Gay Jokes

[Jayman01]

Three guys go to see a witch doctor about their problems.

One has a smoking problem, one is an alcholic and one is gay but wants to change.

The docter puts a curse on them that if any of them indulge their habits again they will die.

Two days later the alcholic dies because he gave in and had to drink.

The next day the gay guy and the smoker are walking down the street together. The smoker sees a cigarette lying and the ground and stops to stare at it.

The gay guy looked at him and said "if you bend over and pick that up we are both fucked"

 

[Jayman01]

Confused Bank Robber

Two lovers fall on hard times and decided to rob a bank together.

The first lover plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.

The robbery begins.

The first lover drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," he said.

He goes in the bank while the other waits in the getaway car.

One minute passes, two minutes pass...seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes. He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.

The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.

As the guys are getting away, the first lover says "I thought you understood the plan!"

The second lover said, "I did! I did exactly what you said!"

"No, you idiot," he replied. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

 

[Jayman01]

Hard Marines

It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks.

The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!"

So, the soldier's quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks.

The sarge walked out and yells, "Close up the ranks, conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly...

The captain comes along with his swagger stick.

He goes to the first soldier and whacks him right across the chest with it. "DID THAT HURT?" he yells.

"No, Sir!" came the reply.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"

The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man.

He takes the stick and whacks the soldier right across the rear.

"Did THAT hurt?"

"No, Sir!"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"

Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third guy, and sees he has an enormous erection. Naturally, he gave his target a huge WHACK with the swagger stick.

"Did THAT hurt?"

"No, Sir!"

"Why not?"

"Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"

 

[parisnoyd]

Thank you, Jayman!!

 

[richardnoggin869]

Whale Of A Joke

What about the gay whale that bit the nose off a submarine and sucked out all the seamen?

 

[Jayman01]

Paratroopers can jump

A young paratrooper went for his first jump from an airplane. Afterwards, he called his father to tell him the news.

"We got in the plane, and the sergeant opened the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane."

"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.

"Not yet. The sergeant started to grab the other men, one at a time, and throw them out the door. I was the last man left."

"Did you jump then?" asked the father.

"No, I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. He said, `Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this up your ass.'"

"So, did you jump?" asked the father.

"Well, a little, at first, but then I got used to it."

 

[parisnoyd]

Oh, Jayman. Too, funny!

Not a gay joke, but I laughed.

A man walks down the street. He meets a friend. Friend says, "You look bad." The man says, " But, I feel good." He goes another couple of blocks. Runs into another friend, who tells him he looks bad. He said, "But, I feel good!" Friend says, "You better go to your doctor.". By this time, the man is a little worried. He goes to his clinic. His Doctor is busy, so he gets an intern just out of medical school. He's taken to an examing room. The intern says, " You look bad." The man said "But, I feel good." The intern looks through a medical journal. He finds "Looks bad, feels good" in his journal.






He finally says, "I know what your problem is! You are a vagina!"

 

[Jayman01]

oh, jayman. Too, funny!

Not a gay joke, but i laughed.

A man walks down the street. He meets a friend. Friend says, "you look bad." the man says, " but, i feel good." he goes another couple of blocks. Runs into another friend, who tells him he looks bad. He said, "but, i feel good!" friend says, "you better go to your doctor.". By this time, the man is a little worried. He goes to his clinic. His doctor is busy, so he gets an intern just out of medical school. He's taken to an examing room. The intern says, " you look bad." the man said "but, i feel good." the intern looks through a medical journal. He finds "looks bad, feels good" in his journal.






He finally says, "i know what your problem is! You are a vagina!"

lol, it was cute...

 

[Jayman01]

Gay Buffet

Four gay guys walk into a bar and start arguing over who's penis is longer.

Well the bar tender finally got sick of hearing them arguing so told them he had a way to solve this problem.

He told them to stick their penis' on the bar and he'd tell them who's was bigger.

Well just as they put them up there, another gay guy walks in and yells "I'll have the buffet!"

 

[denver0102]

What about the gay whale that bit the nose off a submarine and sucked out all the seamen?

Hahaha thats a good one

 

[canada]

Bad gay joke

Gay guy goes into see the doctor. He tells the doctor he has problem, his penis has turned orange. The doctor looked shocked and had the man drop his pants. Sure enough he has an orange penus. The doctor asks what he does for work. The man says he is unemployed so he stays home each day and watches gay videos (Broke Straight Boys episodes) and eats Cheetos.

 

[Jayman01]

Gay guy goes into see the doctor. He tells the doctor he has problem, his penis has turned orange. The doctor looked shocked and had the man drop his pants. Sure enough he has an orange penus. The doctor asks what he does for work. The man says he is unemployed so he stays home each day and watches gay videos (Broke Straight Boys episodes) and eats Cheetos.

I guess that will do it...

 

[tucsonjayce]

Gay guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks if they do body painting. The artist says "Yeah, what do you want done?". Gay guy says he wants his whole body painted different colors and that he doesn't care what color goes where but his cock has to be yellow. Artist says ok and gets to work. Once finished artist asks "Anything else?" Gay guy says "Now I want to play Oz". Artist says "Huh?" Gay guy says "You know, I want you to swallow the yellow prick's load"

Think about it Dorothy.......

Jayce

 

[TDRyan]

If comedy required a license, that would get it suspended!

 

[parisnoyd]

If comedy required a license, that would get it suspended!

LOL TDRyan!

 

[Jayman01]

gay guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks if they do body painting. The artist says "yeah, what do you want done?". Gay guy says he wants his whole body painted different colors and that he doesn't care what color goes where but his cock has to be yellow. Artist says ok and gets to work. Once finished artist asks "anything else?" gay guy says "now i want to play oz". Artist says "huh?" gay guy says "you know, i want you to swallow the yellow prick's load"

think about it dorothy.......

Jayce

lol

 

[baal]

Two lesbians are having a serious conversation. One says 'Let me be frank'. Her girlfriend answers 'No way. You were Frank last night. It's my turn!'

 

[parisnoyd]

Two lesbians are having a serious conversation. One says 'Let me be frank'. Her girlfriend answers 'No way. You were Frank last night. It's my turn!'

Badda boom! LOL!

 

[Jayman01]

Do you know the true definition of a Frenzy?

10 blind Lesbians in a fish factory trying to score.

 

[baal]

What does a blind man say when he walks past the fish market? 'Good morning, girls'