Could there be a bi-curious guy in the midst... ??

[SayWhat]

This, being Broke Straight Boys and all, seems like a great place for this type of conversation. I'm sure it's not the first time it has come up, but whatever!



The girls I typically hang out with have brought a group of guys into our little social circle. To my knowledge they're all straight, but one of them seems like he may be leaning toward bi-curious. Bare in mind they're all fully aware that I'm bisexual and prefer men (thanks to my friend, Jose Cuervo.)

Symptoms:

• Talks about my sex life frequently. Not always in a teasing way, but in an ask-ten-million-questions kind of way.
• When we pass by anything remotely penis-shaped he makes some kind of sexual comment about it and my ass. This may seem like a jerk/teasing kind thing to do, but my stance is that (A) he shouldn't be identifying random penis-shaped things everywhere we go and (B) if he does think it looks like a penis, shouldn't he picture it being put in a girl instead of me?!
• Caresses my ear randomly (Woah.)
• Barely acknowledges that I exist around his girlfriend. Why would he act any different when she's around if it wasn't related to a desire or something that he didn't want her to know about??

My question is this -

What do YOU look for in terms of flirting from a guy if you're not sure that he's gay/bi/whatever? And if you're not sure, how do you test the waters without (A) freaking him out and (B) getting your ass kicked?


ReadySetGo!

 

[jwglass]

actually it kinda helps if he sees you hanging off another guy. three years ago when i was in college i had to hots for a frat guy, well it just so happened that when i had a guy visiting for the weekend and he saw us together he got kinda extra curious. so a couple days later he told me how it was really cool that im not afraid to be with who i want to be with in public, and told me how he always respected and was somewhat curious about how it works. next semester i blew him, granted i never talked to him again but that was because a few very homophobic people joined his frat...oh well!

 

[mikeyank]

actually it kinda helps if he sees you hanging off another guy. three years ago when i was in college i had to hots for a frat guy, well it just so happened that when i had a guy visiting for the weekend and he saw us together he got kinda extra curious. so a couple days later he told me how it was really cool that im not afraid to be with who i want to be with in public, and told me how he always respected and was somewhat curious about how it works. next semester i blew him, granted i never talked to him again but that was because a few very homophobic people joined his frat...oh well!

I would consider myself very lucky to get the opportunity to suck off that frat guy. And while it did not turn into a regular thing, and he did not care to associate with you afterwards, you did get to experience something that you will always remember, and chances are he will always remember it too. I don't think that you expected him to become your boyfriend, and sometimes a hot blowjob with an unexpected partner, can be worth some minor consequences afterwards.

Unfortunately I was not out during my college years, and did not have the balls to approach some of the hot str8 guys in my dorm, and on my campus, who I fantasized about doing the same thing to, so I admire the younger generation of today who are willing to openly say who they are, and what they want, and to go for it, and sometimes get it too.

 

[jwglass]

hells yeah! by no means do i regret the situation, hell he came all over my good hoodie because i thought he was done shooting..however i was wrong! being out in college was super awesome. i occasionally do drag and i participated in a poetry jam in drag, and the next day i have straight boys all over campus worshiping me for the balls i had, and between classes while walking on campus i would hear my drag name screamed across campus in adoration. it was amazing! not to mention i got the attention of the administration and campus police who started regularly attending our gay straight alliance events such as candle light vigils, etc. the last vigil we held for victims of hate crimes, we had the whole police force, our dean of students, campus minister, and the interum president present. thats the last thing i expected from a private lutheran istitution!

 

[tampa24]

My question is this -

What do YOU look for in terms of flirting from a guy if you're not sure that he's gay/bi/whatever? And if you're not sure, how do you test the waters without (A) freaking him out and (B) getting your ass kicked?


ReadySetGo!

Wow! Great question Ariz.

I think it's safe to say that the things he is doing are at least mildly flirtatious. Since you say that he does not seem to be doing it in a context of homophobic behavior. That is, not just wanting to call you out constantly on being gay or bi.

I will focus on how you test the waters without losing the friendship or getting decked. I assume form your photos that you could hold your own in an actual fight. Though I hope that after high school that no guy ever has to...

My advice... If he asks questions about bi sex or your sex life be fairly open and honest with him. If drawing him in is your goal then you actually do want him to know what your idea of a good time is sexually. What might be expected of him and what he might be able to ask for or expect from you. Help take away a little bit of the fear and mystery for him. And if he's slightly interested in you he wants to learn your personality and the real you anyway. So be open and honest while not giving up everything and making you feel too vulnerable.

When he asks sexual questions be fairly open again of course. But....pick one question that he asks that you really don't mind answering but very playfully and politely refuse to answer it. Say something teasing and playful. Chuckle or giggle, make eye contact, and say something like, "Oh. Wouldn't you like to know...?" Then say, "Ask another question. But not that one." It will drive him crazy! Hold firm on not giving up that one question. And then show him that you still agree to answer his other questions but not that one.

His little straight mind will be tossing around this particular question about you or gay sex and he'll be wondering all the time why you won't answer it. So that question will stay with him. And he'll be thinking about you or the sex act even more in your time away from each other. The next time he sees you he will try to pull the answer out of you again. But don't do it. If you do finally give him up the answer much later, then repeat the process all over again with another question. But do keep giving him answers to questions that you haven't told him are off limits.

When he plays with your ears... (Which will get my engine revving hehe)

Do this: Say in a playful and joking manner. "Don't play with my ears. It gets me excited." Say it in a way like you would tell someone not to touch you somewhere because you're ticklish. Which then makes the person want to tickle you even more. Because you do want him to want to touch your ears even more. Don't say these things loud enough for others to hear you. Keep it between you and him.

As he continues to touch your ears or your body in other places say mischievous things like, "Stop teasing me. It's not fair." Which hopefully will make him chuckle and want to tease you even more.

Or if there is enough alcohol through him and you are feeling especially bold... at some point wait for him to touch you or caress your ear and say,"Don't start something you can't finish." And then laugh it off. Again not loud enough for others to hear it.

Of course whenever you tell a man he can't do something you are throwing down the gauntlet. They want to prove you wrong if you tell them they are not brave enough or man enough to do something. Trust me. He will be mulling that one over.

I'm assuming that he's no idiot. So he'll figure out that some of these things are flirtatious on your part. They are an invitation to take the dare or the plunge, as it were. If you couch these things in a playful way, out of earshot of others, so that he doesn't feel that his heterosexuality or manhood is threatened.. then he won't respond with anger, fear or any violence at all. And your scenario A and B will be avoided. It does carry the risk of altering the friendship obviously. So that is up to you to decide.

I hope that helps!

 

[SayWhat]

When he plays with your ears... (Which will get my engine revving hehe)

Do this: Say in a playful and joking manner. "Don't play with my ears. It gets me excited." Say it in a way like you would tell someone not to touch you somewhere because you're ticklish. Which then makes the person want to tickle you even more. Because you do want him to want to touch your ears even more. Don't say these things loud enough for others to hear you. Keep it between you and him.

As he continues to touch your ears or your body in other places say mischievous things like, "Stop teasing me. It's not fair." Which hopefully will make him chuckle and want to tease you even more.

Or if there is enough alcohol through him and you are feeling especially bold... at some point wait for him to touch you or caress your ear and say,"Don't start something you can't finish." And then laugh it off. Again not loud enough for others to hear it.

Damn, Tampa! That was exciting to read!

And sober, I could definitely hold my own in a fight. I'm not usually sober around him, though haha

 

[joninliverton]

hells yeah! by no means do i regret the situation, hell he came all over my good hoodie because i thought he was done shooting..however i was wrong! being out in college was super awesome. i occasionally do drag and i participated in a poetry jam in drag, and the next day i have straight boys all over campus worshiping me for the balls i had, and between classes while walking on campus i would hear my drag name screamed across campus in adoration. it was amazing! not to mention i got the attention of the administration and campus police who started regularly attending our gay straight alliance events such as candle light vigils, etc. the last vigil we held for victims of hate crimes, we had the whole police force, our dean of students, campus minister, and the interum president present. thats the last thing i expected from a private lutheran istitution!

Excellent, I have so much respect for people who have the balls to go out and do what they want irrespect of potential agro from others. A big well done hug from the UK xx

 

[tampa24]

Excellent, I have so much respect for people who have the balls to go out and do what they want irrespect of potential agro from others. A big well done hug from the UK xx

Jon is quite right JW. That took a lot of courage. And yes, cojones, to do that. You were a bit of a trailblazer for current and future students on your campus. The ripples of your courageous act will continue to spread out far and wide.

 

[jwglass]

haha that trailblazing was great! up until the point that my car got vandalized, breaks were cut, windshield broken in, keyed, tire slashed....all at different times. but it was worth it!

 

[silvercamel]

haha that trailblazing was great! up until the point that my car got vandalized, breaks were cut, windshield broken in, keyed, tire slashed....all at different times. but it was worth it!

Well, you remind us there is still a price to pay for being a trailblazer...

 

[tampa24]

That's awful JW. But you paid those dues so that others might not have to. Just as we are indebted today to those drag queens at the Stonewall riots who got tired of being rounded up, beaten and sexually assaulted by police while in custody. They stood their ground and fought back, and paid the price. So that future generations of gays would not have to endure what they did in the beginning.

 

[Jayman01]

I love the terms that we come up with to describe thing things that are awkward. Bi-curious kind of tops the list. I always thought it meant that the person thought that they might be bisexual but they have never ha sex with someone of the same sex to help them decide. Yet, I find that today this term has so much more meaning. Like they are straight but open to having sex with people of the same sex. I even had one person tell me in college he thought it meant someone was curious whether or not someone was bisexual.

I guess I just find it easier to listen to people talk and discuss their perceived sexuality. These days people don't seem to like labels and prefer to be who they are in their own uniqueness. In my case I had 15 girlfriends and 3 boyfriends before I hit 17 years of age. I was still having sexual relationships with both sexes at age 22. For some reason that was the magic number LOL. (In numerology 22 is the vibration of self mastery) I could finally say it and be comfortable with it that I am bisexual. After that I kind of discovered I was more try-sexual. I would try almost anything once; if I liked it I would do it again.

Never got to quad-sexual never like sex outside of my species accept for that that nimpho alien on Epsilon 9 with Vicekid. Dam it was intoxicating. It had three breasts with an orifice between each breast. and it also had three penises one on each thigh and between it's legs. Now that was very interesting once you got past her piercing eyes and purple skin. Vicekid and I are still stumped on how to classify that species. Anyway I digress...

Does anyone really have a concrete definition for bi-curious? Or do just continue to use this as the catch all label category??? LMAO

 

[Jayman01]

JW I want to than you for just being you and being proud to stand up for yourself no matter what others said or thought about you. You are who you are and you are perfect whole and complete just the way you are. Thank you for standing up for yourself and helping future generations stand up and over come adversity. It is unfortunate that people are slow to change their opinions and views. I agree with Tampa... Bless your heart...

 

[SayWhat]

Does anyone really have a concrete definition for bi-curious? Or do just continue to use this as the catch all label category??? LMAO

I always thought it was like you said before - Someone that may think about having sex with someone of the same gender, but hasn't tried it.

I think for some people there may be just ONE person that you suddenly find yourself sexually attracted to for no apparent reason. I had a thing with a guy shortly after high school and he'd always get pissed off if I made a gay/bi reference. He swore that I was the only male he'd ever been attracted to - he had no association with gays, gay rights, etc. How the hell do you label THAT?!

I'm thinking this may be a similar case... I've never seen him flirt with another guy (and there are plenty obviously gay men in the group for him to choose from). I honestly have no idea how to interpret it.

 

[Jayman01]

I always thought it was like you said before - Someone that may think about having sex with someone of the same gender, but hasn't tried it.

I think for some people there may be just ONE person that you suddenly find yourself sexually attracted to for no apparent reason. I had a thing with a guy shortly after high school and he'd always get pissed off if I made a gay/bi reference. He swore that I was the only male he'd ever been attracted to - he had no association with gays, gay rights, etc. How the hell do you label THAT?!

I'm thinking this may be a similar case... I've never seen him flirt with another guy (and there are plenty obviously gay men in the group for him to choose from). I honestly have no idea how to interpret it.

I am so glad you made this point. First and foremost I do my best not to label these things. However; I would like to share some of my spiritual beliefs as a possible solution or answer to your question. I am one who believes in reincarnation. I really don't believe that hell exists. (We can broach that at a different time. LOL) Anyway, I believe that most of us have lived before. Most of us ascend after about 12 lifetimes. I am on my 15th. But I chose to come back to help with the ascension process for the rest of my soul group and the rest humanity. Some of that is pretty deep so let's just stick with the soul group concept. We all choose our parents friends and spiritual teachers before being born into each lifetime. Many of our family members, friends, and spiritual teachers are members of our soul group. With each lifetime we learn new things. One life time we may be male, another we may be female, another we may be wealthy, another we may be disabled, in another we may be married, etc... These things change from one lifetime to another. Usually our soul-mate is chosen from members of our soul group. Strange in one life time they may have been your best friend, in another they may have been your arch enemy, in another they may have been your: husband, wife, brother, sister, mom, dad, grandparent etc...

Often times when we connect with members of our soul group we have some type of cognitive soul recognition. We are suddenly attracted to this person and we my no exactly why. Perhaps in a past life you may have been married and he was your wife then. I have been told by three notable psychics that my best friend and I were married in a past life. He was my wife and I died prematurely. Tom Sawyer and Sylvia Brown were among the two psychics. LOL My best friend and I have never had sex before. He is 100% heterosexual. He knows am bisexual and he could care less. He acknowledges that there is some kind of supernatural connection between us but he does not believe in past lives like me. We communicate without talking most of the time and we know each others likes and dislikes without thinking about it. If someone ever tried to take advantage of me he would probably kill them. Enough of that said. LOL He loves hanging out with me and my gay friends as well as my straight friends. We had that crazy soul recognition in first grade.

Recently, I had a 22 year old waiter suddenly throw them self at me not sexually either. He just came up after his shift and sat at my table and he said I think I know you from some where. He came to my house that night and we talked for hours. He believed in past lives too. So, some of the metaphysical stuff doesn't scare him so much...

Anyway, it is something to think about as a possible answer.

 

[jwglass]

i believe in reincarnation to a point, however i didnt know about this soul group stuff. how do you know whether or not someone is in your soul group? i have coworkers that i have clicked with, but that doesnt necessarily mean we are of the same soul group. and what about the darwin tree of life theory? does that play into this at all? it states that every living organism is connected. i used to have a pet rat, his name was prince and i treated him like just that! we did everything together, even went to many of my college classes together. he never bit me or anything, weve just always had this connection. the day he died i knew he was going to leave me. basically my question is, are souls the same, as animal and humans or are there seperate groups?

 

[larry240]

I have always thought that I was reincarnated. I do think that life is a on going learning experience and process. I went through regression therapy when I was in college and found that many of the people I knew were people, I had known in past lifes. That changed the way I thought about every thing. I have read some of Sylvia Browns books and did like what she had written, until her focus turned to sexuality. I always had a wish to see her and it would be interesting to hear what she had to say. Jay I never thought about soul groups that was very interesting. Thanks for sharing that.

 

[tampa24]

Jayman and I have very, very similar views on all of this. JW. Just because you click with someone in your life of course doesn't mean that you have met them before or that they are in your own soul group. Though it is possible. Although of course on a deeper spiritual level we are all brothers and sisters of the same God. So there is no separation that relies on gender, wealth, social status, etc. The current body we temporarily inhabit is disposable. lol

And if you look at us from a non spiritual standpoint and just look at the science and biology of the human race then you'll face another aspect of the lack of separation that I'm referring to. If you take all of our ancestries back millions of years on planet Earth... Or even just several thousand years if that's all you believe that the human race or its precursors have been around...then you see that we came from smaller and smaller group of parents. Taken in that context every one of us is a biological cousin. Some diluted more heavily from us than others, but nonetheless spiritully we are all of one family and biologically we are all cousins.

You may meet someone that you know from a past life. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they are in your own group of souls that always travels together from lifetime to lifetime. And by the same token just because you hit it off instantly with a stranger doesn't mean that there has to be a past life connection. Ergo, Freud's quote, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." lol

 

[jwglass]

i love that quote from freud! it has always been one of my favorites

 

[Jayman01]

i believe in reincarnation to a point, however i didnt know about this soul group stuff. how do you know whether or not someone is in your soul group? i have coworkers that i have clicked with, but that doesnt necessarily mean we are of the same soul group. and what about the darwin tree of life theory? does that play into this at all? it states that every living organism is connected. i used to have a pet rat, his name was prince and i treated him like just that! we did everything together, even went to many of my college classes together. he never bit me or anything, weve just always had this connection. the day he died i knew he was going to leave me. basically my question is, are souls the same, as animal and humans or are there seperate groups?

The sould group recognition thing just happens it is an intrinsic knowing. You will know when you meet them. We are all here to learn true unconditional love. Learning to love can be very difficult. Especially, unconditional love. A great book to help with understanding this process is Power vs. Force. Another one is the book of Blessings, Gifts, and Deeds.

I AM that, I AM. We are all connected. We all come from the same source and we all return to the same source. This is true of the smallest of us to the greatest of us. We are connected to all living things some are on a different evolutionary scale. That does not make them anymore less than or greater than you or me.

Think of each life as an individual ray of light eminating from the same central sun. Each ray is separate and unique unto itself. Yet each ray eminates from the same central sun. So, as I said we all come from the same source and we return to the same source....

Live well, live long, love much, and and teach others...

Nameste