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Bad Jokes
- Thread starter Markymark
- Start date
A guy in Arkansas' fiancee is more nervous than he's ever seen her on their wedding day about some dark secret but he assures her whatever it is, their love is strong enough to conquer anything. She swallows her fear and they marry but later in their honeymoon suite she is worse than ever. He's all 'honey, just tell me what it is. Our love will get us through'. She gets all teary and admits to her new husband she's a virgin. The man gets his clothes back on, repacks his bags, and is out the door in minutes. When he gets home he tells his father what he did and his father agrees with his son's actions, saying 'if she weren't good enough for her family, she sure as hell ain't good enough for ours!'
parisnoyd
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Ok, that is just wrong, but funny! I don't care who you are!
Some more
What's brown and sits on a piano stool? ---- Beethoven's last movement
How do you know that toothpaste was invented in Tennesse? --- if it was invented any place else it would have been called Teethpaste!
You know your a redneck when you go to your family reunion looking for a date.
How does a blond turn off the lights after having sex? --- she shuts the car door
I know -- ENOUGH!!!!!
What's brown and sits on a piano stool? ---- Beethoven's last movement
How do you know that toothpaste was invented in Tennesse? --- if it was invented any place else it would have been called Teethpaste!
You know your a redneck when you go to your family reunion looking for a date.
How does a blond turn off the lights after having sex? --- she shuts the car door
I know -- ENOUGH!!!!!
richardnoggin869
Well-known Member
If a man and a woman get married in Arkansas....and later get divorced in Mississippi....are they still brother and sister?
vicekid
Well-known Member
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his heard in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced our of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni Suit Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your heard, will you give me a calf?
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing hear and calmly answers; "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZAR V3 cellphone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connector Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laserjet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves".
"That's right. Well I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of the car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the Yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No Guessing required.", answered the cowboy.
"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter that me you are; and you don't know a thing about COWS.........
This is a heard of SHEEP......................................
Now give me back my DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laugh Long and Loud,
Vicekid
The driver, a young man in a Brioni Suit Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your heard, will you give me a calf?
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing hear and calmly answers; "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZAR V3 cellphone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connector Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laserjet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves".
"That's right. Well I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of the car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the Yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No Guessing required.", answered the cowboy.
"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter that me you are; and you don't know a thing about COWS.........
This is a heard of SHEEP......................................
Now give me back my DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laugh Long and Loud,
Vicekid
GreatLakes2
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Jay, your old eyes must be failing you. Art was the first in my list, and Bob and Matt were in the post I quoted.
Nah! I was just multi tasking inefficiently. I was doing school work, watching Twilight, talking on the phone, and reading and responding to posts. And I am dyslexic. I caught the mistake myself before bed. I was going to try and fix it this morning. Hey, you are an early riser. So, the answer is yes. I do procrastinate. LOL. 
So, I just didn't take my time like usual. Sorry, my bad. The jokes still made me laugh.
So, I just didn't take my time like usual. Sorry, my bad. The jokes still made me laugh.
Last edited:
tucsonjayce
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What do you call 32 women in one room in (insert West Virginia, Tennessee, Kentucky, etc)?
A full set of teeth.
Love you guys!
Jayce
A full set of teeth.
Love you guys!
Jayce
Nah! I was just multi tasking inefficiently. I was doing school work, watching Twilight, talking on the phone, and reading and responding to posts. And I am dyslexic. I caught the mistake myself before bed. I was going to try and fix it this morning. Hey, you are an early riser. So, the answer is yes. I do procrastinate. LOL.
Twilight is awesome. I read the whole book series. GREAT entertainment. Having the actor who played Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter Goblet of Fire movie didn't hurt the film (Twilight) either. He's yummy.
Twilight is awesome. I read the whole book series. GREAT entertainment. Having the actor who played Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter Goblet of Fire movie didn't hurt the film (Twilight) either. He's yummy.
I had a similar thought... I was thinking more about the thought of immortal youth. I think that was a fascination with Highlander the series too.
GreatLakes2
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Name three 2-letter words meaning small.
Is it in?
Is it in?
GreatLakes2
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