Share Your Personal Journey?

[silvercamel]

As a senior citizen, I look back over my own gay sexual evolution and see a lot of changes to my life over the years. I’m curious what is the personal experience of other forum members as they look back over their own lives. I am curious, not so much about gay liberation history 101, but rather our personal experiences that have changed over the years. Of course we seniors have a pretty broad perspective, but younger members still can look back over the past five or ten or whatever years to see how they have changed given the changing times. Without getting into the current discussions about revealing too much personal information, would folks be willing to share a bit of their journey?

 

[slimvintage]

As a senior citizen, I look back over my own gay sexual evolution and see a lot of changes to my life over the years. I’m curious what is the personal experience of other forum members as they look back over their own lives. I am curious, not so much about gay liberation history 101, but rather our personal experiences that have changed over the years. Of course we seniors have a pretty broad perspective, but younger members still can look back over the past five or ten or whatever years to see how they have changed given the changing times. Without getting into the current discussions about revealing too much personal information, would folks be willing to share a bit of their journey?

Haha, I'd be the first one with his li'l fingies peckin' away, doing max sharing and total revelation, but my whole life has been cataloged on this message board in different little out of sinc episodes (just like Broke Straight Boys) over the past year, and I'd be hard put to think of anything much to add. But it's a terrific idea.

 

[joninliverton]

Be carefull what you say on this message board. Walls have ears...

 

[guidolbido]

What kinds of experiences are you thinking of? Sexual? Personal Growth? Self Understanding? I'm an old fart too, and have no problem sharing any of the above. I've had more than my share of wild sexual experiences (including a couple with a porn star) and at my age, the growth and understanding just keep piling up.

 

[silvercamel]

What kinds of experiences are you thinking of? Sexual? Personal Growth? Self Understanding? I'm an old fart too, and have no problem sharing any of the above. I've had more than my share of wild sexual experiences (including a couple with a porn star) and at my age, the growth and understanding just keep piling up.

Thinking about what it has meant to be gay over the years and how that may have changed (or not)

 

[SayWhat]

The biggest thing that I've noticed in the last few years is that there are fewer people interested in my sex life. People always used to ask my more obvious friends if they were gay or straight.

Now people are just kinda cool with it either way. There's not as much pressure to expose yourself on the spot like that.

I can't figure out if that's just because the people I hang out with are generally cooler than a lot of the douchebags in school or if it's an age thing, though.

 

[silvercamel]

The biggest thing that I've noticed in the last few years is that there are fewer people interested in my sex life. People always used to ask my more obvious friends if they were gay or straight.

Now people are just kinda cool with it either way. There's not as much pressure to expose yourself on the spot like that.

I can't figure out if that's just because the people I hang out with are generally cooler than a lot of the douchebags in school or if it's an age thing, though.

A friend who teaches college Freshmen says that his students don't seem to care one way or the other - and half the time no one can tell whose gay and who isn't,

 

[lakidsteven]

I guess you're talking about the experience of coming to terms with your sexuality. I have come to terms but haven't even thought about coming out yet. WAY too soon. Maybe one day though.

 

[tampa24]

I guess you're talking about the experience of coming to terms with your sexuality. I have come to terms but haven't even thought about coming out yet. WAY too soon. Maybe one day though.

That's the way most of us go through the process. I'd say your path is quite normal and understandable.

 

[angelone]

How can I outline my growth as a healthy gay person without mentioning having to go through the AIDS epidemic? Before the epidemic, I was like every other gay person, horny and filled with cum. I lived for the weekends, to go the disco bars and pickled my liver. During the epidemic, I watched my friends, lover, acquaintances and others get sick, suffer and die. I joined in the crusade to do something about this disease and got very busy with fundraising and hospice for the dying. After the epidemic, I grew old and maybe a little compassionate. I grew to know that there is no such thing as gay or straight - we are all human beings searching for meaning in our lives. As a survivor, I take every moment of my life seriously, that is, that it is a gift and should not be wasted.

 

[ScottC]

Thinking about what it has meant to be gay over the years and how that may have changed (or not)

Honestly, I've never defined myself by my sexuality. There are so many aspects to my life, and so many other things that have contributed to my growth as a person-and sexuality played very little in that. My role as a son, a brother, a partner have all played parts. I've always thought it's not society that labels us, and puts us in a box, we do it ourselves. I've actually seen more homophobia and judgment in the gay community than I do from "straight" society. This is coming from someone who's spent 29 of his 44 years living in one of the reddest states in the union. Hell, I get far stranger looks from people when I tell them I write and publish horror novels, than I do when I tell someone I'm gay.

It has never been a big deal to me, it's sex. The feeling, and the things that make a relationship are universal and no different from anyone else.

 

[mikeyank]

When this forum was initially instituted, I thought that we would be having these kinds of discussions regularly. I had assumed that we were a like minded group, all being folks who were paying a monthly fee to watch young straight guys performing gay sex acts. I participated in several threads about what we have done, or about our past experiences, but those threads usually peter out rather quickly.

It surprises me that more members are not interested in sharing "hot" stories, as well as poignant or ground breaking events in our lives. After all, this is an anonymous Internet message board, where we can let our hair down and talk freely about stuff that we usually feel the need to hide from the rest of the world.

But there are other web sites, such as JustUsBoys, that are filled with both interesting and arousing experiences of other guys. I find reality situations the best kind to read about, and learn from.

But I certainly encourage memebrs of the Broke Straight Boys forum, a niche group, to share their thoughts and experiences, with like minded guys, (and some girls too).

 

[tampa24]

Yeah Mike. I would have expected more people to be forthcoming about their personal experiences in life. Especially the sexual ones, in a forum like this. It just hasn't happened much. For whatever reason...

 

[silvercamel]

When this forum was initially instituted, I thought that we would be having these kinds of discussions regularly. I had assumed that we were a like minded group, all being folks who were paying a monthly fee to watch young straight guys performing gay sex acts. I participated in several threads about what we have done, or about our past experiences, but those threads usually peter out rather quickly.

It surprises me that more members are not interested in sharing "hot" stories, as well as poignant or ground breaking events in our lives. After all, this is an anonymous Internet message board, where we can let our hair down and talk freely about stuff that we usually feel the need to hide from the rest of the world.

But there are other web sites, such as JustUsBoys, that are filled with both interesting and arousing experiences of other guys. I find reality situations the best kind to read about, and learn from.

But I certainly encourage memebrs of the Broke Straight Boys forum, a niche group, to share their thoughts and experiences, with like minded guys, (and some girls too).

I think maybe some are a little bothered by the Casper affair (whatever that was I really don't know; others have a better understanding of it than I do). I also am reminded of joninliverton's warning about sharing too much ("the walls have ears") posted earlier in this thread. Maybe the thread "10 things about yourself" has exhausted the personal sharing stuff - but I doubt it. I just feel that there is hugh resource of stories from young and old alike about how we got to where we are today and what it's like looking back over your years.

I think angelone's post was very moving to me since I too have lived before and after the AIDS epidemic (I too lost a lover/partner, in '88, before cocktails and hope came along).

So I agree with mikeyank and tampa24 and thought more would rise to the opportunity.

 

[ScottC]

I think maybe some are a little bothered by the Casper affair (whatever that was I really don't know; others have a better understanding of it than I do). I also am reminded of joninliverton's warning about sharing too much ("the walls have ears") posted earlier in this thread. Maybe the thread "10 things about yourself" has exhausted the personal sharing stuff - but I doubt it. I just feel that there is hugh resource of stories from young and old alike about how we got to where we are today and what it's like looking back over your years.

I think angelone's post was very moving to me since I too have lived before and after the AIDS epidemic (I too lost a lover/partner, in '88, before cocktails and hope came along).

So I agree with mikeyank and tampa24 and thought more would rise to the opportunity.

It's also possible that others don't wish to look back on their past for whatever reason be it pain, bad memories, unpleasant experiences etc. Speaking for myself, I buried over 200 friends from 84-88 or so due to AIDS and don't really want to dwell on that.

And with all due respect SilverCamel, perhaps you're placing too much emphasis and importance on sexuality. If that's the only way you define your life, that's a darn narrow way to see things.

I think a more valid question would be what are some of the great life lessons you've learned over the years. Just a thought...

 

[mikeyank]

And with all due respect SilverCamel, perhaps you're placing too much emphasis and importance on sexuality. If that's the only way you define your life, that's a darn narrow way to see things.

I think a more valid question would be what are some of the great life lessons you've learned over the years. Just a thought...

I disagree Scott. Keep in mind that the real reason that we are all here on this forum is that we joined a web site and pay a monthly fee to watch guys suck cock and fuck ass, etc. Sexuality is VERY important to all men, and particularly to members of Broke Straight Boys

Of course life lessons are equally important, but just as sex sells in advertising, it is present in just about every aspect of life too. I've heard it said that the average man thinks about sex for an inordinate number of hours per day.

I do find it somewhat amusing that as sexual creatures, so many of us try to come off as being more evolved than mammals with a high sex drive, and devalue the importance of sex, which is one of the greatest pleasures in life. I see nothing wrong with reading about it, viewing it, and thinking about it when we are not "doing it".

And particularly as gay men, (which most of us on the forum are), this is a place where we can "fly our freak flag's high", (to quote a line from "Hair"). Whereas straight men can openly walk over to a girl on the street, or at the gym and hit on her, or turn to a buddy in a bar and discuss the tits on a girl, we have to restrain ourselves in open public places, when we are not sure about the sexuality of the folks in our surroundings. But on the Broke Straight Boys forum, we are free to talk about how hot a dude is, or what a nice dick he has, and we are certainly free to talk about the first dick we sucked, or the first time we took it up the ass, or our first time falling in love with a guy. To me, the forum should be a sort of utopia where us cocksuckers, and ass lickers, and man lovers are free to be ourselves, and discuss intimate topics that would be inappropriate, elsewhere in society.

Just one gay man's opinion.

 

[joninliverton]

I think maybe some are a little bothered by the Casper affair (whatever that was I really don't know; others have a better understanding of it than I do). I also am reminded of joninliverton's warning about sharing too much ("the walls have ears") posted earlier in this thread. Maybe the thread "10 things about yourself" has exhausted the personal sharing stuff - but I doubt it. I just feel that there is hugh resource of stories from young and old alike about how we got to where we are today and what it's like looking back over your years.

I think angelone's post was very moving to me since I too have lived before and after the AIDS epidemic (I too lost a lover/partner, in '88, before cocktails and hope came along).

So I agree with mikeyank and tampa24 and thought more would rise to the opportunity.

Yes the "Casper affair" certainly brought a lot home and his upfront revelations within the forum and PMs left him open. I didn't get too involved with him so I do not know all the facts but some people did some real digging for some home truths. All I can say is be very carefull what you say on here and in other forums or internet sites. I tried to dig some dirty on myself the other day by typing my username in google. I was suprised what came up and suggest you don't use the same username on separate forums. Sad intelligence gatherers can soon build a picture.

 

[Denny Bear]

In another thread I earlier mentioned that this week is sort of a bad week for me. I thought I might take a moment to explain why that is so. I call this the best/worst day of my life. April 14, 2005 Valentines day, I woke that morning to the sad surprise that my pet dog of many years was very ill. He was very old and was now unable to walk. Reluctantly I knew what had to be done so when my partner got home from work we loaded him up and took him to the vet to be put down.

When we returned home we were greeted by another unwelcome surprise. Our good friend and next door neighbor who had been fighting cancer was not expected to live through the night. He had been sick for some time and had moved back home where we expected to have him at least another 6 months. He had instead taken a turn and was fading fast. The wife asked us if we would watch the two younger kids so they didn’t have to see it happen. He passed that evening about 10 PM.

Obviously the week was sort of glum around our neighborhood until Friday evening. Normally every Friday my partner and me would drive up to another near by town and visit my parents in a nursing home. Because of the viewing and family visitation of our neighbor we did not make it that night. Normally when we had to miss Friday we would simply go up on Saturday. This time after attending the neighbor’s funeral in the afternoon I had been hired to run sound for a comedy show at our local community theater.

My Fathers health had been failing and we knew we would soon not have him anymore but Mom seemed to be doing fine and lived with him in the home and helped take care of him. Between the first and second show as the cast was taking their final bow my phone rang. It was my brother who lived in the same town as my parents giving me the bad news that Mom had passed away very suddenly.

By now you understand where I call this the worst day but are wondering where I get the best day. Let me start by saying My partner and me have been together for 29 years this March 1st but have only been out for the last few. We grew up in a very small town in an age that I know a lot of you will recognize to say you were gay meant a load of crap would soon be coming your way. We kept our lives secret for many years never even going to any clubs or bars. I am sure a few people knew or at least wondered but we never spoke about it with anyone.

This was the same with my family, even though Jeff my partner would show at family gatherings it was the silent hippo in the room. The day after Mom died that all changed and is why I tell this story. We were all seated about a table at the funeral home making arrangements. My two older brothers were there along with their wives and of course Jeff. The funeral director was asking about the list of survivors so we were going around the table. First was my older brother and his wife then the next oldest with his wife then I mentioned myself. At that moment my oldest brother Don looked at me and said as a mater of fact, “what about Jeff”? After picking my jaw from the table I looked at him and said are you serious. He replied he is as much family as our wives are. I turned to my next brother and said what do you think; who replied hey what ever you guys want to do is fine with him. I turned to Jeff who was sitting behind me and said well babe what do you think?

He thought as much of parents as I did so I am sure the sadness swayed his decision a bit but he replied sure go for it. I said you know this is going to be in all the papers including our home town where his family was. And he still said go for it. So in all the local papers appeared my Mothers Obituary listing the names of the survivors as my oldest brother and his wife my next brother and his wife and Dennis and his partner Jeff!

Life has not been the same sense and the cat is out of the bag and there are now very few people that don’t know and I have no problems telling them. Jeff still doesn’t talk about it with his parents but his siblings are very cool with it. So there you have it the worst time of my life and the best all in the same week.

Unfortunately outside of being out the next year was a bit iffy. On July 4 I fell off a ladder and broke my ankle, four days later my father passed away. The next year in March my oldest brother who had opened the door so well for us also passed away.

Sorry this has been such a long and sad posting guys but I thought some of you might be interested. Everyone has there coming out stories this was just mine. I hope you enjoyed it.

 

[tampa24]

Dear Denny,

Please accept my sympathies on the loss of your parents, brother and beloved pet. Thank you for sharing your story with us. The way your brothers rallied around you and your partner at a time of such turmoil was really inspiring. It sounds like you come from a great family.

Thank you for sharing all that with us.

 

[silvercamel]

Wonderful Story

That is a heart wrenching and wonderful story all at the same time. I have been with a partner for 20 years-his name is Jeff; my partner 22 years ago who died of AIDS was named Dennis. So I feel the affinity.