LOL that is good. Thanks for sharing.
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LOL that is good. Thanks for sharing.
parisnoyd
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vicekid
Well-known Member
There is a tour group visiting Vienna. As they are working through one of the famous cemeteries they come first to tombstone of Bach, then Wagner, and Brahms. As they come to Beethoven's they find this mound of dirt and all these blank pages that. As they get to the grave and look inside, low and behold they see Beethoven with a pencil and paper. They ask him what is he doing.
Beethoven responds:
I'm de-composing.
Live Long and Prosper,
Vicekid
Beethoven responds:
I'm de-composing.
Live Long and Prosper,
Vicekid
Rise In Rent Forces Local Taco Bell To Take On RoommateMarch 9, 2009 | Issue 45•11
ROCKFORD, IL—With rents soaring and operating costs at an all-time high, management at the Auburn St. Taco Bell decided earlier this month to lessen their financial burden by taking on a roommate, 24-year-old Mark Studer.
The fast-food chain's new roommate, Mark Studer. Manager Andy Parker said he found the Tex-Mex chain’s new occupant after posting a classified ad on Craigslist.org. The online ad reportedly offered a 100-square-foot storage room, with access to a modern restaurant-style kitchen, shared public bathroom, and spacious walk-in fridge, for $325 a month.
Studer, who fit the qualifications of being a responsible non smoker with no pets, replied to the notice and was quickly approved to move in following a brief interview.
"We were really excited about getting a roommate," said Parker, who claimed that the restaurant would have had to move to a cheaper location were it not for the extra rent money. "Everybody got along great with Mark at first, and it was fun to have someone new around the place. Plus, he's got this really amazing collection of wrestling DVDs."
Taco Bell workers may have to post a "chore chart" on the walk-in freezer.
"Unfortunately, Mark also has a tendency to leave his clothes all over the dining room floor and walk around the kitchen in his boxers while we're trying to cook," Parker added. "And yesterday he left his car parked in the drive-thru for like 12 hours. That's just inconsiderate."
Since moving in, Studer has irritated several members of the Taco Bell staff. On Monday, the new roommate refused to wash a stack of his dirty dishes, claiming that he should be paid just like anyone else for his efforts. In addition, Studer reportedly inconvenienced dozens of customers on Friday by throwing a keg party during business hours, and letting his friend Dave crash inside a booth for three days.
The new living situation has frustrated both full-time and part-time employees, many of whom have complained about not being able to focus on their work with Studer constantly around. Head cashier Dana Canty, 19, said she was forced to quit last week after Studer entered her work area on several occasions wearing nothing but a towel. Others claimed that Studer is the worst roommate they've ever worked with.
"One morning I came in and he had used up all the hot sauce packets without even leaving a note," said Doug Marzec, who works the early shift at Taco Bell. "And last week, he pretty much ate all the shredded cheese in our fridge and then said he'd get us back the next time he went shopping."
Added Marzec, "We couldn't serve half our menu that day."
While Studer has infuriated employees by pounding on the windows after misplacing his keys, tension between the new roommate and staff reportedly reached its breaking point Wednesday, when Studer left the front door open all night, and costly Taco Bell property was stolen.
"Sure, it sucks when customers get angry about Mark shaving in the bathroom, or when he leaves half-eaten pizza on the counter, but this is too much," Parker said. "They took our damn Frialator."
For his part, Studer said he is also unhappy with the current arrangement. Calling his new living situation "fucking gross," the 24-year-old was appalled to discover that his roommates never washed their hands, and was tired of "people stinking up his home" with their "disgusting food."
"That stuff lingers forever," said Studer, adding that it'd be nice if someone cooked something other than Mexican every now and again. "I can still smell it on my clothes and pillow."
In addition, Studer said he was getting tired of the steady stream of people showing up in his home at all hours of the night.
"What's up with all these drunk losers coming over at 2 a.m.?" he said. "This place isn't bad, but I'm totally going to bail if people aren't more respectful around here."
Taco Bell management claimed that if the situation didn't improve soon, they would call a house meeting to kick out Studer, and instead supplement their income by giving guitar lessons.
ROCKFORD, IL—With rents soaring and operating costs at an all-time high, management at the Auburn St. Taco Bell decided earlier this month to lessen their financial burden by taking on a roommate, 24-year-old Mark Studer.
The fast-food chain's new roommate, Mark Studer. Manager Andy Parker said he found the Tex-Mex chain’s new occupant after posting a classified ad on Craigslist.org. The online ad reportedly offered a 100-square-foot storage room, with access to a modern restaurant-style kitchen, shared public bathroom, and spacious walk-in fridge, for $325 a month.
Studer, who fit the qualifications of being a responsible non smoker with no pets, replied to the notice and was quickly approved to move in following a brief interview.
"We were really excited about getting a roommate," said Parker, who claimed that the restaurant would have had to move to a cheaper location were it not for the extra rent money. "Everybody got along great with Mark at first, and it was fun to have someone new around the place. Plus, he's got this really amazing collection of wrestling DVDs."
Taco Bell workers may have to post a "chore chart" on the walk-in freezer.
"Unfortunately, Mark also has a tendency to leave his clothes all over the dining room floor and walk around the kitchen in his boxers while we're trying to cook," Parker added. "And yesterday he left his car parked in the drive-thru for like 12 hours. That's just inconsiderate."
Since moving in, Studer has irritated several members of the Taco Bell staff. On Monday, the new roommate refused to wash a stack of his dirty dishes, claiming that he should be paid just like anyone else for his efforts. In addition, Studer reportedly inconvenienced dozens of customers on Friday by throwing a keg party during business hours, and letting his friend Dave crash inside a booth for three days.
The new living situation has frustrated both full-time and part-time employees, many of whom have complained about not being able to focus on their work with Studer constantly around. Head cashier Dana Canty, 19, said she was forced to quit last week after Studer entered her work area on several occasions wearing nothing but a towel. Others claimed that Studer is the worst roommate they've ever worked with.
"One morning I came in and he had used up all the hot sauce packets without even leaving a note," said Doug Marzec, who works the early shift at Taco Bell. "And last week, he pretty much ate all the shredded cheese in our fridge and then said he'd get us back the next time he went shopping."
Added Marzec, "We couldn't serve half our menu that day."
While Studer has infuriated employees by pounding on the windows after misplacing his keys, tension between the new roommate and staff reportedly reached its breaking point Wednesday, when Studer left the front door open all night, and costly Taco Bell property was stolen.
"Sure, it sucks when customers get angry about Mark shaving in the bathroom, or when he leaves half-eaten pizza on the counter, but this is too much," Parker said. "They took our damn Frialator."
For his part, Studer said he is also unhappy with the current arrangement. Calling his new living situation "fucking gross," the 24-year-old was appalled to discover that his roommates never washed their hands, and was tired of "people stinking up his home" with their "disgusting food."
"That stuff lingers forever," said Studer, adding that it'd be nice if someone cooked something other than Mexican every now and again. "I can still smell it on my clothes and pillow."
In addition, Studer said he was getting tired of the steady stream of people showing up in his home at all hours of the night.
"What's up with all these drunk losers coming over at 2 a.m.?" he said. "This place isn't bad, but I'm totally going to bail if people aren't more respectful around here."
Taco Bell management claimed that if the situation didn't improve soon, they would call a house meeting to kick out Studer, and instead supplement their income by giving guitar lessons.
GreatLakes2
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The Jayman has been visiting theOnion.com again. 
Also from theOnion:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29161
This is now almost 10 years old and still makes me smile.
Also from theOnion:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29161
This is now almost 10 years old and still makes me smile.
The Jayman has been visiting theOnion.com again.
Also from theOnion:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29161
This is now almost 10 years old and still makes me smile.
One of my all time favorites is the hiring of the Associate Christ Dean Smoler.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29057
What did the egg say to the boiling water? It is going to take a while before I get hard I just got laid.
Ugh.
But I am so gonna steal that...
GreatLakes2
Well-known Member
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- Mar 1, 2009
- Posts
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Dick jokes! Get your dick jokes here!
What does a guy with a 10 inch dick have for breakfast?
Well, this morning I had coffee, orange juice and waffles.
No, no, I kid; it is only 3 inches. But some guys like it that thick.
-or-
No, no, I kid; it is only three inches...from the floor.
Ya know how I make my dick 6 inches? I fold it in half.
There was a young man from Kent,
Whose donger was long that it bent,
To stay out trouble,
he put it in double
So instead of coming, he went.
What does a guy with a 10 inch dick have for breakfast?
Well, this morning I had coffee, orange juice and waffles.
No, no, I kid; it is only 3 inches. But some guys like it that thick.
-or-
No, no, I kid; it is only three inches...from the floor.
Ya know how I make my dick 6 inches? I fold it in half.
There was a young man from Kent,
Whose donger was long that it bent,
To stay out trouble,
he put it in double
So instead of coming, he went.
i2ina69
BSB Addict
GL that was great, lmao
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
What's it's Name?
What's it's Name?
This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."
The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"
A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?"
The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"
Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer."
The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"
The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"
What's it's Name?
This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."
The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"
A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?"
The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"
Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer."
The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"
The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"
What's it's Name?
This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."
The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"
A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?"
The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"
Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer."
The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"
The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"
That is really cute. Thanks for sharing.
gwr19569424
Well-known Member
Yes, I got a chuckle out of that one too, kodieboy.
Gary
Gary
GreatLakes2
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Many years from now, MarkyMark and Slimvantage will be sitting on a front porch in Bonita Springs, doing nothing.
Mark turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
Slim replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
Mark asks, 'What do you do about it?'
Slim replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first Marky asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'
Mark turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
Slim replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
Mark asks, 'What do you do about it?'
Slim replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
After a few moments, the first Marky asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'
Markymark
BSB Addict
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Gay Translator
I want a commitment.
I'm sick of masturbation.
Haven't I seen you before?
Nice ass.
I need you.
My hand is tired.
You're the only man I've ever cared about.
You are the only man who hasn't rejected me.
I'm a Romantic.
I'm poor.
I really want to get to know you better.
So I can tell my friends about it.
It's just orange juice, try it.
3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head.
He's kinda cute.
I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue!
He's not my type.
He won't sleep with me.
I miss you so much
I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good.
I had a wonderful time last night.
Who the hell are you?
Do you love me?
I've done something stupid and you might find out.
Do you 'really' love me?
I've done something stupid and you're going to find out.
I'll give you a call.
I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.
I've been thinking a lot.
You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.
I think we should just be friends.
You're ugly.
I've learned a lot from you.
Next!!!!
I want a commitment.
I'm sick of masturbation.
Haven't I seen you before?
Nice ass.
I need you.
My hand is tired.
You're the only man I've ever cared about.
You are the only man who hasn't rejected me.
I'm a Romantic.
I'm poor.
I really want to get to know you better.
So I can tell my friends about it.
It's just orange juice, try it.
3 more shots, and he'll have his legs around my head.
He's kinda cute.
I want to have sex with him till my dick turns blue!
He's not my type.
He won't sleep with me.
I miss you so much
I am so horny that my dog is starting to look good.
I had a wonderful time last night.
Who the hell are you?
Do you love me?
I've done something stupid and you might find out.
Do you 'really' love me?
I've done something stupid and you're going to find out.
I'll give you a call.
I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.
I've been thinking a lot.
You're not as attractive as when I was drunk.
I think we should just be friends.
You're ugly.
I've learned a lot from you.
Next!!!!
A seven year old boy goes to the hospital with his grandmother to visit his grandfather. When they arrive, Johnny runs ahead of his granny, and bursts into his grandfather's room. "Grandpa", the boy says, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make the sounds of a frog," "What for?" asked his Grandpa. "Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're going to Disney World"
