Bad Jokes

[SGVBOB]

Grandma Still Drives



Grandma is eighty eight years old and still drives her own car.



She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.



Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!



While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!



I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach..

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.



Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!



A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!



Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

 

[tampa24]

Very cute Bob. haha

 

[SGVBOB]

was DIFFICULT getting that on 1 post! LOL

Very cute Bob. haha

 

[joninliverton]

was DIFFICULT getting that on 1 post! LOL

Bob, that was hilarious. thanks

 

[rbar]

A grandfather and his grandson were out fishing and the grandfather pulls out a beer and begins drinking. "Grandpa, can I have a beer?", the grandson asks.
"Can you touch your dick to your ass?" The grandpa replies. "No grandpa, I can't.", says the boy. "Then you're not old enough to have a beer."
Angrily, the grandson pulls out some cookies and begins eating.
"Can I have some cookies, boy?" the grandfather asks. "Can you touch your dick to your ass Grandpa?", the grandson asks.
"I most certainly can!" The grandfather says. The grandson replies, "Then go fuck yourself, 'cause these are my cookies!"

 

[lovelumps]

A grandfather and his grandson were out fishing and the grandfather pulls out a beer and begins drinking. "Grandpa, can I have a beer?", the grandson asks.
"Can you touch your dick to your ass?" The grandpa replies. "No grandpa, I can't.", says the boy. "Then you're not old enough to have a beer."
Angrily, the grandson pulls out some cookies and begins eating.
"Can I have some cookies, boy?" the grandfather asks. "Can you touch your dick to your ass Grandpa?", the grandson asks.
"I most certainly can!" The grandfather says. The grandson replies, "Then go fuck yourself, 'cause these are my cookies!"

that got 2 lmfaos here, love! thanks xxxo

 

[grace17]

I'm not sure if this qualifies as a bad joke because it's a (supposedly) true story. I haven't heard this expression in such a long time it had me completely cracking up!

Camilla, the Duchess of something or other (Charlie's wife) is coming down under for the first time as a member of the monarchy and an Oz reporter asked her if she would be on the look out for Budgie smugglers.

Here's a typical example of a budgie smuggler and his wife trying to blend in with the crowd.


Once the swimwear/budgie smuggling device was explained Camilla, who apparently has a fabulous sense of humor, said it would be her pleasure! Maybe she'd enjoy a Broke Straight Boys membership subscription for Christmas...

 

[Markymark]

A grandfather and his grandson were out fishing and the grandfather pulls out a beer and begins drinking. "Grandpa, can I have a beer?", the grandson asks.
"Can you touch your dick to your ass?" The grandpa replies. "No grandpa, I can't.", says the boy. "Then you're not old enough to have a beer."
Angrily, the grandson pulls out some cookies and begins eating.
"Can I have some cookies, boy?" the grandfather asks. "Can you touch your dick to your ass Grandpa?", the grandson asks.
"I most certainly can!" The grandfather says. The grandson replies, "Then go fuck yourself, 'cause these are my cookies!"

Thanks rbar, I told Carl this one, and for the first time in two weeks, he cracked a smile, then actually laughed.

"Where'd ya hear that?"
"Read it on Broke Straight Boys"
"Well go get some more, I need to laugh at something, and that was good!"
"Ok."

 

[Markymark]

I'm not sure if this qualifies as a bad joke because it's a (supposedly) true story. I haven't heard this expression in such a long time it had me completely cracking up!

Camilla, the Duchess of something or other (Charlie's wife) is coming down under for the first time as a member of the monarchy and an Oz reporter asked her if she would be on the look out for Budgie smugglers.

Here's a typical example of a budgie smuggler and his wife trying to blend in with the crowd.
View attachment 8080

Once the swimwear/budgie smuggling device was explained Camilla, who apparently has a fabulous sense of humor, said it would be her pleasure! Maybe she'd enjoy a Broke Straight Boys membership subscription for Christmas...

Of course she has a great sense of humour, she married him, didn't she? I second the subscription idea, but her brother in law Andy would just swipe it!

 

[rrhill]

quins

A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.

Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says,
"Congratulations, your wife has had quins, 5 big baby boys."

The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney."
The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, the babies are black."

 

[SGVBOB]

After a relaxing bath, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself naked in a mirror...remembering the times with Bill Clinton. Her frustration over her inability to lose weight was depressing her. In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help... "God, if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you," she prayed. And just like that, her ears fell off!

 

[joninliverton]

A Redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.

Upon arriving he sits down, and the nurse says,
"Congratulations, your wife has had quins, 5 big baby boys."

The Redneck says, "I'm not surprised, I have a penis on me like a chimney."
The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, the babies are black."

Whilst my dad was based in West Germany, there was an occasion in the Berlin British Military Hospital when an army soldier went mad when he witnessed such a thing - a black baby being born from his white wife - he was white too.

Two days later, he shot himself whilst on sentry duty. No joke..

 

[tampa24]

Yikes!

 

[lpdude86]

Why was the ground around Custer at Custer's last stand so white?


Because the Indians kept cumming.

 

[SGVBOB]

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
...
...





"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

 

[SGVBOB]

​

 

[tampa24]

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A Roman Catholic.

 

[SGVBOB]

Two guys are fishing and just ran out of beer. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. The guy proudly turns to his friend and says, "Am I brilliant or what?" The other guy says, "You idiot!!! Now we've got to pee in the boat."

 

[SGVBOB]

 

[joninliverton]

I see it was markymark who started this thread. Anyone heard from him ?