ROFLMAO Slimmie!!!! Thanks for the song man, seriously you all make it hard to leave.
Honestly my reasons for leaving are so silly and trivial, normally I wouldn't get annoyed to the point of cancelling with too much advertising and "fakey shout outty" type model postings on here, it's a personal touch that many members seem to love and I normally ignore such nonsense the same as I ignore having the waiters come out and sing me happy birthday at a restaurant when someone dares to tell them it's my birthday (which fortunately, most of my friends know I despise and loathe the restaurant singing on my birthday).
I think the bigger thing is that I've been coming to realize, I spend way more time watching porn, jacking off to porn, getting frustrated at porn, and then lamenting about porn, than I do actually living my life and interacting with my friends, family, and would be guys that I might actually be able to go out and date.
I haven't been on a "date", in YEARS. Is that healthy? HELL NO! Instead of going out and meeting guys in my free time, like normal gay guys do, I sit in front of the computer watching porn.
I've become so damn picky and finicky when it comes to porn, if it's not *just right*, and "perfect", I get pissed and annoyed, and start complaining about it.
I have become a porn conniseur, instead of a conniseur on life in general. Instead of posting an ad on a dating site or going to an MCC church event where I can meet other gay guys to hang out with and perhaps date...and maybe even get into a serious relationship with...I pine in front of the computer drooling over guys like Colin (who I absolutely adore btw, so here's your shout-out Colin).
It's time to prioritize my life, and start worrying about the things that MATTER in life. Like being a better friend, brother, uncle, son, and so on. Instead of writing and ranting on the
Broke Straight Boys forum, I want to spend time writing about the things I love such as love and bromance. Or getting involved in the 2012 election, following it, blogging about it.
Enjoying what life has to offer, blogging about great restaurants and cooking authentic Italian dishes as I've always wanted to do...understanding the difference between the importance of quick sauteeing sliced garlic in extra virgin olive oil instead of canola oil...or using pasta water to thicken the sauce instead of just dumping a jar of Prego Spaghetti sauce over boiled noodles.
Or being able to play Scott Joplin's Maple Leaf Rag through from start to finish and not getting stuck on the trio, as I was able to do when I was 20, and running 3 miles without feeling like I'm going to collapse and drop dead of panting because I'm so out of shape.
I'm about to turn 43 in January, and I don't want life to pass me by.
Some day when I'm on my death bed, which will hopefully not be until I'm an old man of 90+ years, I want to be able to reflect on my life, with a smile instead of realizing I spent most of it watching porn when I wasn't working. I don't think anyone will ever go to their grave with their last thoughts having wished that they would have watched more porn.
I have estimated that I have spent literally thousands of dollars on memberships and rebills on too many porn sites that I care to remember, and cannot think of a single favorite scene, porn site, model.
Life is passing me by, and I'm spending so much of it watching porn that I'm missing those things that really count.
That's my real reason, and I also question if I'll even be able to live without it. It's like an addiction, I can't wait for the newest scene to be released, so that I can watch it and hopefully find it so damn hot that I'll jack off to it over and over again. But as time goes by, I realize that never happens. As I watch more porn, I become more desentisized to it, to the extent I get bored with 99% of it and can rarely be satisfied with a scene anymore without finding some fault or issue with it.
I used to think "Oh it can't be me, the porn sites are just losing their touch, losing their ability to put out a great product like they used to be able to do." But you know what my fellow forumites, I think the issue lies not with the porn sites nor the content within them, but deep within myself.
I am lacking the ability to appreciate it for what it is, and move on with my life. I had been taking the easy way out, and blaming Clay, blaming the poor camera work and editing, blaming too much advertising, when the truth of the matter is that I have blamed everyone but myself for not taking the time to smell the roses, take the dog for a long reflective walk at the end of a long hard day.
This will actually be an exercise of restraint, to see if I can actually go more than a couple weeks without anxiously checking back in to see if there are several (or at least one) hot new scene that I cannot live without watching, downloading, and then promptly complaining and griping about. If I can't do it, then I will have satisfied my suspicion that I may be addicted to porn.
We'll see what happens, but if I'm back in a matter of days or weeks, I guess you'll have your answer...lol!
