The perils of being GAY, and FAT

[XxdesperadoxX]

Hey guys, - just knocking about in the forum and caught this thread. It hits close to home for me right now, I have been on both sides of this argument more times than I can count. I do totally agree with Ambi genetics play a huge role in things and for some the cards are stacked against them. In my case - I have found it increasingly more difficult to loose weight as that bitch father time marches on. I have been HUGE, tipping the scales at 240 - which at 5'7" trust me is huge. However in the past I have managed to battle back and hold my "max weight"/"max size" to within 3 sizes from my 3% body fat weight of 160 to 180 at my heaviest. Even at my heaviest with the level of muscle I had I wore it well and still looked fit. At 180 I still had a 32" waist.

A fight with non Hodgkin's lymphoma and a second major back surgery sidelined me and I am really fighting now at the 200 lb mark. It TOTALLY BLOWS. It has messed with my head to an extent I never thought possible. It has just about crippled me emotionally - it isn't about what other people think - it's about MY view of myself. I have come to a point I won't even look at my body in the mirror.

So the war is on.. again. But it is what I want - not someone else's view that makes me determined to beat this. I miss walking into a store and just grabbing things knowing they would fit, I am sick and tired of constantly tugging at my clothes to cover this or that. To most - they look at me and don't see me as fat (I tend to put it on everywhere as opposed to the middle) but I know it's there and it makes me crazy - to the extent I am almost a hermit.

That said, even when I was built like an underwear model my taste was and is all over the map. Though I will acknowledge that when your ripped from head to toe the other ripped guys are all about trying to get into your britches lol, and YES - GOD yes.. I miss that. Even though in the course of the night I'd have fended most of them off as players - it was a huge boost to the ego. I DO miss that. But what I really miss is the confidence I had, knowing I was putting the best me possible forward. I don't feel like ME anymore.

Unfortunately - I am a victim to my own emotions. Since I was a kid I turned to food for comfort - HUGE mistake I know, but still all these years later I am fighting this demon, ha along with all the others and there are many. So when you speak of the stigma I know that place in your heart Ambi. You are correct, looks will fade, there had better be something very special there to take their place.

 

[shyhedgehog]

hmmm...this is such a tough one. Weight loss is not easy. It's much easier to maintain a weight rather than treat obesity when you're already at that point. Genetics has a part to play but that does not mean you're doomed to fatness. Genetics doesn't work like that. You may be more proem to excess weight gain in response to certain environmental stimuli such as higher calorie diets or lack of exercise but that doesn't mean that you can't overcome that. If you expend more energy than you get in in food then you WILL lose weight. The problem is our human western society. Things are far to easy to get now and exercise way too easy to avoid.

My other point is that the perception of some gays and society as a whole really needs to change. As a guy who suffers from body dysmorphic disorder i find gay areas difficult to go because of my perceptions which are driven by what I think other people's eyes are seeing. It shouldn't be Normal to be tormented and haunted by anxiety about your appearance, paranoia about what others think, your reflection etc. unfortunately this is more and more common now. Between super skinny models, idealistic porn and fashion brands it seems like everywhere you go you have to face an unrealistic expectation of what humans should look and act like. This is much worse following the advent of Grindr and other gay meet apps. It is far too easy to post a pic of a 6 pack and then a comment like "no camp or fatties".

I'm not sure what the solution to this is but only by working on it and standing up and changing out own and other peoples expectations can we make this better for us all

Much love

Shy, the slightly mental hedgehog

X

Ps sorry if that sounded pathetic and a bit tragic lol

 

[johnny]

Xx and Shy
Just have to say what wonderful posts by both of you.Had to Google BDD.Just Welcome Xx. And Shy I liked you from your first post.
Of course being a little slow I thought that was your picture on your Avatar. So I had a fast crush.I like you more with all you say.
Xx So glad to have you here. Sure does make me get over myself. This Forum is a crazy place. Many twists and turns.
But I love it and Happy you are both here. Just Saying....johnny...And I am slightly mental too..So There...Thank You Both.