Dear Ambi,
Thank you for such a lovely post. I really enjoyed hearing all the stories you shared with us. Writing to the Christian mother tirelessly to bring her around, getting the heartfelt apology from the Russian who felt so guilty about lying to you and the audience about being gay, helping him with English to the point that he could navigate the English speaking business world. It does give me a different perspective on life and how I view models who are in the industry. You are a joy to have in here Ambi. Like Mikey, I hope that your health issues and home maintenance issues will be quickly resolved. Thank you for sharing all of that with us.
Many hugs!
***********************************************
Thank you, Tampa (XOXOXOXO) ~
I really do feel quite strongly about our models, our relationship with them, and our responsibility to them. I realize that not every model is going to be everyone's favourite. And that many people jealously reserve the right to speak about models in unflattering terms, if they don't live up to people's criteria of beauty, or performance-skill. I suppose that's fair, but where I draw my personal line is when people say things like, "I paid for this; therefore, I have the right to say anything I want." That sort of attitude strikes me as being consumerist and inhuman, in the extreme: I am a great believer in free speech, but I think free speech ought always to be tempered by civility - and I think (as a community of people who love beautiful young men) we can and will BEST be judged, by the way each of us has treated our
LEAST-FAVOURITE model.
In any case, my approach has always been to praise and thank the management for the models I enjoy - so they will be encouraged to hire them back, and support them, as human beings. I don't know if you have ever heard of the
Thorndike-Barnhart Dictionary (it was popular for several decades back in the last century, but isn't much used, anymore): but Edward Thorndike, one of its editors, was a pioneer of educational psychology, in America. One of his key findings (which I found most illuminating; it has guided me in endeavours in the classroom): is that students (in elementary school, high school, and college and university) learn
almost nothing, from criticism, or correction of mistakes. They DO learn, however, VERY MUCH, when their SUCCESSFUL efforts are warmly and publicly praised - - - because such praise creates a DESIRE to build upon success.
I think this is not just true of students - it is true of professionals in all fields, and workers and managers in every industry, and every walk of life. When it comes to sites like this one, I've found that I have always gotten far more of what I'd like to see, by praising what I HAVE SEEN, that I liked. . . and the management usually get the message. Yes, people have a right to criticize (though, Canadian as I am, I regard it more as a privilege): but I think it is an open question whether harsh criticism really accomplishes very much, in practical terms.
Tampa, when it comes to the models, and the way we treat them (and speak of them) - this is a cause that is close to my heart, for the reasons I have adduced. I think it is very important for every member who has ever enjoyed a scene on
Broke Straight Boys - or anywhere else - to take a moment and reflect that, every one of the models who appears on here has taken a significant RISK - with his career, his future, and his personal life - to bring us a little happiness. Though society's attitudes are becoming gradually more tolerant, being a "porn-star" (an ugly turn of phrase, to my way of thinking) is still not considered an entirely legitimate career (or phase of a career): and CAN be a deal-breaker, when it comes to certain kinds of future employment. . . . or even personal, romantic, relationships.
I think we owe these guys a LOT, and should treat them as kindly and tenderly as possible - even if they are NOT (and will never be) PRESONAL friends, of ours. They are not "X-boxes"; they are not J.K. Rowling's latest novel; and they are not a nice dinner, at a restaurant, just waiting to be reviewed by the local newspaper's food-critic. They are human beings, just like all the rest of us. . . with hopes and fears and dreams and worries, and (unless one is EXTREMELY cold, and
sang-froid) - their sharing of intimate moments with us is not just a HUGE occupational risk - it is an EMOTIONAL risk, too. Being told that you're not attractive (as I have been told, many times in my life - only Mr. K. rescued me, from that particular abyss): is PAINFUL. Being told that you're a bad LOVER, is (I imagine) PAINFUL, too. So, while it will not be everyone's style, or everyone's cup of tea. . . I do have no hesitation in suggestion that compassion and gentility ought to be the order of the day ~ at least, for those whose conscience so moves them.
Tampa, I'm glad that you enjoyed those stories: I know that I have a tendency to talk and talk and talk - and this will be (inevitably) tedious for some; tendentious, for others. However, these stories are absolutely true, and I am quite PROUD of my two friends, who happened to have been models. (They are now happily retired, having achieved their goals, and gone on to other things.)
Sure, as has been disclosed by the management, at
Broke Straight Boys - not all our models here, are saints. Some of them have had problems with addictions, or encounters with the law, or ongoing tribulations with their families (or families,
in absentia). Tampa, I was raised a Calvinist (though I have since migrated to the more temperate, and Arminian, waters of the C. of E.) - and so I have, constitutionally, a VERY DARK view of human nature. (Which, of course, has been amply reinforced by all the work I have done with politicians, over the years ;-)
BUT - I would say: even or ESPECIALLY with regard to the models who have severe problems with addiction, criminal records, financial worries, or family crises. . . EVEN if they are NOT our personal "favourite models": a few kind words from members on the board, holding up their GOOD POINTS, and our care and appreciation for them, are never, amiss. (Even if those models don't read or participate on the board; and even if the kind words only seep back to them in tiny droplets, offered by managers who have read the board.)
I DO have confidence in the managers of
Broke Straight Boys - and I am confident that they will always find us good (and even extraordinary) models. I think that, as long as we let them know what we LIKE, they will continue to seek those models out, who are and will become fan-favourites. I don't think harsh or severe critiques are really all that necessary, or even effective. I'm not saying that members shouldn't post critiques: only that I think they will be MORE effective if they are measured, and gentle. (Keeping in mind, of course, that the spectrum of favourites, is very, very broad, and diverse.)
As to my friends, whom I told you about, Tampa - I was happy to offer these stories, because - these are two VERY nice young men: who got into the business ONLY to make their education possible. I am very proud of each of them, for what each has accomplished. And I wanted to share this with you all because. . . so often, we see the "models" as people unlike ourselves. This is not true. They are people JUST like us. And some of them, are very NICE people.
Yes, of course, Tampa, I was very glad to be able to help my Canadian friend be reconciled to his family. (His family are fundamentalist Christians, and I am a rather LIBERAL Christian - BUT- my dear old Grandmother had me read the whole Bible through, three times, before I was 16; and my wicked Baptist Aunt used to invite me over to dinner, to DEBATE with certain preacher-friends of hers, just for the sport of it - - - and she loved it when I bested them, even though my conclusions were invariably different from hers, and theirs. And my clergy now, always tell me, "A - we are AFRAID when you are in the congregation - LEST WE MAKE A MISTAKE!" So, yes, I am equipped for these sorts of battles, Tampa ;-)))) *And I rather LIKE them - I am a HAPPY WARRIOR - but without, I hope, ill-will toward anyone ;-)
HOWEVER, the BEST thing of all was to see my Canadian friend's Mother's perception of what it means to be gay and Christian gradually
evolve, over time. So that she - even as a fundamentalist, who told me at the beginning, "I think a marriage or a partnership or love between two men is WRONG" ~ eventually came around to seeing that gay love is NOT outside the Gospel, but potentially, within it. . . and to expressing the hope that HER SON (whom she had tried to send to a fundamentalist "conversion-to-heterosexuality" camp, when he was 16) will EVENTUALLY FIND the man who is right, for HIM.
As to my Russian friend - of COURSE he had NOTHING to apologize, for! HIS story, I thought, would be so interesting to some of the more thoughtful people here, because. . . on the site HE was on, members were ABSOLUTELY COMMITTED to the idea that their favourite models were (and
MUST BE) gay - - - and would always be very upset if that myth were in any way challenged, for them. He did it, likewise, for the money - he was a REAL "
Broke Straight Boys" - but he had to PRETEND he was GAY, so as to conform to the myth and the ethos, of the site.
Anyway, Tampa, he was a fantastic student, and gifted with languages. All his studies were in English (as the international language of business) and that's why he needed me. Oh, we worked and worked and worked - revising papers, and discussing strategies for presentations, for over five years: and he succeeded. (He is SO BRIGHT.) He won many medals, and now, he makes far more (FAR MORE) than I do. I was glad to help. And I was even happier when his Mom invited me to visit them in Eastern Europe, and hugged me, and thanked me for helping her son succeed in life. (His then-girlfriend - now, his wife - hugged me, too: and made me some wonderful Russian delicacies, that I daren't think about, after my awful gallbladder weekend ;-)))
And so. . . because of the friendship and love of these two guys, Tampa - I feel very keenly that our models are not just "models". Some of them are bad; some of them are good. (Some of them are MAGNIFICENT people - like BSB1 "
Logan": who I believe was REALLY straight, and now has almost finished a Ph.D. in pharmaceutical chemistry.) We are lucky to have ALL these guys. Some of them live up to our personal expectations - and some of them do not. But. . . I think. . . they ALL DESERVE KINDNESS.
And perhaps, in thinking so, I AM just naïve. But. . . I am a pre-technological person; to me, the Internet is just a "telephone with keys"; and I always do my best to treat each person I meet, on the Internet, as at least a potential friend, with whom I am speaking (personally) on the telephone. That's my personal guide - with models, members, and everyone.
"A" XOXOXOXOXOXO
