Ray, I know exactly where you are coming from in reference to the way you are feeling about your decision pertaining to Ben.
I have been down that road at least once and believe me, it isn't worth it. I wound up trying to slice my wrist, but it didn't happen, thank God. This shit and heartaches I went through sent me to seeing a therapist thanks to the authorities. I ended that relationship real quick. We were together for a little over 6 months. The bitch about the whole I learned was that he didn't really want a relationship. It was all one-sided and he used me for what he could get out of me.
I wish you the best in your decision with Ben and I will do what ever I can to support you in what ever decision you make. Keep me posted Ray.
Gary
Thanks Gary I appreciate the support
Things are not quite as bad as your situation, it's just my emotions get ahead of my head at times & I have to smack myself in the back of the head & say stop - lol
Ben is a great guy & I don't want to walk away from being friends with him.