Prejudice and Racism in the Gay Community?

[philboy929]

Hello Gang!

I know this subject is a very touchy and a difficult one to talk about, especially during today's racial conflict in the USA. However I wanted hear some feedback from you guys concerning the gay community. Do you think there is an element of prejudice and racism in the community towards each other? As an black man, myself I think there maybe some but overall I've seen a lot more interracial couples (Gay and Str8) today than 15 to 20yrs ago. And I'm not one the band wagon that all whites or hispanics or any other race are out against the black guys. But its interesting to read a person's profile on a dating site to state that they are looking for friends and welcome anyone to say hello and when you do, the reply you get says" I'm not into black guys" All I did was say "hello" LOL But I was under the impression that the gay community has dealt with so much of society's prejudice and rejection that we all became a closer family and friends. Maybe I'm in a fantasy world....LOL

My question would be this: Can we mistake a person's preference for racism?

Let's chat about it, I'm a pretty open minded guy here!

 

[juanjo]

Hello Gang!

I know this subject is a very touchy and a difficult one to talk about, especially during today's racial conflict in the USA. However I wanted hear some feedback from you guys concerning the gay community. Do you think there is an element of prejudice and racism in the community towards each other? As an black man, myself I think there maybe some but overall I've seen a lot more interracial couples (Gay and Str8) today than 15 to 20yrs ago. And I'm not one the band wagon that all whites or hispanics or any other race are out against the black guys. But its interesting to read a person's profile on a dating site to state that they are looking for friends and welcome anyone to say hello and when you do, the reply you get says" I'm not into black guys" All I did was say "hello" LOL But I was under the impression that the gay community has dealt with so much of society's prejudice and rejection that we all became a closer family and friends. Maybe I'm in a fantasy world....LOL

My question would be this: Can we mistake a person's preference for racism?

Let's chat about it, I'm a pretty open minded guy here!

This is one of those loaded questions which there is no simple answer to. When it comes to sexual attraction people are turned on by different things some of which can be very specific to race. For example if one is turned on by the classic Irish or Scot ginger looking man then one is not likely going to be dating Asians or Blacks. Some people have a much wider range of body types they are attracted to. Some people like me are much more into personality which tends to give a person a much wider range of possible interests when it comes to love. Some people might be heavily influenced by society they were raised in and the attitudes of those around them. That can limit their interests to certain racial types or attribute but can also make them more interested in what would have been taboo where they grew up.

The truth is there is racism in the gay community. There is no doubt about that at all. There are gay men and women who are not at all shy about expressing their racism and do so regularly. But there are also those who because of the bigotry they have experienced have become more sensitive to the bigotry expressed towards those of other races or ethnicity - whether Asian, Latin, Middle Eastern including Jewish, White or whatever.

I want to thank you for bringing this up because I think it is important we all are challenged about our attitudes and we often become too complacent in our assumptions and stereotypes about ourselves and others.

 

[philboy929]

This is one of those loaded questions which there is no simple answer to. When it comes to sexual attraction people are turned on by different things some of which can be very specific to race. For example if one is turned on by the classic Irish or Scot ginger looking man then one is not likely going to be dating Asians or Blacks. Some people have a much wider range of body types they are attracted to. Some people like me are much more into personality which tends to give a person a much wider range of possible interests when it comes to love. Some people might be heavily influenced by society they were raised in and the attitudes of those around them. That can limit their interests to certain racial types or attribute but can also make them more interested in what would have been taboo where they grew up.

The truth is there is racism in the gay community. There is no doubt about that at all. There are gay men and women who are not at all shy about expressing their racism and do so regularly. But there are also those who because of the bigotry they have experienced have become more sensitive to the bigotry expressed towards those of other races or ethnicity - whether Asian, Latin, Middle Eastern including Jewish, White or whatever.

I want to thank you for bringing this up because I think it is important we all are challenged about our attitudes and we often become too complacent in our assumptions and stereotypes about ourselves and others.

Juanjo,
Well said I believe that you have hit the nail on the head with this topic. I know its such a topic that many try to avoid due to some cannot seem to discuss it in an adult manner. And I agree that there is racism in the gay community but I also believe that there are a lot of good example of couples who show us that true love has no colors or boundaries when it comes to romance or sex.

Hey gang!
Let's hear some more input or opinions on this subject. Have you personally experienced any type of prejudices or racism?

Very good so far!

 

[philboy929]

Oh I forgot to put this up earlier! This survey is from an article from gayguys.com They did a survey with white guys Below are the results. Now of course, I do not think that all white guys are racists, not at all. Plus most of my best friends are white and we talk about this sometimes. LOL

This survey (to me neither right nor wrong)

survey from FS called “Dear white gay men…” only surveyed white gays. Some of the responses were not surprising at all.

Black men have large cocks: 78% of white gay men in our survey believe this to be true.


Asian men have smaller than average cocks: 75% believe this to be true.

Latin men are crazy, wild and passionate: 70% of white gay men believe this to be true.

Mixed race men are more likely to be accepted by white men: 67% believe this to be true.

Black men are more active, strong and dominant in the bedroom: 60% of white gay men believe this to be true.

Asian men are mostly submissive bottoms: 56% believe this to be true.

Arab men aren’t gay if they’re top only: 35% thought this to be true.

Latin men are mostly rent boys or in it for a passport: 10% of what gay men this is true.


What do you think?

 

[georgejones1]

your complete right ,am black and have the same thinks happend to me ,your so right

i want ot say dthat your so right i have the same problem

Hello Gang!

I know this subject is a very touchy and a difficult one to talk about, especially during today's racial conflict in the USA. However I wanted hear some feedback from you guys concerning the gay community. Do you think there is an element of prejudice and racism in the community towards each other? As an black man, myself I think there maybe some but overall I've seen a lot more interracial couples (Gay and Str8) today than 15 to 20yrs ago. And I'm not one the band wagon that all whites or hispanics or any other race are out against the black guys. But its interesting to read a person's profile on a dating site to state that they are looking for friends and welcome anyone to say hello and when you do, the reply you get says" I'm not into black guys" All I did was say "hello" LOL But I was under the impression that the gay community has dealt with so much of society's prejudice and rejection that we all became a closer family and friends. Maybe I'm in a fantasy world....LOL

My question would be this: Can we mistake a person's preference for racism?

Let's chat about it, I'm a pretty open minded guy here!

 

[joeychuck2]

In your poll I agree on most questions. As for me when I look back from the 70's forward a lot of my sex partners were black. I had a long term relationship with a black man and when it ended was because he found a black partner. To this day I enjoy sex with black men as much or more that with white men. In my area I've seen black men being rejected by white men often but it goes both ways too. Each of us have our turn ons when it comes to sex. I think we should not feel bad about it. Some people talk about "my type." Thats the way it should be. Anyone who has sex or relationships with black or white guys should not feel it is wrong to do so. If anyone is turned on by " a type" they should just do it.

 

[mikeyank]

I think that preference should not be confused with racism or prejudice. It's like I am not attracted to women. Does that make me a bigot? I think not. It is simply an attraction. My roommate for three of my four years in college was Chinese. He was very handsome and in good shape, but watching him undress in our room did nothing for me sexually. And he is still my friend today, 47 years after we first met, and I love him dearly, but he never turned me on.

I think it is unfair to categorize someone not sexually attracted to all body types or to all ethnic groups as prejudiced. It is just our own individual taste and sexual preference, nothing more and nothing less.

 

[juanjo]

I think that preference should not be confused with racism or prejudice. It's like I am not attracted to women. Does that make me a bigot? I think not. It is simply an attraction. My roommate for three of my four years in college was Chinese. He was very handsome and in good shape, but watching him undress in our room did nothing for me sexually. And he is still my friend today, 47 years after we first met, and I love him dearly, but he never turned me on.

I think it is unfair to categorize someone not sexually attracted to all body types or to all ethnic groups as prejudiced. It is just our own individual taste and sexual preference, nothing more and nothing less.

I agree mikeyank that one's "type" is not necessarily formed by racism. For some people their "type" may be influenced by racism but that is not true of all such selections by any means. Sexual attraction is a very person thing and it can be something very specific - a shape of a leg or the curve of an ass cheek. It can be a personality type or any number of things. Some things people are turned on by may be uncommon in one racial type of another. There are not many Asians or Blacks who are "gingers" for example. Likewise a sepia skin tone can be found in many parts of the world.

My experience personally is that race is much less an interest than personality. I have dated Black, Asian, Hispanic, mixed race, Pacific Islander and Caucasian men in my life. The person I have been with since 1990 is a Sicilian ancestry, Argentine who has been confused by others as being mixed race , Middle Eastern Arab, Jewish and Hispanic.

 

[peterh6308]

I think that preference should not be confused with racism or prejudice. It's like I am not attracted to women. Does that make me a bigot? I think not. It is simply an attraction. My roommate for three of my four years in college was Chinese. He was very handsome and in good shape, but watching him undress in our room did nothing for me sexually. And he is still my friend today, 47 years after we first met, and I love him dearly, but he never turned me on.

I think it is unfair to categorize someone not sexually attracted to all body types or to all ethnic groups as prejudiced. It is just our own individual taste and sexual preference, nothing more and nothing less.

Well put mikeyank!! Over the years I've dated or have had sexual encounters with pretty much all ethnic groups and can honestly say I'm sexually attracted to white men. Does this make me prejudice? hell no I just know what I like. I wouldn't date someone just to prove I wasn't prejudice, that to me would be prejudice!!! oh by the way I'm not white either!!!

 

[azmarisela]

Preference does not supersede in any way shape or form, you being a racist, I will say that again “PREFERENCE DOES NOT SUPERSEDE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, YOU BEING A RACIST.” Now what does that mean? Someone kindly pointed out the definition of Preference earlier. It’s having an affinity or greater liking for something over something else, an example. I like butter pecan ice cream over strawberry ice cream. (this is a preference) Preference does not exclude, only shows a greater liking of something in comparison with something else. This does not mean I hate strawberry ice cream, or will not eat it, simply means if i have to chose between the two I would choose butter pecan. I still like ice cream.

Now when someone says “I don’t date someone for the color of their skin, or there are certain qualities of a person I find/don’t find attractive and list color as the example.” As much as you would like to sugarcoat this, or backtrack or explain about some personal experience, you are a racist. Now any intelligent person would know that race doesn’t really exist among human beings, but for the sake of this conversation we will go with that.

I'll use someone saying they don't date blacks in the example. So, what exactly is it about black guys that you aren’t attracted to? Is it their skin color? Because black people come in all shades. Is it the hair? Because black people have hair of all textures and colors (yes, there are natural redhead and blonde black people who aren’t albino). Is it the eyes? Because black people have eyes of all colors. Shape of the nose? Black people vary there as well.

And what about mixed-race blacks? What if you dated a guy who you THOUGHT was white (or whatever non-black ethnicity you are attracted to) only to find out he was partially black? Would you suddenly no longer be attracted to him?

Preference is one thing but out right refusal to even consider someone strictly based on their race is racist.

 

[mikeyank]

As I said earlier. I would not even consider dating or having sex with a woman. Does that make me anti female or prejudiced? I really don't get it why some people get so bent out of shape when someone expresses their honest true desires as to what type of hman beings turn them on.

 

[johnny]

As I said earlier. I would not even consider dating or having sex with a woman. Does that make me anti female or prejudiced? I really don't get it why some people get so bent out of shape when someone expresses their honest true desires as to what type of hman beings turn them on.

I like Blondes with Bubble Butts. Always have Always will. With a few exceptions over the years. Paul etc.
I mean come on.
You like what you like. Can't call us all racist for liking what we like. No wonder the world is so messed up. Freedom of choice ??

 

[Observer]

I read this post a while ago and did not respond as it is not my thing to post thoughts. i just enjoy reading the forum. But I will offer my thoughts on your question. What you really are referring to is "bias" and not racism or prejudice. ALL people have different tastes. I use online dating sites and I also write about what I am looking for and pretty much keep to that. I like tall slender red heads with a great smile. That is what i am attracted to. I am not attracted to Blacks or Asians. I am not a racist. I simply am not attracted to these people. Have never been and probably never will. I do hang out with people from a great variety of backgrounds and go to bars and party on a regular basis. I do however just never consider meeting up with a person that I am not attracted to. Some people like blonds, brunettes, twinks, cubs, etc. that is their preference. But please do not consider a person a racist just because they are not attracted to Blacks. If a very elderly man sits next to me at a bar I will most likely enjoy drinking and conversing and laughing having a good time. Yet I wont go home with him if I'm not attracted to him. Just find that person that enjoys your company and is attracted to you.

 

[johnny]

I read this post a while ago and did not respond as it is not my thing to post thoughts. i just enjoy reading the forum. But I will offer my thoughts on your question. What you really are referring to is "bias" and not racism or prejudice. ALL people have different tastes. I use online dating sites and I also write about what I am looking for and pretty much keep to that. I like tall slender red heads with a great smile. That is what i am attracted to. I am not attracted to Blacks or Asians. I am not a racist. I simply am not attracted to these people. Have never been and probably never will. I do hang out with people from a great variety of backgrounds and go to bars and party on a regular basis. I do however just never consider meeting up with a person that I am not attracted to. Some people like blonds, brunettes, twinks, cubs, etc. that is their preference. But please do not consider a person a racist just because they are not attracted to Blacks. If a very elderly man sits next to me at a bar I will most likely enjoy drinking and conversing and laughing having a good time. Yet I wont go home with him if I'm not attracted to him. Just find that person that enjoys your company and is attracted to you.

Nice First post Observer. You should post more.You make sense...

 

[stowe1]

I read this post a while ago and did not respond as it is not my thing to post thoughts. i just enjoy reading the forum. But I will offer my thoughts on your question. What you really are referring to is "bias" and not racism or prejudice. ALL people have different tastes. I use online dating sites and I also write about what I am looking for and pretty much keep to that. I like tall slender red heads with a great smile. That is what i am attracted to. I am not attracted to Blacks or Asians. I am not a racist. I simply am not attracted to these people. Have never been and probably never will. I do hang out with people from a great variety of backgrounds and go to bars and party on a regular basis. I do however just never consider meeting up with a person that I am not attracted to. Some people like blonds, brunettes, twinks, cubs, etc. that is their preference. But please do not consider a person a racist just because they are not attracted to Blacks. If a very elderly man sits next to me at a bar I will most likely enjoy drinking and conversing and laughing having a good time. Yet I wont go home with him if I'm not attracted to him. Just find that person that enjoys your company and is attracted to you.

Very well said, Observer!! And welcome to the forum.

 

[Ambivalent]

Hello Gang!

I know this subject is a very touchy and a difficult one to talk about, especially during today's racial conflict in the USA. However I wanted hear some feedback from you guys concerning the gay community. Do you think there is an element of prejudice and racism in the community towards each other? As an black man, myself I think there maybe some but overall I've seen a lot more interracial couples (Gay and Str8) today than 15 to 20yrs ago. And I'm not one the band wagon that all whites or hispanics or any other race are out against the black guys. But its interesting to read a person's profile on a dating site to state that they are looking for friends and welcome anyone to say hello and when you do, the reply you get says" I'm not into black guys" All I did was say "hello" LOL But I was under the impression that the gay community has dealt with so much of society's prejudice and rejection that we all became a closer family and friends. Maybe I'm in a fantasy world....LOL

My question would be this: Can we mistake a person's preference for racism?

Let's chat about it, I'm a pretty open minded guy here!

***************************************

Hugs, Philboy ~

You asked a difficult and (somewhat) dangerous question, but. . . it is really worth ASKING! I don't really have the time I OUGHT to spend, this morning, to answer your question PROPERLY, but I'm going to give it a go ;-)

1.) In the OLD DAYS, back when ALL gay men were being systematically persecuted by the LAW, just for BEING GAY - back than, YES, I think there MAY have been such a thing as a "gay community". Now, Phil, that things are so much "freer" ~ I think a it is lot LESS, SO. (In fact, I think, rather along the lines of one of my heroes, the great Quentin Crisp. When he was asked about his thoughts regarding the gay community, he said: "There IS NO SUCH HAPPY CONFEDERACY."

2.) There is no question that we all have our preferences, for partners in bed. And most of those preferences start out with people who LOOK LIKE the people we grew UP WITH. (In my case, that amounts to French-Canadians, and Eastern-European Canadians, with jet-black hair ;-))))

3.) Phil: Some people never get BEYOND their initial erotic preferences. By no means does this mean that they are racist. (Real racism would entail their thinking that people they are not erotically attracted to are somehow less worthy; are less intelligent or kind or good; or ought to be denied equal opportunities in housing, or health-care, or employment opportunities. (INCLUDING, in politics.)

4.) Phil - USUALLY, you don't find that most gay men (most of whom - at least of my age, because most of us have suffered discrimination, ourselves): are on board for THAT sort of nastiness.

5.) However, what you DO OFTEN find is that people have a pretty fixed "type" of guy, whom they find attractive. (This is very prevalent amongst straight people, also - like the fact that some straight guys. . . Donald Trump, avert your eyes. . . always date slender blondes, with big boobs and small butts, or slender blondes with SMALL boobs and BIG butts. . . or whatever combination.) And it is kind of a VISCERAL thing, which usually is forged in early adolescence. (Like I told you - absent all other factors. . . you find me a cute French-Canadian or Eastern-European with JET-BLACK HAIR. . . and I'm gonna BE THERE, and be INTERESTED, no matter WHAT!)

6.) Phil - some people (maybe a majority - straight AND gay - NEVER stray far from their initial, adolescent, erotic preferences. They are not doing it to be EVIL or MEAN. . . but you can't blame them, for that.

7.) At the SAME TIME, Phil - - - by NOT cultivating (or at least being OPEN TO) other physical "types" outside their "comfort-zone": people are doing themselves no favors. Male sexual tastes are very often (and even usually) determined by the age of 12 or 14, it seems. And some people never can be open to ANYTHING or ANYONE OTHER, than the type that first attracted them.

8.) BUT, Phil - I think it is a happier thing for us, IF WE CAN BE MORE OPEN. I dunno if it is just because I have been "desperate and dateless" for so many years, but, Phil - my eyes have been opened to a WHOLE LOT of GUYS, at 49, I never would have been interested in, when I was 20. The little arctic village where I love has had a huge influx of students from China, and the Punjab; and cute Black guys from Ethiopia, too. And, wow - I would be LYING if I said some of them didn't make my left leg JIGGLE, when I was on the bus!!! I maybe wouldn't have gotten off on any of those guys when I was 20. . . but NOW I COULD. . . AND DO!!! (MY problem is, none of them would be interested in me, anyway - LOL!!!!)

*********************************************

So, Phil, I get what you're saying, when you feel let-down when you go online and read people's profiles that say, "I'm not into Black guys" ~ That really SUCKS. Because people SHOULD be giving you the chance to get to know you as the nice and sweet guy you ARE. I feel really sorry about it. But I think, for the most part, it isn't racism. . . it's just people expressing the ingrained attractions they have. . .though I think they are FOOLISH, for not giving someone like you, a try! (And, to be honest, you don't WANT anyone who isn't willing to give you a chance, as a lover!)

Though this is on a totally different and separable level of things, and is only really distantly related to the concern you expressed: I'm FAT. (I am not a super-handsome guy, like our Peter here, is.) I got dumped by a couple of guys because I'm fat, and I have seen a ZILLION online ads which say, "NO FATTIES NEED APPLY." Now, that is a whole lot DIFFERENT than being a Black guy who gets turned down just for being Black - because, being Black, you can still (obviously) be CUTE, HANDSOME, and FIT. . . as I AM NOT. Phil, I am just saying, I am none of those latter things. . . and it took me 40 years to find a guy who wanted what I (particularly) had to offer.

Yes, Phil, I DO THINK (happily) inter-racial openness in gay dating is getting a lot easier than it used to be. Which is excellent! But, as far as there being a "gay community", Phil - I will say that, I think: ever since the policemen stopped beating all of us up, just for BEING GAY, there ain't no such of a thing ;-) And anyone who is in ANY WAY a minority as far as what most gay guys in our culture find attractive (rightly, in my case, WRONGLY, in yours) is going to have a much tougher time getting to MEET someone nice. (Hey, it took me 40 years, to find someone I LIKED, who was also attracted somewhat, to ME.)

I don't think this is racism at all - - - but hey, that doesn't stop it from HURTING, when you are looking for (and wanting, and needing) love. And again - as far as there being a "gay community" - Phil, I think there is no such thing, anymore. Ever since the advent of the Internet. . . I think it is pretty much "every man for himself".

But you seem really nice, and (Phil) I hope you find someone, SOON, who is attracted to you, loves you, and takes really good care of you!

"A" XOXOXOXOXOXO

*Gotta run, and get to the office, now!!!!*

 

[betudidntknow]

***************************************

Hugs, Philboy ~


A" XOXOXOXOXOXO

Ambi: I just read your comment and wanted to say, thank you for taking the time you did to write it! You made some very good points about things I never really gave thought to but, could definitely relate to! I guess that is one of the hidden benefits of being a subscribing member of this site. Once in a while, someone says something in a post that I find enlightening. As Bill Cosby used to say on his cartoon series "Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids", "......and if you're not careful, you might learn something....." Thanks again for your comment!