XxdesperadoxX
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- Aug 25, 2014
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Hey guys, - just knocking about in the forum and caught this thread. It hits close to home for me right now, I have been on both sides of this argument more times than I can count. I do totally agree with Ambi genetics play a huge role in things and for some the cards are stacked against them. In my case - I have found it increasingly more difficult to loose weight as that bitch father time marches on. I have been HUGE, tipping the scales at 240 - which at 5'7" trust me is huge. However in the past I have managed to battle back and hold my "max weight"/"max size" to within 3 sizes from my 3% body fat weight of 160 to 180 at my heaviest. Even at my heaviest with the level of muscle I had I wore it well and still looked fit. At 180 I still had a 32" waist.
A fight with non Hodgkin's lymphoma and a second major back surgery sidelined me and I am really fighting now at the 200 lb mark. It TOTALLY BLOWS. It has messed with my head to an extent I never thought possible. It has just about crippled me emotionally - it isn't about what other people think - it's about MY view of myself. I have come to a point I won't even look at my body in the mirror.
So the war is on.. again. But it is what I want - not someone else's view that makes me determined to beat this. I miss walking into a store and just grabbing things knowing they would fit, I am sick and tired of constantly tugging at my clothes to cover this or that. To most - they look at me and don't see me as fat (I tend to put it on everywhere as opposed to the middle) but I know it's there and it makes me crazy - to the extent I am almost a hermit.
That said, even when I was built like an underwear model my taste was and is all over the map. Though I will acknowledge that when your ripped from head to toe the other ripped guys are all about trying to get into your britches lol, and YES - GOD yes.. I miss that. Even though in the course of the night I'd have fended most of them off as players - it was a huge boost to the ego. I DO miss that. But what I really miss is the confidence I had, knowing I was putting the best me possible forward. I don't feel like ME anymore.
Unfortunately - I am a victim to my own emotions. Since I was a kid I turned to food for comfort - HUGE mistake I know, but still all these years later I am fighting this demon, ha along with all the others and there are many. So when you speak of the stigma I know that place in your heart Ambi. You are correct, looks will fade, there had better be something very special there to take their place.
A fight with non Hodgkin's lymphoma and a second major back surgery sidelined me and I am really fighting now at the 200 lb mark. It TOTALLY BLOWS. It has messed with my head to an extent I never thought possible. It has just about crippled me emotionally - it isn't about what other people think - it's about MY view of myself. I have come to a point I won't even look at my body in the mirror.
So the war is on.. again. But it is what I want - not someone else's view that makes me determined to beat this. I miss walking into a store and just grabbing things knowing they would fit, I am sick and tired of constantly tugging at my clothes to cover this or that. To most - they look at me and don't see me as fat (I tend to put it on everywhere as opposed to the middle) but I know it's there and it makes me crazy - to the extent I am almost a hermit.
That said, even when I was built like an underwear model my taste was and is all over the map. Though I will acknowledge that when your ripped from head to toe the other ripped guys are all about trying to get into your britches lol, and YES - GOD yes.. I miss that. Even though in the course of the night I'd have fended most of them off as players - it was a huge boost to the ego. I DO miss that. But what I really miss is the confidence I had, knowing I was putting the best me possible forward. I don't feel like ME anymore.
Unfortunately - I am a victim to my own emotions. Since I was a kid I turned to food for comfort - HUGE mistake I know, but still all these years later I am fighting this demon, ha along with all the others and there are many. So when you speak of the stigma I know that place in your heart Ambi. You are correct, looks will fade, there had better be something very special there to take their place.