Peter - I just noticed on your avatar Location: Seattle (Mental note to self - pay attention to the details around avatars! I generally look at Join Date and number of posts - totally missed location. Sometimes I am just blissfully ignorant about details - but not often.
While divorce proceedings were going on - after coming out to my wife - I hit the Twin Cities gay scene. For some it caused a stir cuz my ex was the product from parents of two of MN's biggest Fortune 500 companies and I known from legal and political scene. We actually got interviewed by Marie Claire and the New York Times when they each did an expose' on marriage melt downs due to one of the couple being gay yet married. It was societal conditioning and family pressure for me. The HRC approached me to speak at events for the new "Coming Out Day" but my schedule did not permit. Any way, I met and fell in instant love with a guy twelve years younger than me. I kept that private but right after the divorce I brought him home with me to live. I had designed the home myself and though my ex wanted it, I convinced her to let me have it so, in exchange, I built her a new home in another development.
Anyway, my guy moved in. After the articles, whenever we were outdoors doing yard work or anything else, the neighbors began to call their kids in. I went to the neighbor who said, "We don't want our children exposed to that." And, they wouldn't let their kids play with my grandson when he was there. Sold the house and we moved to a downtown Minneapolis tower. Should have known not to keep house.
We were together three years then he decided he wanted to move to Seattle, flew out, got a job and came home to say, "Are you coming with me?" Damnedest decision I ever made - I said I couldn't. I drove the u-haul while he led or followed in his car. For two years we did a back and forth thing every other weekend. Every other time is was in Seattle we'd spend a night, head to Vancouver and spend three days there then I'd fly home. When he was "home" (I'd bought a place in a gay part of Mpls) we'd go out and meet up with all our gang. I tried to get him to come back to MN but he loved Seattle.
Some days I'd have the day to myself and spent them walking about Capitol Square and the parks and gardens around. One day I stopped in to a Seattle's Best for some java. Guy across from me said, "Why do you look so down?" Turned out to be Dan Savage. We coffeed frequently. He learned the whole story of Randy and me. I bought a copy of his book Savage Love and asked him to sign it for Randy. He wrote him a message and told me I couldn't read it until he had. We read it and he'd given him some advice - and some to me in that inscription. We'd planned my visit back for Halloween two weeks later so I went back. Had coffee two days in a row. I told him I didn't know what I was doing there and why. Next morning we had coffee one last time and I accepted his book with an inscription for me. I followed the advice but before I left for home we made a decision. I didn't like it. Issues yet unresolved, we agreed we needed to move on.
I did. He didn't. He came to MN one weekend I'd told him I was busy. He called me and we met at a great little watering hole. Within 3 minutes (the parking lot hug turned into a public display of missed passion) it was hard for me to understand why I'd let him go. My partner came and met us there. Drinks, more drinks and then we all had an opportunity to cum to realize why we all got along so well. But that weekend ended it. He sold his place and moved San Diego. I'd really come to love Seattle - but then I got to love San Diego and our side trips to Palm Springs and Phoenix when I'd visit.
He's the one that should not have gotten away. Even my kids tell me that. But, we've actually lost that intimacy factor and even the chats are now infrequent. I think I am as stuck on him as you are on Shane.
I know I will get TMI blasted but your first post and then pulling out Savage Love and seeing that inscription made me a bit melancholy so, instead of writing in a journal (gave that up) I wrote it here. Forgive my indulgence.
I envy you have Capital Hill as home - compared to Republican Central where I don't fit in so I reside but don't "live"!