Well,
I guess I am up a bit (way) too late - but I have a bit of a smoking fetish, too. I am not proud of it - I'm really ASHAMED of it, actually: because I know how bad smoking is, for a person. The long and short of it is, when I was a kid in school - the cute straight boys who were MUCH older than I was, always dragged me off (physically, and forcibly) into the bushes at lunchtime, and smoked and
jerked off in front of me - because they knew I was, famously, a "good kid"; and they thought it would EMBARRASS and HUMILIATE me: and it kind of
got to me, in a certain way. I held off for a VERY long time - - - but eventually started smoking, in private, just because I was longing to know what my junior-high crush, "D", and my high-school crush, "P" (with whom I was SO IN LOVE), were feeling. For me, it wasn't so much peer-pressure, as
erotic tension :-(((
*And I think some of what happened to me, as a kid, would qualify as
bona-fide child-abuse, now. Except I was always a gay kid, and LIKED the attention and the erotic stuff. . . I just didn't need the smoking, going along with it!*
So, I'll say, honestly, two things. If I see one of my favorite models smoking - it
DOES turn me on a lot: though I feel guilty about it, for days, afterward. (Though less guilty, if I know it is his own choice, and people didn't try to force him, like they tried to force ME.) *Though, usually, people get
influenced into this habit, at a very young age, when it is TOUGH to make the best choices, for themselves.*
Second ~ and this is true ~ if I can ever help ANY of my favorite models to QUIT smoking, I
will. Because fetishes that got pushed on one as a kid, are no reason not to love your friends, and do your best to help them be
HAPPIER and HEALTHIER. (I have lots of healthier fetishes, that's for sure!) *And I HAVE helped many friends, of all sorts, to quit smoking.*
I still smoke a bit - especially when all worked up about the subject, or a particular model - but. . . I remember
Jason Matthews once telling us he couldn't quit - even after his wisdom teeth were extracted!!! Well, it's an addiction, that's for sure. . . but if Jason ever decides to quit, I esteem and care for him so much. . . I will go through that pain, to quit completely, with him!!! (It's very, very hard though, guys.)
(My b/f wants me to quit, but so far is unwilling to commit to quitting, himself ;-)
"A" XOXOXOXOXOXO
P.S. I feel like I've just been to CONFESSION!!!! LOL!!! That is honestly the dirtiest little secret about me, you'll ever know. . . because, otherwise, I am pretty angelic ;-)
P.P.S. I sure hope ADAM will come back, too!
