Your favorite quotes

[carking1]

Not famous quotes, like "We hold these truths to be self evident...." or "Ask not what your country can do for you....", but things you have seen on the internet, things your parents always told you which you have since found to be true. I am talking about things that changed your life, made you laugh, or made you stop and think.

I will start with two of mine:

1. There's a sucker born every minute. It takes longer to find one who swallows.

2. My father always told me, "If you're looking for sympathy, it's in the dictionary between shit and syphillis."

 

[tucsonjayce]

"Virginity is like a balloon. One prick and it's all over"

I love that one.......


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[raysvq]

"Oh God that felt good" - only because I rarely get to say it

 

[MissDeidra]

"I've fallen down, drunk off of your juices." -Henry Miller from the book Tropic of Cancer

"How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?" -Tori Amos from the song Father Lucifer

"I'd give my life to be dead." -From the movie Cemetary Man

"You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" -From the movie Wedding Crashers

 

[carking1]

Great pick-up line: You walk up to a hot guy in a bar and lick your finger and wipe it on the sleeve of his shirt, then say, "C'mon, we've got to get you out of those wet clothes."

 

[Jayman01]

My dad's favorite saying everytime he had more work for me to do. "You are doing a good job their son, just not enough of it."

My cousin taught me this one while we were at McDonalds. A kid picked his nose and put it in his friends soda. "You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose. Never pick your friends nose."

I saw this written on bathroom wall. "Don't paly leap frog with unicorns. It could be hazardous to your health."

I still like old classics that have more meaning than humor. "The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

 

[Ms. Kianna]

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open. - Sir James Dewar

 

[slimvintage]

"It's impossible for anyone to learn what he thinks he already knows"

Epictetus​

Actually I like sayings that have changed their meanings over the centuries, so that we take them to mean the opposite of the original:

"Feed a cold and starve a fever" in its original form was "Feed a cold and starve (die) of fever".

"The exception proves the rule" originally meant "The exception tests the rule", a very different concept.

But some people manage to mangle simple bits of folk wisdom just by forgetting what the fuck the cliché was in the first place. He knew what he wanted to say, but when you get confused about what the first bit was after the first five words, and then get lost in the middle, AND in front of all those people...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKgPY1adc0A&feature=related

 

[tampa24]

One of my favorite sayings is for situations for instance where someone is looking at a house that's a real fixer upper, that is probably hopeless. Or a situation or object (a car maybe) in such disrepair or disorganization that it would cost far to much in time and/or money to fix up.

"You can't polish a turd." haha

 

[mikeyank]

One of my favorite sayings is for situations for instance where someone is looking at a house that's a real fixer upper, that is probably hopeless. Or a situation or object (a car maybe) in such disrepair or disorganization that it would cost far to much in time and/or money to fix up.

"You can't polish a turd." haha

How about, "You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit"?

 

[tampa24]

"Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining."

 

[elyot1]

Its not what you look at. Its what you see

 

[Ms. Kianna]

"Life is tough, get a helmet."

"I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious."

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." Mark Twain

 

[tucsonjayce]

Vidi, Vini, Vici

I saw, I came, I cankered

LOL

 

[Jayman01]

"I wouldn't shit you you are my favorite turd"

 

[carking1]

I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his guts were on fire.

 

[carking1]

One of my friends was talking about someone the other day. He said, "He is so ugly, when he masturbates, he has to fantasize that HE is someone else!"

 

[carking1]

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

 

[tampa24]

He's so ugly he has to sneek up on a glass of water.

 

[johnuk1986]

"1 tequila, 2 tequila 3 tequila FLOOR!"

"Your Momma so fat, when she stands on the scales it says 'To Be Continued...'"

"Momma always says life is like a box o' chocolates, you never know which one your gonna get - Really, well your momma must be stupid as shit cos my box got a menu Forrest."

And some quotes i kinda live my life by,...

"like everyone and trust noone"

"In the rational world Good people will do Good and Evil people will do Evil. To get Good people to do Evil for that you require religion." Charles Darwin