I Got a Reaction and Respone from My Dad About Doing "Gay for Pay"

[Rob_Ryder]

Hey Everyone!

Sorry it has taken so long to write back on the forums. The past ten days I've done the D.C. pride, did a top scene in Florida, then back home for the Denver Pride. Talk about a lot of work!

But I finally talked to my dad about the letter I sent him . . . Definitely was different then I had expected, but overall a good reaction I think.

His response was basically that he doesn't care that I am doing gay porn, BUT what he does care about is the fact that I lied to him for so long.

Instead of just avoiding telling him what I was doing, I blatantly lied to him for the past couple years and he is pretty upset about that. He told his Fiancee who is pretty much a second mother to me, and she had the same reaction.

So they are both upset that I lied to them and the rest of the family, but the gay porn part isn't really an issue to them. In a way I kind of wish they would have been more upset about the porn part because now I feel like I did them all wrong by lying for so long.

But, on the bright side, everything is out in the open now. No more lies and secrets, I am finally free to be me!

I've told the girls that I have been speaking to about it, just in case they didn't like that I did porn, then I could move on to the next one. But all of the girls that I have told about it, none of them have stopped talking to me. And what's even crazier is that I think they like me more then ever now.

I can't describe how amazing it feels not to be living a lie anymore! I have to thank you all for the support in all of this. Now it is time to move to the next chapter in my life.

Thank You Everyone!

Love,

Rob Ryder

 

[SGVBOB]

CUDOS to you, Rob!

I am SO happy for you, buddy! YOU deserve that 'burden' to be lifted off your shoulders. I am/was quasi in the same boat w/ an ex-Marine Dad(if there is such thing as 'ex'), and a Catholic Mom. I have come out to my Mother a LONG time ago, my younger sisters had a feeling, and were/are fine with the fact. (I do not think aside of being at Pride, you would have been able to 'tell' I am a gay man). I think THAT is the ONLY choice that we are given about being gay, (provided no one is vendictive and 'pre-outs' us....that being to choose WHEN is the right time for (all)/whomever to know.

Keep writing!

Your friend,
from Denver

 

[tampa24]

Congratulations Rob!!

I'm so happy for you Rob. That's wonderful news!





I'm also so relieved that it went as well as it did. It is a bit surprising that the lying was more of an issue than the gay for pay porn. Obviously you have to work that part through with your dad to restore the level of trust there. I think that he will come to see that this was just one secret so huge that you felt like you had no choice but to lie about it. At least for a while. But there are parents out there who will actually disown a child and kick them out of the house if they say that they are even bisexual.

But wasn't it liberating for you just putting the letter in mail? I sensed that you had that feeling that part of the burden had already been lifted from your shoulders. I know that you felt good about it right then. I'm just thrilled for you Rob. xo Not everybody can count on such an overall positive response to news like that.

Regardless of his initial shock, at least when he did find out it was done the right way. He found out from you. You handled it in a mature, respectful and adult manner. When he reflects on this, in the near term and later in life, he will have respect for you. Because he will know that when you were ready that you were man enough to tell him the truth.

Th opposite scenario could have done great harm to your relationship. If you had been outed to him by some stranger you would have immediately been on the defensive, trying to play catchup. Because you had the courage to do this you have control over how you and your dad, as two adult men, work through it.

Also feel free to tell him that one of the reasons you had to tell the whole story was because you yourself were tired and bothered by the lying involved to keep this secret. And that hiding this secret was not helping the relationship that you wanted with him. Is that not the truth?

Your post was the perfect bedtime story for me tonight Rob. Again, congratulations!

Big hugs,

Tampa

 

[slimvintage]

Rob, I'm with you on how your father reacted. It's so weird that he was ok with the porn, but miffed about your hiding it. You had basically four choices when you secretly debuted as a pornie: telling him you'd just done a gay porn shoot, that they'd paid you and they wanted you to do more; telling him that you were excited about a new career opening up but that it had to be kept secret, sorry; lying to him about how you were making your money; or putting him off with platitudes (as in haha big man that's for me to know and you to find out, curiosity killed the cat ya know dad).

I don't see why he doesn't get it. You lied out of respect, fear and love.

 

[Ms. Kianna]

Rob, I'm with you on how your father reacted. It's so weird that he was ok with the porn, but miffed about your hiding it. You had basically four choices when you secretly debuted as a pornie: telling him you'd just done a gay porn shoot, that they'd paid you and they wanted you to do more; telling him that you were excited about a new career opening up but that it had to be kept secret, sorry; lying to him about how you were making your money; or putting him off with platitudes (as in haha big man that's for me to know and you to find out, curiosity killed the cat ya know dad).

I don't see why he doesn't get it. You lied out of respect, fear and love.

Without a doubt, his father understands WHY Rob lied about what he was doing for a living, but he still doesn't like it.

The fact that he was more upset about the lying, than the porn, says volumes about the kind of relationship they have had, and the kind of father he has been. It tells you that Rob has had an open, honest, respectful relationship with his father, that is filled with unconditional love. That kind of relationship is rare and valuable, and worth the work Rob will have to do to repair the small rift in the trust, that this very understandable lie has caused.

 

[slimvintage]

slim speaks as a parent: drum roll

Without a doubt, his father understands WHY Rob lied about what he was doing for a living, but he still doesn't like it.

The fact that he was more upset about the lying, than the porn, says volumes about the kind of relationship they have had, and the kind of father he has been. It tells you that Rob has had an open, honest, respectful relationship with his father, that is filled with unconditional love. That kind of relationship is rare and valuable, and worth the work Rob will have to do to repair the small rift in the trust, that this very understandable lie has caused.

I agree absolutely that all this will be, or has already been, repaired. I guess I was mentally putting myself in the situation which has been the subject of these two fascinating threads, and I remember how I've reacted in similar cases. Any kid of mine, especially one like Rob, who keeps something from me because he doesn't want me to worry about him, gets a different kind of scolding from, "I can't forgive you for lying to me". He'd get the kind that runs, "Bless your wonderful heart for trying to save my sensibilities by fibbing about your job. But next time be assured that I'll be there for you no matter what."

It's totally not my place to say this and normally I get flak for saying similar stuff, but Rob seems to me to be the one to have come out of this seeming the most grown-up.

 

[another1]

what ms. k said.
i wish rob well.

 

[cum2me01]

Rob, Thanks for sharing "the rest of the story" with us. You are truly a special individual with a good relationship with your father. I most certainly want the best for you, your family and friends.

 

[stowe1]

stowe1



Rob - have been reading forum for a while but this is my first post. I can understand both your and your parents side. I am a 70 yr old gay man who was married for 22 yrs. 8 yrs in I realized I was gay after kidding my self that I was bi. It took me 14 yrs. to finally come out. All kind of reasons for that, but for my ex and kids the lying was the big thing. My parents were of the world war two generation and I decided not to tell them because I didn't want them to think they had done something wrong that "caused" me to be gay. They found out via my oldest son in a drunken stupor phone call. I wrote them a letter explaining everything and the whole history of my journey, and again they accepted the gay part as best they could understand it but it was the not telling them which upset them. But they soon overcome that and they were great after that. My Mother would send news clipping about various gay topics, etc. But I learned my lesson and when it came time to tell them I had AIDS, I told them straight out. They were concerned but glad that I told them the truth and didn't hide it. The point of all this is that your parents will get over the lying thing and all will be well. I know how you feel that you no longer have to live this double life. I felt the same way. It is a burden lifted off your pysche and is emotionally liberating. On another matter, I noticed you mentioned you did a top scene. Hooray. I can't wait. As a confirmed bottom myself, I have watched all your scenes. And believe me, you are one of the best and hottest bottoms I've ever watched. And from personal experience with tops, the best tops are those who either started out as bottoms or who do both (greek active and passive to use lingo from the seventies). Simply because as bottoms they know what they want from tops, so when they do top, they know how to give the best. So congratulations - I'm assuming it was for cdudes - so let us know on this forum when its up so those of us who have both Broke Straight Boys and cdudes can watch it. And I will watch closely the new scene postings on cdudes. From watching you on the behind the scenes I can tell that you are a really nice guy. And please know that you are a credit to the adult film industry.

 

[tampa24]

The past ten days I've done the D.C. pride, did a top scene in Florida,

Yay Rob!! You finally got a top scene. Congratulations! I hope that it exceeded your expectations. Did you enjoy being the dominant top for a change?

 

[whitewhale2]

Congratulations Rob...and family. Yeah, often it's the lying that creates the problem, as if you have shut them out of a part of your life. I'm sure the hurt will soon pass and you all can get on with life.

Why isn't this thread on the members side? I seldom look at the general unmembers forum and would have missed it but for a happy accident.

 

[Rob_Ryder]

I am SO happy for you, buddy! YOU deserve that 'burden' to be lifted off your shoulders. I am/was quasi in the same boat w/ an ex-Marine Dad(if there is such thing as 'ex'), and a Catholic Mom. I have come out to my Mother a LONG time ago, my younger sisters had a feeling, and were/are fine with the fact. (I do not think aside of being at Pride, you would have been able to 'tell' I am a gay man). I think THAT is the ONLY choice that we are given about being gay, (provided no one is vendictive and 'pre-outs' us....that being to choose WHEN is the right time for (all)/whomever to know.

Keep writing!

Your friend,
from Denver

Thanks Bob! Even at the Pride event I wouldn't have had a clue that you are gay ;-)

So have you still not told your dad?

 

[Rob_Ryder]

I'm so happy for you Rob. That's wonderful news!





I'm also so relieved that it went as well as it did. It is a bit surprising that the lying was more of an issue than the gay for pay porn. Obviously you have to work that part through with your dad to restore the level of trust there. I think that he will come to see that this was just one secret so huge that you felt like you had no choice but to lie about it. At least for a while. But there are parents out there who will actually disown a child and kick them out of the house if they say that they are even bisexual.

But wasn't it liberating for you just putting the letter in mail? I sensed that you had that feeling that part of the burden had already been lifted from your shoulders. I know that you felt good about it right then. I'm just thrilled for you Rob. xo Not everybody can count on such an overall positive response to news like that.

Regardless of his initial shock, at least when he did find out it was done the right way. He found out from you. You handled it in a mature, respectful and adult manner. When he reflects on this, in the near term and later in life, he will have respect for you. Because he will know that when you were ready that you were man enough to tell him the truth.

Th opposite scenario could have done great harm to your relationship. If you had been outed to him by some stranger you would have immediately been on the defensive, trying to play catchup. Because you had the courage to do this you have control over how you and your dad, as two adult men, work through it.

Also feel free to tell him that one of the reasons you had to tell the whole story was because you yourself were tired and bothered by the lying involved to keep this secret. And that hiding this secret was not helping the relationship that you wanted with him. Is that not the truth?

Your post was the perfect bedtime story for me tonight Rob. Again, congratulations!

Big hugs,

Tampa

Awww, Tampa I swear, with the kind words that you give me, it would be impossible for a straight man like me to deny that I love you!

You especially, have been very supportive since my arrival on the forums and for that I thank you.

It was the greatest feeling in the world after telling my dad and the feelings just get better and better as if it has caused some kind of butterfly effect. I feel like I can walk taller, breath smoother, and be the person I was meant to be.

Also, I sent an e-mail to all my family apologizing for the fact that I lied for so long. And I spent the rest of the time writing in an attempt to explain why it was so hard for me to tell everyone.

And Tampa let me tell you, it feels great!

 

[Rob_Ryder]

Rob, I'm with you on how your father reacted. It's so weird that he was ok with the porn, but miffed about your hiding it. You had basically four choices when you secretly debuted as a pornie: telling him you'd just done a gay porn shoot, that they'd paid you and they wanted you to do more; telling him that you were excited about a new career opening up but that it had to be kept secret, sorry; lying to him about how you were making your money; or putting him off with platitudes (as in haha big man that's for me to know and you to find out, curiosity killed the cat ya know dad).

I don't see why he doesn't get it. You lied out of respect, fear and love.

Now Slim, I literally don't think I could have said it better myself. My hope is that after some time has passed that my dad too, will one day be able to see it from that perspective LOL

 

[Rob_Ryder]

Without a doubt, his father understands WHY Rob lied about what he was doing for a living, but he still doesn't like it.

The fact that he was more upset about the lying, than the porn, says volumes about the kind of relationship they have had, and the kind of father he has been. It tells you that Rob has had an open, honest, respectful relationship with his father, that is filled with unconditional love. That kind of relationship is rare and valuable, and worth the work Rob will have to do to repair the small rift in the trust, that this very understandable lie has caused.

I definitely agree with you Ms. K. I think the only reason he reacted the way he did is because of the strong bond that we have together. That was another reason that made it so hard to tell him because I knew he wouldn't be mad, but he would be "disappointed". That's the worse :-(

 

[Rob_Ryder]

what ms. k said.
i wish rob well.

I appreciate it Another1

 

[Rob_Ryder]

Rob, Thanks for sharing "the rest of the story" with us. You are truly a special individual with a good relationship with your father. I most certainly want the best for you, your family and friends.

Thank You Cum2Me!!!

 

[Rob_Ryder]

Rob - have been reading forum for a while but this is my first post. I can understand both your and your parents side. I am a 70 yr old gay man who was married for 22 yrs. 8 yrs in I realized I was gay after kidding my self that I was bi. It took me 14 yrs. to finally come out. All kind of reasons for that, but for my ex and kids the lying was the big thing. My parents were of the world war two generation and I decided not to tell them because I didn't want them to think they had done something wrong that "caused" me to be gay. They found out via my oldest son in a drunken stupor phone call. I wrote them a letter explaining everything and the whole history of my journey, and again they accepted the gay part as best they could understand it but it was the not telling them which upset them. But they soon overcome that and they were great after that. My Mother would send news clipping about various gay topics, etc. But I learned my lesson and when it came time to tell them I had AIDS, I told them straight out. They were concerned but glad that I told them the truth and didn't hide it. The point of all this is that your parents will get over the lying thing and all will be well. I know how you feel that you no longer have to live this double life. I felt the same way. It is a burden lifted off your pysche and is emotionally liberating. On another matter, I noticed you mentioned you did a top scene. Hooray. I can't wait. As a confirmed bottom myself, I have watched all your scenes. And believe me, you are one of the best and hottest bottoms I've ever watched. And from personal experience with tops, the best tops are those who either started out as bottoms or who do both (greek active and passive to use lingo from the seventies). Simply because as bottoms they know what they want from tops, so when they do top, they know how to give the best. So congratulations - I'm assuming it was for cdudes - so let us know on this forum when its up so those of us who have both Broke Straight Boys and cdudes can watch it. And I will watch closely the new scene postings on cdudes. From watching you on the behind the scenes I can tell that you are a really nice guy. And please know that you are a credit to the adult film industry.

Stowe1 I have to begin by saying that I am honored to have your very first post directed towards me

Additionally, I can't tell you how great your story was and how relevant it is to my current situation. My dad is quite upset I can tell, but I also know that sometime in the future he will get over it and this can only make our relationship stronger. So for now I am just letting him have his space until he is ready to move on.

On another note, I did just do my first top scene! I gotta tell you, it was a great change finally being in control! I will keep you posted when I get info about the release date but I think it is very soon!

 

[Rob_Ryder]

Yay Rob!! You finally got a top scene. Congratulations! I hope that it exceeded your expectations. Did you enjoy being the dominant top for a change?

Oh god you have no idea! It was great being the dominant one haha . . .

The scene went great minus one little hiccup. I was rock hard while we took all the pictures, but the camera guy didn't show up to film for an hour after we took the pictures so by that time it was really difficult to stay hard :-(

And it's disappointing because it reflects on my performance as a top when I wasn't even responsible for the delay which caused the not too hard video LOL . . . But hey, we live and we learn.

Luckily I have faith in the producers at College Dudes and I know the scene is going to be great!

 

[Rob_Ryder]

Why isn't this thread on the members side? I seldom look at the general unmembers forum and would have missed it but for a happy accident.

Thanks Whitewale2!

I posted it in this forum section because Mark or another moderator had moved my original thread about the letter to my dad to this forum LOL . . . I had never looked at this part of the forum until I discovered that threat had been moved haha