Bad Jokes

[mikeyank]

I see it was markymark who started this thread. Anyone heard from him ?

Actually Jon when you were away from the forum, markymark came back on for a bit. I see that he last posted in February 2014, on the "How many have had sex with a straight boy? " thread. He and Carl seem to be doing well. For us old-timers, I consider Markymark, Jayman, Slimvintage, Parisnoyd, and Tampa among others, the founding fathers of this forum, (even before I ever posted here).

 

[joninliverton]

Actually Jon when you were away from the forum, markymark came back on for a bit. I see that he last posted in February 2014, on the "How many have had sex with a straight boy? " thread. He and Carl seem to be doing well. For us old-timers, I consider Markymark, Jayman, Slimvintage, Parisnoyd, and Tampa among others, the founding fathers of this forum, (even before I ever posted here).

At least Tampa is still here.. I used to email Slim and Paris but we lost touch.

 

[SGVBOB]

Betting a Blonde
​

A blonde and a redhead are watching the late news. The redhead bets the blonde $50 that the mean in the lead story, who is on the ledge of a 40-story building, will jump. "I'll take that bet," the blonde replied. A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. The redhead, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such a tragic incident, turns to the blonde and tells her that she doesn't need to pay the $50. "No, a bet's a bet," the blonde replies. "I owe you $50." The redhead, feeling even more guilty, replies, "No, you don't understand. I saw the six o'clock news, so I knew how it was going to turn out." "That's OK," the blonde replies. "I saw it earlier too, but I didn't think he would jump again."

 

[SGVBOB]

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry,we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.


"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

 

[SGVBOB]

I think I like this one of my recent, the best:

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy." Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa.."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William .......the little shit's name is Kevin."

 

[louis33705]

Here's another corny joke. I do have to admit this one was played on our local radio station. I heard it after leaving work and almost ran off the interstate laughing so hard.

A man said to his wife, "Maybe we should wash your clothes in slimfast. It might take a couple of inches off your butt." She wasnt amused and decided not to let the comment go unrewarded. The next morning he pulled a pair of undies out of his drawer and said "What the hell" when a small dust cloud appeared when he shook them. He hollered "why did you put talc powder in my undies?" She replied "It's not talc powder, it's miracle grow"

 

[louis33705]

This is my favorite of all time "blond" jokes.

A young blond woman moved into a house is a rural part of the country. Across the street from her lived an elderly gentleman who would spend his days rocking on his chair on his front porch. On her first morning there, he saw her come out to check her mailbox. Nothing. A couple of hours later she comes out again to check the box. Still nothing. A couple of more hours pass and she comes out for a third time. Nothing. The gentleman finally informs her the mail is not delivered until late in the afternoon. The blond woman responds, "That's funny, every time I go to my computer it says, 'You've got mail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'"

 

[joninliverton]

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry,we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.


"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."

Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Hey bob, I told this joke to a blonde guy on grindr today because I thought it was hilarious. We were getting on quite well until I told it to him, then he blocked me... ha ha..his loss

 

[SGVBOB]

(I'm sorry, Jon), I think. The reason I say, "I think", is, because if he is SO DAMN 'uptight' to know what a 'joke' is, then HIS LOSS. He will probably come back to you (hopefully), when he realizes how shallow he is/was thinking, and to 'loosen up'.

Hey bob, I told this joke to a blonde guy on grindr today because I thought it was hilarious. We were getting on quite well until I told it to him, then he blocked me... ha ha..his loss

 

[SGVBOB]

A man and wife attended church one evening, and the wife decided that it was time to stop her husband from sleeping in Church. So, she took her hat pin and decided she would poke him every time he fell asleep. Right about the first time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, "And who created the Universe?" The wife poked her husband and he awakes and yells, "My God!"

The second time he falls asleep, the preacher asks, "And who died on the cross for you?" She pokes her husband and he screams, "Jesus Christ!"

The third time, the Preacher asks, " And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

The wife pokes her husband and he jumps up and yells, "By God, if you poke me with that thing one more time, I am going to break it off!"

 

[Beth]

I didn't know where to put this, but I sure think it's funny as hell...enjoy!
http://www.sadanduseless.com/2014/07/coloring-book-for-grown-ups/

 

[SGVBOB]

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one egg says to the other.. "I've got a huge crack!" the other egg replies "Stop f***ing teasing me, i'm not hard yet!"

 

[Bartly9]

Why did the turkey cross the road?

It was the chicken's day off...