Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine.
He let out a little wine.
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Bad Jokes
- Thread starter Markymark
- Start date
richardnoggin869
Well-known Member
What's grey and comes in quarts?
An elephant!
An elephant!
Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
A man in his 90's, for a Special Birthday Gift from his Grandsons, is sent a Stripper to his home to entertain him. After she rings the bell of his home, she informs him that his grandsons sent her as a special birthday gift, to provide her services. The grandfather asks her, " What do you do?" She said ,"I can provide you "Sup-er Sex".
“He says, “Look, I'm 98 years old, I'll take the Soup!"
“He says, “Look, I'm 98 years old, I'll take the Soup!"
chafu213
Well-known Member
Love it! I'm gonna print this up and distribute it to all my students on the first day of class this year.
Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
DARNNNNNNN Posted in wrong thread ....ooh well worst things will happen in the world
Thanks
Chafu213
Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
A couple weeks ago I stumbled upon Eli. I thought you guys might like him. I almost made him his own thread, but I thought that might be too much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEW56_QRjN8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEW56_QRjN8
underwear fun
Well-known Member
MissDeidra
Senior Member
I don't know if anyone has told this joke....(it was told to me by a Broke Straight Boys model 
How do you know you are at a gay picnic?
All the hotdogs taste like shit....
8'/
How do you know you are at a gay picnic?
All the hotdogs taste like shit....
8'/
Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
Q. What's the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
joninliverton
BSB Addict
Quote from a local papers obituary column.
"Mr Glenn Smith, the former manager of the towns cinema unfortunately passed away last Friday. The funeral service will be held this coming Friday at 2pm, 6pm and 8pm."
"Mr Glenn Smith, the former manager of the towns cinema unfortunately passed away last Friday. The funeral service will be held this coming Friday at 2pm, 6pm and 8pm."
Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
Why was Frosty the Snowman smiling?
He saw the snow blower cumming.
He saw the snow blower cumming.
SGVBOB
BSB Addict
what do you call an Asian gayboi's fav soup? Cream of Sumyungai! What do ya call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickolottapus! What's GREEN and smells like Bacon? Kermit's FINGER!! What's 69+69? Dinner for 4!
SGVBOB
BSB Addict
what can go 'up the chimney down' but NOT 'down the chimney up'? SANTA.....with a BONER! :-D
Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
The Angel Atop The Tree Tradition
One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax.
When he got there, Miss Clause was all up in his face and wouldn't let down. Then, there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa not upgrading to the new lightweight sliegh and they were joining the elves walkout. Santa slammed the door and threatend "The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!"
At that time, there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect Christmas tree for Santa's house all day long, until it found the perfect one. The little angel asked, "Santa, I was wondering where you would like me to stick this tree?"
And that is the story of how the angel atop the tree tradition began.
One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax.
When he got there, Miss Clause was all up in his face and wouldn't let down. Then, there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa not upgrading to the new lightweight sliegh and they were joining the elves walkout. Santa slammed the door and threatend "The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!"
At that time, there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect Christmas tree for Santa's house all day long, until it found the perfect one. The little angel asked, "Santa, I was wondering where you would like me to stick this tree?"
And that is the story of how the angel atop the tree tradition began.
SGVBOB
BSB Addict
what can go up the chimney DOWN, but not down the chimney UP?
SANTA with a BONER!
SANTA with a BONER!
underwear fun
Well-known Member
Bad joking
I just remembered being at a school weekend party as a teenager when one of my friends, Adam, and his girlfriend slip away from us all sitting around in his basement drinking, chatting and listening to music. It was obvious they where going for some private sex. A few people made some passing comments after they had left. Anyway, when they walked back in later I said to Adam's girlfriend 'you've got cum on your leg'. Well you all know the color of beetroot. That was the color of her face and the dozen of us burst out laughing for ages. Actually, there was no cum on her leg that I could see, the joke just popped into my head. But she left the party shortly after and I had to make up with her and Adam which took me a while. This joke ended up being one of these often requoted jokes that ran for years afterwards.
Undie (naughty boy)
I just remembered being at a school weekend party as a teenager when one of my friends, Adam, and his girlfriend slip away from us all sitting around in his basement drinking, chatting and listening to music. It was obvious they where going for some private sex. A few people made some passing comments after they had left. Anyway, when they walked back in later I said to Adam's girlfriend 'you've got cum on your leg'. Well you all know the color of beetroot. That was the color of her face and the dozen of us burst out laughing for ages. Actually, there was no cum on her leg that I could see, the joke just popped into my head. But she left the party shortly after and I had to make up with her and Adam which took me a while. This joke ended up being one of these often requoted jokes that ran for years afterwards.
Undie (naughty boy)
underwear fun
Well-known Member
Yogi
This is why people answer questions with questions. As Yogi once said "smarter than the average bear". Ha.
Undie
This is why people answer questions with questions. As Yogi once said "smarter than the average bear". Ha.
Undie
Ms. Kianna
BSB Addict
Expandable human organ
The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"
Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."
The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.
Lilly put up her hand. "Yes, Lilly?" asked the teacher.
"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."
"Very good. Thanks, Lilly," said the male teacher.
He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:
First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK.
Second, you have a DIRTY mind.
And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed.(bcoz no other part expand to 10 times of its usual size)"
The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"
Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."
The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.
Lilly put up her hand. "Yes, Lilly?" asked the teacher.
"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."
"Very good. Thanks, Lilly," said the male teacher.
He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:
First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK.
Second, you have a DIRTY mind.
And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed.(bcoz no other part expand to 10 times of its usual size)"
