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Positive and Negative

nwfl704

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Hello Broke Straight Boys members and friends,

What is your opinion of this subject?

I have a friend who met a very nice guy my friend is negative but the guy he met is positive but healthy. Can a guy who is negative date a positive guy and stay negative?

Whats your thoughts?

Thanks!
 
That is a question that really needs a little more information and thought to answer. The issue is simple and direct. Are both parties willing to observe safe sex restrictions? If so then the only difference between dating the man your friend knows is positive as opposed to someone who does not know his status or who might be lying about his status, is your friend knows the positive man is positive. I ask people who bring up this issue in conversation if they are willing to trust someone with their life? How does anyone truly know that their partner is negative? That their companion is truly not cheating and engaging in unsafe sex with others who might be positive? The fact is that it is impossible to know. So having someone tell you upfront that they are positive goes a long way towards a positive check in the relationship column.

That said a positive person who is on a regime of anti-viral medications and is compliant with them, is probably safer to have sex with than someone whose status you do not really know. There have been studies done which show that the likelihood of passing the virus drops dramatically if the positive person is compliant on their medications and has an undetectable viral load. It is not zero but it is very, very low. it is very much lower than a person who does not know his status, is not taking medications and has a high viral load or the person who is lying and has a high viral load.

I have known people where one partner is positive and the other is negative and they have managed to be together for a long time and not have any issues.
 
That is a question that really needs a little more information and thought to answer. The issue is simple and direct. Are both parties willing to observe safe sex restrictions? If so then the only difference between dating the man your friend knows is positive as opposed to someone who does not know his status or who might be lying about his status, is your friend knows the positive man is positive. I ask people who bring up this issue in conversation if they are willing to trust someone with their life? How does anyone truly know that their partner is negative? That their companion is truly not cheating and engaging in unsafe sex with others who might be positive? The fact is that it is impossible to know. So having someone tell you upfront that they are positive goes a long way towards a positive check in the relationship column.

That said a positive person who is on a regime of anti-viral medications and is compliant with them, is probably safer to have sex with than someone whose status you do not really know. There have been studies done which show that the likelihood of passing the virus drops dramatically if the positive person is compliant on their medications and has an undetectable viral load. It is not zero but it is very, very low. it is very much lower than a person who does not know his status, is not taking medications and has a high viral load or the person who is lying and has a high viral load.

I have known people where one partner is positive and the other is negative and they have managed to be together for a long time and not have any issues.

juanjo: Thank you so much for the information. I will pass that along to my buddy. You are so right on. Most people avoid taking about this or the person you are about to get intimate with gets offended when you ask them are they neg or pos. But just like you said. It your life you are talking about.
 
Most people avoid taking about this or the person you are about to get intimate with gets offended when you ask them are they neg or pos. But just like you said. It your life you are talking about.

I know exactly what you mean by this Nwfl. I always found that rather galling as a gay man that asking a potential sexual partner his HIV status would somehow be considered rude, impolite or uncouth. As if we were prying into their personal business when we had no right to be so forward. Of course the truthful answer could be a matter of life and death. So why should we walk on eggshells about asking the obvious questions before becoming sexually intimate?
 
Hey, NWFL ~

This is a very important question, in our current, difficult, world. And - it is really scary, out there.

If a couple, like your friends, are serodiscordant (as per the new vernacular): there are two cornerstones of prevention:

1.) If your friend's HIV-positive lover is being treated for HIV with antiretroviral drugs, and has a low to undetectable viral load: most authorities suggest that this will be a great agent of prevention. However, it doesn't matter if you friend's lover is feeling healthy or not; he must be tested, take his medication, and then be tested again, to ensure his viral load is low.

2.) There have been studies that suggest that sero-discordant lovers who use condoms effectively can do a lot to prevent infection, IF (and only IF) they use them constantly, and properly. (And the last part is a big deal, because often people don't use them properly.)

http://www.catie.ca/en/pif/spring-2013/condoms-tried-tested-and-true

https://cdn.metricmarketing.ca/www.nccid.ca/files/serodiscordant_couples.pdf

***********************************

NWFL, I think the best news in all of this, is that your friend's b/f has been HONEST with him, about his HIV-status. That's a very good sign, and hopefully they can work together, on this. They undoubtedly need to have some very serious talks about how to cope with this obstacle: but, if your friend's lover is being treated, and is willing to use condoms regularly, my hope is that they will be OK.

I would just say three things, from my own perspective: #1: I am totally paranoid about stuff like this. . . but I would not turn down Mr. K., if he turned out to be HIV positive. (He has not, so far.) But bad stuff happens, in life, and sometimes you meet someone in life who has had one of those accidents in life, but who is still the most lovable person you know. . . and then you have to COPE.

#2: I think your friend and his lover, and their doctor(s) should have a serious chat about this, and figure out the best prevention-strategy, for everybody.

#3: I think your friend's lover should work hard to ensure that he is doing all he can to prevent your friend being infected with HIV, including taking antiretrovirals AND using condoms (especially if your friend's lover is the "top") ~ because that's important.

A lot of guys are living happy and healthy lives in serodiscordant relationships, these days. But it takes a lot of work, caring, knowledge, and patience, on BOTH partners' parts. You have to be vigilant and conscientious about it, that's for sure.

Last, I'd like to wish your friend and HIS boyfriend, a lot of joy and happiness, together. (From what you've told, the b/f sounds very nice - and let's not forget: life kind of sucks, in certain non-good, non-gay, ways. People DO get illnesses, despite being good, and careful, and all that. *I have a weird illness called 'sarcoidosis', which is super-rare, and no one knows how or WHY I got it - but my b/f has to put up with THAT. I could drop dead at any moment, and my b/f has to cope with that - but he still loves me;-)))

So, best to you and your friends, NWFL - I'll pray for them!

Kisses,
"A" XOXOXOXOXOXO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP9jHD_dRFI
 
We shouldn't Tampa. In fact you should ask any guy who you are about to have sex with if they're clean. I do.

*********************************

And, Jon, if anyone ever lied to you about something like that, let alone hurt you - I know the people to call. Just saying ;-) (I tutored this nice kid, in university, to "A's" - he was a really nice guy, too. When we graduated, my parents took me to the "Bonanza" buffet, and got me a steak ~ his parents bought him a pizzeria!) And, when we graduated, he took my hand, and kissed me on the cheek (I'm not kidding you) and whispered in my ear ~ "'A', if anyone ever hurts you, or one of your friends, CALL ME ~ because I have an Uncle, in Chicago, who might be able to help. . .

OMG, Jon, I was so surprised and shocked. Needless to say, I have never taken my friend up on that offer - because there were just too many possible candidates! But, I guess, if anyone ever hurt YOU (or Jamie, or Tampa): I would have to think about calling in the favour, from Uncle Sal.

"A".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfbYp9oaIT8
 
if someone was reluctant to reveal a health condition that could concern me, then I would be reluctant to have sex with them. surely when I come to a health condition that could concern my health, I would expect nothing but complete honesty.
I would be inclined to protect myself, in any case.
from there it is just the hard work that goes into any relationship.
 
I do not consider it awkward nor rude to talk about sexual history before having sexual contact. I think it is a must, you can't assume someone is healthy and if you're not going to talk about it because you feel embarrassed then i guess it's best that you assume they are positive. I would say it is not uncommon for people to exchange health reports prior to having any kind of sex that might be considered risky. I do think about HIV but I worry about hepatitis more because it's much easier to contract.

I don't see anything wrong with a positive guy and negative guy dating. I would not cross a man off my list just because he were positive, there are precautions. Who's to say how long you're going to live anyway, you could walk outside and get hit by a car tomorrow so turning down love because of a disease does not seem reasonable to me.
 
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