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Penis Jokes

Jayman01

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Well Endowed

"Some friends had been having a few beers at the bar together recounting old times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the same time, still deep in conversation.

But Fred could hardly ignore the fact that Chas was very well endowed.

"I say, that's a remarkable penis you have there old boy," Fred was prompted to remark.

"Wasn't always that way," replied Chas, "Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days," he said. "I got this done over in Harley Street, England, cost a thousand bucks, but as you can see, well worth every cent."

Fred was very envious. In fact, he packed his bag that night and flew off to the Old Dart first thing.

It was a good six months later before he ran into his old cobber once again and Fred could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result.

"But Chas, I will tell you something else," said Fred. "You were screwed, I got mine for $500, not a thousand."

Chas could hardly believe it. Same address on Harley Street, same doctor. Complaining that he had been ripped off, he asked Fred if he could take a look.

Once more they lined up at the porcelain, when Chas took a peek over the partition; the worried frown which had creased his face disappeared. "No wonder," he laughed. "That's my old one!"" - Calamjo :lol: :thumbup:
 
Little Jonny

Stick it out

A teacher notices that little Jonny at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.

She goes back to find out what's up. He's quite embarrassed and whispers that he has just recently been circumcised and he's quite itchy.

The teacher tells him to go down to the principal's office, to phone his mum and ask her what he should do about it.

He does this and returns to the class, sits down in his seat and suddenly, there's a general commotion at the back of the room.

Back down she goes, only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom" she says.

"I did" he says, "She told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school." – Anonymous :lol: :thumbup:
 
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A cute Texan rancher with long legs slightly bowed, hips so narrow that you couldn't understand how there could be room for his intestines in there, 28" waist, cute high butt that pushed his 501 pockets up a little on the off-leg stride, abs and pecs that actually showed through the pale blue cotton percale of his shirt with Western styling (those pearly plastic snap closures, and points on the yoke) and broad shoulders 90 degrees to the perpendicular, went in to town one Saturday morning to pick up his mail.

As he clumped adorably out if the post office he was met with a sight that transfixed him, motionless, in love, on the wooden steps. It was a breathtaking blonde whom I won't bother describing since we're all gay, but just imagine "breathtaking" in it's most superlative sense and you've got it. She was at the wheel of a vintage Oldsmobile convertible, immaculately restored, which she had stopped dead in front of the post office at the sight of the cute rancher, and she was motionless, in love.

They went to Melba's Coffeeteria and sat in a booth. The conversation was one of those tell me about yourself ones where you say that and then talk about yourself. She said, "Slim (yeah, I know, I can't help his name, it's a joke, ok?), the man that I would consider marrying would have to have a fleet of private jets, a 600,000 acre spread, access to the White House at at least Immanuel level, and a thick 11 inch dick."

"Well ma'am," the young rancher drawled, "I've just added that plane Citigroup cancelled on yesterday to the other two in the hangar out there. I'll take ma neighbor up on that worthless corner he wants to sell me, must be 5000, and that gets us up past your acreage. BHO was out here during the campaign. We messed around doin' some hoops and I just got back from the party in Washington this week. Barry got busy with the Republicans and we couldn't hang out much so I just told him hasta la vista."

"And as far as the dick's concerned, that's a bit of a problem. But I'm willin' to have it cut off to what ever length you want."
 
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Man sitting in Dr office. Doc says well I got good news and bad news. Man says give me the good news first. Doc says ok your peter has grown 3 inches. Thats wonderful yells the man so whats the bad news? Doc replied, it's malignant!
 
Man sitting in Dr office. Doc says well I got good news and bad news. Man says give me the good news first. Doc says ok your peter has grown 3 inches. Thats wonderful yells the man so whats the bad news? Doc replied, it's malignant!

Ouch!!!!:thumbup1:
 
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