Scene Descriptions

[MissDeidra]

Hey Guys and Gals:

Broke Straight Boys has a new scene description writer and would like your feedback! The last update was their first stab at this, and the writer is reading the forums. What do you all want to read? What would you like omitted from future blurbs? Any feedback is welcome so that they can improve the blurbs for the members satisfaction.

Here is the first Brenden and Donovan update:

I'm pleased to announce that we have a first here at Broke Straight Boys; our first deaf model. I had received an application from a model who indicated that he wanted to work with our studio. Donovan attached his pictures to the application and I was delighted to see that this particular straight boy was an 18 year old twink hottie; light chocolate smooth skin, toned body, dark hair and eyes and a great smile. In his application, Donovan stated that he was profoundly deaf, 100% hearing affected.

I had never had a deaf applicant before and as such, I wasn't really sure how to go about setting it all up, however, after seeing the photos, I knew I had to get this boy into the studio as he was too cute to pass up this opportunity. Also, at Broke Straight Boys, we have a strict policy against discrimination and as such, I iniated a chat with him online in order to find out a bit more about both himself and his motivation for wanting to work with Broke Straight Boys First thing I asked him, of course, was if he was straight, bi or gay and was excited when he informed me he was straight... I knew right away that, despite any challenges this shoot might pose, our members were going to love Donovan. In our conversation, I found that he wants to make enough money to be able to visit his Mom in Germany. He used to live with his Mom but missed his Dad, so he moved over here to the United States, however, he hasn't seen his Mom for around several years and really misses her.

A few days after our initial talk together, Donovan pinged me on chat and asked if he could bring a friend down with him, which I readily agreed to as I was hoping that by having a friend along, any jitters would be somewhat alleviated and the friend would be able to do any translating if needed. Even though Donovan was a local, he didn't drive so he had his friend drop him off at our studio. I was really glad that I said ok to Donovan bringing a friend along as Brendan was extremely attractive; tall, dark hair, great tan and from what I could see, a promise of a nice slim body so I invited him to come into the studio as well. Getting them settled on the pull out futon, I started the pre shoot interview with Donovan so that our members were able to know a bit more about our newest model.

Despite Donovan being able to lip read, I had to get Brendan to write down a few questions for his friend as Brendan didn't know American Sign Language, and neither did anyone else in the studio that day. I fired off a couple of questions and Brendan was able to confirm that Donovan was definitely straight, likewise, so was he. I looked at the two of them together on the futon and decided to try my luck with getting a dual jerk off scene with these two hot straight boys. Brendan was a little taken aback at the offer of $200 to stay with his friend and jerk off together so I quickly upped the amount to $300, to which he just as quickly agreed to and surprisingly, so did Donovan. That was too easy; straight boys are *never* that agreeable, that fast. There was something going on between these two hotties, I wasn't quite sure what, but there was a... vibe... and I knew that there was going to be more to the story.

I got the boys to stand up and take off their tops for the camera and had a surprise of my own when Brendan admitted that he wasn't wearing any underwear and never usually did. I had to laugh, Brendan was obviously unprepared to do the shoot, not that I had expected him to be as I had only scheduled in Donovan. Taking a good look at the two of them, I saw that Donovan had a nice tattoo, slightly tribal in appearance, circling his upper left arm and gorgeous set of abs while Brendan was taller and while somewhat thinner, had a lovely smooth body. The boys then took off the rest of their clothes, Donovan leaving his white underpants on and despite me asking, he also left his black cap on... point blank refused to take it off! Asking if they were nervous at all, both boys admitted they were, however, these two didn't look nervous to me at all... once again, there is more to the mystery between them and it's something that I'm going to find out.

Putting in the straight porn for them, I told them to go ahead and start. Brendan had a great size cock; long, thick and hard from the moment his hand touched his prick while Donovan had a smaller cock that promised to harden into a real beauty. A bit of lube on their cocks, and these straight boys were rubbing and tugging while watching the porn. Brendan, as hard as rock already barely a minute into it, reached up and lightly touched himself on the chest, and just when I thought we were going to be lucky and get some nipple action going, he let his hand drop and rest, instead, on his stomach. I noticed that Donovan is one of the more visual boys we've had here at Broke Straight Boys; his gaze drawn to any small movement around the room during the whole scene which was interesting to see. What was most intriguing about this shoot was the fact Donovan and Brendan kept their knees pressed together quite tightly throughout most of the shoot, again, adding to the mystery as most boys in a dual jerk off scene like to keep a bit of space between them, particularly if it is their first shoot. I decided that, regardless of the 'oddness', to the scene, I would just let things keep rolling as, lets face it, these two guys are just damned hot!

It wasn't long before Donovan was hard as well, with both guys having cocks to be proud of. Brendan had, thus far, kept his gaze locked firmly on the porn, his hand wandering about his body as he jerked off so I asked him if he liked it, Brendan grinning widely as he admitted that he did. He showed how much he liked the porn by playing with his nipple for a few minutes, pinching and squeezing the sensitive flesh before moving his hand down to play with his balls, his jerking getting faster. While I couldn't quite catch it on camera, I was sure that he was playing a little with his hole at the same time. Maybe this straight boy isn't so straight after all?

All the while, Donovan was keeping up a steady pace of his own, his heavy breathing being broken every now and again by a sharp little gasp. I could hear that the boys were getting close, their hands moving faster over their cocks; a definite sign that a cum shot was close at hand. Brandon was touching himself more now, with Donovan also moving a hand to play with his own balls. A quiet word from Brandon that he was ready to cum and he jerked off fast, cum splattering over his stomach and hand. I asked him if he felt better for having jerked off and he laughed as he said 'yeah'. Meanwhile, Donovan was rapidly approaching his own climax and with a quick nod from him, he came in a long white stripe from his bellybutton to his groin, the cum pooling in his pubes.

Both guys were exhausted but happy to have gotten off and excited about the $300 each. Telling them to go and get cleaned up, I made a decision that I would have to invite them both back to Broke Straight Boys for another shoot, if only to find out what was really going on between them. With how comfortable they were together, I know its not going to be hard to get them to go further next time, so, hopefully, there will be a mutual jerk off scene or possibly even an oral shoot coming up very soon.

 

[mactee]

I welcome the new blurb writer. This one was just too long.

I'm looking for highlights, scene descriptors not narrative.

I also am looking for someone that knows the difference between there & their and other such words in our language. Proper use of nouns, verbs and adjectives would be beneficial in understanding what the writer is saying.

Thanks for this great step forward. We see the professionalism in the filming now we will read it in the blurbs.

 

[rapper]

Blurbs

Miz D: Thanks for the inquiry. I like the blurbs and perhaps this one was a bit long, but otherwise good. Not to be a prig, but spelling and punctuation do matter. I will be looking to see how well the writer handles certain street terms. I assume that the on-camera interviews and direction by David will continue . . .

 

[guidolbido]

Interesting: I remember reading this and thinking "They've got a new writer!" The difference is noticeable. As someone else has said, knowing the difference between there and their is an excellent start! Poor grammar and usage irritates the hell out of me. I understand that this is porn site and not a literary society, but grammar and usage count, to me at least.

 

[richardnoggin869]

Tell Me You Can Spell

Yes, this is a change from last year. A while back The Forum had much discussion about the narratives and the poor use of grammar. We (The Forum) went on for weeks about the too, to and two's, their, there and they're, and other chalk-board scratching sounds that really made people laugh and then cry. Many Forum members offered to proofread the narratives before publishing so they would make some half-assed sense and read like someone who wrote them were familiar with the English language.

But alas, we (The Forum) were patted on our sweet dictionaries and told this was a fantasy site and not to dwell on the narratives (so much for feedback), and enjoy the porn.

Best of luck to the new person, I'm looking forward to the welcome change.

 

[Troublemaker123]

And don't forget to use the spell check...

 

[SA7180]

I liked it. Maybe slightly too long but a I liked a lot of the background and details he provided. Just work on the spelling and we're good to go as far as I'm concerned.

Stacey

 

[slimvintage]

Something has been needed for a couple of years. New Forum members can find the debate richardnoggin mentions way back when.

But this doesn't seem to me to be it. I watched a scene a couple of years ago without reading the text already there, and sent a synopsis of it to Mark who said he was interested in my proofreading or writing the stories, but we didn't get any farther than that.

I tried to sound exactly like David in my version, and feel that I caught his voice without all the errors (grammatical, orthographical, syntactical, current usage) that had always plagued the texts.

This story you've posted doesn't actually sound like David at all. It's like one of the blondes from Fox News had suddenly joined the staff of Blu Media. David's texts were monstrosities of slain English, but actually preferable to this beautifully written, slightly prissy, overlong saga that doesn't sound like it could possibly have been conceived and spoken by the adorable, corny, klutzy, unhip, unsuccessfully dieting master of ceremonies that we lovingly put up with as he mangles his way through the futon fun. If you like I'll proofread this version for you, get it sounding more like him, cut it down by at least half and take out the literary showing off, and PM it to you.

 

[mactee]

This story you've posted doesn't actually sound like David at all. It's like one of the blondes from Fox News had suddenly joined the staff of Blu Media. David's texts were monstrosities of slain English, but actually preferable to this beautifully written, slightly prissy, overlong saga that doesn't sound like it could possibly have been conceived and spoken by the adorable, corny, klutzy, unhip, unsuccessfully dieting master of ceremonies that we lovingly put up with as he mangles his way through the futon fun. If you like I'll proofread this version for you, get it sounding more like him, cut it down by at least half and take out the literary showing off, and PM it to you.

Slim, you are just too much, I love ya man.

I know I can’t do anything about it, but I sure would like to added to your PM list if you send your version in. I think it would be just terrific!

 

[slimvintage]

Slim, you are just too much, I love ya man.

I know I can’t do anything about it, but I sure would like to added to your PM list if you send your version in. I think it would be just terrific!

mcteezzer, I already sent in a prototype nearly two years ago. I'm hoping the people who are doing the texts now take me up on my second offer to give them a hand.

I think you agree that this new one wasn't all that great, but I'll tell you one thing: the whole climate surrounding the writer's debut makes a big change from back then when many suggestions were met with, "...chill for fuck's sake. It's only porn: relax, jack off and shut up." I took so much flak for wanting the synopses to be literate that I almost quit back in '08.

 

[chafu213]

Greetings

I'm only on Page 13 of the episodes in my journey thru Broke Straight Boys futonland, and have seen a lot of improvement in the narratives since the very first one. I've come to accept the mis-spellings and grammar errors, but just don't understand how the models' names can be screwed up.

Case in point: in Part 4 of the Broke Straight Boys Party Series, the narrative states that the boys are:

Austin, Danny, Dustin and Ryan.....but the whole video to that point (Parts 1-3) includes Austin, Danny, Tyler and Nelson. OK, I can maybe see typing "Dustin" for "Nelson", but how in the world does one mis-identify Tyler?????

I appreciate ANY attempt to be more accurate. It's just a sign of professionalism.

My two cents. Not trying to be overly critical...I LOVE this site.

Forward
Chafu213

 

[swm89]

And don't forget to use the spell check...

and grammar check.

Is there a name spelling checker too?

 

[swm89]

and grammar check.

Is there a name spelling checker too?

Reason I say that is because I have realized recently that a lot of the scene descriptions have grammar problems and spelling problems.

On TOP of spelling problems the models names aren't even all the same.

Sometimes Brenden is made Brendan or vice versa, or Michael is Micheal.
Etc.
The title of the movie doesn't even match the names in a couple.

Not trying to be too mean, but thats my opinion

 

[mactee]

mcteezzer, I already sent in a prototype nearly two years ago. I'm hoping the people who are doing the texts now take me up on my second offer to give them a hand.

I think you agree that this new one wasn't all that great, but I'll tell you one thing: the whole climate surrounding the writer's debut makes a big change from back then when many suggestions were met with, "...chill for fuck's sake. It's only porn: relax, jack off and shut up." I took so much flak for wanting the synopses to be literate that I almost quit back in '08.

Slim, I agree with you 100% even recently when I made some not so complimentary remarks about the narrative, I was respectfully cautioned and as a result, I knew which side of the bread was buttered so I’ve by in large minded my own business. (I have backslid a few times though.)

 

[slimvintage]

May Allah, Buddha and the Monkey God all bless your lovely backsliding...

 

[joninliverton]

I suspect that David is forwarding this blurb to Miss D, possibly under a new name, so that it appears he is still non commique. Sorry if I misspelt. lol

 

[philcle]

I would like to see a 'summary' or 'abstract' at the start of the description that gives the very basics without too much description. When selecting a scene I like to have an idea of what its about but too much detail somewhat ruins the viewing (i.e. I like to experience it in the video) like somone who tells you how a movie ends before you see it.

It is especially cool if the writer can offer additional insights on the models or the circumstances that may not be revealed in the video. This kind of stuff is really nice after you have viewed a video and would like to know more... the first Donavon/Brenden video is a great example of this when David shared that he suspected that all was not as it appeared?

 

[slimvintage]

I suspect that David is forwarding this blurb to Miss D, possibly under a new name, so that it appears he is still non commique. Sorry if I misspelt. lol

jon, that's well funny. He's already come out of his den though on the thread where he complained about being busted on facebook.

Your misspelling is excellent: non commique sounds like it should mean "un-funny" or "non-comic"!!

I think you were searching for "incommunicado" but what you wrote is terrific. Terrific. Way better.

 

[tampa24]

I thought that this narrative was quite good in comparison to past ones. They have all improved though from where they were at a couple years ago. My only critique would be what others have already mentioned. Just that it was a bit lengthy.

I echo the sentiments of Philcle...

I don't think the narratives need to follow too closely the blow-by-blow description of every gesture. Like a sports announcer broadcasting a boxing match for instance. It's a fine line to walk I know. I (we?) want a good synopsis of what happens in the vid. But not so much detail of what happens sexually that it dampens the experience of watching the video itself. For myself I enjoy reading the narratives to find out things like whether a model got cold feet and had to be talked back into the room. Or if his girlfriend dropped him off at the studio. Things like that that add depth to the setup of the scene or the model in particular. Though I realize that all of that info is not always readily available to the writer of the narratives.

The hint about spellcheck refers to things like the word "initiated" being misspelled in the second paragraph. To me though it looks like a typo rather than a misspelling. Which is what spellcheck is great for. Especially for people like me whose typing skills are quite poor. It's obvious that the writer does know how to spell. If the worst thing we can find is an occasional typo, then we are doing great.

I applaud the effort on the part of the new person doing these. The vocabulary level is quite good. The grammar is quite good. The spelling overall is very good.

Thank you whoever you are!

 

[slimvintage]

It's obviously much more complicated than yahoo thinks it is, but maybe this list might be useful.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life...039083/#poll-86A687227A3211DF922CE2CA55AE989C

Since there is so much lying down in the episodes, the pitfalls surrounding "lie, lay and lain" are the ones most commonly encountered in the Broke Straight Boys and College Boy Physicals texts.

Phrases like "He was laying on his back with his ankles on Diesal's shoulders..." or "I asked him to turn over on his front and lay with his back arched and his ass in the air so Tyler could fuck him doggy..." are incorrect, not because of Diesal and Tyler but because the proper tenses of "to lie" in these cases are "lying" and "lie".

Obviously "lay" has a place on the futon, in phrases like "They both were out of their tightywhities in a nanosecond, a lay down together head to groin, ready for sixty-nine," or "Poor Torin knew what was finally gonna happen to him, and lay back on the couch with his throbbing wet boner in his hand, ready to be slammed hard by his buddy."

"Laid" is another often fucked-up form of the verb. A correct use of it might be "Tyler carefully laid out the condoms, the lube and the paper towels on the side table while Eddie ran the boys through the fuck scene for the publicity photos". On the other hand it might be really hot to hear that "Jimmie laid on his side with his boner poking into his abs waiting for Diesal, who was laying behind him, to put his dick all the way in," but as woody-making as that sounds, the English is baaad.

Another common error in the texts is not twigging to the whole concept of "ed". You get phrases like "When I asked the boys to take off their shirts I could see they both were really tone," or "He phone me up yesterday and said he would like some more work". Just because you don't necessarily hit the "d" sound hard when speaking doesn't mean that the words, when written, don't need "ed" to make sense.