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Bad Jokes

Ms. Kianna said:
Okay carking,:biggrin: if you can go for blondes, I can go for men.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?:ohmy:
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Click to expand...

That one is BAD Ms K!! :mad:

:biggrin:
 
Two gay guys are going at it. After they finish, one turns to the other and says "Hey, I feel something in my ass ... see if you can feel anything." So his boyfriends puts his finger in his ass and feels around. "I don't feel anything",the boyfriend says. So the first guy says, "No deeper...I'm sure I feel something".

So the boyfriend put his hand in the guys ass and feels around. "I'm telling you there is nothing there" says the boyfriend. "No really", the guys says, "I can feel it, look deeper." So the boyfriend puts his whole arm in the guys ass and is feeling around when he touches something.

"Hey, I found something,"says the boyfriend. "Well take it out," says the guy. The boyfriend pulls his hand out of the guys ass, looks at it and see's it is a Rolex. The guy starts singin, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you......"
 
Three guys go to see a witch doctor about their problems.

One has a smoking problem, one is an alcholic and one is gay but wants to change.

The docter puts a curse on them that if any of them indulge their habits again they will die.

Two days later the alcholic dies because he gave in and had to drink.

The next day the gay guy and the smoker are walking down the street together. The smoker sees a cigarette lying and the ground and stops to stare at ir.

The gay guy looked at him and said "if you bend over and pick that up we are both fucked"
 
jwglass said:
Two gay guys are going at it. After they finish, one turns to the other and says "Hey, I feel something in my ass ... see if you can feel anything." So his boyfriends puts his finger in his ass and feels around. "I don't feel anything",the boyfriend says. So the first guy says, "No deeper...I'm sure I feel something".

So the boyfriend put his hand in the guys ass and feels around. "I'm telling you there is nothing there" says the boyfriend. "No really", the guys says, "I can feel it, look deeper." So the boyfriend puts his whole arm in the guys ass and is feeling around when he touches something.

"Hey, I found something,"says the boyfriend. "Well take it out," says the guy. The boyfriend pulls his hand out of the guys ass, looks at it and see's it is a Rolex. The guy starts singin, "Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you......"
Click to expand...

That is sick jw - but I am still pissing myself from laughing so much :thumup:
 
Knock, Knock

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Adore.
Adore who?
Adore stands between us, open up!


Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Madam!
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door!

:001_wub:
 
Prince Charming, Sleeping Beauty and Quasimodo are talking one day and get into a heavy discusion of who is the most handsome man in the world, the most beautiful woman in the world, and the ugliest person in the world. They each think that they hold the top honor in their category. The others try to convince them that they are indeed handsome, beautiful, and ugly, but there are a lot of people in the world, and it would be difficult to know who holds the title. They take their disagreement to Merlin the Magician. After 10 minutes alone with Merlin, Prince Charming comes out of the office and declares, "I am the handsomest man in the world." After another 15 minutes alone with Merlin, Sleeping Beauty comes out and says, "I am the most beautiful woman in the world." After an hour and a half, Quasimodo comes out and says, "Just who the fuck is Janet Reno?"
 
what's the difference between a cow and a bull? when you milk the bull, he *smiles*
 
what can go up the chimney, down, but not down the chimney, up? Santa Claus, (with a boner)
SGVBOB said:
what's the difference between a cow and a bull? when you milk the bull, he *smiles*
Click to expand...
 
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

:001_wub:
 
The alarm went off throughout the ship
The Captain was yelling "All hands on deck, all hands on deck"
What a stupid thing to say
I put my hands on the deck & some fool came along & stood on them
 
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