Love, to Mr. Paul Canon. . . .

[Ambivalent]

Dear Mr. Canon (XOXOXOXOXO) ~

I have just watched your big interview, with you and your family. You're such a nice and sweet guy, and your family is lovely, and I was very, very, moved, by all you had to say. Hearing about all the things you've been through, I hope it is OK to say. . . I cried, a little, all the way through.

Paul, I am very sorry about all the difficult things you've been through: especially with your drug overdose. (But many other trials you've experienced, too.) I know I speak for everyone when I say that I am SO GLAD that your brother was there to help you out, in that bad time: and I am SO GLAD you survived: and I am SO GLAD that you have a mature and wise attitude to coping with the perils of addiction.

Really, truly, a lot of the kindest, nicest, people in this world are also afflicted with an addictive personality. Often, people who struggle with addiction are the sweetest and most sensitive people in the world: it is just because they ARE more sensitive, and DO care so much, and FEEL things more deeply than most, that alcohol or drugs are a constant temptation, to help deal with the pain, and stress, of worry for oneself, and caring for OTHERS, so deeply.

I'm glad you have a handle on this, now, and have recognized not just the dangers inherent in trying to cope this way, but also, the pain it inflicts on others, when things get out of control - because, with abuse of drugs or alcohol, they will ALWAYS get out of control. Because, once one is on that route - there is never any such thing as "enough". And MORE is always necessary to keep oneself feeling better - right up to the point of tragedy. I'm glad (and I know all your friends are glad) that you have come to grips with the problem, and that you are able to cope better, now, by looking INSIDE, and taking care of yourself by doing the plain, simple things, in life.

Paul, I empathize with your concern about labels. In North America, particularly at this point in history, we tend to get kind of hung up, on those things. We shouldn't. Every human being is an individual: and every person's feelings and loves, are individual, too. Yours are, also. You are not "Paul", with a label attached. You're just Paul. And every deep emotional feeling you have, and every love you feel or express, is just Paul's. As long as you are good and kind to the people you love - friends, family, and romantic loves: that is all anyone could ask of you.

For my part, I think that feeling bisexual is just a normal and ordinary condition of life, for many of us. People who feel that they are bisexual have the toughest situation, in a society that is too-obsessed, with definitions. Straight people think bisexual people are either confused, or gay. Gay people think bisexual people are just hiding, and kidding themselves. Neither of these prejudices, is true. They are just prejudices. It is perfectly normal and natural for quite a lot of people to feel REAL, GENUINE, attraction to and love for, both men and women. What matters is, not how they feel. . . but just how they work it out, and express that love to OTHER individuals, in caring and kindness. (I am kind of on a steep learning-curve myself, about this - but having a couple of really dear and wonderful bisexual friends, I am learning. . . even as old as I am.)

But I agree, you don't need (and shouldn't accept) labels that other people try to impose upon you. You should just go ahead with your life, do your best, love the people you love kindly and WELL, and let things work out in your own time, as an individual.

As far as being a "porn-star" - I have never liked that word. I think it's unfair, and shallow. I have a couple of personal friends who have worked in this industry, and had their moment of fame, because - just like you - they needed the money to keep things going. One is gay; one is straight. They both had their moment in the sun, in the public eye - but later went on to work things out and build careers and families, and it was all OK for them. I hope the same for you, Paul.

When it comes to your fans, here - I hope you know that (while there will always be a lot of jerks and jackasses in the crowd, only too willing to pass and make judgements about you, without truly knowing YOU as an INDIVIDUAL HUMAN BEING): there are a LOT, and I mean a LOT of nice, kind, caring people here, too - who care about you, first and foremost, as a HUMAN BEING. I feel very, very, sorry that, when you go to Gay Pride events, there are people there who are judging you, and treating you as a MODEL, rather than as Mr. Paul Canon, a friend. But, not every gay person is that way.

You have many, many, MANY fans here who regard you, first and foremost, as Paul Canon, friend. Yes, everyone who is on this site is here, at least initially, because sex is a deep and unyielding human need: and your superb and sexy and loving performances make many people happy, and carry them away from their cares, for an hour or two. But, if you scratch the surface, you will find that many of your gentler fans have come to love you as a PERSON, and an INDIVIDUAL. Speaking for myself, I know that, as much as I love your videos - I would never ask you to make a single video more, as long as I knew YOU were happy. . . and as long as you kept writing to us here, on the board. Because your friendship is really, really, wonderful!!!

Paul, I really appreciated all you had to say about your background, and your faith, growing up. And your reverence for family. And your feelings about your personal future. I am not Catholic, but, I suppose, Anglo-Catholic, and I think the beautiful way you treat people (in all aspects of your life) is a very strong testament to the good values that are (clearly) deeply embedded in your heart. If you are OK with it, I will pray for you, and I know many, many others here will, too. And those of us who are completely secular in belief, will be pulling for you, and wishing the best for you, in every endeavor in your life.

Last, I want to wish you every happiness and success, in everything you do. You're a wonderful and marvelous human being. I know that ALL of us here are hoping that, in everything you do in life - with friends, family, love, and work - you'll find real contentment and joy. There is a very, very large group of friends here, Paul, who see you NO LONGER as "Paul, the model", but rather, as "Paul, our FRIEND."

God bless you, take care, and we love you, Paul. May all the saints and angels watch over you, every day, and every night. Because you're an angel, to all of us.

"A" XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP9jHD_dRFI

 

[Arckangel]

I totally agree with Ambivalent. Paul, you're very lucky to have such an understanding family in a society filled with Michele Bachmanns, Scott Livelys, Vladimir Putins and Yahya Jammehs... Coming out to one's family as gay or bi is already hard enough, but coming out to them as a gay-for-pay porn star must be incredibly hard considering how do people feel about porn, especially gay porn.

I was raised a Roman Catholic too and am now into Buddhism (independent Nichiren Buddhism). It helps tremendously, believe me. Keeps you grounded and gives you an ultimate direction in life (spiritual evolution). If I have any "drug" it's my spiritual practice; gives me the "high" I need. By the way, according to Hinduism, it's possible to be very sexual and very spiritual at once. In Buddhism, Rāgarāja transforms passions into enlightenment (and is a protector of LGBTs).

 

[peterh6308]

I totally agree with Ambivalent. Paul, you're very lucky to have such an understanding family in a society filled with Michele Bachmanns, Scott Livelys, Vladimir Putins and Yahya Jammehs... Coming out to one's family as gay or bi is already hard enough, but coming out to them as a gay-for-pay porn star must be incredibly hard considering how do people feel about porn, especially gay porn.

I was raised a Roman Catholic too and am now into Buddhism (independent Nichiren Buddhism). It helps tremendously, believe me. Keeps you grounded and gives you an ultimate direction in life (spiritual evolution). If I have any "drug" it's my spiritual practice; gives me the "high" I need. By the way, according to Hinduism, it's possible to be very sexual and very spiritual at once. In Buddhism, Rāgarāja transforms passions into enlightenment (and is a protector of LGBTs).

Wow we have very similiar backgrounds Arc. I too was raised Catholic, but after my first 3 siblings were forced to go to church us last 3 siblings it became optional. This worked for me as it was a choice so I found spirituality at an early age. In my mid-teens my oldest Sister found Nichiren Buddhism and I too eventually got my Gohonzon (sorry for the spelling) and practiced for 5 years. Although I no longer practice daily what I did learn of myself is the importance of who I am in this big world. Pauls open and willingness to seek out answers before his reactions will guide him to success in his life. Keep learning about yourself, where you live, other cultures. Complacency should never be in one's life!!

 

[mtfrc81]

I don't think I could have worded the opening to this treaded any better. I was downloaded the video and look at threads. But I stayed away from the two about Paul's BTS. I wanted to watch the video before I saw anyone's comments. As far as how Paul presented himself when he was by himself did not surprise me. We of course were aware of the OD, though not all the details. Paul sharing all the details was very emotional for me (as I'm sure if was for many of us on the site). As far as Paul and his family, I cannot believe their willing to be so honest and open. Society would be such a better place if we could learn be more like that. None of my family is close and they have no interesting in being close. I've struggled with this nearly all of my life and have finally just given up on it. I'm nowhere close to accepting that it won't happen though. It's only been in a last month of so that I've started to realize the more I want it and realizing it can't be just turns out to be self-defeating. It's time to move on. All I can say is Paul's family rocks!

I know Paul isn't into labels, but I'll go ahead and put one on him, "human-being". One of the best things about this site is the oppertunity to get to know some of the models (compared to other sites). I usually keep my mouth shut on the forums. But I have a lot of respect for the guys who are willing to share little bits and pieces of who they are with us. I think Paul is growing in a fantastic young man. I knew he moved to Denver, but not in with Sabrina. Obviously I don't know Sabrina (outside of BTS), but you can tell she's a great person! I'm glad Paul was able to move in with her. I'm sure she is a great support. I can only imagine the conversations that going on between Paul, Sabrina and Damien Kyle.

This BTS just makes me like Paul all the more! I know that Paul will continue to move forward and grow as a person. It's clear he has all the tools in place to make that happen. I'm thankful he has his family and his Broke Straight Boys "family" to help him with the bumps in the road.

 

[joeychuck2]

I wish Paul the absolute BEST. I really hope Paul get's everything in life he wants. I give a lot to his family for doing this with him. I hope they all get to understand each other from this. I always saw him as a good guy in a non sexual way. I thank the Broke Straight Boys staff for putting this together and of course to Paul for allowing it.

 

[cfinlasvegas]

Just a very nice and well done video. Makes us all a little more vested in the success of this site and its models. I liked Paul before but even more now.

 

[flwdeal]

I just want to add my appreciation and admiration to Mr. Paul Canon and his family. This interview is the kind of thing I believe can help change homophobia in this country into acceptance of all the variations on sexuality. Thank you again, Paul, it's a real privilege to get to know you better.

 

[juanjo]

Paul - I will not repeat what I said in another post on this topic, other than to tell you that you are an outstanding guy. All of us have our inner demons and it is possible to use them to great much benefit in our lives. A great Buddhist teacher once told me that troubles are much like waves hitting the shore. All of us are hip deep in the water and we have a choice in how we handle heavy surf. We can be battered about and almost drown or we can learn how to surf. Become a surfer Paul.

I have a dear friend Steve, who was a serious heroin addict from age 14 to age 31. He burglarized houses, he sold his ass on the street, he was in and out of the hospital for overdoses and in and out of jail for many problems. He decided he had had enough and he joined AA and now has 5 years of sobriety and is studying to be a nurse. In fact if it were not for him I would likely not be here for when I had my stroke last year he was with me and realized quickly what was happening and took me directly to the ER. His prompt action saved me form far more serious consequences since I received prompt treatment as the stroke was in its initial stages.

Now I am not saying you need to go to AA or anything specific and I mean no criticism of your life. I just mean that no matter what there is great value in every human being and every human being has something they can contribute to the world in general as well as their friends and family. I wish you only happiness and success in your life Paul.

 

[mikeyank]

I was raised a Roman Catholic too and am now into Buddhism (independent Nichiren Buddhism). It helps tremendously, believe me. Keeps you grounded and gives you an ultimate direction in life (spiritual evolution). If I have any "drug" it's my spiritual practice; gives me the "high" I need. By the way, according to Hinduism, it's possible to be very sexual and very spiritual at once. In Buddhism, Rāgarāja transforms passions into enlightenment (and is a protector of LGBTs).

Wow we have very similiar backgrounds Arc. I too was raised Catholic, but after my first 3 siblings were forced to go to church us last 3 siblings it became optional. This worked for me as it was a choice so I found spirituality at an early age. In my mid-teens my oldest Sister found Nichiren Buddhism and I too eventually got my Gohonzon (sorry for the spelling) and practiced for 5 years. Although I no longer practice daily what I did learn of myself is the importance of who I am in this big world. Pauls open and willingness to seek out answers before his reactions will guide him to success in his life. Keep learning about yourself, where you live, other cultures. Complacency should never be in one's life!!

There have been some important people in my life who also are into Buddhism and chanting on a daily basis.In fact, the most important musical artists in my lifetime, The Beatles sing it in the beautiful song "Across the Universe", from the Let it Be album.

"Across The Universe"

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter, shades of life are ringing through my open ears
Inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on, across the universe
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva [fade out]

 

[johnny]

There have been some important people in my life who also are into Buddhism and chanting on a daily basis.In fact, the most important musical artists in my lifetime, The Beatles sing it in the beautiful song "Across the Universe", from the Let it Be album.

"Across The Universe"
That was so Cool.Is it still ok to say cool these day's? All of the posts were just so nice.Nothing left to say.
See Paul doing what he does best...Coming Soon......

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter, shades of life are ringing through my open ears
Inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on, across the universe
Jai Guru Deva OM

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva
Jai Guru Deva [fade out]

That was so Cool mike.Is it still ok to use the word Cool these day's? Everyone made such Nice posts.
There is not much more to say...But..
Coming Real Soon.To your screens See Paul do what he does best...

 

[Ambivalent]

Hey,

Thank you, guys, for all the lovely letters to Paul. To my mind, this is very different than commenting on the video itself - and it is my hope that everyone who loves and cares about Paul, will write him a nice letter of support. I think it's very important.

Our models are people, too, and the least we can do is to show them that we care.

Hugs,
"A" XOXOXOXOXOXO

P.S. Thanks, Mike, for presenting a beautiful musical theme, for this thread of love and appreciation, for our Paul!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

P.P.S. We love you and care about you, Mr. Paul Canon!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAe1lVDbLf0

 

[Ambivalent]

P.S.

I really feel that Paul (and Damien, and Adam, and Jason, and all the rest) are our brothers. They care for us and help us, so much - I feel it's OUR job, as members, to care for them, and love them BACK.

"A" XOXOXOXOXOXO

"He ain't heavy: he's my brother" ~ Rufus Wainwright: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6uFhBgWcl8

 

[tampa24]

Dear Mr. Canon (XOXOXOXOXO) ~

I have just watched your big interview, with you and your family. You're such a nice and sweet guy, and your family is lovely, and I was very, very, moved, by all you had to say. Hearing about all the things you've been through, I hope it is OK to say. . . I cried, a little, all the way through.

Paul, I am very sorry about all the difficult things you've been through: especially with your drug overdose. (But many other trials you've experienced, too.) I know I speak for everyone when I say that I am SO GLAD that your brother was there to help you out, in that bad time: and I am SO GLAD you survived: and I am SO GLAD that you have a mature and wise attitude to coping with the perils of addiction.

Every human being is an individual: and every person's feelings and loves, are individual, too. Yours are, also. You are not "Paul", with a label attached. You're just Paul. And every deep emotional feeling you have, and every love you feel or express, is just Paul's. As long as you are good and kind to the people you love - friends, family, and romantic loves: that is all anyone could ask of you.

But I agree, you don't need (and shouldn't accept) labels that other people try to impose upon you. You should just go ahead with your life, do your best, love the people you love kindly and WELL, and let things work out in your own time, as an individual.

You have many, many, MANY fans here who regard you, first and foremost, as Paul Canon, friend. Yes, everyone who is on this site is here, at least initially, because sex is a deep and unyielding human need: and your superb and sexy and loving performances make many people happy, and carry them away from their cares, for an hour or two. But, if you scratch the surface, you will find that many of your gentler fans have come to love you as a PERSON, and an INDIVIDUAL. Speaking for myself, I know that, as much as I love your videos - I would never ask you to make a single video more, as long as I knew YOU were happy. . . and as long as you kept writing to us here, on the board. Because your friendship is really, really, wonderful!!!

If you are OK with it, I will pray for you, and I know many, many others here will, too. And those of us who are completely secular in belief, will be pulling for you, and wishing the best for you, in every endeavor in your life.

Last, I want to wish you every happiness and success, in everything you do. You're a wonderful and marvelous human being. I know that ALL of us here are hoping that, in everything you do in life - with friends, family, love, and work - you'll find real contentment and joy. There is a very, very large group of friends here, Paul, who see you NO LONGER as "Paul, the model", but rather, as "Paul, our FRIEND."

God bless you, take care, and we love you, Paul. May all the saints and angels watch over you, every day, and every night. Because you're an angel, to all of us.

Thank you Ambi for such a wonderful letter to our Paul. You're a tough act to follow because you conceptualized so many of my own thoughts and sentiments so concisely with your usual eloquence.

Dearest Paul,

I can't tell how moved I was by your video. It was part online diary from the heart...and part public service message. It has many "scared straight" qualities to it. I can only assume that 's why your family would even consider doing this. Maybe by putting a human face to the tragedy of drug abuse, you and your family can save another person (and his or her family) from even worse pain, guilt and heartbreak than you and your family endured.

You may be to some people online just a handsome guy with a nice body. Which is true enough inasmuch as you do have a nice body. But to many more people than you may realize, there is also a great deal of love and respect for the person you are on the inside. There are many fans of yours in here (myself included of course) who care for and love you from the neck up. And not just the other way around. You are indeed a beautiful human being in every sense.

Do you have any idea how devastated me and so many other people would be (beyond your biological family) if your life was cut short in such a senseless way? I can assure you in no uncertain terms that our grief over such an event would have nothing to do with us being disappointed that we wouldn't see another new scene of you strutting your stuff onstage. I say all this not with the intention of piling on more guilt, but to hopefully give you the confidence and support to battle those demons and temptations. You are such a wonderful and beautiful soul Paul. The world needs you! Everything about you that is so kind and caring and loving is exactly what the world needs more of.

When I see fine young men like you, Damien and many other models here (including those who have had run-ins with the law), I see so much hope for the future. You may struggle during early adulthood in trying to figure things out and tame the impetuousness of youth. But I also know that your hearts are in the right place.

Again I thank you and your family for doing this. Asking everyone to talk about and re-live an absolutely horrific day for the family had to have been extremely difficult. For whatever sibling rivalries and playful competitiveness of brothers there may be among the three of you, I also know they both love you. I asked your brother in Orlando what he thought about you doing this. (In reference to doing porn, working for Broke Straight Boys, etc.) Of course he said that he didn't have a problem with it. He immediately followed that up by smiling and saying, "Really. It's fine." And I knew he was totally sincere.

One of the most heart wrenching moments of the video for me was when your mother described all that your brother John did to save your life. I almost lost it myself hearing how he ran into the hospital and laid out your lifeless body on the counter of the ER admitting desk and yelled to them, "My brother is dying!" Please forgive him and give him time to work through the anger and resentment of that episode. Anger, resentment and so on are much easier emotions to deal with than the grief of loss.

I don't like to speak for other people or presume to know total strangers well enough to almost read their minds. However having been on the planet for a few decades now, one gains a certain clarity of the human condition. If something had happened and he had not been able to save you in time, the loss of his younger brother (along with his inability to save you) would have destroyed a piece of his soul. He never would have been quite the same person again. At least now he still can be.

All of us Paul are blessed to know you. Like Ambi, I will be holding you up in prayer.

All my best wishes to you, your family and of course Damien. xooo

 

[mtfrc81]

Thank you Ambi for such a wonderful letter to our Paul. You're a tough act to follow because you conceptualized so many of my own thoughts and sentiments so concisely with your usual eloquence.

Dearest Paul,

I can't tell how moved I was by your video. It was part online diary from the heart...and part public service message. It has many "scared straight" qualities to it. I can only assume that 's why your family would even consider doing this. Maybe by putting a human face to the tragedy of drug abuse, you and your family can save another person (and his or her family) from even worse pain, guilt and heartbreak than you and your family endured.

You may be to some people online just a handsome guy with a nice body. Which is true enough inasmuch as you do have a nice body. But to many more people than you may realize, there is also a great deal of love and respect for the person you are on the inside. There are many fans of yours in here (myself included of course) who care for and love you from the neck up. And not just the other way around. You are indeed a beautiful human being in every sense.

Do you have any idea how devastated me and so many other people would be (beyond your biological family) if your life was cut short in such a senseless way? I can assure you in no uncertain terms that our grief over such an event would have nothing to do with us being disappointed that we wouldn't see another new scene of you strutting your stuff onstage. I say all this not with the intention of piling on more guilt, but to hopefully give you the confidence and support to battle those demons and temptations. You are such a wonderful and beautiful soul Paul. The world needs you! Everything about you that is so kind and caring and loving is exactly what the world needs more of.

When I see fine young men like you, Damien and many other models here (including those who have had run-ins with the law), I see so much hope for the future. You may struggle during early adulthood in trying to figure things out and tame the impetuousness of youth. But I also know that your hearts are in the right place.

Again I thank you and your family for doing this. Asking everyone to talk about and re-live an absolutely horrific day for the family had to have been extremely difficult. For whatever sibling rivalries and playful competitiveness of brothers there may be among the three of you, I also know they both love you. I asked your brother in Orlando what he thought about you doing this. (In reference to doing porn, working for Broke Straight Boys, etc.) Of course he said that he didn't have a problem with it. He immediately followed that up by smiling and saying, "Really. It's fine." And I knew he was totally sincere.

One of the most heart wrenching moments of the video for me was when your mother described all that your brother John did to save your life. I almost lost it myself hearing how he ran into the hospital and laid out your lifeless body on the counter of the ER admitting desk and yelled to them, "My brother is dying!" Please forgive him and give him time to work through the anger and resentment of that episode. Anger, resentment and so on are much easier emotions to deal with than the grief of loss.

I don't like to speak for other people or presume to know total strangers well enough to almost read their minds. However having been on the planet for a few decades now, one gains a certain clarity of the human condition. If something had happened and he had not been able to save you in time, the loss of his younger brother (along with his inability to save you) would have destroyed a piece of his soul. He never would have been quite the same person again. At least now he still can be.

All of us Paul are blessed to know you. Like Ambi, I will be holding you up in prayer.

All my best wishes to you, your family and of course Damien. xooo

Wow Tampa that was intense! I've been thinking about adding to my previous post. But honestly this really says it all. I've been a paramedic who has dealt with so many people (especially the young ones) who have overdosed for various reasons. Each one of them has it's challenges, but they are especially frustrating when they ended in a death. I'm very thankful that Paul's situation did not turn out that way and that he has learned so much from that situation. He made some bad choices (don't we all) but he has grown and will continue to do so from it. I know that Paul is thankful for having a family that loves and supports him so much. Being a "porn star" (let alone the OD) is a lot to ask of anyone to be able to support. I know there's a lot of people out there who see these guys as "objects" and maybe that's what pulled us to the site at first. But I do care a lot of our Broke Straight Boys guys and their future. They are people... some maybe be troubled... but their all people who ought to have our love and respect.