Let's talk about this.....

[mitch768292]

http://www.rslevinson.com/gaylesissu...blwarren02.htm


EVERY GAY MAN NEEDS TO READ THIS. Go look and read, you will really stop to think, regardless of your age.

 

[tampa24]

Okay. I read it. It is a little slow going in parts but you can't deny the underlying premise. Even though I am only in my mid 40's I live in a 55 and up condo community. I see first hand a lot of issues that the elderly and the gay elderly go through.

One gay couple I know here were very unfortunately going through a breakup. They did break up. Before that though I was quick to point out to them the pitfalls of being single with both of them in their 70's. They need someone who can be there for them when illness strikes. And who thinks that once they reach their golden years that illness is never going to strike? For an older senior who is gay and single who will take them to doctor appointments if they become too sick to drive themselves? Who will prepare them meals and make trips to the store and pharmacy when they are unable? The ability to drive, run our daily errands and prepare our own meals is something we just take for granted in our youth.

For us gays we have little safety net to fall back on. Most of us don't have children to look after us. So moving in with one of the kids after retirement is not an option. Sometimes we may have siblings but how strong is that bond if they were not supportive of us being gay in our youth? Even an understanding aunt or uncle will likely be deceased by the time we look to our families as a refuge of last resort. And how many of us have cousins who would take us in?

Gay seniors more than other segments of the population face the frightening prospect of living in institutions after the first major health problem. Nursing homes are horrible places to live. They do a lot of fancy window dressing to make themselves look attractive but the truth behind the scenes is far less cheery. My mother has worked as an RN in nursing homes for the last several years and I've seen the inside of many. There are definitely some that are better than others but none of them are great. Some of the bad ones have things going on in there that would give you nightmares.

As I look ahead I just hope to God that I will be in a long term relationship by the time I'm in my 60's. Because on a meager retirement income I would need a roommate or partner to help share expenses in order to be in decent housing and to have someone there for me if I needed help with daily living. Not many of us are so financially set for retirement that we can afford to maintain a decent home and pay to have caregivers to tend to us.

Well the author (and I) have brought up many serious issues for us to consider but who has suggestions to change the current stigma of taking care of older gays? What safety net can we offer them and ourselves when our time comes? If indeed older people are unwilling to get involved with other older people because they are hoping some younger cute thing will come along then most of us are doomed.

 

[Markymark]

I too have read it. Last feb, while on vacation in Hawai'i, I suffered a mild heart attack. Not wanting to "ruin" things, I took aspirin, (ex-nurse), monitored my BP and kept quiet, planning to "take care of things" when I got home. Yeah, real smart. Best intentions? Never did anything, and last Oct., just before I joined the site, went to my doctor, who administered a chemical stress test. That initiated another attack.

Long story short, was admitted that PM, double stint inserts in AM. and now on full cardiac diet . Guess the point of the story is, that the one who got me to the hospital, and then home and has walked with me every day, and helped me with my needs,... my husband. So, I strongly agree that Gay men especially need to make long term arrangements in advance. I got lucky, Don't be me, be smart!

God Bless Us, Everyone!

Marky6

 

[Jayman01]

I too have read it. Last feb, while on vacation in Hawai'i, I suffered a mild heart attack. Not wanting to "ruin" things, I took aspirin, (ex-nurse), monitored my BP and kept quiet, planning to "take care of things" when I got home. Yeah, real smart. Best intentions? Never did anything, and last Oct., just before I joined the site, went to my doctor, who administered a chemical stress test. That initiated another attack.

Long story short, was admitted that PM, double stint inserts in AM. and now on full cardiac diet . Guess the point of the story is, that the one who got me to the hospital, and then home and has walked with me every day, and helped me with my needs,... my husband. So, I strongly agree that Gay men especially need to make long term arrangements in advance. I got lucky, Don't be me, be smart!

God Bless Us, Everyone!

Marky6

This is great advice... Thanks M&M Bless your heart.

 

[tampa24]

Yes Mark. Bless your heart. Both literally and figuratively... Do take care of yourself and be compliant with your diet. We want you to live a long and healthy life.

Big Hugs!

 

[mitch768292]

Okay. I read it. It is a little slow going in parts but you can't deny the underlying premise. Even though I am only in my mid 40's I live in a 55 and up condo community. I see first hand a lot of issues that the elderly and the gay elderly go through.

One gay couple I know here were very unfortunately going through a breakup. They did break up. Before that though I was quick to point out to them the pitfalls of being single with both of them in their 70's. They need someone who can be there for them when illness strikes. And who thinks that once they reach their golden years that illness is never going to strike? For an older senior who is gay and single who will take them to doctor appointments if they become too sick to drive themselves? Who will prepare them meals and make trips to the store and pharmacy when they are unable? The ability to drive, run our daily errands and prepare our own meals is something we just take for granted in our youth.

For us gays we have little safety net to fall back on. Most of us don't have children to look after us. So moving in with one of the kids after retirement is not an option. Sometimes we may have siblings but how strong is that bond if they were not supportive of us being gay in our youth? Even an understanding aunt or uncle will likely be deceased by the time we look to our families as a refuge of last resort. And how many of us have cousins who would take us in?

Gay seniors more than other segments of the population face the frightening prospect of living in institutions after the first major health problem. Nursing homes are horrible places to live. They do a lot of fancy window dressing to make themselves look attractive but the truth behind the scenes is far less cheery. My mother has worked as an RN in nursing homes for the last several years and I've seen the inside of many. There are definitely some that are better than others but none of them are great. Some of the bad ones have things going on in there that would give you nightmares.

As I look ahead I just hope to God that I will be in a long term relationship by the time I'm in my 60's. Because on a meager retirement income I would need a roommate or partner to help share expenses in order to be in decent housing and to have someone there for me if I needed help with daily living. Not many of us are so financially set for retirement that we can afford to maintain a decent home and pay to have caregivers to tend to us.

Well the author (and I) have brought up many serious issues for us to consider but who has suggestions to change the current stigma of taking care of older gays? What safety net can we offer them and ourselves when our time comes? If indeed older people are unwilling to get involved with other older people because they are hoping some younger cute thing will come along then most of us are doomed.

You have summed up the problems very acurately. Every item you list is a real fear of mine because I am in my early 50's and I only have one brother. Assuming that he would be willing to help out, what if I outlive him? I don't know many nieces or nephews or in-laws who would take in the old gay uncle. There is that recurring picture in my mind of a frail old man sitting in a one room apartment in a slum tenement with the dingy bare light bulb hanging on a long cord from the ceiling. It scares the shit out of me.

 

[Jayman01]

You have summed up the problems very acurately. Every item you list is a real fear of mine because I am in my early 50's and I only have one brother. Assuming that he would be willing to help out, what if I outlive him? I don't know many nieces or nephews or in-laws who would take in the old gay uncle. There is that recurring picture in my mind of a frail old man sitting in a one room apartment in a slum tenement with the dingy bare light bulb hanging on a long cord from the ceiling. It scares the shit out of me.

I hear you Mitch. Form an LLC with some friends and buy an apt. building together. It is really strange I have always wanted to build some kind of retirement living community for singles. There is always strength in numbers. One of the things I miss about the Barraks. I used to get a free show every morning in the community showers LOL... Anyway, I digress. I think I may just write my thesis on this issue.

 

[tampa24]

You have summed up the problems very acurately. Every item you list is a real fear of mine because I am in my early 50's and I only have one brother. Assuming that he would be willing to help out, what if I outlive him? I don't know many nieces or nephews or in-laws who would take in the old gay uncle. There is that recurring picture in my mind of a frail old man sitting in a one room apartment in a slum tenement with the dingy bare light bulb hanging on a long cord from the ceiling. It scares the shit out of me.

I have exactly those kind of fears for my own future. I have a sister but if she's married by the time I need her help the chances of a spouse agreeing to share his life with me in their home is not good.

 

[i2ina69]

I agree with all points. I have talked about this with my sister and we both agreed to help each other when the time comes. My twin brother would never help me in that way! which I think is sad because I have helped him in every way I could even when he refused my help. I love him and it doesn't matter. And I will help him in any way I can in the future. My other 2 older brother's never asked 4 help but when I could I did which really pissed David off! Every one need's to get out and exercise every day! Even if it's just walking around the block 2 or 3 laps a day. god bless everyone best regards.

 

[Jayman01]

I agree with all points. I have talked about this with my sister and we both agreed to help each other when the time comes. My twin brother would never help me in that way! which I think is sad because I have helped him in every way I could even when he refused my help. I love him and it doesn't matter. And I will help him in any way I can in the future. My other 2 older brother's never asked 4 help but when I could I did which really pissed David off! Every one need's to get out and exercise every day! Even if it's just walking around the block 2 or 3 laps a day. god bless everyone best regards.

Bless your heart and thank you for your kind words of wisdom...

 

[mitch768292]

I agree with all points. I have talked about this with my sister and we both agreed to help each other when the time comes. My twin brother would never help me in that way! which I think is sad because I have helped him in every way I could even when he refused my help. I love him and it doesn't matter. And I will help him in any way I can in the future. My other 2 older brother's never asked 4 help but when I could I did which really pissed David off! Every one need's to get out and exercise every day! Even if it's just walking around the block 2 or 3 laps a day. god bless everyone best regards.

Man, that sucks when your twin brother won't help you out! Damn!

 

[slimvintage]

A friend of mine knows about a gay community in rural Tennessee. He's trying to get me to go to a convention they have coming up. The idea of beginning a retirement community is already fairly well advanced there, as an adjunct to the meetings they have several times a year that a lot of really hot guys of all ages attend. The name of it might be a little offputting, something with "faeries" in it, but the photos he's sent me make it look really liberating and fun. I'll post some more info as it could be interesting to some of the US residents.

 

[slimvintage]

I found this, led to it by one of the links my friend sent me:

http://www.ic.org/search_results.ph...6r&cof=FORID:9&q=gay+communities&x=10&y=8#981

My daughter swears she's longing for me to turn finally into a skinny, feisty, funny, slightly decrepit, forgetful old wrinkly so she can look after me, but who fucking knows? I might be choosing my next digs on a website like this one. It sounds like much more fun...

 

[Reubenjames]

You have summed up the problems very acurately. Every item you list is a real fear of mine because I am in my early 50's and I only have one brother. Assuming that he would be willing to help out, what if I outlive him? I don't know many nieces or nephews or in-laws who would take in the old gay uncle. There is that recurring picture in my mind of a frail old man sitting in a one room apartment in a slum tenement with the dingy bare light bulb hanging on a long cord from the ceiling. It scares the shit out of me.

This is also a huge fear of mine to, i have a twin brother who lives in Australia, who i don't want to live with. I have a nephew who has his own life ( girlfriend and kids ) who live about 2 hours away from me. I have gay friends mostly couples and older than me, and i live on a housing assoiation estate.
So i could be one of those people that you read about in the paper when the police break in and has been dead for months.
The only solution to this problem is to go into a residental/ nursing home where i would have to hide my sexuality.
I don't think so.
So i have come to the conclusion in about 30 or 40 years time or when i can't manage any more large bottle of gin large bottle of pills and Broke Straight Boys fav episode and good night world.
But you never know by then the powers that be might have come up with the all gay retirment home.
I do hope so.
RJ

 

[Jayman01]

I found this, led to it by one of the links my friend sent me:

http://www.ic.org/search_results.ph...6r&cof=FORID:9&q=gay+communities&x=10&y=8#981

My daughter swears she's longing for me to turn finally into a skinny, feisty, funny, slightly decrepit, forgetful old wrinkly so she can look after me, but who fucking knows? I might be choosing my next digs on a website like this one. It sounds like much more fun...

Thanks for that web site find. It may be very useful someday. Just knowing it is there gives me a sigh of relief.

 

[Markymark]

Good Morning Straight Boys Forum!! Everybody sleep well? Interesting discussion this AM. On a side note, anyone here watch Queer As Folk? Great episode where Emmet and Michael attend a gathering of Faeries. The whole idea of coming together to support each other was put forward in that particular episode. Here in Sacramento, we have been working on establishing a resource center that provides quality references, (we investigate, then recommend) for such things as temp/perm housing for marginalized segments of our community. This includes, but is not limited to battered women and men, young runaways who've run out of places to run, elder gays and lesbians etc. who have lost a partner and are having trouble with support. In addition, we have a reference group for medical/financial needs as well. It is by no means perfect, but as one of our most ardent supporters, Terry Sidie, has said, it is a start, and you can't win the race if you never start.

Regards,

 

[Jayman01]

Good Morning Straight Boys Forum!! Everybody sleep well? Interesting discussion this AM. On a side note, anyone here watch Queer As Folk? Great episode where Emmet and Michael attend a gathering of Faeries. The whole idea of coming together to support each other was put forward in that particular episode. Here in Sacramento, we have been working on establishing a resource center that provides quality references, (we investigate, then recommend) for such things as temp/perm housing for marginalized segments of our community. This includes, but is not limited to battered women and men, young runaways who've run out of places to run, elder gays and lesbians etc. who have lost a partner and are having trouble with support. In addition, we have a reference group for medical/financial needs as well. It is by no means perfect, but as one of our most ardent supporters, Terry Sidie, has said, it is a start, and you can't win the race if you never start.

Regards,

This is so great to hear that we have at least entered the race... It seems Gays are at least being notices as citizens in some capacity.

 

[LesterM]

The group is called the Radical Faeries and they are amazing

 

[slimvintage]

The group is called the Radical Faeries and they are amazing

Lester, my friend is called "Maevon", a megacute little English guy. He and I first messaged each other on gaydar.co.uk in reference to the Radical Faeries. Have you ever been to a meeting? Do you know any Faeries? I would love to tell him I've got a cool forum-mate who knows something about the organization.

He and I were gonna meet there at the end of March and stay through the jamboree till the beginning of April, or maybe fly from England to the US together. In the end we both are gonna have to stay in Europe because of work, but I've been longing to see what it was like for about 5 years now.

 

[mitch768292]

I found this, led to it by one of the links my friend sent me:

http://www.ic.org/search_results.ph...6r&cof=FORID:9&q=gay+communities&x=10&y=8#981

My daughter swears she's longing for me to turn finally into a skinny, feisty, funny, slightly decrepit, forgetful old wrinkly so she can look after me, but who fucking knows? I might be choosing my next digs on a website like this one. It sounds like much more fun...

I did not know you had a daughter. That is so nice. Good, you are lucky.