Hello Gang!
I know this subject is a very touchy and a difficult one to talk about, especially during today's racial conflict in the USA. However I wanted hear some feedback from you guys concerning the gay community. Do you think there is an element of prejudice and racism in the community towards each other? As an black man, myself I think there maybe some but overall I've seen a lot more interracial couples (Gay and Str8) today than 15 to 20yrs ago. And I'm not one the band wagon that all whites or hispanics or any other race are out against the black guys. But its interesting to read a person's profile on a dating site to state that they are looking for friends and welcome anyone to say hello and when you do, the reply you get says" I'm not into black guys" All I did was say "hello" LOL But I was under the impression that the gay community has dealt with so much of society's prejudice and rejection that we all became a closer family and friends. Maybe I'm in a fantasy world....LOL
My question would be this: Can we mistake a person's preference for racism?
Let's chat about it, I'm a pretty open minded guy here!
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Hugs, Philboy ~
You asked a difficult and (somewhat) dangerous question, but. . . it is really worth ASKING! I don't really have the time I OUGHT to spend, this morning, to answer your question PROPERLY, but I'm going to give it a go ;-)
1.) In the OLD DAYS, back when ALL gay men were being systematically persecuted by the LAW, just for BEING GAY - back than, YES, I think there MAY have been such a thing as a "gay community". Now, Phil, that things are so much "freer" ~ I think a it is lot LESS, SO. (In fact, I think, rather along the lines of one of my heroes, the great Quentin Crisp. When he was asked about his thoughts regarding the gay community, he said: "There IS NO SUCH HAPPY CONFEDERACY."
2.) There is no question that we all have our preferences, for partners in bed. And most of those preferences start out with people who LOOK LIKE the people we grew UP WITH. (In my case, that amounts to French-Canadians, and Eastern-European Canadians, with jet-black hair ;-))))
3.) Phil: Some people never get BEYOND their initial erotic preferences. By no means does this mean that they are racist. (Real racism would entail their thinking that people they are not erotically attracted to are somehow less worthy; are less intelligent or kind or good; or ought to be denied equal opportunities in housing, or health-care, or employment opportunities. (INCLUDING, in politics.)
4.) Phil - USUALLY, you don't find that most gay men (most of whom - at least of my age, because most of us have suffered discrimination, ourselves): are on board for THAT sort of nastiness.
5.) However, what you DO OFTEN find is that people have a pretty fixed "type" of guy, whom they find attractive. (This is very prevalent amongst straight people, also - like the fact that some straight guys. . . Donald Trump, avert your eyes. . . always date slender blondes, with big boobs and small butts, or slender blondes with SMALL boobs and BIG butts. . . or whatever combination.) And it is kind of a VISCERAL thing, which usually is forged in early adolescence. (Like I told you - absent all other factors. . . you find me a cute French-Canadian or Eastern-European with JET-BLACK HAIR. . . and I'm gonna BE THERE, and be INTERESTED, no matter WHAT!)
6.) Phil - some people (maybe a majority - straight AND gay - NEVER stray far from their initial, adolescent, erotic preferences. They are not doing it to be EVIL or MEAN. . . but you can't blame them, for that.
7.) At the SAME TIME, Phil - - - by NOT cultivating (or at least being OPEN TO) other physical "types" outside their "comfort-zone": people are doing themselves no favors. Male sexual tastes are very often (and even usually) determined by the age of 12 or 14, it seems. And some people never can be open to ANYTHING or ANYONE OTHER, than the type that first attracted them.
8.) BUT, Phil - I think it is a happier thing for us, IF WE CAN BE MORE OPEN. I dunno if it is just because I have been "desperate and dateless" for so many years, but, Phil - my eyes have been opened to a WHOLE LOT of GUYS, at 49, I never would have been interested in, when I was 20. The little arctic village where I love has had a huge influx of students from China, and the Punjab; and cute Black guys from Ethiopia, too. And, wow - I would be LYING if I said some of them didn't make my left leg JIGGLE, when I was on the bus!!! I maybe wouldn't have gotten off on any of those guys when I was 20. . . but NOW I COULD. . . AND DO!!! (MY problem is, none of them would be interested in me, anyway - LOL!!!!)
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So, Phil, I get what you're saying, when you feel let-down when you go online and read people's profiles that say, "I'm not into Black guys" ~ That really SUCKS. Because people SHOULD be giving you the chance to get to know you as the nice and sweet guy you ARE. I feel really sorry about it. But I think, for the most part, it isn't racism. . . it's just people expressing the ingrained attractions they have. . .though I think they are FOOLISH, for not giving someone like you, a try! (And, to be honest, you don't WANT anyone who isn't willing to give you a chance, as a lover!)
Though this is on a totally different and separable level of things, and is only really distantly related to the concern you expressed: I'm FAT. (I am not a super-handsome guy, like our Peter here, is.) I got dumped by a couple of guys because I'm fat, and I have seen a ZILLION online ads which say, "NO FATTIES NEED APPLY." Now, that is a whole lot DIFFERENT than being a Black guy who gets turned down just for being Black - because, being Black, you can still (obviously) be CUTE, HANDSOME, and FIT. . . as I AM NOT. Phil, I am just saying, I am none of those latter things. . . and it took me 40 years to find a guy who wanted what I (particularly) had to offer.
Yes, Phil, I DO THINK (happily) inter-racial openness in gay dating is getting a lot easier than it used to be. Which is excellent! But, as far as there being a "gay community", Phil - I will say that, I think: ever since the policemen stopped beating all of us up, just for BEING GAY, there ain't no such of a thing ;-) And anyone who is in ANY WAY a minority as far as what most gay guys in our culture find attractive (rightly, in my case, WRONGLY, in yours) is going to have a much tougher time getting to MEET someone nice. (Hey, it took me 40 years, to find someone I LIKED, who was also attracted somewhat, to ME.)
I don't think this is racism at all - - - but hey, that doesn't stop it from HURTING, when you are looking for (and wanting, and needing) love. And again - as far as there being a "gay community" - Phil, I think there is no such thing, anymore. Ever since the advent of the Internet. . . I think it is pretty much "every man for himself".
But you seem really nice, and (Phil) I hope you find someone, SOON, who is attracted to you, loves you, and takes really good care of you!
"A" XOXOXOXOXOXO
*Gotta run, and get to the office, now!!!!*