Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Glad i didnt let you down then......... hate letting people down lol
-
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Bad Jokes
- Thread starter Markymark
- Start date
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. So he calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in the program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000", the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.
" Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you won't believe this - they've had such good results they've started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our cowboy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I've got some bad news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your dad still fooling around with that little redhead who lives in town?"
The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in the program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000", the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.
" Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you won't believe this - they've had such good results they've started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. But our cowboy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I've got some bad news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your dad still fooling around with that little redhead who lives in town?"
The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
parisnoyd
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Prior to her trip to Texas , Buffy (a ?New Yorker),?
confided ?to her co-workers she had three goals?
for her trip to the Lone Star ? State ...
1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que...
2. She wanted to take in a bonafide rodeo. And...
3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.
Upon returning, the girls were curious as to how she fared.
'Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite , it's ooooh so good.The taste is unbelievable!'
'And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes. those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!'
They then asked,
'Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?'
'Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!'
confided ?to her co-workers she had three goals?
for her trip to the Lone Star ? State ...
1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que...
2. She wanted to take in a bonafide rodeo. And...
3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.
Upon returning, the girls were curious as to how she fared.
'Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite , it's ooooh so good.The taste is unbelievable!'
'And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes. those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!'
They then asked,
'Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?'
'Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!'
Attachments
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
MODERN VERSION OF BIRTH
MODERN VERSION OF BIRTH
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
scroll down...........
MODERN VERSION OF BIRTH
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
scroll down...........
The proud parents were enrolling their son in a military school
They were interviewed by the Commandant
The Commandant introduced himself
The father introduced himself & the family
My name is Mister Bates, he said
This is my wife Missus Bates
And our son Master Bates
To which the commandant replied
That is all right sir we will soon knock him out of that habit
They were interviewed by the Commandant
The Commandant introduced himself
The father introduced himself & the family
My name is Mister Bates, he said
This is my wife Missus Bates
And our son Master Bates
To which the commandant replied
That is all right sir we will soon knock him out of that habit
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
hahahahaha
A man was driving along a country road one day when he spotted a guy hugging a tree
The man stopped the car & got out, just as he did he realized the guy hugging the tree was naked
Upon closer inspection the man could see the tree hugger was not only naked but tied to the tree
The man asked the guy what happened
The guy replied
Mate I have had a bad day
I stopped to pick up a hitch hiker but the hitch hiker knocked me on the head, stripped me, tied me to this tree,
stole my wallet, stole all my clothes & took my car
The man listeneed to the tree hugger's story of woe & replied
That is rough
This has certainly not been your lucky day
As he unzipped his pants
The man stopped the car & got out, just as he did he realized the guy hugging the tree was naked
Upon closer inspection the man could see the tree hugger was not only naked but tied to the tree
The man asked the guy what happened
The guy replied
Mate I have had a bad day
I stopped to pick up a hitch hiker but the hitch hiker knocked me on the head, stripped me, tied me to this tree,
stole my wallet, stole all my clothes & took my car
The man listeneed to the tree hugger's story of woe & replied
That is rough
This has certainly not been your lucky day
As he unzipped his pants
parisnoyd
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Just his luck. A BAD Samaritan! Very, very bad!
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
lol .... not funny lmao
i love that joke everytime i read it
i love that joke everytime i read it
parisnoyd
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- Joined
- Dec 15, 2008
- Posts
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Kodie, you have an evil streak! Poor guy....................
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
oooww mmmm lol yes i doooooooo .... what running throw my head right now u wouldnt want to know
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Cake or bed
a husband is at home watching a
football game when his wife interrupts,
honey,
could you fix the light in the hallway?
It's been flickering for weeks now.
He looks at her and says angrily,
fix the lights now?
Does it look like i have
ge written on my forehead?
I don't think so.
Fine,
then the wife asks,
well then, could you fix the fridge door?
It won't close right
to which he replied,
fix the fridge door?
Does it look like i have westinghouse
written on my forehead?
I don't think so
fine, she says
then you could at least fix the steps
to the front door?
They are about to break
i'm not a carpenter and i don't
want to fix steps
he says, does it look like i have
ace hardware written on my forehead?
I don't think so
i've had enough of you.
I'm going to the bar!!!!
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a
couple of hours..............................
He starts to feel guilty about how
he treated his wife, and decides
to go home
as he walks into the house he notices
that the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house , he sees the
hall light is working
as he goes to get a beer, he notices
the fridge door is fixed.
Honey, he asks, how'd all this get fixed?
She said, well, when you left i sat
outside and cried.
Just then a nice young man asked me
what was wrong, and i told him.
He offered to do all the repairs, and
all i had to do was either
go to bed with him or bake a cake.
He said,
so what kind of cake did you bake?
She replied,
hellooooo..
Do you see betty crockerwritten
on my forehead?
I don't think so!
a husband is at home watching a
football game when his wife interrupts,
honey,
could you fix the light in the hallway?
It's been flickering for weeks now.
He looks at her and says angrily,
fix the lights now?
Does it look like i have
ge written on my forehead?
I don't think so.
Fine,
then the wife asks,
well then, could you fix the fridge door?
It won't close right
to which he replied,
fix the fridge door?
Does it look like i have westinghouse
written on my forehead?
I don't think so
fine, she says
then you could at least fix the steps
to the front door?
They are about to break
i'm not a carpenter and i don't
want to fix steps
he says, does it look like i have
ace hardware written on my forehead?
I don't think so
i've had enough of you.
I'm going to the bar!!!!
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a
couple of hours..............................
He starts to feel guilty about how
he treated his wife, and decides
to go home
as he walks into the house he notices
that the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house , he sees the
hall light is working
as he goes to get a beer, he notices
the fridge door is fixed.
Honey, he asks, how'd all this get fixed?
She said, well, when you left i sat
outside and cried.
Just then a nice young man asked me
what was wrong, and i told him.
He offered to do all the repairs, and
all i had to do was either
go to bed with him or bake a cake.
He said,
so what kind of cake did you bake?
She replied,
hellooooo..
Do you see betty crockerwritten
on my forehead?
I don't think so!
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
This is not a bad joke...... but we dont have a good joke list lol
Talk about a backfire lol
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P.M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
This has been voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!
If you agree, send it to all your friends who would enjoy
Talk about a backfire lol
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen!'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P.M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back.
Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'
This has been voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!
If you agree, send it to all your friends who would enjoy
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
The Sunday Paper!
I just know this will be me.someday!
This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors,
and to all of you who will become seniors. It pays to be able to laugh about it
when you are!
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.
"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, "Well, shit, so that's why no one was at church today."
I just know this will be me.someday!
This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors,
and to all of you who will become seniors. It pays to be able to laugh about it
when you are!
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.
"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, "Well, shit, so that's why no one was at church today."
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
A man called home to his wife and said, Honey
I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box. We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up.
Oh! please pack my new blue silk pyjamas
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked
The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, 'Yes! lots of salmon, some bluegill and a few swordfish.
But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do
You'll love the answer...
The wife replied, 'I did. They're in your fishing box !!!!
I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box. We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up.
Oh! please pack my new blue silk pyjamas
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked
The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, 'Yes! lots of salmon, some bluegill and a few swordfish.
But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do
You'll love the answer...
The wife replied, 'I did. They're in your fishing box !!!!
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
OOOOOOOOOOw warrrrrrrrr
SEX WITH AN OLDER MAN
When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah asked, 'Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable.'
Mr. Burns said, 'I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.'
Oprah said, 'I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.'
George said, 'Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.'
Oprah said, 'I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?'
So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, 'I just don't believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarkable man.'
George said, 'The second time is even better than the first time.'
Oprah said, 'You can really do it again at your age?!'
George said, 'Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.'
When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside herself with joy..
She said, 'Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the first time... At your age, Oh My, Oh My!!!'
George said that the third time would be even better. 'You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and call me in thirty minutes.'
Oprah said, 'Does me holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?'
George said, 'No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet!'
SEX WITH AN OLDER MAN
When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.
Oprah asked, 'Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable.'
Mr. Burns said, 'I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.'
Oprah said, 'I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.'
George said, 'Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.'
Oprah said, 'I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?'
So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, 'I just don't believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarkable man.'
George said, 'The second time is even better than the first time.'
Oprah said, 'You can really do it again at your age?!'
George said, 'Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes.'
When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside herself with joy..
She said, 'Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the first time... At your age, Oh My, Oh My!!!'
George said that the third time would be even better. 'You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and call me in thirty minutes.'
Oprah said, 'Does me holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?'
George said, 'No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet!'
Kodieboy
BSB Addict
Several Hundred attend Global Warming Protest
