• CLICK HERE To Join Broke Straight Boys & Instantly Get Full Access To Entire Site & 3 FREE bonus sites.

Funny Sexual Awareness Story....

underwear fun

Well-known Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2010
Posts
408
Reaction score
0
Location
Singapore
What's your funny sexual awareness story?

I remember when I was a young teenager and by balls were dropping I was concerned that the frequent masturbation I was doing was draining all the cum from my sack because with my balls hanging lower the scrotum skin was pulled in together above. I was so concerned :confused1: I stopped wanking for a couple of weeks but I couldn't resist any longer and resigned myself to wanking again. :masterbate: I still occasionally laugh about this.

Undie
 
Habitual Masturbators solution

When I was 17 and in a Catholic high school, I spoke with a Priest about my habitual masturbation problem. He informed me that it basically takes about 9-months to break any habit you may have formed. And, breaking any habit works best the younger you are. Since I was trying to be a "good catholic boy", I felt my frequent confessions due to this solitary habit were meaningless unless I had some convictions about stopping my habit.

After leaving his office, I went home and began to reclaim my mortal soul once and for all. I managed successfully for the first night to not be too unduly tempted. To my amazement, I sailed through my second uneventful night unscathed. And on, and on, and on. Now, I had moved to Frankfurt, Germany while in my senior year in high school and my momentum just kept on keeping on, and on. I was really beginning to believe that the advise the priest gave me was paying off.

Then, sometime in November in my senior year and me in my 8th unbroken month of total abstinence, I awoke to my 17 year old almost virginal abdomen being coated with a thick load of cum, my first wet dream I was aware of, at least, and I was so disappointed and in a state of total despair over my 8 months of clean living. I was at a loss for what to do. This had me is such a panic I was doubting this wet dream had happened totally unassisted, yet I had nothing to be remembered. I was so torn up by this natural incident realizing that I had struggled with the "Good Fight" for a full 8 months long, only 1 month shy if the guaranteed habit-breaking 9-month trial period. In my now depressed state with all the wind being knocked out of my sails, in a frenzy brought about by waiting 8 months, I gave up the "Good Fight" the next night and went for broke officially breaking my masturbation habit-breaking moratorium never again to be repeated, at least not by me.

I got my creamy answer the very next night! And this creamy response just keeps on keeping on, even today!
 
The first time I played with myself and saw this white horrible stuff come out of my willy, I thought I was ill. I wish all "illnesses" could be so pleasurable.
 
New Scientific Discovery

The first time I played with myself and saw this white horrible stuff come out of my willy, I thought I was ill. I wish all "illnesses" could be so pleasurable.

Dear Jon,

When I first saw, felt, and smelled my first loads, not knowing any better, I thought it was the "Crude Oil" equivalent of urine still needing further processing into that familiar clear yellow stuff. Like Thomas Edison, I thought I had made some major scientific discovery and was worthy of the notoriety from the press. Its a wonder I didn't enter a sample in our school's science fair.

To this day, I absolutely love the smell of cum. It is like breathing the essence of life and transports me to a very spiritual and clean place. It's alot more special than any aftershave, that's for sure. No I do not actually use it as a substitute for aftershave.
 
Tha taste of cum???

So then Cumrag, what you you think of Ryan's dilema in the Ryan and Tyler scene? Do you enjoy cum that much?? :swallow:

Undie
 
Wet Dreams

I've never had a wet dream, probably because I began jerking off, well before I could produce any ejaculent. Jerking off was always discussed by my group of friends who were also in the boy scouts with me. Our conversations on the subject were light hearted, and often laughter accompanied these discussions.

We always had a laugh over the section in the "Boy Scout Handbook" that discussed wet dreams. We could all quote that part verbatim and if was a continual source of humor for us.
 
Delicious Delimma by the cupful!

So then Cumrag, what you you think of Ryan's dilema in the Ryan and Tyler scene? Do you enjoy cum that much?? :swallow:

Undie

Dear Undie,

Looking at the long and short of your question and my as yet unfilled 1000+ word response, I guess my answer will have to first consider the Tyler and Ryan saga you are talking about. Primarily, your reference is to the mythical cupful of steaming gizz jointly produced and deposited by Tyler and Ryan. To date, I do not believe this foaming treat has yet been duplicated, much less presented to any other Broke Straight Boys model as some monetarily rewarded challenge or some rite of passage.

Well I think it is an absolutely delectable and delicious aperitif, if followed immediately by French wine and French Brie cheese on, you guessed it, real and crusty French bread.

I really don't exactly know whose idea it was to abuse a hotel glass so. The filming took place in a hotel room and not on the already cum loaded and infamous Broke Straight Boys futon. Therefore, I have to assume this was improvised to avoid staining the sofa used in the shoot. What particularly adds to this dilemma is that Ryan (as a newbie to Broke Straight Boys and a personal high school classmate of Tyler) was later on shown to be a "total germophobe" of the highest order with the subsequent episode featuring Nelson and Ryan. Ryan, with his back on the legendary Broke Straight Boys futon, was the beneficiary of Nelson's generous and messy cumshot to Ryan's chest. It all but paralyzed poor Ryan with understandable germophobic anxiety and feelings of complete and utter disgust.

Now, getting back to the Tyler & Ryan episode (knowing Ryan's fear of germs), I found it a suspenseful filming moment that had me truly on the edge of my seat. Ryan had a few unsuccessful attempts in downing the cum-filled glass, holding it to his lips, and then he gasped followed by both Tyler and Ryan uncontrollable laughter. Then, because a bonus was at stake, Ryan did the absolute unforgettable in that he turned up the end of the cum-filled glass, emptying the contents in his mouth, and then quickly expelled the now angry swimmers unceremoniously back into the glass. I don't blame Ryan or anybody for finding it a little bit daunting swallowing one’s own cum for the first time. Let’s face it, having your own swimmers in your mouth seems almost incestuous, superficially speaking. However, having a cum cocktail with the likes of genuine "Tyler" swimmers intermingled, well it seems a bit blasphemous that Tyler's Sacramental creamy load shall meet their ultimate fate in some industrial quality dishwasher, rather that in some appreciative and like-minded soul's oral or anal orifice. At this point, it becomes a sad, sad waste of perfectly good DNA. However, I was always taught not to cry over spilled milk!

In summary, one of my all time favorite Broke Straight Boys scenes is when Ricky is going down on a now mesmerized and weakened Logan and, even with Logan's pre-emptive warning, Ricky failed to take heed quickly enough and so Logan's swimmers could no longer contain themselves. They abandoned ship and went into the next available vessel, namely Ricky's mouth and cheeks. I called it a home run of the greatest magnitude taken, as one would say reflectively, for the team.

My own cum guzzling is much more limited than one would suspect and/or probably desire. Yes, I hate to disappoint my audience. Even so, with its rarity in my case, the overwhelming sense of euphoria becoming one with this molten hot load is transformative to the ultimate extent. When people have a near-death experience they see bright white lights. I too have seen the same white lights aimed directly at the back of my highly receptive tonsils. I am quite sure this ethereal glow emanating from these well meaning swimmers is purposeful and the heat radiating from their arms is totally embracing one's innermost being with love and unconditional acceptance.

Simply put in answer to your question Undie, I do love cum! Part 2 of your question asks do you enjoy cum that much? For the record, I am not some "cumpig" having no definable standards. But in answer to second query Undie, I have to answer with all humility and consideration of who is the rightful donor(s) for me, Therefore, definitely my answer is an unqualified YES! Parenthetically, I remember to this day being the recipient of three meaningful loads without benefit of alcohol or other pharmaceutical substances and from the same straight guy all in one night! Driving home without the benefit of my now superfluous headlights was a snap and with no unwanted ticket be spoiling the evening's festivities.

PS Please Note: You be your own judge as to your "Safe Sex practices" and don't necessarily follow my lead. After all, it is all in who you know!
 
RE: Delicious Delimma by the cupful!

Cumrag, you had me smiling after your first half dozen words and throughout your shortish 796 word response.

I thought David got a bargin with Ryan for only $300 extra and the knowing spectator look on Tyler's face added perfectly to Ryan's dilema.

Seeing we are 204 words short of your benchmark standard, let me give you a dilema. Would you include blue aliens in your class of "rightful donor(s)"? :biggrin:

Undie :lol:
<click on image to read text>
 

Attachments

  • alien.jpg
    alien.jpg
    51.1 KB · Views: 49
Blue, Pink, or Polka Dotted...

Cumrag, you had me smiling after your first half dozen words and throughout your shortish 796 word response.

I thought David got a bargin with Ryan for only $300 extra and the knowing spectator look on Tyler's face added perfectly to Ryan's dilema.

Seeing we are 204 words short of your benchmark standard, let me give you a dilema. Would you include blue aliens in your class of "rightful donor(s)"? :biggrin:

Undie :lol:
<click on image to read text>

Dear Undie and other earthlings,

(In reference to the blue image submitted by Undie above)

Let me take a second look. That's right...I think I get the picture...but wait a minute. Hold still and let me count here 1,2,3, uhh 4,5,6,7, uhh ,8,9. Where, Where's the rest? That's right I only count 9 testicles present and accounted for! My last blue alien had 11 of them blueberries, as I recall. Where are the other two? Well, now, listen here, without meeting proper specs, what other freakish offspring will he produce? I was told by an authority that blue aliens could only be a rightful donor if they had a rightful boner and a line is drawn into the sand at 11 testicles in their blue velvet package.

And wouldn't you know it, his boner seems a bit shy of the mark, too. It seems a little frayed and gnawed around the edges with the occasional tooth mark here and there, no angel hair at the base, and wait just a minute, this one is born "cut" with no telltale circumcision mark? Now I have really seen it all! Well, what can I say. Will miracle never cease to exist? I mean a man can only do so much with what he is given!

Let's see, there are some markings on his boner. Let me see if I can make them out. Get me that flash light. No, not that, I said FLASH light!! Simply can't get good help these days! It says in fine print the DOT regulation inflation rate maximum is 35PSI. And wouldn't you know it, there is the air stem all limp and missing its purplish cap. It looks a bit low on air to me. Let me see how much is in there. Pscccccccccccccccccc Okay, I've got it now. Well this blue puppy is down to only 14lbs. Let me connect the air hose and bring him up to specs. PscccccccccccccccccPWK 35lbs. right on the nose.

Well, that's better now that he is fully erect, I think I can count 11 blueberries after all and his boner is on full display curved and a little bent to the left with a little dew mist coming out its single eye opening. Baby, things are looking up for this blue wonder. In fact, let me get out the "Donor" ink stamp. Yes, I do believe we have here another one of them "rightful donors" after all! Let me get out the handbook again, okay, just a few more pages, lets see here it says "polka dotted are bisexual", and over here it indicates "pink ones are lesbian", and finally over here it says, "blue one are gay" ones with an addendum that indicates "it just can't get blown enough to suit them". That's just what were looking for! And, with this official stamp, I hereby certify another "rightful donor with a rightful boner".:cumshot: Sounds like a wiener to me!:monkeyfuck: Case closed!
 
The "Suspense" Is Killing Me! I Mean Really Killing Me!

What's your funny sexual awareness story?

I remember when I was a young teenager and by balls were dropping I was concerned that the frequent masturbation I was doing was draining all the cum from my sack because with my balls hanging lower the scrotum skin was pulled in together above. I was so concerned :confused1: I stopped wanking for a couple of weeks but I couldn't resist any longer and resigned myself to wanking again. :masterbate: I still occasionally laugh about this.

Undie

Dear Undie,

Glad to hear you returned to your regular schedule after all.

Pray tell, not trying to be overly personal but, what ever happened to your dropping balls? I mean their MIA status truly bothers and perplexes me, even to this VERY day, some numberless decades later! In your humble estimation and opinion are they, the twins, true low-riders, the occasional low-riders, totally unpredictable as they have a mind of their own working independently of their twin, permanent blue-balls, residing in an orange peel textured bag, re-purposed as magnetic refrigerator door-oven mitt hangers, or vanished all together after turning 13 and artificial twin replacements were sought and strategically installed?

Please don't leave forum members merely hanging by this thread without some hopefully happy ending to resolving the question on everyone's mind ..."how's it hanging or is it hanging at all"? And what about this vacuous void in your emptied sack? After all, no one likes the idea of the stuffing being ripped out of a baseball only to be sown back together, now empty? Did it(the missing party(s)) ever, shall we say, and I'm trying to be delicate, return home safely with "Welcome Back Home" signs illuminated on the front lawn(translation: pubes, you know) or what? Did you ever attempt using M&M's with peanuts in substitution for the real thing, if so were they matching colors? Please be specific!

I know what a neatness freak you sometimes are so, in your earlier and more obsessive efforts to be clean-shaven removing any and all peach fuzz, you didn't shall we say go too farrrrrrr "OUCH", did you?...AND THEN TRIED TO MEND IT BACK "AS GOOD AS NEW" WITH SOME SCOTCH TAPE, DID YOU?...ONLY TO FIND SOME(as many as two) LIFELESS EGG-SHAPED MASS(S) STUCK TO THE SHAGGY BATHROOM FLOOR RUG WITH NYLON FIBERS NEWLY ATTACHED, did you?...BACK THEN, DID YOU EVEN KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A STRAIGHT- vs. A SAFETY-RAZOR? Please wait a minute to let me catch my breath. Please, please (GASP!, GASP!) provide the detailed information (GASP!) demanded by the forum press as soon as possible. (GASP!, GASP!, GASP!)

Whooo! Being an investigative reporter for the Broke Straight Boys News can really be tough at times and this is no exception but, it is my solemn and sworn duty to faithfully report all the intimate details regarding all the intimate details. That's why my nickname at work is "I D". Tell us, Dear Undie, what ever happened in the interim to your fondly held and played with twins? We're all dying to know and hoping for a happy and successful reunification, like in Germany! The "Suspense" is really killing me, no us!

P.S. For the article, we need a picture of the injured parties and any coming home celebrations, as well. Thanks!
 
Stimpy's loyal readers anxiously await the next installment. Possibly the results of his interview with Undie. Long live a free press! LOL :biggrin:
 
I'm working on it

Stimpy's loyal readers anxiously await the next installment. Possibly the results of his interview with Undie. Long live a free press! LOL :biggrin:

Dear tampa24,

I hope you read my gut-wrenching post concerning our friend, Undie. I know we all have our pluses and our minuses (short-comings), even some seemingly minor disabilities having been acquired at our own hands, no less.

However in my professional opinion, it appears Undie is out tonight on a "Hawt Date" or so I hope! We all need some cheering up(code for fluffing) from time to time. Far be it from me to spread false rumors as the sole Broke Straight Boys news guy. On the contrary, I gives me much personal self-satisfaction and pleasure tirelessly seeking the ultimate truth!

Unfortunately, Broke Straight Boys does not provide monetary compensation for interviews performed outside the studio and/or off the futon, so to speak. After all, we must adhere to industry strictest and best-practices as any news gathering and fact-checking organization aspires to do.

We will break-in with the up-to-minute developments as needed in our 24-hour news cycle. Just like those folks in D.C., we too have the power to bring the entire nation to a halt, if we so desire.

In closing and for the record, my name "Cumrag" is a moniker I am most proud of in that, just as I earlier tonight explained to Ms. Kianna, it is not merely a physical object but, rather, "Cumrag" is a state of mind (somewhere when you first get on the New Jersey Turnpike but before you get to the toll booths and the trash receptacles). Remember, it pays not to litter, child support payments being what they are!

Respectfully submitted,
 
Oh Cumrag27 or Stimpy, as you may or may not have observed by my posts - but not on this thread, I too love the smell and taste of cum. If I see a film with a good facial then I'm a happy man but not as happy as I am when I receive a facial in real life. The last guy I had sex with, which was last Tuesday, had a massive cock of about 8.5inches but really thick too. Now whilst it is not necessary for a guy with massive cock to produce gushes of "white oil", this guy certainly did and I was covered in it. But I'm a greedy Brit and even when he finished spurting all over my face and chest I wanted more and grabbed his massive member and sucked the remaining juice out of his lolly pop stick. Round 2 this coming Saturday.
 
While this may not be a "Funny Sexual Awareness Story", well so what!

Oh Cumrag27 or Stimpy, as you may or may not have observed by my posts - but not on this thread, I too love the smell and taste of cum. If I see a film with a good facial then I'm a happy man but not as happy as I am when I receive a facial in real life. The last guy I had sex with, which was last Tuesday, had a massive cock of about 8.5inches but really thick too. Now whilst it is not necessary for a guy with massive cock to produce gushes of "white oil", this guy certainly did and I was covered in it. But I'm a greedy Brit and even when he finished spurting all over my face and chest I wanted more and grabbed his massive member and sucked the remaining juice out of his lolly pop stick. Round 2 this coming Saturday.

Dear Jon, my cum loving cohort,

You stir in me a similar idead deep, deep within my loins. The smell of fresh and glimmering cum is like having a vision filled with the freshest of air and a window to their soul. For me, nothing conveys so directly that sublime sense of unconditional love that sharing directly in the gushes of "white oil", as you put it, can provide.

Being half-French I would conjure something succulent as "pure creme" with all the accompanying pleasures to be had like some ripe French Camembert, thinly sliced apples, some baguettes, and a little French Champagne come very close to the sensuous nature I feel you speak of. With my Mother being Parisian and her mother's family coming from Hautvillers, the same small hillside village that Benedictine Monk Dom Perignon made his effervescent discoveries centuries ago, I feel I have some appreciation for the sensory experiences you enjoy so much as it has been my lifelong passion as well.

Alas, it is getting very late and I look forward to your future exploits. I am anxious to share more with you, Jon.

Best Wishes for Now!
 
The first time I played with myself and saw this white horrible stuff come out of my willy, I thought I was ill. I wish all "illnesses" could be so pleasurable.


Dear Jon,

When I first saw, felt, and smelled my first loads, not knowing any better, I thought it was the "Crude Oil" equivalent of urine still needing further processing into that familiar clear yellow stuff. Like Thomas Edison, I thought I had made some major scientific discovery and was worthy of the notoriety from the press. Its a wonder I didn't enter a sample in our school's science fair.

To this day, I absolutely love the smell of cum. It is like breathing the essence of life and transports me to a very spiritual and clean place. It's alot more special than any aftershave, that's for sure. No I do not actually use it as a substitute for aftershave.


Cumrag and John, Wow, I can so relate to this. I was playing truth or dare with some friends at age 11. One of my friends was giving me a great BJ as part of a dare. The joke at that time was that I was the first to develop some penile size and pubic hair. So, my friend was dared to set a record for sucking my cock for an hour. The guy who dared him tried it a week before and developed a sore jaw after 20 min. or so.

Everything was going great but I kept feeling like I had to piss. So, I had stopped the guy twice. I couldn't pee though and the sensation went away. So, I just decided to let the guy finish as this dare was for $50.00. (OK, that was a lot of money for a kid in the 70's.) Next thing I knew I came in his mouth. Cum ladies, white oil... He started gagging and coughing and spitting. I didn't know what happened. I didn't try to pee in his mouth. I told the guy I really had to pee again and he just kept bobbing my knob. I thought I pissed in his mouth. I had no clue what cum was. I felt very relieved when it was over. Wow, what an experience. I thought there was something wrong that my pee was that thick. Then the guy asked me why I never told him I could cum. Until that moment I had no clue what cum was. Then I found out another friend in our group was a boy scout and the same thing happened to him a month before that at a jamboree. He later told me he thought I might cum so he kept quiet because he wanted to see the expression on my face and that of the kid sucking my cock. One of my friends showed me a book later that explained what cum was and that cum could get a girl pregnant. Man did that ever scare me because I had sex with this one girl just a day before and we stopped because I thought I had to pee. I still did not know what condoms were and now I could make babies too. Yikes... It all worked out. I think subconciously I dated guys initially as a form of birth control and STD prevention. Ah, don't let me fool you. The women in our high school were prudes or something. LOL Most of them would never suck a cock at that age. They just wanted me to fuck them. I think I was more amazed at the fact that guys were more willing to suck dick that a girl in those days. I laugh when I look back and see how little I really knew then...:wink::001_rolleyes::blush:
 
Dear Jayman01,

Thanks for your sharing the many benefits of scouting. Unfortunately in my sexually deprived youth, scouting was not my scene out of my complete and utter ignorance.

Truthfully, I really envy your jamboree of opportunities scouting presented in your young and ever thirsty budding sex life. By the way, just looking at the word "Jam bo ree" reminds me of a very intimate friend who always referred lovingly to his cum as "Jam". I guess those upper echelon scouting directors at the national office knew a thing or two about what they were really looking for! Who really cares about badges anyway? It is really all about the male bonding and, if extra lucky, the male bondage opportunities your scout master befriended you with. Unfortunately, this was the exception and not the rule .

If I have gotten a little out of hand here, please forgive me for my unbridled enthusiasm for scouting. I have always been a sucker for any uniform, especially if worn with medium length or shorter shorts. You can ask my UPS delivery man for verification. I love those hairy, well developed legs so much. Sometimes I appear as a rabid dog chasing after the mailman only to be disappointed and about to bite when suddenly realizing that he is a woman...UGLKUH! OH MY!!!!! How truly disappointing. I do,nonetheless fully subscribe to equal rights as far as employment, however!
 
Last edited:
Dear Jayman01,

Thanks for your sharing the many benefits of scouting. Unfortunately in my sexually deprived youth, scouting was not my scene out of my complete and utter ignorance.

Truthfully, I really envy your jamboree of opportunities scouting presented in your young and ever thirsty budding sex life. By the way, just looking at the word "Jam bo ree" reminds me of a very intimate friend who always referred lovingly to his cum as "Jam". I guess those upper echelon scouting directors at the national office knew a thing or two about what they were really looking for! Who really cares about badges anyway? It is really all about the male bonding and, if extra lucky, the male bondage opportunities your scout master befriended you with. Unfortunately, this was the exception and not the rule .

If I have gotten a little out of hand here, please forgive me for my unbridled enthusiasm for scouting. I have always been a sucker for any uniform, especially if worn with medium length or shorter shorts. You can ask my UPS delivery man for verification. I love those hairy, well developed legs so much. Sometimes I appear as a rabid dog chasing after the mailman only to be disappointed and about to bite when suddenly realizing that he is a woman...UGLKUH! OH MY!!!!! How truly disappointing. I do,nonetheless fully subscribe to equal rights as far as employment, however!

Cumrag, just a minor correction my friend was in the Scouts. I was not. OK, not until I became a Marine. LOL... :D. I raised myself and my brother from the time I was 8. Both of my parents worked. In those days many of my friends families did the same thing. We live in a mountainous region of the country. So, we would do our chores and hook up at the river for swimming and fun or at one of our club houses in the woods. :wink:

I can relate to a man in a uniform too. :tongue_smilie:

Thank you for letting me share... You really do have some great stories to tell on here too.
 
My salute to healthy eating habits and carrots

Every since I hit my teen years, I was fascinated by the little boy from Holland that used his finger to plug a leaking dike. I was ever so inspired by this obvious metaphor that I have spent a lifetime looking for the proverbial leaking dike (no, I don't mean Dyke) to plug. Anyway, as a youth i learned about two types of motivation, namely external and internal. It was explained to me that by far the very best type of motivation was internalized.

When I put these two concepts together, I pulled out a plum of an idea. What if you were to plug up some hole needing attention, thus internalizing your motivation. To bring this idea into full fruition, I began looking desperately for two things: a sturdy cork-like object and a worthy hole to plug up.

In my extensive scientifically based brainstorming, I kept on coming back to the word "internalized" as the best motivating factor. Not wanting my search to be half-heart, I looked inwardly first considering my belly button. Due to lack of depth, I soon lost all interest in said button. This, however, served me well to help identify a hole that is both deep and within my reach and pocketbook. One fateful day, I was jacking off and exploring a forbidden cavity I had always neglected. Then, one day I noticed my ever faithful dog sniffing and licking another dogs behind with great enthusiasm and joy and I thought...Eureka I've found it! From that fortuitous moment, I readily identified the much sought after hole in need of plugging.

About a week to ten days later, my experiment notebook inadvertently and unceremoniously got chewed up by my butt sniffing dog. Therefore many painstaking entries of prior experiments containing many priceless entries hard to replicate, was literally shredded by my tail-wagging friend before my now horrified eyes. So, I had to rely on flying exclusively by the seat of my pants, so to speak. One day I landed on a stump of a partially cut-down boxwood. Suddenly, it came to me as quick as an IM, I realized my destiny and proceeded to the vegetable drawer in the refrigerator. There, just below my nose, were cucumbers, zucchini, rutabaga, an eggplant, ears of corn, celery stalks, and carrots. Having seen the kind of testing typically done exclusively in Betty Crocker food labs, I narrowed my possible choices thusly; cucumbers-too soft but a shinny skin; zucchini-too soft with a slightly rough skin; rutabaga-too red and potentially full of splinters; eggplant-very purple and shinny but way too big for most erect-walking humanoids; ears of corn-great when out of toilet paper. Must keep in reserve; celery stalks-see rutabaga (potential splinter hazard); and, finally, carrots-yes, let me find the most thick, most firm, and longest from the bunch...Eureka #2 bingo, I've found the "redwood" out of all these sprouting pine trees!

I immediately began pulling off my clothes with socks here, underwear there and so on. Then, off to my bedroom pausing only to double check the lock on my door. I had to return to the kitchen for a suitable knife and the ever useful carrot skinning tool. Once located, I immediately returned to my bedroom, post haste and remembering to lock my door. I began by lobbing off the knobby top of the carrot and the ever so pointy carrot tail out of obvious safety concerns and fears of breaking off the flimsy tip while in action. After all, I wasn't about to wind up in the ER trying to explain just how this fragment would up in there, not I. (Just for historical accuracy sake only, I did, a little later on, have a rather uncomfortable moment explaining to my Dad exactly how my underwear got in the refrigerator vegetable bin.)

After being properly prepared with a suitable and well-carved anatomically accurate tip, I proceeded to let this fully prepared blessed-with-girth carrot to have its way with me. That it did! At first it was more than a little painful stretching me to the limit and I was reminded of Thomas Edison and his 4000+ attempts to finding a suitable light bulb filament. Edison taught me that I would have to try and try and try again until I could see it glow after all. Notwithstanding, I got my Vitamin A injection for the day by this direct route and my eyes immediately improved. All I kept thinking is how I really liked carrots and raisin salad and how this fondness would probably be permanently removed from my memory bank following this further internalized exploration.

To make a long story shorter, my magically carved carrot worked well beyond my wildest imagination and I became very attached to my new toy/best friend. After a day or two, I began to feel it was "really time for a change" and, with tears in my eyes and my hands firmly pressed against my heart, I gave my most beloved carrot a glorious sendoff, a "burial at sea" into the darkest and deepest regions of our toilet. I was beginning to think it got hung up somewhere, when all of a sudden, my carrot sank like the Titanic head first and never to rise again! In fact I went to our back yard afterwards and wove a suitable wreath to be placed once again in our toilet, looked lovingly at the miniature flag hurriedly borrowed from my brothers bedroom, only to watch my carrot's wreath slowly be flushed into oblivion. Much like Pearl Harbor, I so wanted to replicate a suitable memorial but I soon began whittling away at another fateful carrot and another...In other words, the memorial I so desired to be erected never got past the design phase. Frankly, I was somewhat troubled at how I could find a suitable dignified name for the structure, anyway!

To this day and many, many years later, I cannot look at a raw carrot (even without the skillful carvings) the same way as before my first run in. Sad, but so very true! Pot roasts no longer hold the same magical lip-smacking attraction it once did in my younger years when I always started by eating the cooked carrots first. To this all I can say is, live and learn and be prosperous!
 
I've never had a wet dream, probably because I began jerking off, well before I could produce any ejaculent. Jerking off was always discussed by my group of friends who were also in the boy scouts with me. Our conversations on the subject were light hearted, and often laughter accompanied these discussions.

We always had a laugh over the section in the "Boy Scout Handbook" that discussed wet dreams. We could all quote that part verbatim and if was a continual source of humor for us.

It also gives a new meaning to "hand book"!! :)
 
A friend and I were talking about this thread and started comparing our "figuring things out" stories. I promised I would share this story, that he found so amusing.

I was very innocent and sheltered(watched) as a kid. I had had the "sex" talk, but it was just about intercourse.

When I went to junior high school, at the age of 12, we had locker rooms and showers for p.e. for the first time. Up to this point my "boyfriend" action had consisted of hand holding and innocent kisses. After a couple weeks of listening to the older girls talking about boyfriends, I came home perplexed about what I was hearing.

My mother knew I was "off kilter" so she asked what was bothering me. I finally got brave and told her that the stuff the older girls were saying about what they do with boys didn't make sense to me. She asked me to be more specific, and I told her I didn't understand what part of sex needed a "blowdryer."

She laughed, and explained what a "blow job" was. My mouth dropped open, before I said "They put THAT, in your mouth! They pee out of that, GROSS, I'm never putting one of those, in my mouth!"

She laughed again, and told me one day I would think differently.
 
Top