good husband had been laying out, drinking and chasing women, then came
home about 3am. Knowing he would be in BIG trouble, he came up with a plan...
he'd sneak into the bedroom and perform oral sex on the wife.
THAT always made her happy. Sure enough, he snuck into the dark bedroom,
slipped quietly over to the bed and did the oral sex. She sleepily moaned
and groaned, so he knew everything was ok.
Afterwards, he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he flipped
on the light, to his astonishment, he saw his wife sitting on the toilet!
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??" He yells!
"shhhh", she whispered..."you'll wake Mother!"
After the Great British Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says "Hey
Sen~or, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts
off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me
"The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain
spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a
little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you
drinking a Guinness?"
The Guinness president replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...
Saint Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when forty scousers showed up.
Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, Saint Peter said
he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him
to admit the ten most virtuous from the group. A few minutes later, Saint Peter
returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone!"
"What? All of the Scousers are gone?" asked God.
"No!" replied Saint Peter. "The Pearly Gates!"
Bloke driving along in the car, when he gets pulled over by plod.
Police Officer says "Having you been drinking sir?"
Driver replies "Why, Is there a fat bird in the passenger seat!"
Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after
his wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, "How long before we can have sex?"
The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."
A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She selects some milk, some
eggs, a carton of juice, and a package of bacon. As she unloads her items
at the cash register to pay, a man standing behind her in line watches her
place the four items on the belt and states with assurance, "You must be single."
The woman looks at the four items on the belt, and seeing nothing unusual
about her selection says, "That's right. How on earth did you know."
He replies, "Because you're fucking ugly!"
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same
sleeping carriage of a train, after the initial embarrassment they both go
to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of
the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm
awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better
idea.... let's pretend we're married" "Why not", giggles the woman.
"Good", he replies, "Get your own fucking blanket!"
A no-good husband had been laying out, drinking and chasing women, then came
home about 3am. Knowing he would be in BIG trouble, he came up with a plan...
he'd sneak into the bedroom and perform oral sex on the wife.
THAT always made her happy. Sure enough, he snuck into the dark bedroom,
slipped quietly over to the bed and did the oral sex. She sleepily moaned
and groaned, so he knew everything was ok.
Afterwards, he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he flipped
on the light, to his astonishment, he saw his wife sitting on the toilet!
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??" He yells!
"shhhh", she whispered..."you'll wake Mother!"
After the Great British Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says "Hey
Sen~or, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts
off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me
"The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain
spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a
little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you
drinking a Guinness?"
The Guinness president replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
The Two Priests
Two priest's were taking a piss in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's dick. He says "Im not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isnt that supposed to be on your arm?" And the other priest goes "Nah, it's working fine. Im down to two butts a day"!
Two priest's were taking a piss in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's dick. He says "Im not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isnt that supposed to be on your arm?" And the other priest goes "Nah, it's working fine. Im down to two butts a day"!
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:
Walmart Employee: 'Hello 'dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?'
Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'
Walmart Employee: 'What you want on da cake?'
Customer: 'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that 'We will miss you'.
STOP LAUGHING!
You can't fix stupid.
slimvintage
BSB Addict
Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:
Walmart Employee: 'Hello 'dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?'
Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'
Walmart Employee: 'What you want on da cake?'
Customer: 'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that 'We will miss you'.
STOP LAUGHING!
You can't fix stupid.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Good morning its 8:53am here
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
How would you pronounce this child's name:
"Le-a" ???
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Detroit, MI.. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If they axe you why, tell them the dash don't be silent.
"Le-a" ???
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Detroit, MI.. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If they axe you why, tell them the dash don't be silent.
Last edited:
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Good one Baalie
