Is it possible to get over your first love?

[denver0102]

Just recently I ended a 3 yr relationship with the guy that i truly believe is my soul mate. I lay awake every night thinking to myself if I made a mistake or not. He did a lot of not so good things and we eventually started growing apart. I chose to split because the relationship was doing me more harm than good and i was always depressed about it. I still have intense feelings of love for him and we were each eachothers first boyfriends and eachothers first in a lot of other respects as well. I miss him every second of every day but I know that right now its better that we be apart. Will I ever get over him or my feelings for him?

 

[parisnoyd]

Yes, you will!

I had the same male lover for over 20 years. He also did some not so good things. For years, actually. I was in love with him from junior high school, and for many years after. That faded to just love. Then it faded to just sex. Then it just faded. You are a young man. You will find love again. Speaking from experience, don't settle for less. If someone makes you feel bad, don't spend anymore time trying. If they aren't willing to change, you can't make them. Remember, you are very important, too!

parisnoyd

 

[Reubenjames]

I hope in time you come to look back on this segment of your life with a smile. And that the memories of your time together can become happy ones.
Just at the moment it is all new and raw to you.
You need to take your time to adjust to your new situation and then you will be able i hope to move on.
Remember you are not alone, we are all here for you, and if you need to talk then we will listen and advise.
Will you ever get over him, well there is something about your first love, you do things with that person you can do with no other, again i hope in time the memories will become happier for you.
Move forward at your pace, give yourself time to heal.
And talking about it helps.
I hope this is of some help to you, the best person on here to ask i have found is Jayman, and i have tried to think how he would have answered you.
RJ

 

[tucsonjayce]

Time heals all

Denver:

We've all had that 1st love. Time passes and the ache lessens. We realize that we can go on and that we need to love again. Take the time to love yourself again. When you are happy again, love will find you...... It will be special and different from what you had, that's the joy in loving.

He will always have a place in your heart and memories. And that's ok.

Yours,

Jayce

 

[Markymark]

Yes, you will!

I had the same male lover for over 20 years. He also did some not so good things. For years, actually. I was in love with him from junior high school, and for many years after. That faded to just love. Then it faded to just sex. Then it just faded. You are a young man. You will find love again. Speaking from experience, don't settle for less. If someone makes you feel bad, don't spend anymore time trying. If they aren't willing to change, you can't make them. Remember, you are very important, too!

parisnoyd

Excellent response Parisnoyd! Denver, you listen to him! Many of us older guys have the experience to give you this same answer. I settled once, and spent 7 years trying to escape. It wasn't until I met Carl, that I found out I really was important. Before long, you will find the man who will always be there, not just with you, but for you as well. In his eyes, you will be the greatest treasure, and I promise, you will feel the same way about him. In the meantime, you have friends who care about you, right here, right now, OK?

Regards,

 

[denver0102]

Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart for your support. Its so comforting to know that I have people to talk to and who are here for me with sound advice and encouragement Love you all! XOXO

 

[Jayman01]

Just recently I ended a 3 yr relationship with the guy that i truly believe is my soul mate. I lay awake every night thinking to myself if I made a mistake or not. He did a lot of not so good things and we eventually started growing apart. I chose to split because the relationship was doing me more harm than good and i was always depressed about it. I still have intense feelings of love for him and we were each eachothers first boyfriends and eachothers first in a lot of other respects as well. I miss him every second of every day but I know that right now its better that we be apart. Will I ever get over him or my feelings for him?

You made a wise choice. You loved the person not the behaviors. It is one thing to be in love with someone who is truly in love with you. When people truly love each other they respect each other and communicate openly about their thoughts and feelings. They do not do things behind their loved one's back or things that could adversely affect the relationship. They are willing to compromise make things work for both people in the relationship. I am not sure what the issues were. They are not my business. Obviously the behaviors did not indicate that he loved you as much as you did him or you would not have broken up.

The first rule in any relationship is to love and respect yourself. When we love and respect ourself we can give and receive love unconditionally to others. Bless your heart Denver, you did the right thing. As for your question; will you get over your first true love? The answer is, "yes." However; you will always remember all of the good times and eventually forgive the bad and move on. Sometimes, people come together in life to teach each other lessons about life and move on. It sounds like you have moved on to the next lesson. Learning to let go of the past and embrace the future. You are well on your way to a full recovery.

A great stepping stone in this process is to write down all of the reasons you feel you needed to move on onto paper. Take an old photo of your BF and rubber band it to this paper. Take a metal bucket and everything you prepared outside with some matches/lighter. Now, look at the photo and tell him how much he meant to you and tell him how much you love him and always will. (It is ok to cry, and even feel angry with this step) Next, say for my own health and wellness I release you. You can kiss the photo or what ever comes to mind. Then say, "I release myself from needing to deal with... " and go down the list you prepared. Finally, rubber band or paper clip it all back together. With a match or lighter set it on fire and say, "I release you with love now and forever." Let it start to burn really well then put it in the bucket to burn the rest of the way. In essense you had a funeral service. This task is not meant to be gross. This exercise will cut the cords that have you both energetically connected at the heart with one another in a loving way. It will release both of you on a conscious and subconscious level to pursuit your lives and open your hearts for new love to come in. This can be a very powerful tool to help let go...

 

[Markymark]

Right back at you!

Regards,

 

[mitch768292]

Oh child.....we have all been there at one time or another. You are young and you have many, many good years ahead of you. Yes, all wounds are healed by time. This too shall come to pass. The longer you are apart, the easier it gets and eventually you pretty much forget about it. In the years to come you look back and wonder why it seemed like such a big deal at the time. I know it is hard and it probably hurts a lot sometimes. You have probably cried over it too. But that is OK. We all did. The quickest way to get over this is for you to get out there in circulation again and find some new boys. Don't go looking for another LTR right off the bat. You are young, play the field and have yourself some fun before settling down again. I hope you live in a big town, it is easier that way because you won't be running into him all the time. If you do live in a small town, get out of there on the weekends and go visit some friends in a big town and start going out and socializing, if you are old enough to go to a club. You will make it, don't worry and don't get depressed. If you are having continuing problems with depression, go to the doctor and ask for something. Paxil might be good for you, or Lexapro. Don't become a hermit and sit inside by yourself worrying about what he is doing. Make yourself get out there and build a new life for you!

 

[mitch768292]

You made a wise choice. You loved the person not the behaviors. It is one thing to be in love with someone who is truly in love with you. When people truly love each other they respect each other and communicate openly about their thoughts and feelings. They do not do things behind their loved one's back or things that could adversely affect the relationship. They are willing to compromise make things work for both people in the relationship. I am not sure what the issues were. They are not my business. Obviously the behaviors did not indicate that he loved you as much as you did him or you would not have broken up.

The first rule in any relationship is to love and respect yourself. When we love and respect ourself we can give and receive love unconditionally to others. Bless your heart Denver, you did the right thing. As for your question; will you get over your first true love? The answer is, "yes." However; you will always remember all of the good times and eventually forgive the bad and move on. Sometimes, people come together in life to teach each other lessons about life and move on. It sounds like you have moved on to the next lesson. Learning to let go of the past and embrace the future. You are well on your way to a full recovery.

A great stepping stone in this process is to write down all of the reasons you feel you needed to move on onto paper. Take an old photo of your BF and rubber band it to this paper. Take a metal bucket and everything you prepared outside with some matches/lighter. Now, look at the photo and tell him how much he meant to you and tell him how much you love him and always will. (It is ok to cry, and even feel angry with this step) Next, say for my own health and wellness I release you. You can kiss the photo or what ever comes to mind. Then say, "I release myself from needing to deal with... " and go down the list you prepared. Finally, rubber band or paper clip it all back together. With a match or lighter set it on fire and say, "I release you with love now and forever." Let it start to burn really well then put it in the bucket to burn the rest of the way. In essense you had a funeral service. This task is not meant to be gross. This exercise will cut the cords that have you both energetically connected at the heart with one another in a loving way. It will release both of you on a conscious and subconscious level to pursuit your lives and open your hearts for new love to come in. This can be a very powerful tool to help let go...

And if that does not work, I know where we can find an old black voodoo priestess down in marshes near Savannah who will put a hex and a curse on the old BF! She only charges a pint of Wild Turkey!

 

[BrokeStraightBoys]

You made a wise choice. You loved the person not the behaviors. It is one thing to be in love with someone who is truly in love with you. When people truly love each other they respect each other and communicate openly about their thoughts and feelings. They do not do things behind their loved one's back or things that could adversely affect the relationship. They are willing to compromise make things work for both people in the relationship. I am not sure what the issues were. They are not my business. Obviously the behaviors did not indicate that he loved you as much as you did him or you would not have broken up.

The first rule in any relationship is to love and respect yourself. When we love and respect ourself we can give and receive love unconditionally to others. Bless your heart Denver, you did the right thing. As for your question; will you get over your first true love? The answer is, "yes." However; you will always remember all of the good times and eventually forgive the bad and move on. Sometimes, people come together in life to teach each other lessons about life and move on. It sounds like you have moved on to the next lesson. Learning to let go of the past and embrace the future. You are well on your way to a full recovery.

A great stepping stone in this process is to write down all of the reasons you feel you needed to move on onto paper. Take an old photo of your BF and rubber band it to this paper. Take a metal bucket and everything you prepared outside with some matches/lighter. Now, look at the photo and tell him how much he meant to you and tell him how much you love him and always will. (It is ok to cry, and even feel angry with this step) Next, say for my own health and wellness I release you. You can kiss the photo or what ever comes to mind. Then say, "I release myself from needing to deal with... " and go down the list you prepared. Finally, rubber band or paper clip it all back together. With a match or lighter set it on fire and say, "I release you with love now and forever." Let it start to burn really well then put it in the bucket to burn the rest of the way. In essense you had a funeral service. This task is not meant to be gross. This exercise will cut the cords that have you both energetically connected at the heart with one another in a loving way. It will release both of you on a conscious and subconscious level to pursuit your lives and open your hearts for new love to come in. This can be a very powerful tool to help let go...

Wow what a incredible post. I agree with you can definitely get over your first love but it is hard. Time can heal anything and what you said made me feel better about my recent breakup. I think you learn things from everyone you are with and because of the hardship you become a stronger and better person in the end. Hang in there denver0102 and thanks for sharing your story with the board.

Mark

 

[slimvintage]

Denver, you're gonna get over this, there's no question about that. But while you do, keep in mind that good guys can do some bad things, and the boy you fell in love with is, in lots of important ways, the same today as he was then. He's now causing you tears and despair, but at one time made you feel the most wonderful emotions and sensations you'd ever felt, and made you know you were the most loved boy on the planet. Wish him well in your heart. He's having his own problems with the separation too, you can be sure.

Have you guys "formally" broken up? Write him to tell him that it was pure heaven to be with him, but that you want to get on with life and that you hope he has as wonderful a one as you plan to. And tell him you hope to see him around, to give him a thank you hug for being such an adorable son of a bitch for the longest time. Then send the message or not, whatever. It will have served it's purpose.

Dive in, the water's great.

 

[LesterM]

Denver I only have one thing to add to all of this I have found that it is never about how the relationship ends. That memory will be the first to fade. What you shared , how you loved will remain with you always. Never regret that you have loved. There is something that goes around the net occasionaly that I take to heart. Dance like no one is watching, work like you don't need the money and love as if your heart has never been broken. I am sending my spirit to comfort you and he does a pretty good job.

 

[i2ina69]

yes you will get through this. I don't know what those not so nice thing's are, but you did not like them I take it. You should always remember that your well being comes first.

 

[bookse]

Denver,
First I want to say I agree with every thing everyone has said to you so far. Your first is always the one you will remember, and you will get over it. Time heals all wounds and after awhile you can look back and remember those good times, because the good times will over shadow the bad ones.
And I want to let you know that love does come again, I know that for a fact.
Just recently I met someone and we have now had the most amazing little over a month together. Though we are a 3 hours drive from each other, we take turns going to each other on the weekends, we burn up the phone, computer and text messages in between time. We just this past weekend went away together for a work/get-away. After my work was done we spent every minute together, then we said those 3 words to each other. And the sky didn’t fall like I was scared it would.
I think back about my past sometimes, but now all I am focused on is he and I.
Good luck to you friend. Take your time because the right person will come to you and will be your REAL soul mate.

 

[BrokeStraightBoys]

I found this helpful.....

Romantic relationships that begin with joy and excitement, can also end with a painful break up. At some point in life, almost everyone will experience the sorrow of a relationship break up. When that happens, only time will heal your wounded heart. The best path through this time involves trying to minimize your anguish while still properly mourning the break up of the relationship.

It Is Okay To Be Sad After A Relationship Break Up
- It is perfectly understandable to be emotionally down after a relationship break up. You’re moving into a new phase of life. You are moving forward in life without that person that you deeply cared for. If you are sad after a break up, it only means that you found something wonderful in another
person and you really miss them. There is nothing wrong with that.

Figure Out Who Is in Your Support Network
- One of the first things to do after a relationship break up is to figure out who is going to be in your support network. Think of the friends and family members who really care about you, will listen to you and be there for you when you are struggling. It is very important to have people to talk to.

Remove Reminders Of The Relationship
- A relationship break up can be emotionally very painful. Even early on, there will be wonderful moments of relief from the pain. Unfortunately, this is often shattered by a reminder of your former relationship. The reminder may be seeing a picture, a gift from your former sweetheart or a memento
of your relationship. You are going to be in a better frame of mind if you remove these reminders from your sight. Get a box and pack away anything that has a strong connection to your former sweetheart or your relationship.
This includes pictures, love letters, gifts and mementos (both at home and your workplace). Seal the box up with tape and store it where it would be inconvenient to retrieve, such as in the attic, in the garage or in the back of a closet.

If you have pictures and e-mails related to your former relationship, they also should be set aside. You could move those items into a new folder with a benign name like “archive”. You could also transfer the files to a College Dudes and store it in your box. You should also consider removing your former sweetheart from your cell phonebook and your e-mail contacts. This is not about being vindictive, it is about removing reminders that may hurt you. Write
the information down somewhere so you can retrieve it later, if necessary.

The point of all this is to keep a reminder of your former relationship from shattering a peaceful moment. It also allows you to sort through these items later when you are in a better frame of mind.

It Is Time To Be A Little Selfish
- Your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend may not be taking the break up very well, but that should not be your first concern. It may sound harsh, but your first priority should be to deal with your own sorrow and disappointment. Do not sacrifice the needs of your heart in the hope of easing the hurt of your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Your former sweetheart should find their own set of friends and relatives to lean on.

Minimize Contact
- At least initially, you should try to minimize contact with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. The ultimate goal is to move on with your life. Calling or e-mailing them unnecessarily will likely be unfulfilling and counterproductive. If you are tempted to call your former sweetheart, call one of your friends instead.

Socialize With Single Friends
- If you spend time with your married friends or single friends that are in a relationship, it will tend to remind you that you are no longer in a loving romantic relationship. Try to arrange to spend more time with your unattached single friends. Plan activities with your single friends that will get you out in the world and hopefully having some fun.

Visit Friends And Relatives
- You probably have a number of friends and relatives that you haven’t visited in a while. Now that you are unattached, it may be a good time to make the time to plan a visit. This helps you reconnect with the people you care about and the change of environment can help get your mind off your former relationship.

Don’t Date Immediately After A Break Up
- After a relationship break up, don’t be in a rush to start dating again. Until you have properly mourned your past relationship and gotten past the sorrow, your head won’t be in a place to make good decisions. In case you missed it the first time,

Don’t Date! Any relationship that begins before you have emotionally dealt with the failed relationship will just be a rebound relationship. Getting involved in a rebound relationship would likely be unwise, unfulfilling and ultimately unsuccessful.

Learn Something From The Relationship
- As you start to develop some emotional distance, spend some time thoughtfully considering your failed relationship. What were your shortcomings? What were your failures? What could you have done
better? Did you make some compromises that, in hindsight, were ill-advised? What have you learned from the relationship? What are you going to do in the future to give your next relationship a better chance for success? You made a big personal and emotional investment in a relationship that ultimately
failed. I think it is really important to learn something from your experience.

Professional Counseling
- A relationship break up can be a very difficult and painful experience. If you are having problems coping with your grief, please don’t be afraid to ask for help. Many employers and most health care plans provide professional counseling at little or no cost. I would encourage you to take advantage
of any professional counseling benefit, particularly if you don’t feel comfortable talking with your friends or relatives.

A Final Note
- There can be some really dark days after a relationship break up. There are people who really care about you. Reach out to them. Getting over a break up takes time.  Try to always remember, with time, there will be better
days.

 

[Jayman01]

Mark that is awesome advice... Thanks for sharing.

 

[scorpio]

Hey you sorry to hear about your relationship. I think my first bf was different, i had just arrived in the US, didn't know anybody, came out to myself and met my first partner. The saddest 10 months of my life. I don't think it was love, just excitement that a guy would care for me. He was baaaaad! And i regret meeting him. But it's done and over with. I just don't count him as my first love, that's for sure

My first love was the person i met after him. HE IS my first true love. We were together for 7 years and broke up 3 years ago. We've been living together for 10 years now We have a different kind of relationship that people don't understand but who cares I sure don't. I'm happy the way we are right now. He's my best friend and his boyfriend is one of my closest friend as well.

So yeah you can forget your first fuck, but no you can't forget your first love

 

[denver0102]

Thank you so much everyone for all of your advice. This has been without a doubt the toughest thing that I have had to go through in my life so far. All of your support and advice has helped through this dark time tremendously. From the bottom of my heart I thank everyone and much love to all. XOXO

 

[parisnoyd]

Thank you so much everyone for all of your advice. This has been without a doubt the toughest thing that I have had to go through in my life so far. All of your support and advice has helped through this dark time tremendously. From the bottom of my heart I thank everyone and much love to all. XOXO

You know we wish we could take the pain away, but we can't. Denver, all you have to do is ask, and any one of us will try to help you. It won't make you stop hurting, but we've all been there. You are a young man, and I KNOW you will find another man to love. It WILL happen. Firsts are just that. I don't want to think of you being alone and suffering. It makes me sad. Jayman, Slim, markymark, etc. etc., have all been there. Life goes on, and it will for you, too! Just words, but we have all lived through it. Just ask, we'll try to help you!

Wishing you peace,
parisnoyd