Not taking eachother for granted:
Thanks for your responses.
I'm thinking of times not involving my partner, where I'm just really horny and want to get off with a minimum of fuss. If I'm jacking off on the couch, should I stop if he walks in? If I want to jack off when he is about should I make an excuse and go to the bedroom? I think if I ask him beforehand if he minds I'm sure he will say ok. But will he really be ok with me getting off without him? What have other people done?
Undie
Dear Undie,
We all enter every relationship with our own exhaustive history of masturbation and other personal follies. I feel confident your partner has a somewhat similar history, so I would look at it this way. Is this a really hard question to ask (no pun intended) or could there be much more difficult questions looming in the future. You need early on to establish a foundation for open exchanges of ideas such as this. I feel you need to ask him his take on what would probably have happened if you walked in on him jacking off? Would you merely shout out "gotcha' and then laugh? Or be blushing profusely as some naïve choir boy and hide under the cushions with your butt hanging out? Or would you install a chastity belt on the guilty party with a single key padlock safely stored away in a safety-deposit box at the bank? Don't be afraid to entertain the truly rediculous as this is another form of "brainstorming" where in the earliest stages there are no limits.
Basically, this is a question prone to cause laughter in some more playful types and caution must be exercised to avoid appearing to be laughing at (vs. with) your partner. Look into your partner's eyes and ask, realistically speaking, ..."what is his view on the inevitability that this incident is only a matter of time away? Maintaining a healthy sense of humor in such minor matters is an indication that trust has been established or is, at some level, beginning to approach the ideal of unconditional trust. Trust, after all, is the foundation and the currency for any truly healthy relationship.
Answering your specific questions:
1.)
Should I stop if he walks in? Being completely natural and unembarrassed is your best strategy. Knowing he has complete and intimate appreciation of your innermost, sexual being, does this not open up the floor to broadening his understanding of you, his beloved? I would hope his love for your would actively thirst to understand all dimensions of who you are in a truly accepting and non-judgmental way.
2.)
If I want to jack off when he is about, should I make an excuse and go to the bedroom? Having a “codeword” or some signal wouldn’t hurt in this situation. It is not too much to ask for some “space”. Some people don’t like surprises while others thrive on surprises as lovely opportunities.
I know you value his relationship and want at all costs to make it work. Likewise, he must value you for who you are in its entirety as embodied in his “respect” for who you really are! Don’t start off by limiting yourself unnecessarily, as it will only bite you in your beautiful ass, later on down the road!
3.)
I think if I ask him beforehand if he minds I'm sure he will say ok. But will he really be ok with me getting off without him? What are your options, dear Undie? You can stick your head in the sand and hope for forgiveness later on. Or, you can take the ”
proactive” route putting your cards totally on the table avoiding any future surprises?
Ask him what his preference is? Then you have to “TRUST” his response is honest and proceed to bigger and better things. Fearing that he may change his mind in the future, let him know you are always open to further discussion. Openness is essential for TRUST to blossom!
4.)
What have other people done? Dear Undie, I not only wrote about my personal experience but I contacted someone I’ve known very personally since 1967 and, in reference to his long-term relationship with his partner, he basically reiterated the above about establishing "trust".
As much as we may wish it to be acquired automatically, trust only comes about with much hard work!
The primary variable in this relationship is the mutual openness factor. The relative openness, of your boyfriend to sharing his innermost feelings with all candor and his willingness to maintain “mutual respect and acceptance” of both parties is the critical and operative factor, here. Once established over time, both you and your partner will feel a greater freedom not having to worry unnecessarily about their reaction as it relates to your expanding relationship built on trust.
I hope this is helpful for you and your boyfriend and that you grow old together by not taking eachother for granted.
My best wishes Undie!
Stimpy
However, he is interested in mine, and frequently that is a part of our play.
