kaalaaupuni
Well-known Member
Not surprisingly, Miss Kianna has funny jokes to go with her sardonic/sarcastic wit. touche! I liked the angel joke...
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Bad Jokes
- Thread starter Markymark
- Start date
Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
The Internet is like a penis
Have you ever noticed how much the Internet and a penis have in common?
* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
* In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
* It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
* It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.
* If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
* It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
* We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
* If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
* It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"
* Some folks have it, some don't.
* Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
* Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
* Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
Have you ever noticed how much the Internet and a penis have in common?
* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
* In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
* It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
* It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.
* If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
* It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
* We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
* If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
* It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"
* Some folks have it, some don't.
* Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
* Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
* Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!
Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!
I'm not a joke teller....
I don't know if this will translate right... but a friend shared this with me the other day...
You know how anal sex makes your day????
What does anal sex do???
It makes your whole week....
I don't know if this will translate right... but a friend shared this with me the other day...
You know how anal sex makes your day????
What does anal sex do???
It makes your whole week....
!!!!!
OOOOHHHHHH!!! I buggered it up already!!!
you know how oral sex makes your day....
ug....
feeling bad now....
OOOOHHHHHH!!! I buggered it up already!!!
you know how oral sex makes your day....
ug....
feeling bad now....
slimvintage
BSB Addict
Joe wants to buy a motorbike but doesn't find anything exceptional in the classifieds. One day however he comes across a Harley parked at the curb with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one although it's 10 years old. It's shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He phones the number on the little sign stuck to the bike and tells the man he wants to buy it. When they meet he asks, "How did you manage to keep it in such great condition for 10 years?"
"Well, it's quite simple really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain."
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night his girlfriend Sandra invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they get to the door, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner, has to do all the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation for a little mischief.
He leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at Sandra's mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks.
So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties and screws her every which way right there on the table. After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again.
Now Sandra is furious, her dad is boiling and the mom is beaming absently. But still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike and pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father shouts, "All right, all right, all right, I'll do the fucking dishes!"
The bike seems even better than a new one although it's 10 years old. It's shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He phones the number on the little sign stuck to the bike and tells the man he wants to buy it. When they meet he asks, "How did you manage to keep it in such great condition for 10 years?"
"Well, it's quite simple really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain."
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night his girlfriend Sandra invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they get to the door, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner, has to do all the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation for a little mischief.
He leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at Sandra's mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks.
So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties and screws her every which way right there on the table. After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again.
Now Sandra is furious, her dad is boiling and the mom is beaming absently. But still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike and pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father shouts, "All right, all right, all right, I'll do the fucking dishes!"
kaalaaupuni
Well-known Member
actually, LL, it works too with the anal... since it does makes someone's hole weak... ;p
kaalaaupuni
Well-known Member
classic Slimmie, that was a good laugh 
and yes, MsK, even though I've seen similar analogies of men/penis, there are the counterparts for women pretty funny, though...
and yes, MsK, even though I've seen similar analogies of men/penis, there are the counterparts for women
pretty funny, though...
mikeyank
Long time forumite
It was a long road, Slim, but well worth it
I agree with Laalaaupuni, Slim. That was classic, and yes I literally laughed out loud.
I agree with Laalaaupuni, Slim. That was classic, and yes I literally laughed out loud.
What did he say:
An elderly couple were driving cross country, the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE"
The woman gives him her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once. Had the worst sex in my life with an older woman.'
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU"
An elderly couple were driving cross country, the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE"
The woman gives him her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once. Had the worst sex in my life with an older woman.'
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU"
Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different place: Idaho, Nebraska, Texas and Mexico.
Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.
"What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.
"We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!"
A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Texas.
"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"
Inspired, the gal from Texas opened the car door and pushed the Mexican out.
no haters....I'm Mexican/American
Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.
"What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.
"We have so many of these darn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!"
A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Texas.
"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"
Inspired, the gal from Texas opened the car door and pushed the Mexican out.
no haters....I'm Mexican/American
Markymark
BSB Addict
Thank you guys, I really needed a reason to laugh. I apologize that even though I started this thread, I did not keep up. I feel like I took advantage of you all, getting you started and then not contributing. I'll try harder in the future.
Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
There once was a king who lived in two-story grass hut. Every holiday the king demanded to be given a new throne as a gift. As soon as a new throne arrived, he would store the old throne on the second level of his hut and use the new one instead. But one day the hut collapsed from the weight of all the thrones, and everyone was crushed and killed.
The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see..Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the Woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A Senior Officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please? The Woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please?
The Woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, Ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The Officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my Officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The Woman digs into her handbag and pulls her license out a clutch purse and hands it to the Officer.
The Officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you, Ma'am, one of my Officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too?
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see..Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the Woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A Senior Officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please? The Woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please?
The Woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, Ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The Officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my Officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The Woman digs into her handbag and pulls her license out a clutch purse and hands it to the Officer.
The Officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you, Ma'am, one of my Officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too?
Phillionaire
Well-known Member
Why didn't the Cannibal eat the Clown?
Because it tasted funny!
ha ha ha...ha...ha ha.. . . ....
Because it tasted funny!
ha ha ha...ha...ha ha.. . . ....
i2ina69
BSB Addict
Funny guy's.
cumrag27
BSB Addict
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2010
- Posts
- 2,776
- Reaction score
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A good bad joke!
Dear Ms. Kianna,
I loved your "Bad Joke" and laughed so hard to the point that my sides hurt. Something tells me I really needed to hear a good bad joke today! Thanks!
Stimpy
Dear Ms. Kianna,
I loved your "Bad Joke" and laughed so hard to the point that my sides hurt. Something tells me I really needed to hear a good bad joke today! Thanks!
Stimpy
slimvintage
BSB Addict
Dedicated to all forum nurses, all tired and all very much loved, male and female
A very tired nurse walks into her bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift, to write a check.
When it's her turn she steps up, opens her purse, pulls a rectal thermometer out of it and tries to write the check.
When she realizes her mistake she looks at the puzzled teller and, without missing a beat, murmurs, "Well, that's great....that's just great....Some asshole's got my pen!"
This joke is about as bad as they get, not because it's a punny groaner but because it's only modestly, borderline amusing.
But nurses are great, so I decided to post it.
A very tired nurse walks into her bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift, to write a check.
When it's her turn she steps up, opens her purse, pulls a rectal thermometer out of it and tries to write the check.
When she realizes her mistake she looks at the puzzled teller and, without missing a beat, murmurs, "Well, that's great....that's just great....Some asshole's got my pen!"
This joke is about as bad as they get, not because it's a punny groaner but because it's only modestly, borderline amusing.
But nurses are great, so I decided to post it.
