Ummm ~
I'm here because I just got off writing a pile of speeches, and I'm so caffeinated I have insomnia. But, should this thread be called, "Welcome to the Forums", or, "Welcome to the Jungle"???? :O (LOL!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1tj2zJ2Wvg
I haven't read all the threads which led up to some of the comments, here - but sure, I'll offer my depreciated Canadian two cents' worth. (Y'all know what I'm going to say already, anyway ;-)
First, I'll just say, I agree mostly with lovely TAMPA's gentle approach to this whole matter. And I would like to send lots of love to Tyler. Tyler:
*I really have enjoyed your performances a lot; I think you are one of the best of the "new class" of models on
Broke Straight Boys; and I'm really glad you're here! (For a Canadian, like me, your accent is really adorable, and cute.) And you bring a lot of spirit and spunk, and FUN, to your videos!
*I'm glad you have taken the initiative to post on the "general board", because, I think it's always great to hear from the models, and I understand that (as a group) you are often looking for support, and encouragement. I'm a writer, and when I finish a piece, and it's heard (or read) somewhere, YOU BET, I ask everyone who was there at the event to hear it, what they thought of it. While I do appreciate constructive criticism, when people are really harsh, it hurts my feelings a little, too. (Though in any branch of work related to public media, you do sort of have to get used to that. That's why some actors never read their reviews.)
*I also totally agree that sometimes, without maybe meaning to be MEAN, people don't always realize the impact their comments can have on someone's self-esteem. And, Tyler, having had a couple of friends in the past who were models in this industry, I know that a lot of young guys who are doing this, are doing it not because it's their first choice, but because it's their
LAST option, to get out of debt or trouble or whatever. (One of my dearest friends of all time did it because, when his parents - who were religious fundamentalists - found out he was gay: they cut off all support and love to him, so he was forced into the job to keep a roof over his head, and keep going to school.)
*It does sadden me, Tyler, that sometimes members (who often view themselves as purely entitled to their comments, because they've
PAID): don't realize that they are experiencing a
LUXURY, and are in a position of power, relative to many or most of the models. And I think every member ought to realize this, and take that realization seriously, as a matter of moral responsibility.
*So, hang in there, Tyler - there are lots of people who appreciate you: I'd venture, the "silent majority." One thing I DO appreciate about the recent series of BTS videos, is, that it is giving members a chance to understand and appreciate models' situations and feelings, a little bit more personally, than perhaps we might have, in the past.
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I also DO get members' comments that, the forum was CREATED for members, as a way to review and express our feelings about various videos, and (moreover) to let the management know what we'd like to see more of, in the future. That's fair ball, I think.
I would just say that, as always, "the truth is in the nuances." I think it's legitimate to say (to take an historical example) that
Johnny Forza's sucking skills kind of SUCKED, when he was amongst us. . . BUT - at the same time, he was recognized by many as being an extremely beautiful, and really charming and lovely guy (which was good); and - there are more and less positive and constructive ways to call for improvement, of that kind. You could have written Johnny F. off as being just AWFUL - or, you could have said, "His performance would have been even BETTER if he did 'x' or 'y'." Everybody's reviewing style is, of course, his own, but I prefer the gentler approach, in circumstances like this. (And I think Johnny F.'s "oral skills" HAVE gotten better, since he left
Broke Straight Boys - I think, no doubt, just due to the experience.)
For reasons to which I alluded,
supra, I don't really believe it's realistic to imagine that models can and must quarantine themselves to a "Chat with the models", section. Even if they DON'T POST on other sections of the board, some of them are always going to want to READ what members are SAYING about them - just as people in any creative endeavour are USUALLY eager (though often quite fearful) to know what people are saying about them. I think that we should be aware of this, and sensitive to it, and comport ourselves in as gracious a fashion as possible. (And I do think it is possible to offer constructive criticism, and still be kind and supportive, about it. I have been, and my sister IS, an adjudicator at classical-music festivals - and the task that goes with that job, is helping young performers rise to their BEST - not discouraging them, so they GIVE UP.)
I WILL SAY, that I do think there is a significant distinction between offering criticism on these boards, and writing a review in the
Times, or the
National Post - and that is - just as Tyler said: our guys are vulnerable. I don't have any qualms about someone writing a review that says George Clooney's latest movie
really sucked, or that Martin Amis' latest novel
really sucked ~ because George is so rich, he was able to block off half of Venice, for his wedding; and Martin (though not quite as rich) is still PRETTY DAMNED rich, and protected both by his coterie of snobbish friends, and by his VERY THICK HIDE.
Our models are (as Tyler pointed out) in quite a different situation, in life. They not only lack money and power - many of them lack love and friendship and family, and even (in some cases) the necessities of life. So I don't think it's quite right to treat them as if they were independent contractors (or entrepreneurs boldly venturing before Kevin O'Leary and Mark Cuban, on
The Shark Tank) who, by virtue of signing a contract, INTENDED to expose themselves to the slings and arrows (sometimes ) pelted at them by the likes of US.
I would also like to go ONE STEP FURTHER, and somewhat deconstruct the "contractualist" model that is often adduced here, in support of totally unrestrained criticism. I should like to suggest to all and sundry that, being a model in erotic video is a
qualitatively different experience, than being a car salesman, a clerk, a lawyer, or a bureaucrat (as I sort of am ;-) Or even than being an ACTOR.
YES, all of us, in all of these sundry lines of work, are subject to regular evaluation, criticism, and discipline. Gentlemen (and ladies): I should like to suggest that being a model in erotic video is quite a different situation, because (whether people of an extremely liberal cast of mind like to acknowledge this, or not) - - - sexual experiences are still highly intimate, and PERSONAL. And (unless one is very cold INDEED) they frequently involve the deposit of a lot more than a bit of DNA; that is, a bit of one's personality and SELF, left behind on the proverbial futon.
I'M GAY - a 100 per cent, confirmed, homosexual, and yet: I am not so experienced, and I shudder to think, if I were called up tomorrow to appear in a scene with Tyler, or Mr.
Paul Canon, or whomever, what people would say about the inadequacy of MY cock-sucking skills!
For young guys who are
not inclined as I am (and this is the continual hue-and-cry, on this site - "More REALLY straight models, please!") their initial experience of some of these alien forms of sexual activity must be quite UNPLEASANT, to say the least. (As, for example, vaginal intercourse might well be for some of US.) When you pile on top of THAT, comments to the effect that "so-and-so just isn't very sexy, or effective in his role" - that's DIFFERENT, I think, from saying, "'A.' just wrote the most incoherent memo I ever read."
Because such a comment can also seem (if not phrased kindly and judiciously) like a comment on the person's INTRINSIC sexiness, and worth. Which cuts a lot closer to the BONE, than an annual performance review in a department store, or something. 'A.' could always write another memo - or, get another job, for which he is more genuinely suited. But to be told you're not good in BED - even in an alien circumstance, is a comment that intrinsically IS more personal, and harder to SHRUG OFF.
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ALL of that being said, Tyler (and others): I do think this is mostly a pretty nice board. I've been a member of some European boards in the past, which were mostly just "fan-appreciation" boards, and where the sweetness was, well, SO SWEET, it gave one a TOOTHACHE.
I'm also familiar with some American comment-boards (like
www.waybig.com) which are mostly slaughterhouses, in which extremely judgemental, bitter, and evil people hang out for the sole purpose of pointing out that "Model X" gained two pounds since his last appearance, and is obviously on the way OUT. (I certainly detest that sort of epistolary culture.)
For the most part, Tyler, I think that the
Broke Straight Boys board DOES USUALLY keep to a happy medium between these two extremes, and that many models HAVE been able to connect with their fans, and REALIZE that they are loved and appreciated, here. But sometimes, there ARE differences of opinion, and harsh (and even impolite) things ARE sometimes said - and where there is freedom of speech and expression, it is impossible to protect even our BEST-LOVED models from some criticism that is either unfair, or ill-expressed. (In the opinion of those who love the models in question.)
And, Tyler, while I would not have expressed myself quite as my friend Jon did - though he is quite a nice person, once you get to know him, as I discovered - I do think he is correct, on one point in his argument. Having known and become close friends with a couple of models in the past (one Russian, and one Canadian): I would always counsel any model whom I encountered, today, to be VERY CAUTIOUS INDEED about sharing personal information or contacts, on public forums, like Facebook, and etc. At least, one ought to keep the limits as restricted and private as possible, only admitting those whom one is ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN are trustworthy.
Because, on any site having to do with sex, as its
raison d'etre there will always be FLOCKS of strange and unscrupulous people, hovering about, like vultures. Some of them just "weird" ~ some of them potentially dangerous. So, Tyler (and I would say this to Paul and
Damien Kyle, too): just as Jon advised you ~ be cautious, be careful, and reserve your confidence online for those who truly merit it - and who will NOT stoop to degrading personal remarks, suppositions, or propositions.
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In short, though I have taken far too long to say so - I simply want to suggest that there are two valid sides, to this story. The models' - who have their own personal trials and travails, which many of us can hardly (fully) appreciate; and the members' - who value freedom of speech, and an opportunity to genuinely attest what they like (and do not like) about various scenes.
In an atmosphere of kindness, civility, and good humour (which mostly, and usually, prevails, here) - I do not believe that this is an unbridgeable impasse.
Hugs,
"A" XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
*"I've looked at life, from both sides, now" ~ Joni Mitchell. (Oh, I feel like such a hippie, now! What would Lady Thatcher think???):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pbn6a0AFfnM
