Hey,
Thanks for this, Stowe! It's a very important message.
I have to confess, from my own side, that, as a younger person, I was aware of being gay at a very young age - and there were always lots of girls who wanted to date or marry me (six offered marriage): but I never dated a girl, because I always knew it would be fundamentally dishonest, on my part. And I suppose I always felt a little judgemental about gay guys who DID get married to women - let alone having
children.
Years later, and partly through some of the nice friendships I've been lucky enough to have on this forum (and others): I've come to realize that life is a little messier than it initially seemed to ME, the determined little Platonist. For a whole lot of reasons - social pressures, sincere friendship, and yes -
real out-and-out emotional LOVE. . . gay men have always married women, and continue to do so, to this day.
I was lucky enough to grow up just AFTER the era when gay men were expected to marry, and expected to prove their
bona fides as human beings, by living in a heterosexual relationship, and having children. (I kind of grew up in the "dead zone", where being gay was NOT YET fully accepted, as a life's path - but not as actively PERSECUTED, as it had been, in the past.)
So, while most of my older gay friends are militantly single - even in terms of any gay relationship; and most of my younger ones are either happily partnered with a man, or LOOKING. . . I know lots of people who are just slightly older than I am, who DID marry, and have children. Or even people who ARE my age, or even younger, who, because of friendship or genuine emotional love, gave heterosexual marriage a try, and HAD children.
I know that can't be easy. Because of social strictures, in the past, this was sometimes tragic, I suppose. Reading this article on "Slate", touched me deeply:
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/...ed_my_dad_if_he_was_gay_then_he_was_gone.html
But, as people like you and Louis prove to us, all the time - gay Dads can be GREAT Dads. I don't know who it was who brought it to our attention, first, but, Ben Hobson is proving that, all over again, in a very visible and wonderful way, on YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GoQgq_v_ew
So. . . I'm very thankful, to all you gay Dads out there, who have proved, and ARE STILL PROVING, that
love has no limits. And, of course, to all the gay Dads (and Moms) who are making the world a better place by adopting children who need their love, too. This is awesome, and wonderful.
For my own part, I am just glad that I have the BEST DAD in the world. (He isn't gay - he's straight as an arrow ;-) He knows it, because when I was 11, I entered a Father's Day contest sponsored by the local shopping-mall, and wrote about WHY he was the best Dad in the world. My essay won, and, in consequence, we won $100 worth of camping gear - which was a FORTUNE, in 1976. . . we got sleeping-bags for everybody, and plastic dishes, and set out on a big camping trip. The mall manager (clad in plaid pants and white shoes like Herb Tarlek, from WKRP in Cincinnati) when we got presented with the prize, asked me, "'A'. may I show your Dad the essay you wrote about him???" And I said,
NO WAY! And, Stowe, maybe that's my
biggest regret, to this very day. . . .
Because, MY DAD is an ANGEL. Every gay friend I have ever had has said, "Wow, I wish HE were MY DAD, too." Because, my Dad is in many ways just a conservative old Canadian farmer, born in the Great Depression, with very conservative values - modesty, responsibility, fidelity, and being kind to your FAMILY.
But, he is surprisingly liberal in some ways, and very open-minded. Every gay friend of mine (some of whom were getting flack from their parents for BEING gay, sometimes for religious reasons, and my Dad himself is quite religious) - he has made a special point of taking them out for a nice dinner, listening quietly to all their stories, and travails, and woes, and telling them, at the end: "Young man, we don't have any choice about whether we are straight, or gay - it's simply the way God made us. What we DO have a choice about, is how we live our lives, being KIND and LOYAL and FAITHFUL to our partners, and loving our families and ALL the people around us. . . so NEVER feel ashamed of WHO YOU ARE - just go on and love everyone you know wisely, and well, and that's what a good life is ALL ABOUT."
So, Stowe - I really couldn't have asked for a better Dad. And I am sure your kids, and Louis' kids, and Ben Hobson's kids. . . couldn't, either.
"A" XOXOXOXOXOXO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jRXt2Bt1Sc
