For Jayman and Slim the last part.

[Reubenjames]

In the 2 weeks after my BF was killed and his funneral ( he had a full military funneral) i was on duty so could not get home, but as i said before there where some nice things done by his mum towards me at the time.
She asked that i accompany her at the funneral ( nice thing 1 ) i would have had to sit at the back if i could have been there at all.
I got home early afternoon the day before the funneral, and went round to see his mum, i told myself that i had to be strong for her, but once inside the house i could feal him everywhere, and the memories just flooded back, i opened my mouth to say how are you bearing up, and WHY and tears was all i could get out. Well she made tea and she comforted me and we talked.
Of the funneral itself i remember very little, i just sat and stared at his coffin thinking why him, and his mum held my hand all through the service ( nice thing 2).
Afterwards at the wake his mum asked me if i would go and get the ashes the next day so that they could be inturned in the cemetry, ( nice thing 3 ) this gave me the chance to put his ring in with him.
Now my BF was not an only child he had a sister older than him and a brother older than her, his father had been killed in an accident at work before i knew him.
I was in for a big shock, when i arrived at the cemetry the family where having the ashes put in with his father, so we can never be burried together.
We went back to his mum's house afterwards for a while, and then it was time for me to go, as i had to go to barracks that night, his brother and sister saw me out of the house, and said that they had always hoped this is how our relationship would end but they always saw it that i would be the one dead.
And there was one final shock i had to deal with, someone at the funneral must have worked our relationship for 3 weeks after i got back i was asked to go to the matron's office and was confronted by the matron 2 MP's and someone from SIB.
I had my room search and was questioned for being homosexual.
Thank you for reading this and letting me tell my story.
Reub.

 

[Kodieboy]

Im so sorry for the heartace you have suffered with the lose of your dear friend,lover and partner, which no one can truely understand that pain without having gone throu it themselves. I hope to never know it.

And then to have to go throu that horriable ordeal ontop of it, you would like to think in this day and age and all the upsets in the world ..... that it wouldnt matter who we love...... or loved and that the important thing is that we love and were loved.

You are in my prayers and i wish you all the strength you need to see you throu the hard moments ahead

 

[Reubenjames]

Im so sorry for the heartace you have suffered with the lose of your dear friend,lover and partner, which no one can truely understand that pain without having gone throu it themselves. I hope to never know it.

And then to have to go throu that horriable ordeal ontop of it, you would like to think in this day and age and all the upsets in the world ..... that it wouldnt matter who we love...... or loved and that the important thing is that we love and were loved.

You are in my prayers and i wish you all the strength you need to see you throu the hard moments ahead

Thankyou Kodieboy.
All of this happened nearly 30 years ago, but this is the first time that i have been able to talk/ write about it, We were both 21 when he was killed, and i still find it hard now.
Thank you for reading my story.
Reub.

 

[parisnoyd]

Reub,

Thanks for sharing. I was hoping you would tell the rest of your story.

What a painful thing for you to endure. The brother and sister were very cruel to you.

His mum was very accepting of you. What a great lady!

That was 30 yrs ago, I would like to think times have changed for the better...................

Peace

Paris

 

[i2ina69]

reuben, I would like to say thank you for telling your story. The brother and sister were wrong, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Have you seen his mum senice? I am really glad you got through that, and found a new partner.

If you have any other stories I for one would like to read them. May the creator keep you and guide you and your love through, til the day the three of you are seated at his side.

The three of you, you your new partner and your other lover will be in my thought's and prayers. You are truely blessed but the creator.

 

[Reubenjames]

Hi Paris and 12.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and write back.
Yes she was and still is a great lady, i still see her from time to time, and am planning on visiting her when i go to my nephew's wedding soon, ( must ring her and set that up. )
I have never seen either the brother or sister since that day, thank god, i have no idea if they know that i still visit their mum and don't realy care either.
Thanks again to you both.
Reub.

 

[tampa24]

Dear Reuben,

Thank you for sharing the rest of your story with us. I know that for you though the grief never ended. I'm so sorry... Nobody will replace him in your heart but you are still worthy and deserving of finding love again. Again Reuben please open you mind and your heart to the possibility. At 51- 54? you are far too young and still have too much to offer someone to stay a widower for the rest of your life.

 

[slimvintage]

Reuben it's such an honor to be the co-recipient, with the excellent Jayman, of the last chapter of your story with your partner. I really thank you for that.

All the fleeting stolen moments between you and him, and missed opportunities to be together, wouldn't have been so heartbreaking if he'd lived. Quite the contrary, they'd have been merely anectdotal, stuff you and he would reminisce about in an off-hand way today. But put in context with his death, and the subsequent behavior of his poisonous siblings, they make your story almost too much to bear.

You're known to all of us as an amusing, joyous and enthusiastic member of this odd little group, and your story just goes to prove that each of us is an entire universe, with subtleties and details undiscovered and unknown, and wounds that finally have to heal, and courage that has to be found wherever it can be scraped together.

When you see her, you can tell his mother that there's a group of guys spread all over the planet who think she's terrific, for standing by a friend whom we love.

 

[Reubenjames]

Hi Tampa & Slim.
Thank you for reading the end of the story and your replies, it took me about 3 weeks to do.
And many many tears.
I hope now that as i have shared my story with you guys i can move on, it would be nice, and 30 years is too long to mourn.
I will pass on your words to his mum when i see her.
Thanks again for your kind words.
Reub.

 

[gremlin2k08]

Rueben, Thank you for taking the time to post your story..... I pray that you do move on.... I know with all certainty that he would have wanted that for you..... The fact that your love has remained so strong for him is admirable. You are a wonderful man, whom we have grown to admire and respect through the past few months. I wish you all the best...... May you find peace in knowing that we are all here for you......

 

[Reubenjames]

Hi Gremlin.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and your responce.
I hope by telling it, it will help me move on.
It is something that i have kept to myself for many years, but feal the time is now right to talk about it.
Thanks again.
Reub.

 

[Jayman01]

In the 2 weeks after my BF was killed and his funneral ( he had a full military funneral) i was on duty so could not get home, but as i said before there where some nice things done by his mum towards me at the time.
She asked that i accompany her at the funneral ( nice thing 1 ) i would have had to sit at the back if i could have been there at all.
I got home early afternoon the day before the funneral, and went round to see his mum, i told myself that i had to be strong for her, but once inside the house i could feal him everywhere, and the memories just flooded back, i opened my mouth to say how are you bearing up, and WHY and tears was all i could get out. Well she made tea and she comforted me and we talked.
Of the funneral itself i remember very little, i just sat and stared at his coffin thinking why him, and his mum held my hand all through the service ( nice thing 2).
Afterwards at the wake his mum asked me if i would go and get the ashes the next day so that they could be inturned in the cemetry, ( nice thing 3 ) this gave me the chance to put his ring in with him.
Now my BF was not an only child he had a sister older than him and a brother older than her, his father had been killed in an accident at work before i knew him.
I was in for a big shock, when i arrived at the cemetry the family where having the ashes put in with his father, so we can never be burried together.
We went back to his mum's house afterwards for a while, and then it was time for me to go, as i had to go to barracks that night, his brother and sister saw me out of the house, and said that they had always hoped this is how our relationship would end but they always saw it that i would be the one dead.
And there was one final shock i had to deal with, someone at the funneral must have worked our relationship for 3 weeks after i got back i was asked to go to the matron's office and was confronted by the matron 2 MP's and someone from SIB.
I had my room search and was questioned for being homosexual.
Thank you for reading this and letting me tell my story.
Reub.

Ruben,

Bless your heart. I understand now that everyone in your BF family knew how important you were to him. It was very moving to have them include you in everything and treat you as if you were a member of the family.

It must have been difficult for you to face the inquiry boards from SIB. I too had to face NIS (Naval Investigative Services) at one point. I knew who the informant was. He was told he was going to do 10 years in Levinworth for being gay. He was told that for every name he gave them it would reduce his time in Levinworth by one year and he would just get a bad Conduct Discharge. I knew there only evidence was two hotel receipts where we shared a hotel room. I stuck to my guns and told them that I shared hotel expenses with several other US Marines on many occasions. It was just a place to crash off base and bring a woman to get laid. I knew I was being followed for some time. I almost got married to a Lesbian so we could share a home and extra income. I decided it wasn't worth it. So, I just got out and went my own way.

My friend Doug lost his lover in the bomb attack in Beirut. He was never allowed to go home for the funeral. Eventually he got out of the service too. I am saddened by the narrow minded thinking that has kept GLBT's from ever having equal rights on some level even in the armed forces to this day.

Bless your heart. I know that you have endured a lot Ruben. My prayers and best wishes are with you... Be at peace and know that everything happens for a reason. He is with you always and you are with him always ... He would not want you to grieve his loss as much as he would want you to celebrate your life and by celebrating your life you celebrate his...

Nameste my good friend.

 

[Reubenjames]

Ruben,

Bless your heart. I understand now that everyone in your BF family knew how important you were to him. It was very moving to have them include you in everything and treat you as if you were a member of the family.

It must have been difficult for you to face the inquiry boards from SIB. I too had to face NIS (Naval Investigative Services) at one point. I knew who the informant was. He was told he was going to do 10 years in Levinworth for being gay. He was told that for every name he gave them it would reduce his time in Levinworth by one year and he would just get a bad Conduct Discharge. I knew there only evidence was two hotel receipts where we shared a hotel room. I stuck to my guns and told them that I shared hotel expenses with several other US Marines on many occasions. It was just a place to crash off base and bring a woman to get laid. I knew I was being followed for some time. I almost got married to a Lesbian so we could share a home and extra income. I decided it wasn't worth it. So, I just got out and went my own way.

My friend Doug lost his lover in the bomb attack in Beirut. He was never allowed to go home for the funeral. Eventually he got out of the service too. I am saddened by the narrow minded thinking that has kept GLBT's from ever having equal rights on some level even in the armed forces to this day.

Bless your heart. I know that you have endured a lot Ruben. My prayers and best wishes are with you... Be at peace and know that everything happens for a reason. He is with you always and you are with him always ... He would not want you to grieve his loss as much as he would want you to celebrate your life and by celebrating your life you celebrate his...

Nameste my good friend.

Hi Jay.
Thank you for reading and sending a responce.
I was just so not expecting to have to deal with SIB, and was so shocked that someone could do that. What saved me was that i kept nothing i had been sent from my BF, i would burn all letters that he sent, so there was nothing for them to find. I was also lucky in that i had finished my training and had sat my finals, but i got away with it by keeping my head and refuting everything. They had no evidence and i could bring many many witnesses to say we where at school together for 10 years plus.
And yes Jay i am sure that BF mum knew all about our relationship, she must have heard more that afternoon than we thought.
The thing that always makes me wonder is that he missed his nephews and nieces growing up, and i have a nephew and 2 great nephews and i would not have missed them for the world, and also his mum loosing not only her husband but also her youngest son.
Thanks again Jay.
Reub.

 

[Jayman01]

Hi Jay.
Thank you for reading and sending a responce.
I was just so not expecting to have to deal with SIB, and was so shocked that someone could do that. What saved me was that i kept nothing i had been sent from my BF, i would burn all letters that he sent, so there was nothing for them to find. I was also lucky in that i had finished my training and had sat my finals, but i got away with it by keeping my head and refuting everything. They had no evidence and i could bring many many witnesses to say we where at school together for 10 years plus.
And yes Jay i am sure that BF mum knew all about our relationship, she must have heard more that afternoon than we thought.
The thing that always makes me wonder is that he missed his nephews and nieces growing up, and i have a nephew and 2 great nephews and i would not have missed them for the world, and also his mum loosing not only her husband but also her youngest son.
Thanks again Jay.
Reub.

You are welcome. I do believe that he would want to be there physically for his nieces and nephews growing up. I am certain that he is watching over them and guiding them from the other side just as he looks out for you and helps to guide you... Kind of like when you are speeding and for no reason at all you slow down just before you come up on a cop and pass them by... Most would say wow what a coincidence. I would say it is a good thing you were open to hear your guides keeping you out of trouble. He is in your heart now and forever. He will always guide you. Because he has touched your life so positively he became a part of you. Even when he was not physically around he was with you and he still is. I know you understand that as long as you live he never dies because through you and your works and engagements with other people he lives. Bless your heart...

 

[Reubenjames]

You are welcome. I do believe that he would want to be there physically for his nieces and nephews growing up. I am certain that he is watching over them and guiding them from the other sid just as he looks out for you and helps to guide you... Kind of like when you are speeding and for no reason at all you slow down just before you come up on a cop and pass them by... Most would say wow what a coincidence. I would say it is a good thing you were ope to hear your guides keeping you out of trouble. He is in your heart now and forever. He will always guide you. Because he has touched your life so positively he became a part of you. Even when he was not physically around he was with you and he still is. I know you understand that as long as you live he never dies because through you and your works and engagements with other people he lives. Bless your heart...

WOW thank you Jay, that made me cry.
Reub.

 

[Jayman01]

WOW thank you Jay, that made me cry.
Reub.

You are very welcome Ruben... It is good to get the tears out as you release the pain you embrace the love. This will help you to move on and share the love with another. Just as your love for him was uncondiditoal, you will find new meaning in living in that truth... It help will to open your heart to find a new partner and to allow you to share the unconditional love that you learned to embrace and now to share with others.

If I were there with you I would take you out for a drink or maybe some fish and chips. I would see if I would offer myself as a medium to help you move on. If only Lucy Hale were still alive for you today. Is Rosemary Altea still around I wonder? I will send you a pvt. message soon.

 

[thomas1023]

Ruben - Thank you for sharing your story. It really touched me. I've suffered the loss of my wife 2+ years ago, and have attempted to move on, but am still not sure how. It has been 'hinted' at by my family to 're-marry a 30 something' so I could have a child, however, I am still at a loss of how I can find a longstanding relationship with a guy or girl at this point. I still think I'm a mess, but have moved forward a little. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you as you, also, continue to move forward. Love and blessings! Thomas.

 

[tampa24]

I want to thank Reuben and Thomas again for sharing their stories with us. We are all enriched by the candor and wealth of experience (however heartbreaking it may be) that they have shared with us. Some things are so horrible that you just have to think, Whither but for the grace of God go I. Please know guys that if you need empathy, sympathy, advice or support, that we are here for you.

 

[slimvintage]

Ruben - Thank you for sharing your story. It really touched me. I've suffered the loss of my wife 2+ years ago, and have attempted to move on, but am still not sure how. It has been 'hinted' at by my family to 're-marry a 30 something' so I could have a child, however, I am still at a loss of how I can find a longstanding relationship with a guy or girl at this point. I still think I'm a mess, but have moved forward a little. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you as you, also, continue to move forward. Love and blessings! Thomas.

Thomas, both you and Reuben deserve every bit of the affection and concern we all feel for you.

From the wholesome smiling face we see every time you post, it seems improbable that what I'm gonna suggest is appropriate or even vaguely feasible, but what about going online to look for a really nice 30-something gay girl who would love to have a super kid with you art. insem., only with the understanding that the relationship wouldn't involve sex with each other, but rather with people of your own sex, either in LTRs or in series. The real nature of the relationship needn't be blared around to every aunt and uncle, it would be yours and her business. Would that kind of household be something you might contemplate? Or too messy, given your outlook at the moment?

Speaking of messes, you're not a mess. You need to make a plan and see how you like the way it evolves. And make another on the basis of what you learn if the first one doesn't seem to be getting you to where you want to be.

 

[thomas1023]

Thomas, both you and Reuben deserve every bit of the affection and concern we all feel for you.

From the wholesome smiling face we see every time you post, it seems improbable that what I'm gonna suggest is appropriate or even vaguely feasible, but what about going online to look for a really nice 30-something gay girl who would love to have a super kid with you art. insem., only with the understanding that the relationship wouldn't involve sex with each other, but rather with people of your own sex, either in LTRs or in series. The real nature of the relationship needn't be blared around to every aunt and uncle, it would be yours and her business. Would that kind of household be something you might contemplate? Or too messy, given your outlook at the moment?

Speaking of messes, you're not a mess. You need to make a plan and see how you like the way it evolves. And make another on the basis of what you learn if the first one doesn't seem to be getting you to where you want to be.

I think something like that would 'rock my world'.....but in a really good way. Now if I can meet the right person (or people, as the case may be)!