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Masturbation

underwear fun

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I got to wondering, is self masturbation acceptable in same sex relationships and not really acceptable in hetrosexual relationships? What's your advice?

I'm thinking I'd like to be more open with my partner about masturbation. :confused1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxOR2GHJDoM

Undie (another day another dilemma)
 
I got to wondering, is self masturbation acceptable in same sex relationships and not really acceptable in hetrosexual relationships? What's your advice?

I'm thinking I'd like to be more open with my partner about masturbation. :confused1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxOR2GHJDoM

Undie (another day another dilemma)

I guess it has to be acceptable in all sex type relationships especially if there is a need for it.
ie - if one partner is ill
 
I would think that masturbating could actually be VERY erotic if you involve your partner, so that in his mente he/she is of the mindset, "WOW, I am pleasing my man/woman doing something that is natural!"
 
Does a bear...in the woods?

I got to wondering, is self masturbation acceptable in same sex relationships and not really acceptable in hetrosexual relationships? What's your advice?

I'm thinking I'd like to be more open with my partner about masturbation. :confused1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxOR2GHJDoM

Undie (another day another dilemma)

Dear Undie,

As we all breath, so too we all masturbate to greater or lesser frequency, as the case may be anytime during your lifetime. Masturbation has no class distinction or sexual orientation distinction either. Married straight guys masturbate with or without their partner's blessing but it is going to exist regardless. Likewise, why would any gay couple that is comfortable in their own skin, do or think otherwise when masturbation is being addressed. Everybody needs personal space with some personal time. Time spent masturbating is your personal time and no one else's. Couples who feel their relationship has been compromised by the continuation of one's masturbation activities, don't have much of a concept of "monogamy" and the fact that masturbation is not a breach of your wedding vows or any other vows. Its just a fact of life and no more unless you chose to make it an issue.

Frankly, I believe that honesty and being forthright with your partner is the greatest form of flattery next only to "imitation". Enjoy this most personal form of communication while avoiding "punishing, judgmental, or vindictive remarks or actions. Respect your partner equitably(and not merely equally) as they respect you. As we are all individuals and subject to personal whelms and shortcomings, realize the place from where they are coming and "don't sweat the small stuff". Nothing is every going to be exactly equal or perfect in all of its many facets. Establishing trust in your relationship with your significant other goes a long way to resolving these pettie differences.

If you are totally owned by your partner and have no time remaining to your self, then at what time does this oppressive expectation become a source for unresolvable disputes. Both partners need to realize that there are limits to your love and personal interaction. Going beyond these limits is a form of personal slavery and does not forebode well for the relationship having much longevity. Both parties must realize that the other party is an individual and not a puppet by which they exercise complete control.

The answer to my question above in the title is most decidedly YES! You are at liberty to fill in the blank as you like. Having a relationship so tightly controlled is like a bridge or skyscrapper that has no flexibility. Ultimately, the inflexibility will cause it to crash. Whereas, paraxodically, the more flexible structure is STRONGER and less likely to crash!
 
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Thanks for your responses.

I'm thinking of times not involving my partner, where I'm just really horny and want to get off with a minimum of fuss. If I'm jacking off on the couch, should I stop if he walks in? If I want to jack off when he is about should I make an excuse and go to the bedroom? I think if I ask him beforehand if he minds I'm sure he will say ok. But will he really be ok with me getting off without him? What have other people done?

Undie
 
Thanks for your responses.

I'm thinking of times not involving my partner, where I'm just really horny and want to get off with a minimum of fuss. If I'm jacking off on the couch, should I stop if he walks in? If I want to jack off when he is about should I make an excuse and go to the bedroom? I think if I ask him beforehand if he minds I'm sure he will say ok. But will he really be ok with me getting off without him? What have other people done?

Undie

Ask the same questions in reverse - eg Does he masturbate when I am not around?
 
Cumrag, that was very well said.

Undie, I think it's a good conversation to have, especially to assure your partner that just because you do, doesn't mean there is anything lacking in the intimacy between the two of you.

My husband and I are pretty open about the topic, but for him, it's something that is completely private. He knows I'd like to be involved in his wank sessions, but I'm not holding my breath for the invite. :( However, he is interested in mine, and frequently that is a part of our play.
 
Ohhhhh......

Thanks for your responses.

I'm thinking of times not involving my partner, where I'm just really horny and want to get off with a minimum of fuss. If I'm jacking off on the couch, should I stop if he walks in? If I want to jack off when he is about should I make an excuse and go to the bedroom? I think if I ask him beforehand if he minds I'm sure he will say ok. But will he really be ok with me getting off without him? What have other people done?

Undie


I have to admit that after 20 years, I still hide the toy or stop flicking my bean if he comes in the room. However, it's because at those moments, it's what you were talking about, I just want to get off. I don't think he'd mind, but I think he'd consider it an invite...
 
As long as jerking off alone hasn't replaced sex in your relationship I don't see it as an issue. Sometimes ya just wanna get off.............no muss, no fuss. I'd guess it's a pretty safe bet your partner is doing the same thing.
I'm sure I'm not the only one here that has snuck off to the mens room at work to rub out a quick one just to clear my head so I can concentrate on the job. Is that cheating my partner out of what might have been a mutual encounter??? I don't think so.
 
Not taking eachother for granted:

Thanks for your responses.

I'm thinking of times not involving my partner, where I'm just really horny and want to get off with a minimum of fuss. If I'm jacking off on the couch, should I stop if he walks in? If I want to jack off when he is about should I make an excuse and go to the bedroom? I think if I ask him beforehand if he minds I'm sure he will say ok. But will he really be ok with me getting off without him? What have other people done?

Undie

Dear Undie,

We all enter every relationship with our own exhaustive history of masturbation and other personal follies. I feel confident your partner has a somewhat similar history, so I would look at it this way. Is this a really hard question to ask (no pun intended) or could there be much more difficult questions looming in the future. You need early on to establish a foundation for open exchanges of ideas such as this. I feel you need to ask him his take on what would probably have happened if you walked in on him jacking off? Would you merely shout out "gotcha' and then laugh? Or be blushing profusely as some naïve choir boy and hide under the cushions with your butt hanging out? Or would you install a chastity belt on the guilty party with a single key padlock safely stored away in a safety-deposit box at the bank? Don't be afraid to entertain the truly rediculous as this is another form of "brainstorming" where in the earliest stages there are no limits.

Basically, this is a question prone to cause laughter in some more playful types and caution must be exercised to avoid appearing to be laughing at (vs. with) your partner. Look into your partner's eyes and ask, realistically speaking, ..."what is his view on the inevitability that this incident is only a matter of time away? Maintaining a healthy sense of humor in such minor matters is an indication that trust has been established or is, at some level, beginning to approach the ideal of unconditional trust. Trust, after all, is the foundation and the currency for any truly healthy relationship.

Answering your specific questions:

1.) Should I stop if he walks in? Being completely natural and unembarrassed is your best strategy. Knowing he has complete and intimate appreciation of your innermost, sexual being, does this not open up the floor to broadening his understanding of you, his beloved? I would hope his love for your would actively thirst to understand all dimensions of who you are in a truly accepting and non-judgmental way.


2.) If I want to jack off when he is about, should I make an excuse and go to the bedroom? Having a “codeword” or some signal wouldn’t hurt in this situation. It is not too much to ask for some “space”. Some people don’t like surprises while others thrive on surprises as lovely opportunities. I know you value his relationship and want at all costs to make it work. Likewise, he must value you for who you are in its entirety as embodied in his “respect” for who you really are! Don’t start off by limiting yourself unnecessarily, as it will only bite you in your beautiful ass, later on down the road!

3.) I think if I ask him beforehand if he minds I'm sure he will say ok. But will he really be ok with me getting off without him? What are your options, dear Undie? You can stick your head in the sand and hope for forgiveness later on. Or, you can take the ”proactive” route putting your cards totally on the table avoiding any future surprises? Ask him what his preference is? Then you have to “TRUST” his response is honest and proceed to bigger and better things. Fearing that he may change his mind in the future, let him know you are always open to further discussion. Openness is essential for TRUST to blossom!

4.) What have other people done? Dear Undie, I not only wrote about my personal experience but I contacted someone I’ve known very personally since 1967 and, in reference to his long-term relationship with his partner, he basically reiterated the above about establishing "trust". As much as we may wish it to be acquired automatically, trust only comes about with much hard work!

The primary variable in this relationship is the mutual openness factor. The relative openness, of your boyfriend to sharing his innermost feelings with all candor and his willingness to maintain “mutual respect and acceptance” of both parties is the critical and operative factor, here. Once established over time, both you and your partner will feel a greater freedom not having to worry unnecessarily about their reaction as it relates to your expanding relationship built on trust.

I hope this is helpful for you and your boyfriend and that you grow old together by not taking eachother for granted.

My best wishes Undie!

Stimpy
 
Masturbation should be pure fun at its most uninhibited - Personal DARE to share...

Dear fellow masturbators,

I know you are out there and just waiting for the right moment to share your most intimate details of your most private moments for the rest of the masturbators on this site. Be proud of your personal contribution to your self worth and consolidation of your fantasy life into reality.

Please take the following as a personal DARE to share your innermost masculinity or femininity, because I absolutely DARE you to spill forth your most juicy and gushing masturbatory practices. Go on a tare and leave nothing behind in your totally uninhibited accountings. We need the most gut wrenching of your repertoire of sexual thrill making you have had the pleasure to discover.

For me, I would have to submit that edging combined with digital or mechanical anal stimulation is among my most treasured and most fulfilling of practices leading to that magical self-affirming outpouring of my most personal essence. It keeps me up late at night and, even sometimes, into the morning in the pursuit of that magical and ever elusive orgasmic release.

These practices frequently are leaving me only the bare minimal amount of time for actual sleep, much to the dismay and unexplainable mystery of my sleep disorder doctor. I personally view this cost is an incidental expenditure in comparison to the expenditure of time and effort dedicated to my edging. While my actual load quantity may not be proportional to the effort, it is at the least proportional in its organismic momentum which I find as a driving force. Instead of this force diminishing as I age into my sixth decade, it has actually gotten increasingly stronger and more gratifying, a much unexpected outcome of my tireless masturbatory efforts. I certainly cannot complain as it has been my most dependable and faithful partner and confidant in life since reaching that fruitful and ripe age of 11.

Now, I dare you to give your response your "best shot", as it were! Think of this as your personal legacy.
 
I like your post, Cumrag. I will address one part of the thread that I find totally important, whether you are solo, or in a relationship: I DO NOT think it is a reflection of whether or not the relationship is 'working', if 'I decide I want to jack off, apart from my partner', that is a decision made freely by me, and (probably), when I am in need of some 'me' time!.
 
Now you've got it!

I like your post, Cumrag. I will address one part of the thread that I find totally important, whether you are solo, or in a relationship: I DO NOT think it is a reflection of whether or not the relationship is 'working', if 'I decide I want to jack off, apart from my partner', that is a decision made freely by me, and (probably), when I am in need of some 'me' time!.

Dear SGVBOB,

No matter how great the relationship is between a couple, you will always remain an individual with individual needs and a minimal amount of time for "Me Time". Your partner should not find this a breach or a threat to your commitment to each over. Ultimately, every couple has to foster trust in the other partner and this is only fair or the objecting partner is probably overly possessive.

Relationships are like a bird. You can clutch it so close to your heart that all the bird wants to do is fly away. Or, you can give the bird your trust over time by setting it free and the bird should want to return to their nest where it is safe. Your choice!

For most guys, they have already developed a steady masturbatory relationship prior to settling down. This prior existing relationship with the "masturbatory arts" is going to cause them to feel deprived if the other partner attempts to assume the reigns in all matters sexual further controlling your personal masturbatory pursuits. After all, your personhood is at stake here and the other party simply needs to know their boundaries as it relates to you and back off.
 
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