Faking it...

[SGVBOB]

1.) At what point in a/the 'relationship', do you 'throw in the towel', and tell your 'partner'', that you REALLY have not been IN love with him/her for awhile, and that you think that it would *gasp* be best, if you 2 'were just friends'?

2.) What is considered a LTR? After how many months/years?

3.) Does the word 'relationship', in the general sense, mean 'monogamous'?

This last one is 'scruple' that I have toggled with for years:

4.) NOT talking EXCLUSIVELY same-sex marriage on this question, but, should it be an 'underwritten law' that before the couple decides to wed, they should co-habitate, as IF they WERE married, INCLUDING the physical intimacy part, sleeping in the same bed, just to see if, INDEED, they were able to 'accept/put up with' each other's idiosyncrises?

 

[zyl84]

1. When you find yourself no longer able or willing to be with the person. Relationships, to me, are journeys to share your life with someone and be an integral part in the ups and downs. If you're not willing to do that, than get out.

2. LTR is more of a concept to me than a definition. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 months. I consider it a LTR because that is my intention.

3. Relationship should imply monogamy, unless the couple can agree on terms for sharing in that relationship.

4. Interesting question - I think if people shared a space to ensure they would get along, the divorce rate would probably be lower. For example, I have a sister who dated her high school boyfriend for 4 years, lived together for 5 years and than got married and they have an incredibly strong marriage. A friend of mine dated someone for 5 years, got married and now can't stand the sight of her husband because he is disrespectful of their common space and is messy.

 

[panzer104]

1. When you first have that thought. Once the thought is had, the realization becomes reality. In fairness to all parties involved you should make your feelings known. Staying with a person you no longer have feelings for makes you, on some subconscious level, detest the person and that is not fair to them. Why drag out a tired, spent relationship? If your partner is still in love why hurt them? IMO, if you drag out the relationship it makes it harder for you "be friends". Your partner, on some level, will know that your love has changed. Love can turn to malevolence very fast.

2. An LTR would be any length that is outside your usual dating pattern. If you normally date for a year or so, anything around one year six months would be considered an LTR. I go for about six months to a year in any given relationship. Anything longer than that I consider an LTR. Being a relationship saboteur, that rarely happens so I think of an LTR as something that could go the distance, if I could just stop messing it up.

3.Usually, but then again you and your partner may have different rules and boundaries set up in your relationship. When I was still in school I was with someone that I cared for and he knew that I like to fool around with my best friend. It was okay so long as I abstained from kissing. We dated two years before we just went separate ways...

4. Never been one for the idea of marriage, but I say yes to living with each other before the big day. A persons idiosyncrasies are only truly discovered when sharing a space. I know of so many marriages that failed because the couple failed to live together before they wed.

Great Topic SVGBOB...hope this one goes the distance...

 

[ctbigbear]

1. You don't tell him you're not in love with him, you tell him when you are. If he thinks you are in love and you are not, you are not communicating. I am always clear with someone how I feel and what my intentions are, and I'd run from someone who jumps to conclusions.

2. It's an LTR when you consider it a permanent arrangement. Obviously it may not end up that way, but if permanet is not your intent from the beginning, you are just having an affair.

3. I have not seen many successful gay LTRs that were 100% monogamous. They are either open or they cheat.

4. You'd think a "trial marriage" would help, but lots, probably most, people do this and it doesn't seem to cut down on the divorce rate. Especially for heteros, marriage with all it's legal and social implications is very different than living together.

 

[joninliverton]

1.) At what point in a/the 'relationship', do you 'throw in the towel', and tell your 'partner'', that you REALLY have not been IN love with him/her for awhile, and that you think that it would *gasp* be best, if you 2 'were just friends'?

2.) What is considered a LTR? After how many months/years?

3.) Does the word 'relationship', in the general sense, mean 'monogamous'?

This last one is 'scruple' that I have toggled with for years:

4.) NOT talking EXCLUSIVELY same-sex marriage on this question, but, should it be an 'underwritten law' that before the couple decides to wed, they should co-habitate, as IF they WERE married, INCLUDING the physical intimacy part, sleeping in the same bed, just to see if, INDEED, they were able to 'accept/put up with' each other's idiosyncrises?

Bob this is an excellent thread and a first as such on Broke Straight Boys as far as I can remember - there are so many repeated ones if you get my drift. I will try and answer your questions in the order you gave.

1. This happened to me but I didn't throw in the towel, i had the towel thrown at me and I think it hurts more that way. I was so fucked up and amazed that he no longer loved me as I had been so faithful to him. However, a few months after he threw in the towel, it came out in the open that he had in fact been cheating and he was just making an excuse - bastard.

2. I would say that there is no time limit at all. You could have a fuck buddy for 2 or 3 years but it doesn't make it a LTR. I think when you start sharing a home and share your finances and other commitments then you can rightly be classed as LTRs.

I havn't the time to answer 3 and 4, so I'll think about it.

xx

 

[SGVBOB]

Thank you Jon! That is very kind of you. I am/was not doing these types of recent threads because I am the 'nosey/busy body'type, but rather because I wanted to 'open up the forum'

Bob this is an excellent thread and a first as such on Broke Straight Boys as far as I can remember - there are so many repeated ones if you get my drift. I will try and answer your questions in the order you gave.

1. This happened to me but I didn't throw in the towel, i had the towel thrown at me and I think it hurts more that way. I was so fucked up and amazed that he no longer loved me as I had been so faithful to him. However, a few months after he threw in the towel, it came out in the open that he had in fact been cheating and he was just making an excuse - bastard.

2. I would say that there is no time limit at all. You could have a fuck buddy for 2 or 3 years but it doesn't make it a LTR. I think when you start sharing a home and share your finances and other commitments then you can rightly be classed as LTRs.

I havn't the time to answer 3 and 4, so I'll think about it.

xx

 

[whitewhale2]

1. (throw in the towel) As soon as one or the other of you has the thought, it has to be discussed. Then a decision can be made to split or stay and the thing won't fester. The real problem is when it festers and can become real hate. Talk it out.
2. What's an LTR?
3. Each couple decides what the relationship is. What the boundaries are. It can be monogamous (and most heteros assume that it will be) but if a couple can forge a different path then go for it. Just make sure that both understand and accept completely.
4. Co-habitating won't necessarily work. I think it's an illusion. When does co-habitating end? There was a couple on a talk show that had been living together for 10 years, had 3 kids, and still had no plans to marry. Isn't that equally bizarre?

I have regularly reading straightjocktalking blogspot. It's written by a guy who is happily married with two children, but he has realized in recent years that he is sexually attracted to men. The blog is about his exploration of his problem and his small sexual exploits in this area. He has a large gay following, and many of the readers comment regularly (one morning within six hours of a post there were 22 comments) The combined knowledge of all is fascinating. A recent commenter revealed that his wife had just found out about his attraction to men and he felt his life was over. The other commenters sprang to his aid and the story goes on. The pictures are erotic too. If it's not clear, the reason I mention all this is because it is very close to the whole relationship question of SGVBOB.