mikeyank
Long time forumite
Helmut Berger who I remember as starring in the 1970 adaption of The Picture of Dorian Gray, passed away at age 78.
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The Virtual Coffee Shop, Diner And Corner Pub
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peterh6308
BSB Addict
I remember starting junior high school and my first class in P.E. All of us trying to put on a jockstrap that none of us have ever seen before let alone knew how. But doing it front of each other was so weird for the majority of us. Then after class everyone taking showers together in an open room with a bunch of shower heads. As a 12-13 yo this was very confusing and scary. Nobody I knew ever mentioned that this was common practice once you reach junior and high school. As a straight boy then Bi teenager to a gay man this still bothers me!!!
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From sausage sizzles to OnlyFans: The harsh financial reality of being a pro athlete
Even top athletes can struggle to make ends meet.
www.nzherald.co.nz
Yes. I remember being almost terrified about my first middle school P.E. class where we were told we'd have showers available. The message regarding showering was vague and second hand. But I was under the distinct impression that showering (and the requisite nudity involved) was obligatory. I was quite relieved to find out that nobody forced us to shower if we didn't want to. (None of us did.) You can draw your own conclusions on the poor hygiene that that decision entailed among 13-14 year old guys.
I was very closeted living in the Midwest in a very homophobic culture and region of the country in the late 70's. My biggest concern in public showers in my teens was outing myself, by not being able to suppress a hardon in front of classmates who were total hunks. But everyone's level of modesty and even propriety regarding same-sex nudity (regardless of sexuality) is so nuanced and defintely not a one-size-fits-all comfort level.
For some comic relief, a late friend of mine once told me: "In just every locker room there's one guy whose terrified of somebody seeing him naked. And then there's another guy (an exhibitionist) who's terrified that somebody won't." haha
I wanted to share this fascinating story I just found today. It's part coming out. Yes. But it's not just another coming out story. I know some of us who have been out for many, many years are kind of jaded about watching lengthy videos of the early gay struggles of total strangers. But there's so much more to this story here. The main subject of this one though is the struggle of being secretly in love with a truly straight friend. On a site like this in particular we (or many of us at least) tend to share a particular sexual (and emotional!) attraction to the straighter and straighter acting men of the world.
Falling in love and/or lust with a straight friend is usually a frustrating, poignant and often heartbreaking chapter of our lives. It very rarely ends in a homoerotic novel way in which the straight crush turns out to be either gay, curious or bi himself. And the happy couple go off together living happily ever after. Yeah, no. Very rarely does that straight friend even stay around if he's aware of an obsession or head-over-heels kind of love on the part of the gay friend. No matter how heartfelt and pure, i.e. far exceeding any lustful desire for sexual comsumation which that beautiful and genuine love offers. Sometimes it can end quite badly. Or at least it feels that way on the part of the gay friend. Sometimes it can end badly for both.
Here is a case study of how this exact scenario played out in real life from the very honest persepctives of both men involved. This gets really deep and intense at times. Perhaps for myself it's because I can relate to it. But I think this will resonate with many of us in here.
Falling in love and/or lust with a straight friend is usually a frustrating, poignant and often heartbreaking chapter of our lives. It very rarely ends in a homoerotic novel way in which the straight crush turns out to be either gay, curious or bi himself. And the happy couple go off together living happily ever after. Yeah, no. Very rarely does that straight friend even stay around if he's aware of an obsession or head-over-heels kind of love on the part of the gay friend. No matter how heartfelt and pure, i.e. far exceeding any lustful desire for sexual comsumation which that beautiful and genuine love offers. Sometimes it can end quite badly. Or at least it feels that way on the part of the gay friend. Sometimes it can end badly for both.
Here is a case study of how this exact scenario played out in real life from the very honest persepctives of both men involved. This gets really deep and intense at times. Perhaps for myself it's because I can relate to it. But I think this will resonate with many of us in here.
mikeyank
Long time forumite
I saw this post a few hours ago when I woke up and was surprised to see that we have the same YouTube algorithms sent to our feeds. I guess it shouldn’t be all that surprising as we are both gay men with somewhat similar interests but this video came across my TV on YouTube last night and I saved it to watch today, and then you posted it here.
Anyway I watched it this morning and I totally relate to an eighteen year old named John that I met in my Freshmen year of college who is straight, but I fell totally in love with him. And I too would love to sit down with him today as these two guys do on this video. Very relatable and very interesting. I echo Tampa’s sentiments about how good this video is.
mikeyank
Long time forumite
One more point on the Coming Out video that I totally related to. The gay guy told his friend about how sick it made him feel when his straight buddy showed him the pic and text exchange with the girl who he met during college and later married, on his phone, and later when he brought her to a wedding of a mutual friend.
My college buddy John had his dorm room to himself one Saturday night and brought a girl named Kathy to his room. The dorms were often empty on Saturday nights as my college was only 85-100 miles from the city and Long Island and many students went home on weekends. I “lurked” in the hallway listening from outside his dorm room to hear sounds of what was going on between John and Kathy behind closed doors. I remember going back to my room and crying. I was very much in love with my straight friend John, and wanted it to be me and not her in his room.
On a separate but related note, John was a big time beer drinker and one night after drinking in town with him we came back to the dorms somewhat drunk, and we were listening to music in my room and I worked up the courage to tell him, “John, I love you”. And his response was, “I know”. Nothing further was ever said on the subject.
My college buddy John had his dorm room to himself one Saturday night and brought a girl named Kathy to his room. The dorms were often empty on Saturday nights as my college was only 85-100 miles from the city and Long Island and many students went home on weekends. I “lurked” in the hallway listening from outside his dorm room to hear sounds of what was going on between John and Kathy behind closed doors. I remember going back to my room and crying. I was very much in love with my straight friend John, and wanted it to be me and not her in his room.
On a separate but related note, John was a big time beer drinker and one night after drinking in town with him we came back to the dorms somewhat drunk, and we were listening to music in my room and I worked up the courage to tell him, “John, I love you”. And his response was, “I know”. Nothing further was ever said on the subject.
Hey buddy,
Yes. This video came across my YT tv channel last night also. So I saw it first on the big screen also. haha That is funny that our feeds are almost in synch. haha
I made the mistake of watching the video again right before bedtime at around 2:00 am. I didn't get hardly any good sleep last night. And I had to be up early to meet a friend for breakfast. I kept replaying the wedding incident and how the gay friend had already told his buddy that he was gay and deeply in love with him. So he had told him that it was very difficult being around him and spending time with him at all, given that the homosexual love was unrequited. Presumably he also told him that it was even more excruciatingly painful for him to see his straight love together with the new girlfiend and acting all couply in front of him.
Then the straight friend invites him to the wedding even though he knows it's difficult on the gay one to even be in his presence at that stage. But the gay friend agrees to go because the love of his life kindly invited him. Then of course when he gets to the wedding the straight friend drops the atomic bomb on him by very casually mentioning that the girlfriend was there with him too. Like it was the most natural and expected thing in the world. There was no way in hell that the gay friend would have agreed to go had he known the girlfriend would be there too. At the most charitable, the straight friend was absolutely tone-deaf and f-ing clueless as to how cruel that would be.
For the rest of the night I'm sure the gay friend was vacillating between the anger of coal red eyes burning with the fire of a few blazing suns, and then plunging into depths of absolute despair. Maybe, possibly even considering self-harm. He had already professed his love and put himself out there in a very vulnerable way. So why would the straight friend invite him if not to rub his nose in it and rub salt into the raw, open wound of his broken heart? Does his straight love actually secretly hate him and wish to sadistically humiliate him in a very public setting with about a hundred witnesses? I'd be asking myself all those questions if my straight friend gave even a hint that he was deliberately trying to stomp all over my heart.
F-ing clueless. Obviously no thought at all went through the straight friend's mind into the consequences of inviting his gay friend who's obsessively in love with him and having his new girlfriend there at the same time. Nor did he even think to volunteer that info in advance that the girlfriend would be there. So the gay friend was never given the opportunity to make a fully informed decision on attending the wedding. Obviously he never ever would have agreed to go, knowing the girlfriend would be on his friend's arm that night too.
That was so cold, heartless and clueless that had it been me, like him I would have required much more than just one quick one-time apology to be able to forgive and put that behind me. I do believe the gay friend when he says it was absolutely the worst day of his life up to that point. Given the circumstances I don't think that's hyperbole or a melodramatic thing to say or feel. The whole incident is obviously still a painful trigger for him in the present and a shared dark day for both of them in the history of their friendship.
And yes, I am triggered myself by this story partly because it does bring up past hurts of being semi in love with some straight friends myself. As well, it also brings up past hurt and/or jealousy when breaking up with gay guys (or crushing hard on some gay friends who did not reciprocate my affection for them) who would seemingly quickly flaunt a new relationship with PDA's in front of me. I felt like I had my nose rubbed in it a few times also, even if it wasn't done intentionally. It's like, "Okay, fine. You didn't choose me for whatever reason. I can deal. But is it really necessary for you to be all cuddly, couply and pawing all over someone else just a few feet away from me?"
But in addition to being able to relate to this story partially based on my own life... Maybe others in here have had that experience also? But I'm also pretty empathic. So I could totally feel the gay friend's pain going through the process. That was really an intense ride for both of them. It's amazing that they made it through to the other side and didn't just crash and burn, leaving them both heartbroken and angry with each other for life. And each for their own valid reasons.
Yes. This video came across my YT tv channel last night also. So I saw it first on the big screen also. haha That is funny that our feeds are almost in synch. haha
I made the mistake of watching the video again right before bedtime at around 2:00 am. I didn't get hardly any good sleep last night. And I had to be up early to meet a friend for breakfast. I kept replaying the wedding incident and how the gay friend had already told his buddy that he was gay and deeply in love with him. So he had told him that it was very difficult being around him and spending time with him at all, given that the homosexual love was unrequited. Presumably he also told him that it was even more excruciatingly painful for him to see his straight love together with the new girlfiend and acting all couply in front of him.
Then the straight friend invites him to the wedding even though he knows it's difficult on the gay one to even be in his presence at that stage. But the gay friend agrees to go because the love of his life kindly invited him. Then of course when he gets to the wedding the straight friend drops the atomic bomb on him by very casually mentioning that the girlfriend was there with him too. Like it was the most natural and expected thing in the world. There was no way in hell that the gay friend would have agreed to go had he known the girlfriend would be there too. At the most charitable, the straight friend was absolutely tone-deaf and f-ing clueless as to how cruel that would be.
For the rest of the night I'm sure the gay friend was vacillating between the anger of coal red eyes burning with the fire of a few blazing suns, and then plunging into depths of absolute despair. Maybe, possibly even considering self-harm. He had already professed his love and put himself out there in a very vulnerable way. So why would the straight friend invite him if not to rub his nose in it and rub salt into the raw, open wound of his broken heart? Does his straight love actually secretly hate him and wish to sadistically humiliate him in a very public setting with about a hundred witnesses? I'd be asking myself all those questions if my straight friend gave even a hint that he was deliberately trying to stomp all over my heart.
F-ing clueless. Obviously no thought at all went through the straight friend's mind into the consequences of inviting his gay friend who's obsessively in love with him and having his new girlfriend there at the same time. Nor did he even think to volunteer that info in advance that the girlfriend would be there. So the gay friend was never given the opportunity to make a fully informed decision on attending the wedding. Obviously he never ever would have agreed to go, knowing the girlfriend would be on his friend's arm that night too.
That was so cold, heartless and clueless that had it been me, like him I would have required much more than just one quick one-time apology to be able to forgive and put that behind me. I do believe the gay friend when he says it was absolutely the worst day of his life up to that point. Given the circumstances I don't think that's hyperbole or a melodramatic thing to say or feel. The whole incident is obviously still a painful trigger for him in the present and a shared dark day for both of them in the history of their friendship.
And yes, I am triggered myself by this story partly because it does bring up past hurts of being semi in love with some straight friends myself. As well, it also brings up past hurt and/or jealousy when breaking up with gay guys (or crushing hard on some gay friends who did not reciprocate my affection for them) who would seemingly quickly flaunt a new relationship with PDA's in front of me. I felt like I had my nose rubbed in it a few times also, even if it wasn't done intentionally. It's like, "Okay, fine. You didn't choose me for whatever reason. I can deal. But is it really necessary for you to be all cuddly, couply and pawing all over someone else just a few feet away from me?"
But in addition to being able to relate to this story partially based on my own life... Maybe others in here have had that experience also? But I'm also pretty empathic. So I could totally feel the gay friend's pain going through the process. That was really an intense ride for both of them. It's amazing that they made it through to the other side and didn't just crash and burn, leaving them both heartbroken and angry with each other for life. And each for their own valid reasons.
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peterh6308
BSB Addict
I loved that video, thank you for sharing it! I can relate to Brian's and Mikeyanks pain about falling in love with your straight best friend. I know I'm one of the lucky ones in regards to how my story ended up. William and I were best friends, he had a girlfriend and I was married. Eventually I came to terms with my feelings for men, which resulted in me having a secret boyfriend. The more time William and I spent together (which was all the time) my feelings of love for my friend changed to in love for my friend. I debated for months about telling him but I got to the point where I didn't care if our friendship ended but he had to know how I felt. When I told him he simply said "dude I love you but I'm not gay". I knew this so I wasn't devasted, but I was hurt that I would never get the chance to be with him that way. As time went on I eventually told my wife that I had falling in love with someone else. And she actually took it well until I told her it was William (she didn't like him lol) but she did tell me she was relieved it wasn't another woman! So I moved into my own Apt and my boyfriend was around a lot and so was William. They didn't care for each other as my time was limited to both of them. I didn't love the boyfriend, but I cared for him deeply. William and I spent my birthday in March together, we got pretty wasted and ended up back at my place. I kept on hinting about how I felt about him and we did end up sleeping together that night. He made it clear that it was a one time thing only, and I was full blown in love now. I didn't hide my feelings for him at all and it didn't make him uncomfortable he would just roll his eyes at me lol. Memorial Day weekend was coming up and he planned to spend the weekend with me as we had a golf tournament on Saturday then buddy hangout time the rest of the weekend. After the tourney we went out to shoot pool and drink beers then headed back to my place. One thing led to another and we ended up in bed again, but he was the one who initiated it. Well he never left that weekend and we spent 20 years together until he got sick and passed away. The excruciating pain I went through right after losing him I would often think maybe I would've been better off if our friendship had ended when I told him how I felt then I wouldn't be going through this. Then I would remind myself of something he told me in the beginning. "Peter I am a straight man and you are the only gay thing in my life, but I know nobody will ever love me as much as you" We both respected our friendship and our new found partnership and looking back now I'm so lucky and fortunate to have spent the time with a man who changed his life for me and made my life better!!
mikeyank
Long time forumite
Thanks Peter for telling your story. Very touching and I know it’s still very emotional for you.
Thank you for sharing your story Peter. I knew you were one of the excpetions I thought of when writing about having a crush on a straight guy that very very rarely ever worked out. Yes. Even though your straight love really was straight, you did end up in a long term relationship. You and William are proabably within that 1% of the population to share that experience.
Again Peter... My sympathies on your loss.
Again Peter... My sympathies on your loss.
'He said yes!': Inside All Black Campbell Johnstone's proposal
The rugby star shares the details of his romantic proposal to Ben Thomson.
www.nzherald.co.nz
That was really cool. Thanks Br.'He said yes!': Inside All Black Campbell Johnstone's proposal
The rugby star shares the details of his romantic proposal to Ben Thomson.
Article says he was brought back to life. Still sad and disturbing.
BrokeStraightBoys
BSB Owner
Wow what a story Peter. Thanks so much for sharing. I think you did the right thing by telling him. It was great you guys were together for so long. So sorry you loss him. I couldn't imagine what they was like and I admire your strength and courage to share your story with us.
Ok, so this drama is being played out on Twitter with Roman Todd and Cliff Jensen blaming Ricky Larkin for giving Roman pills that had fentanyl. I hate to victim blame but these things don’t happen if you don’t take drugs.
Calhoun Sawyer posted this on his Instagram. I don’t even know if he does studio porn anymore but he’s still posting his travel photos on his “Calhoun” insta. I miss him. Seems like a good guy and so handsome.
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