Apology

[jwglass]

Appreciate what you've gone through JW, but we shouldn't have to tread on eggshells when making comments within a gay sites forum. There are sites specifically designed to deal with the issues you have stated above, where there are allegedly, professional people to help one get through such times.

Back on thread, was this a general apology to all the members Kooda upset/name called, or was it just a personal one to yourself.

he made a personal attack at me, i was simply explaining why you shouldnt make personal attacks at people. yes this is a forum on a gay site, but i didnt think its purpose was to make personal attacks on members and the way they look.

 

[jwglass]

That is a very sad story, and I'm glad that you have made it and didn't do anything drastic as your friend did.

But I'd like to make two points. First, you cannot let the comments of others be an excuse to do something rash and foolish, as committing suicide is. Now that you are an adult, you must realize that people who make stupid insulting comments, are only trying to camouflage their own insecurities by taking it out on someone else. And certainly do not take any comments made on an Internet forum, such as this one seriously. Don't let anonymous comments by someone who may not even be who he says he is affect your real life.

The other point is that you call yourself fat and ugly. You are not ugly at all, as you have posted your face both in and out of drag. And being fat is something that you can change. I was an overweight teen and into my twenties too. However after repeated diet successes that later lead to putting weight back, I finally found the proper balance of foods that would maintain a healthy weight. I go to a gym regularly, and while I occasionally indulge in food's that I shouldn't, as I love sweets and junk food, I monitor my weight, and I've now maintained a healthy weight for the past thirty years or so.

I know that being overweight is a crutch, and an excuse for not being happy, but you can control your weight if you truly want to, and have a great body too, if you work hard for it. Life can be a difficult journey, but ultimately we are the captains of our own ship, and we can control a lot more in our lives, than we sometimes want to admit. And when necessary, talking to a counselor or a shrink can be very beneficial too, to learn more about ourselves.

I don't mean to preach, but you are a thoughtful wonderful person JW, and as an older guy, I just wanted to let you know that you can change some aspects of your life that you can control, and you should learn to accept the things that you can't control. But life is too beautiful, and too short to lament over your plight. I hope this has been some helpful insight, from someone who has been where you are at now.

i wasnt lamenting on the fact that im fat, i was simply rambling on about my past. most of the reason i couldnt lose weight was because i had untreated sleep apnea that knocked my metabolism out of whack as well as many of my other body systems. now i have a cpap and with diet and exercise i have lost about 50lbs and im continuing to lose. i can truely say im not unhappy now. for the members that didnt understand, the comment wasnt what upset me, it was the action. there are people less able to deal with a personal attack like that even on an online forum.

 

[joninliverton]

he made a personal attack at me, i was simply explaining why you shouldnt make personal attacks at people. yes this is a forum on a gay site, but i didnt think its purpose was to make personal attacks on members and the way they look.

Well he called me dumb but I didn't list my educational qualifications or photocopy my monthly pay statement. Sometimes ignorance is bliss...

 

[joninliverton]

i wasnt lamenting on the fact that im fat, i was simply rambling on about my past. most of the reason i couldnt lose weight was because i had untreated sleep apnea that knocked my metabolism out of whack as well as many of my other body systems. now i have a cpap and with diet and exercise i have lost about 50lbs and im continuing to lose. i can truely say im not unhappy now. for the members that didnt understand, the comment wasnt what upset me, it was the action. there are people less able to deal with a personal attack like that even on an online forum.

Losing 50lbs is a fabulous achievement, well done.

 

[jwglass]

Well he called me dumb but I didn't list my educational qualifications or photocopy my monthly pay statement. Sometimes ignorance is bliss...

well obviously we are different people who deal with things differently and see different ways to express ourselves. i dont believe anyone was blissfully ignorant, but maybe thats just me

 

[SayWhat]

Appreciate what you've gone through JW, but we shouldn't have to tread on eggshells when making comments within a gay sites forum. There are sites specifically designed to deal with the issues you have stated above, where there are allegedly, professional people to help one get through such times.

Back on thread, was this a general apology to all the members Kooda upset/name called, or was it just a personal one to yourself.

I disagree strongly with that statement. Sure, you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells to cater to one person's self esteem. But whether it's face-to-face or over the Internet, you never have the right to intentionally hurt someone like that. Even if you dislike the person, there should be enough respect for the human life to not purposefully bring someone down. The method, time, and place has nothing to do with it.

It's one thing if they throw the first stone. That's when you toss a boulder back. But even then there are much classier things to attack than someone's physical appearance.

 

[mikeyank]

I disagree strongly with that statement. Sure, you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells to cater to one person's self esteem. But whether it's face-to-face or over the Internet, you never have the right to intentionally hurt someone like that. Even if you dislike the person, there should be enough respect for the human life to not purposefully bring someone down. The method, time, and place has nothing to do with it.

It's one thing if they throw the first stone. That's when you toss a boulder back. But even then there are much classier things to attack than someone's physical appearance.

I agree 100% with that ihateariz. Hateful accusations and personal attacks on one's physical appearance, sexual preferences or age discrimination should have no place in this forum. Adults should be able to have discussions and disagreements without getting nasty or abusive.

 

[joninliverton]

I disagree strongly with that statement. Sure, you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells to cater to one person's self esteem. But whether it's face-to-face or over the Internet, you never have the right to intentionally hurt someone like that. Even if you dislike the person, there should be enough respect for the human life to not purposefully bring someone down. The method, time, and place has nothing to do with it.

It's one thing if they throw the first stone. That's when you toss a boulder back. But even then there are much classier things to attack than someone's physical appearance.

You should re read what I wrote. I just stated that we shouldn't walk on eggshells when making comments on gay sites. This statement does not condone what Kooda stated, it is a general statement regarding not having to look over our shoulders before stating something.

 

[SayWhat]

You should re read what I wrote. I just stated that we shouldn't walk on eggshells when making comments on gay sites. This statement does not condone what Kooda stated, it is a general statement regarding not having to look over our shoulders before stating something.

I re-read it and got the same impression I did the first time. JW was talking about why the comment made by Koda had such a strong impact. You followed that by stating that you can appreciate what JW went through, but we shouldn't have to walk on eggshells because of it. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the context of the comment, but I think the comment I made was drawn from a logical inference.

I apologize if it seemed like I was trying to put you in a bad light by responding the way I did. Definitely not the direct intent.

 

[ScottC]

I disagree strongly with that statement. Sure, you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells to cater to one person's self esteem. But whether it's face-to-face or over the Internet, you never have the right to intentionally hurt someone like that. Even if you dislike the person, there should be enough respect for the human life to not purposefully bring someone down. The method, time, and place has nothing to do with it.

It's one thing if they throw the first stone. That's when you toss a boulder back. But even then there are much classier things to attack than someone's physical appearance.

And in a perfect world that would be true; look around though, things are far from perfect, and people more so. Over the last two years I've been called every name in the book, had someone want to urinate on my dead ex's ashes, and as recently as last week had someone write a "revenge" story on their website where they made fun of my cat's death. The internet brings out the worst in people, especially when they can hide behind screen names with little or no repercussions for their actions. We all have problems, some worse than others, but none of us are problem free. And simply because a site may be gay oriented does not exclude it from internet behavior.

Such behavior is inexcusable, as is using the ugliness as an excuse to dwell in self pity or to allow ourselves to feel victimized. Two wrongs don't make a right.

 

[jwglass]

in no way am i trying to say ive been victimized. i called him out for what he did, he apologized, and i thanked him for that so when people started to seem like they couldnt understand why something like that upset me, i explained myself. the comments had little effect on me EXCEPT for the fact that i hate seeing people treated poorly. had i seen it on jon or scotts page, i would have called him out as well. this whole situation was not just about me, its how we treat each other EVERYWHERE! im really sorry about how people treat your late ex and your cat, and if witnessed anything of the sort, i would call them out in a heart beat whether its here on the forum, in line at starbucks or on stage at the democratic national convention. i expressed how i grew from the negativity that came at me, so beat me down till i'm black and blue, but my point is that not everyone can let comments like that slide off their backs. im fat and ugly, and fucking proud of it. no self pity will be found here my friend

 

[ScottC]

in no way am i trying to say ive been victimized. i called him out for what he did, he apologized, and i thanked him for that so when people started to seem like they couldnt understand why something like that upset me, i explained myself. the comments had little effect on me EXCEPT for the fact that i hate seeing people treated poorly. had i seen it on jon or scotts page, i would have called him out as well. this whole situation was not just about me, its how we treat each other EVERYWHERE! im really sorry about how people treat your late ex and your cat, and if witnessed anything of the sort, i would call them out in a heart beat whether its here on the forum, in line at starbucks or on stage at the democratic national convention. i expressed how i grew from the negativity that came at me, so beat me down till i'm black and blue, but my point is that not everyone can let comments like that slide off their backs. im fat and ugly, and fucking proud of it. no self pity will be found here my friend

Just so we're clear, I was speaking in general, and not to you in particular, though the apology was to you. I try to keep my comments generalized, and my apologies if you took it that I was referring to you. Having been around chatrooms, messageboards etc since the late 80's, I was sharing my 20+ years experience of what I've seen and experienced.

 

[jwglass]

Just so we're clear, I was speaking in general, and not to you in particular, though the apology was to you. I try to keep my comments generalized, and my apologies if you took it that I was referring to you. Having been around chatrooms, messageboards etc since the late 80's, I was sharing my 20+ years experience of what I've seen and experienced.

i get ya, my bad i did kinda take it that you said i was wallowing in my self pity.

it just really peeves me that every day i see people treating others like they are insignificant when in reality we are all connected to each other. i half believe this is why society has taken such a bad turn. i look around me every day and just think of the possibilities in each human being, but i feel like im one of the few anymore

 

[SayWhat]

it just really peeves me that every day i see people treating others like they are insignificant when in reality we are all connected to each other. i half believe this is why society has taken such a bad turn. i look around me every day and just think of the possibilities in each human being, but i feel like im one of the few anymore

I'm the same way! Every day I'm just amazed at the things people put out into the world - art, discoveries, additional perspectives, etc. It destroys me when someone tries to erase all that by bringing someone down. I think the saddest thing is to see someone lose faith because of the assholes in this world.

Okay! Mushy moment over!