louis33705
BSB Addict
What Christmas means to me!
I grew up in a Catholic environment. Christmas was a special time of the year for our families. Yes, we had the trees and all the decorations. However, what impressed me the most were the services of celebration at our church. I looked up to the clergy who performed these services. Even from a very young age I yearned to become a priest. I set up an altar in my bedroom and pretended to say Mass every day. My greatest day was when I turned 11 years old. I was old enough to become an altar boy. Here I was, an 11 year old who now could assist in the celebration of the mass. I offered to serve mass every morning during the school week at 6:00 a.m. I was on my way to becoming a priest.
Then during the Fall of my first year of serving, tragedy befell me. I was raped by one of the priests at the church. I went through all the emotions of guilt, shame and worthlessness. I felt as though I had been crucified. It was as if I had been slapped in the face with a broken piece of glass after I had shed blood during that first abuse.
That December I was assigned to serve at the Christmas Midnight mass. I walked in procession with the priest while he carried the infant Jesus to the cradle. Tears flowed down my face. That was the worst Christmas of my life.
Easter arrived and I was also assigned to serve the midnight mass. It was during that ceremony that a light shined upon me. I had participated in the birth of a Child and now we were commemorating his sacrifice and death. I realized that the Man had been crificified for doing nothing but good. He was guilty of nothing. I looked at myself and said, "All I wanted to do was good and I too was crucified."
The abuse continued for the remainder of the school year. After that year I stood and walked stronger than I had ever done in my young life. I dropped out of the altar boy society but eventually emersed myself in serving the Lord through music.
I look at this season as a symbol of a new beginning.
Peace and blessings to all,
Louis
I grew up in a Catholic environment. Christmas was a special time of the year for our families. Yes, we had the trees and all the decorations. However, what impressed me the most were the services of celebration at our church. I looked up to the clergy who performed these services. Even from a very young age I yearned to become a priest. I set up an altar in my bedroom and pretended to say Mass every day. My greatest day was when I turned 11 years old. I was old enough to become an altar boy. Here I was, an 11 year old who now could assist in the celebration of the mass. I offered to serve mass every morning during the school week at 6:00 a.m. I was on my way to becoming a priest.
Then during the Fall of my first year of serving, tragedy befell me. I was raped by one of the priests at the church. I went through all the emotions of guilt, shame and worthlessness. I felt as though I had been crucified. It was as if I had been slapped in the face with a broken piece of glass after I had shed blood during that first abuse.
That December I was assigned to serve at the Christmas Midnight mass. I walked in procession with the priest while he carried the infant Jesus to the cradle. Tears flowed down my face. That was the worst Christmas of my life.
Easter arrived and I was also assigned to serve the midnight mass. It was during that ceremony that a light shined upon me. I had participated in the birth of a Child and now we were commemorating his sacrifice and death. I realized that the Man had been crificified for doing nothing but good. He was guilty of nothing. I looked at myself and said, "All I wanted to do was good and I too was crucified."
The abuse continued for the remainder of the school year. After that year I stood and walked stronger than I had ever done in my young life. I dropped out of the altar boy society but eventually emersed myself in serving the Lord through music.
I look at this season as a symbol of a new beginning.
Peace and blessings to all,
Louis
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