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5 things you dont ever want to hear in bed!


Well-known Member
Jan 18, 2009
Reaction score
Destin, Florida
Me and a good friend were having fun one night after fooling around
and came up with 5 things you never want to here in bed from a partner.
so i thought it would be fun to share them with you. and it would be nice to see what ya'll have to add!

5. “That's it? You woke me up for that?”
4. “I hope you're still this hot when I sober up.”
3. " you dont sweat much for a fatty"
2. “But I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!”
1. "Just use your finger, it's bigger.”

lol I would like to add I have never said or heard any of these with a partner....lol
let have fun with this :001_tt2:

6. Let me know when your going to put it in.
7. So this must have been your first time?
8. Hi Mom!
9. YOU'RE NOT ???? (any name but yours)
10. So how long have you been positive? (I know that one is borderline)
10. So how long have you been positive? (I know that one is borderline)

Once upon a time, long, long ago, this actually happened.

I had been dating this guy for a few months, and the opportunity came for us to get down for a little fun. (I'm a little old fashioned) I really liked this guy. And then this happened:

We were in bed in the middle of the afternoon, kissing and huggin' and slowly taking our clothes off. Then it suddenly occurred to me, we had never talked about "it".

I said to him "we've never talked about HIV, what's the status here?" (or something like that).

He said: "I'm positive, aren't you?"... (I'm not)

That was our last date. My objection was not that he was HIV positive, but that he wasn't going to tell me, in advance. Lying, by omission.

I can handle anything but LIARS, cheaters, and thieves.
11) You don't have any Viagra around, do you?
12) Everyone in high school says I look older than sixteen.
13) I read on the Internet they now have a cure for herpes.
14) My friends just call me DSK.

And the punchline to an old joke:

15) If you find a watch in there, it's mine.
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"My ex used to... "
"My husband is home!"
"Can't you just hold me?"
"It happens to everyone..."
"You are my fourth customer today."
"I'll give you a discount."
"My condom just broke."
"My dad wants to speak with you."
"You are on candid camera!"
5 things you don't ever want to here in bed!

"You should lose weight."

"I faked all my orgasms!"
"The window cleaner is staring at us."
"Does it get any bigger?"
"Rape! HELLP! Rape!"
you don't ever want to hear in bed!

"You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. Anything you do say may be used against you in a court of law."
you don't ever want to hear in bed!

"Hurry up! The game's starting!"
"Nah, it's just a rash. It'll clear up in a day or two."
"I hope you're still this sexy when I sober up."
"this'll show him!"
"But I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!"
My cell mate taught me this one!
Be real quiet the guards are making their rounds.
Just another sideline :)

He says: mine is standing...
She says: mine too...
He says: what?
She says: mines on a crack...
you don't ever want to hear in bed!

"It's my heart... argggh please call 911!"
"Oh, look, while your back was turned, I made a poodle out of this balloon you handed me."
When resting your penis on another man's hand in the dark you hear, "Thanks. But I don't smoke." LOL
You want me to put my what in where??!!

Your dad does this so much better. :scared: