I Got a Reaction and Respone from My Dad About Doing "Gay for Pay"

[SGVBOB]

Even though, things are better between us now, a Marine is always a Marine. Need I say more?

Thanks Bob! Even at the Pride event I wouldn't have had a clue that you are gay ;-)

So have you still not told your dad?

Thanks Whitewale2!

I posted it in this forum section because Mark or another moderator had moved my original thread about the letter to my dad to this forum LOL . . . I had never looked at this part of the forum until I discovered that threat had been moved haha

 

[another1]

one of life's mysteries is what to do when the truth will cause disappointment and the lie unrevealed will prevent disappointment.
i have always found that telling the truth makes it easier to keep the story straight.
remembering the lie is just too much work.
that being said, i found you to be a truly couragous man. i mean most people would live out the lie.
any disappointment would surly be overcome by such courage.

 

[balboa]

Rob, just wanted to say CONGRATS! I'm so proud of you for telling your dad. I'm sure the disappointment at lying to him says a lot about your relationship and how much your father loves you. I think he's just hurt that you couldn't tell him about it much sooner, and that you didn't trust him enough to be honest. Ironically, it's the people closest to our hearts that we have the hardest time being honest with, because they mean so much to us and we don't want to disappoint them or have them think less of us. That makes it very difficult.

My father and I have a very close relationship. I can say anything to him, and even when I know he can't understand my feelings about being gay, he nevertheless listens and accepts me for who and what I am. It wasn't always like that. Growing up, he was resistant to accepting a gay son, but I never doubted for a minute his love for me. He's a wonderful man and father. So I understand a good father/son relationship and how precious it is. Now, you can continue to be close, if not closer. Besides, who could stay mad at you? You're just too cute!

Also, congrats for your topping scene. I'm sure you'll be just as good on top as bottom, altho to me, you'll always be the cute bottom boy.

 

[tampa24]

Awww, Tampa I swear, with the kind words that you give me, it would be impossible for a straight man like me to deny that I love you!

You especially, have been very supportive since my arrival on the forums and for that I thank you.

It was the greatest feeling in the world after telling my dad and the feelings just get better and better as if it has caused some kind of butterfly effect. I feel like I can walk taller, breath smoother, and be the person I was meant to be.

Also, I sent an e-mail to all my family apologizing for the fact that I lied for so long. And I spent the rest of the time writing in an attempt to explain why it was so hard for me to tell everyone.

And Tampa let me tell you, it feels great!

Thank you for all your kind words Rob. It means alot to me. The lovefest is mutual of course. I love you too. You are so sweet to all of us.

I have to wonder what father wouldn't be proud to have a son like you. I'd feel like I had hit the lottery. Kind, polite, well mannered...a live and let live kind of man.

They say that if you tell the truth, you don't have to have a good memory. Keeping up various lies gets very stressful. Now that you don't have to keep up a charade about what you do, where you go and for what reason...where your extra source of income comes from...I'm sure it's an incredible relief. I'm sure it has been exhausting for you at times to keep the double life going.

Not every family member will like the truth, but as corny as it sounds the truth has set you free. The ones with misgivings will come around. I'm so glad that your self esteem has soared even more, now that you can be honest with those people in your life closest to you.

Now they will see that you are the same lovable person they always knew before they found out about the gay for pay job. With the only exception being that you walk taller, with more of a bounce in your step, and you smile even more. Because finally you are no longer carrying around this secret that weighed so heavily on you.

Unfortunately not every family would respond in such a positive way. But I'm so happy that you are pleased with your successful decision to let them in on your "secret" life. I know that wasn't an easy decision to finally make.

Anything that makes you happy Rob, makes me and the rest of us in here happy as well.

XO

 

[cum2me01]

Well said Tampa.

 

[Rob_Ryder]

one of life's mysteries is what to do when the truth will cause disappointment and the lie unrevealed will prevent disappointment.
i have always found that telling the truth makes it easier to keep the story straight.
remembering the lie is just too much work.

Just reading your post gave me goosebumps! I don't think it would be possible to be much closer to the truth than that. You truly are a man of wisdom Another1

 

[Rob_Ryder]

Also, congrats for your topping scene. I'm sure you'll be just as good on top as bottom, altho to me, you'll always be the cute bottom boy.

Aww that was just about the nicest thing anyone could have said hehe

 

[tampa24]

Hey Rob!

How are things going with the family? And your dad in particular? I don't want you to divulge more than you are comfortable with. We fully respect your right to privacy. But have you had a chance to talk things through more thoroughly with your dad? Are you making progress there?

How about the rest of the family who found out by the emails you sent them? haha Any especially interesting reactions that you would be willing to share with us?

 

[Rob_Ryder]

Hey Rob!

How are things going with the family? And your dad in particular? I don't want you to divulge more than you are comfortable with. We fully respect your right to privacy. But have you had a chance to talk things through more thoroughly with your dad? Are you making progress there?

How about the rest of the family who found out by the emails you sent them? haha Any especially interesting reactions that you would be willing to share with us?

Now that some time has elapsed since I have spilled the beans, I have gotten a chance to get a reaction from everyone I have told. All of my family, with the exception of my dad, couldn't have reacted more positively. My favorite aunt said, "I never asked if you did gay porn, therefore you didn't lie to me." And the rest of the responses were along the lines of everyone knows that I have my head on straight and they are just glad that I told the truth even with how hard it was for something of this magnitude. They are all very supportive and just want me to do whatever makes me happy :-D

Now my dad on the other hand, is accepting of the gay porn thing, he is just taking some time to adjust to the lie. He even told me that he doesn't hate or disown me, he just thinks it's best if he has some time for things to pan out in his mind before speaking with me for the time being. So I am very hopeful that we will get over this hurdle really soon!

Now my sex life and personal life is doing great, and I haven't had any negative reactions from the girls that I am talking about. The only thing they say is, "You're not gay right?" then when I tell them that I am not, they are relieved hahaha

 

[slimvintage]

Now that some time has elapsed since I have spilled the beans, I have gotten a chance to get a reaction from everyone I have told. All of my family, with the exception of my dad, couldn't have reacted more positively. My favorite aunt said, "I never asked if you did gay porn, therefore you didn't lie to me." And the rest of the responses were along the lines of everyone knows that I have my head on straight and they are just glad that I told the truth even with how hard it was for something of this magnitude. They are all very supportive and just want me to do whatever makes me happy :-D

Now my dad on the other hand, is accepting of the gay porn thing, he is just taking some time to adjust to the lie. He even told me that he doesn't hate or disown me, he just thinks it's best if he has some time for things to pan out in his mind before speaking with me for the time being. So I am very hopeful that we will get over this hurdle really soon!

Now my sex life and personal life is doing great, and I haven't had any negative reactions from the girls that I am talking about. The only thing they say is, "You're not gay right?" then when I tell them that I am not, they are relieved hahaha

Two things.

One is that your pa needs to turn the drama dial down and the daddy dial up. He's probably a relatively young guy himself, and despite being the amazing friend to you that he's always been, possibly not as mature as you are. He needs someone to tell him that this is not, even a tiny bit, about him. The grandmother you mention (unless she's his mother-in-law!) might be the one to do that? On the other hand it's obvious that you're personally fine with the way he's handling himself, so who am I to be so righteous. You're giving him the time he needs, and sound like you'll be happy to take up the relationship where he left it before the lie hit him so hard.

The other thing is: your gfs can't possibly believe you, no matter what. You're such a paradigmatic twink hottie blond, so adorably fuckable, that they have to suspect you're lying to them about being straight. How ironic.

Just don't let them ever, ever, ever see you being loved on film by one of those College tops.




.

 

[Ms. Kianna]

Now my dad on the other hand, is accepting of the gay porn thing, he is just taking some time to adjust to the lie. He even told me that he doesn't hate or disown me, he just thinks it's best if he has some time for things to pan out in his mind before speaking with me for the time being. So I am very hopeful that we will get over this hurdle really soon!

Now my sex life and personal life is doing great, and I haven't had any negative reactions from the girls that I am talking about. The only thing they say is, "You're not gay right?" then when I tell them that I am not, they are relieved hahaha

Two things.

One is that your pa needs to turn the drama dial down and the daddy dial up. He's probably a relatively young guy himself, and despite being the amazing friend to you that he's always been, possibly not as mature as you are. He needs someone to tell him that this is not, even a tiny bit, about him. The grandmother you mention (unless she's his mother-in-law!) might be the one to do that? On the other hand it's obvious that you're personally fine with the way he's handling himself, so who am I to be so righteous. You're giving him the time he needs, and sound like you'll be happy to take up the relationship where he left it before the lie hit him so hard.

The other thing is: your gfs can't possibly believe you, no matter what. You're such a paradigmatic twink hottie blond, so adorably fuckable, that they have to suspect you're lying to them about being straight. How ironic.

Just don't let them ever, ever, ever see you being loved on film by one of those College tops.

HMMMMM........

Well Slimmie, you are perfectly wonderful and unconditionally accepting of pretty much everything, but that standard is almost impossible for most people to reach. This is how I see the situation with Rob's dad.

Sometimes, in my many years of working with kids, a kid that I am really close to, will do something that is so unexpected it just blows me away. When that happens, on occasion I am at a loss for a way to adequately handle the situation. So not wanting to overreact and cause damage to the relationship, I choose to give myself a "time out," so I can process the situation and find the best way to move forward, before I have the very important conversation, with the very important person. This may be one of those situations for Rob's dad. He is not having a hard time with the porn, or maybe even the lie. He may be digesting the fact that his son had a whole life that he did not know about, and as close as he thought they were, he is having a hard time wrapping his head around that, so he wants to deal with it on his own, and not take it out on Rob.

On the gf front................I think if I was someone that was close to the "real" Rob, I might see a lot of acting going on in those College Dudes shoots. During the BTS videos, you can watch Rob "turn it on" for the camera, so I won't say that I don't believe him.

 

[slimvintage]

HMMMMM........

Well Slimmie, you are perfectly wonderful and unconditionally accepting of pretty much everything, but that standard is almost impossible for most people to reach. This is how I see the situation with Rob's dad.

Sometimes, in my many years of working with kids, a kid that I am really close to, will do something that is so unexpected it just blows me away. When that happens, on occasion I am at a loss for a way to adequately handle the situation. So not wanting to overreact and cause damage to the relationship, I choose to give myself a "time out," so I can process the situation and find the best way to move forward, before I have the very important conversation, with the very important person. This may be one of those situations for Rob's dad. He is not having a hard time with the porn, or maybe even the lie. He may be digesting the fact that his son had a whole life that he did not know about, and as close as he thought they were, he is having a hard time wrapping his head around that, so he wants to deal with it on his own, and not take it out on Rob.

On the gf front................I think if I was someone that was close to the "real" Rob, I might see a lot of acting going on in those College Dudes shoots. During the BTS videos, you can watch Rob "turn it on" for the camera, so I won't say that I don't believe him.

I do believe him, absolutely. He's just so convincing on film that not everyone would.

As you know I was a university professor for a long time, teaching kids very, I mean really very much, like Rob. They were his age for a start, creative, multi-talented, amusing, bright as hell, literate and well spoken, attractive and sexy. The first time I got them was right at the beginning of their careers, in a course called Experiments in Applied Creativity that I'd developed as an antidote to the paternalistic, do-as-I-say brand of teaching common in Spain. One of the tenets was that a creative person needs to take risks, not just learn a bunch of techniques to be applied to the esthetic and technical challenges that your job faces you with. In my class they were urged to find their outer limits, to try to surprise me, to learn from getting it wrong.

The ones who went on really to make it: in the theater, as designers (electronic, graphic, fashion, publicity) and in a few cases as fine artists and writers, were the ones who took to the idea of outside-the-box-initiatives. They would bring me design projects for supervision based on some pretty daring extra-curricular activities. Since I'd been the one to stimulate the intellectual risk taking, I wasn't surprised when they came back with quite heady stuff. Rob would have been perfect for that class. He'd maybe have done a kickass fashion project based on his student job as pornie, the catwalk resounding to some mean rap in a Noojoizey accent.

The ones who didn't get it at first, the conventional ones, were subjected to another tenet of the course: you'll learn much more from the other kids in class than you ever will from me. I'm not here to teach you anything, I'm here to help you learn how to teach yourself. Those guys noticed that some of the most able kids were the ones who turned in risky, failed projects every now and then, and so they gradually stopped being so "careful" with their own work. I loved that whole epoch in my life, and it helped me so much with my own kids.

You compared your standard practice, when a little kid blows you away with something unheard of, to Rob's situation and how his dad is looking within himself and getting it right before he gets back to Rob with a reaction. I can't imagine doing that to someone I adore who'd got his guts together and written me the hardest letter he'd ever have to write anyone in his life.

Whether it's buying 300 shares of Motorola or saying I love you, the Moment sometimes passes.

 

[Rob_Ryder]

This may be one of those situations for Rob's dad. He is not having a hard time with the porn, or maybe even the lie. He may be digesting the fact that his son had a whole life that he did not know about, and as close as he thought they were, he is having a hard time wrapping his head around that, so he wants to deal with it on his own, and not take it out on Rob.

On the gf front................I think if I was someone that was close to the "real" Rob, I might see a lot of acting going on in those College Dudes shoots. During the BTS videos, you can watch Rob "turn it on" for the camera, so I won't say that I don't believe him.

Hit it right on the head Ms. K! I think that is definitely the best way to describe my dad's reaction. He is prone to an overload of stress, and something like this mixed in with his daily stress must have put him in a spot of confusion. So he took the best way he knew to deal with it and is taking what you call a "time out"

As for the girlfriend thing, I have to agree for the most part. But believe it or not, the BTS is really me acting how I do. Granted I may harass Jimmy a little more than usual ;-)

 

[Rob_Ryder]

I do believe him, absolutely. He's just so convincing on film that not everyone would.

As you know I was a university professor for a long time, teaching kids very, I mean really very much, like Rob. They were his age for a start, creative, multi-talented, amusing, bright as hell, literate and well spoken, attractive and sexy. The first time I got them was right at the beginning of their careers, in a course called Experiments in Applied Creativity that I'd developed as an antidote to the paternalistic, do-as-I-say brand of teaching common in Spain. One of the tenets was that a creative person needs to take risks, not just learn a bunch of techniques to be applied to the esthetic and technical challenges that your job faces you with. In my class they were urged to find their outer limits, to try to surprise me, to learn from getting it wrong.

The ones who went on really to make it: in the theater, as designers (electronic, graphic, fashion, publicity) and in a few cases as fine artists and writers, were the ones who took to the idea of outside-the-box-initiatives. They would bring me design projects for supervision based on some pretty daring extra-curricular activities. Since I'd been the one to stimulate the intellectual risk taking, I wasn't surprised when they came back with quite heady stuff. Rob would have been perfect for that class. He'd maybe have done a kickass fashion project based on his student job as pornie, the catwalk resounding to some mean rap in a Noojoizey accent.

The ones who didn't get it at first, the conventional ones, were subjected to another tenet of the course: you'll learn much more from the other kids in class than you ever will from me. I'm not here to teach you anything, I'm here to help you learn how to teach yourself. Those guys noticed that some of the most able kids were the ones who turned in risky, failed projects every now and then, and so they gradually stopped being so "careful" with their own work. I loved that whole epoch in my life, and it helped me so much with my own kids.

You compared your standard practice, when a little kid blows you away with something unheard of, to Rob's situation and how his dad is looking within himself and getting it right before he gets back to Rob with a reaction. I can't imagine doing that to someone I adore who'd got his guts together and written me the hardest letter he'd ever have to write anyone in his life.

Whether it's buying 300 shares of Motorola or saying I love you, the Moment sometimes passes.

While I agree with Ms. K about my dad's feelings on the situation, I must say Slim, I agree with a lot of what you are saying too. But since my dad is so far from the ordinary, it kind of explains for his actions that are not so logical to most haha.

As far as convincing girls, it hasn't really taken any convincing necessarily. Because I am so different in my regular life, it is easy for them to see through the act that is put on camera. And how crazy I am generally in life, it comes to no surprise haha

 

[Markymark]

HMMMMM........

This may be one of those situations for Rob's dad. He is not having a hard time with the porn, or maybe even the lie. He may be digesting the fact that his son had a whole life that he did not know about, and as close as he thought they were, he is having a hard time wrapping his head around that, so he wants to deal with it on his own, and not take it out on Rob.

Funny, Ms K., how you manage to find the possibilities in a situation so easily, like Slimmie. Your combined wisdom has me in awe. You are lucky Rob to have so many wise people in your arena.

For years I have been a foster dad to several kids, all cousins from two mothers, I think you all know the story. but what you may not know is that I did this without either of my parents finding out, for many years. It was the big lie in our family. I was afraid if they knew, they would disapprove, and maybe cut me off. After I finally broke down and "fessed up", my father was upset, not because of the money spent, or even the lie, but, to put it in words which took him months to finally say: "How could you keep a secret like this from us, when you knew that we adopted you to give you a better life? Didn't you stop to think how much we could have helped you with this? We lost a opportunity to have helped you love them, because you were afraid to tell the truth." It took him a long time to tell me how he felt, but I was glad he thought it out first, because it ultimately showed me a side of him that I had somehow overlooked for many years. When he died, a little over three years ago, ALL those kids, who had finally had the chance to know him even for just a short while, stood with my mom and I to say goodbye to the only grandfather they ever knew.
I guess my real point in this missive is to say that something real good can come from something real bad, if time, and people, are not rushed. So I'm voting for your dad Rob, he's gonna come through for you.

 

[Rob_Ryder]

Funny, Ms K., how you manage to find the possibilities in a situation so easily, like Slimmie. Your combined wisdom has me in awe. You are lucky Rob to have so many wise people in your arena.

For years I have been a foster dad to several kids, all cousins from two mothers, I think you all know the story. but what you may not know is that I did this without either of my parents finding out, for many years. It was the big lie in our family. I was afraid if they knew, they would disapprove, and maybe cut me off. After I finally broke down and "fessed up", my father was upset, not because of the money spent, or even the lie, but, to put it in words which took him months to finally say: "How could you keep a secret like this from us, when you knew that we adopted you to give you a better life? Didn't you stop to think how much we could have helped you with this? We lost a opportunity to have helped you love them, because you were afraid to tell the truth." It took him a long time to tell me how he felt, but I was glad he thought it out first, because it ultimately showed me a side of him that I had somehow overlooked for many years. When he died, a little over three years ago, ALL those kids, who had finally had the chance to know him even for just a short while, stood with my mom and I to say goodbye to the only grandfather they ever knew.
I guess my real point in this missive is to say that something real good can come from something real bad, if time, and people, are not rushed. So I'm voting for your dad Rob, he's gonna come through for you.

Marky Mark, thank you for that story. It was very touching as well as it helped provide me with some comfort in my situation.

Thank You so much~

 

[slimvintage]

My wish for you for today dude

Rob, I thought of you when I saw this. You have to read what the son says a bit farther down in the article to see why.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/upshot/two-photos-thirty-years-apart-move-192313669.html

 

[tampa24]

What a fantastic photo and story. Thank you for sharing it with us Slim!

Another forumite flew in from out West to see the last shuttle go off. I had the immense pleasure of meeting him in person while he was here in the sunshine state. That too is a memory I'll treasure.

 

[Rob_Ryder]

Rob, I thought of you when I saw this. You have to read what the son says a bit farther down in the article to see why.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/upshot/two-photos-thirty-years-apart-move-192313669.html

Slim thank you so much for that. That was really a great story and very relevant :-D

I'm going to forward this to my dad!

Lots of love,

Rob

 

[Rob_Ryder]

What a fantastic photo and story. Thank you for sharing it with us Slim!

Another forumite flew in from out West to see the last shuttle go off. I had the immense pleasure of meeting him in person while he was here in the sunshine state. That too is a memory I'll treasure.

Oh what?!? That's awesome that you got to watch that with a fellow forumite!