Handling Prejudice???

[grace17]

I have silly eye issues so I’m a regular patient at the city eye hospital. 99% of the people there are senior citizens who’re a few decades older than me, so out of curiosity they often ask me why I’m there. I don’t mind, sometimes I hear amazing war/depression survival stories that make me feel very humble.

Yesterday in the course of my usual conversations a gent began speaking directly to me about same sex marriage (it was a front page feature in the local news paper) in a very negative way, and the three other patients began voicing their complete agreement, some even quoting distorted bible passages.

Keep in mind, these were older, frail people who were doped up with pre-theater meds and were probably feeling anxious, also there were four against one, so I chose to stay silent. I know it’s smart to pick you’re fights and under the circumstances staying silent was likely the best option, but I don’t feel good about it.

Obviously my experience was in uncommon circumstances, but I’d like to hear how others handle themselves when confronted with this type of prejudice? Is there a calm, non-confrontational defense that can be said in one or two lines?

 

[Phantom]

I have silly eye issues so I’m a regular patient at the city eye hospital. 99% of the people there are senior citizens who’re a few decades older than me, so out of curiosity they often ask me why I’m there. I don’t mind, sometimes I hear amazing war/depression survival stories that make me feel very humble.

Yesterday in the course of my usual conversations a gent began speaking directly to me about same sex marriage (it was a front page feature in the local news paper) in a very negative way, and the three other patients began voicing their complete agreement, some even quoting distorted bible passages.

Keep in mind, these were older, frail people who were doped up with pre-theater meds and were probably feeling anxious, also there were four against one, so I chose to stay silent. I know it’s smart to pick you’re fights and under the circumstances staying silent was likely the best option, but I don’t feel good about it.

Obviously my experience was in uncommon circumstances, but I’d like to hear how others handle themselves when confronted with this type of prejudice? Is there a calm, non-confrontational defense that can be said in one or two lines?

I don't think there is a good universal answer to this. I'm afraid we will always be prejudice people in the world. Look at America. The civil rights movement was decades ago and we are still dealing with racism in young people. It's not just the older generation. It won't go away when that generation dies. The same applies to feelings about homosexuals. I was not there and could not say if you chose wisely or not, but I have been in situations like this and have chosen to be silent at times because speaking up would not do any good there. You could feel the hatred and no good could have come of it. As you said, choose your battles. Choose wisely.

 

[Ms. Kianna]

I have found that in so many situations, there is more than just two sides......there are many sides to the argument. There are people that believe and support all sides. Some of those people can see the merits of the other sides as well. These people are what makes a world full of different personalities work. Others think that there way/view/belief is the only right way. These people are almost impossible to show any other way. Changing their mind usually comes from some mind blowing or life changing event, and nothing I say will do that........

So I often say things like..........Wow, there are so many ways to look at that issue, if we all thought the same way this would be such a boring world.

 

[cumrag27]

You have to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away...

I have silly eye issues so I’m a regular patient at the city eye hospital. 99% of the people there are senior citizens who’re a few decades older than me, so out of curiosity they often ask me why I’m there. I don’t mind, sometimes I hear amazing war/depression survival stories that make me feel very humble.

Yesterday in the course of my usual conversations a gent began speaking directly to me about same sex marriage (it was a front page feature in the local news paper) in a very negative way, and the three other patients began voicing their complete agreement, some even quoting distorted bible passages.

Keep in mind, these were older, frail people who were doped up with pre-theater meds and were probably feeling anxious, also there were four against one, so I chose to stay silent. I know it’s smart to pick you’re fights and under the circumstances staying silent was likely the best option, but I don’t feel good about it.

Obviously my experience was in uncommon circumstances, but I’d like to hear how others handle themselves when confronted with this type of prejudice? Is there a calm, non-confrontational defense that can be said in one or two lines?

Dear Grace,

It reminds me of my experience with a "DEEPLY RELIGIOUS" relative by marriage that was in his 90's and still reading the King James Bible daily, telling me totally convinced he was correct in believing that the black man came from a separate creation by God, perhaps even as an afterthought (as if an ALL KNOWING/ALL POWERFUL GOD was even capable of something as human as an afterthought). As this conversation with him took place more than 45 years ago, all I can remember was he chose a passage to read for my benefit where it describes in the Old Testament that people became..."black with SIN"! That was literally the moment where the "black man" was created by God, after the "good guys" came about by Adam & Eve's amorous human nature fulfilling the commandment from God to “Be fruitful and multiply".

There was no convincing him that the BIBLE was the not literal and historical truth relayed directly to HIS prophets long before e-mail and iPhone 5's came to be. He had a lifetime of constant reinforcement of these uncontestable beliefs espoused by preachers he had respected as students of the Bible - the Word of God. Therefore, what chance did I have as a not quite 20 year old contradicting his prior unshakeable prejudices supposedly inspired by GOD himself.

In all honesty, you have to choose your battles and things such is your or my examples are based on ignorance and condoned by society. What chance would anyone have or ultimate benefit that would result from such monumental efforts to change the unchangeable. The old statement of picking your battles applies perfectly here and realize you had already lost before you uttered your first word. Certainly, there are others that are more receptive than these so make the most of your time where the odds are more in your favor!.

Best of luck to you! This is not a perfect world with perfect justice. Just be on the ready to be available when you can be effective. Some timeless words of advice from Kenny Rogers, especially the refrain...

Sincerely,



Stimpy

 

[lovelumps]

I think first and foremost, you have to consider your audience. As you said, they were mostly elderly people who are set in their ways. They would probably not be receptive to new ideas. However, just as they were publically sharing their thoughts, you can always politely disagree. Not start a debate, but politely state that you have different feelings. But I most likely would have remained silent like you. Nothing wrong with avoiding unnecessary strife, especially where "elders" are concerned.

With a younger crowd, I'd very likely politely state my beliefs and explain my feelings more fully. After all, if they feel confident enough to state their beliefs publically, they must allow me the same opportunity to voice mine. When it gets uncomfortable, if it does, I smile and politely change the subject.

 

[joninliverton]

As Ms K said we have to respect their beliefs and don't forget there were only 4 people there, so it was hardly a universal opinion. To the ones that started quoting the bible, then maybe you should have changed the subject to the catholic priests of Melbourne.

 

[grace17]

This is not a perfect world with perfect justice. Just be on the ready to be available when you can be effective.

Thank you, my forum friends...lots of food for thought

 

[peterh6308]

I have posted this before so sorry. I am Native American/Mexican mixed, my oldest Sister married a white guy and they had 4 kids. 2of the girls married black men and which one of them is half Thai. So you see my family has everything covered, so no prejudices in my family. However I personnally have never been prejudiced against as I am pretty light olive skinned with hazel eyes. But people in my family have. My parents told us growing up that we would encounter people who wouldn't like us for mixed heritage, and my sisters and brothers have raised their kids and grandkids the same way. So Grace what was told to us is" be happy with who you are, and grateful you don't think this way about other people".

 

[stowe1]

Dear Grace:

You have received some excellent advice from our fellow forumites in which I concur. You not only have to pick your battles, but also where you "fight" them. It is difficult for any of us to be in your shoes as to the specifics of your situation, but I do believe you handled it correctly and should NOT feel "not good" about it. I have been in circumstances where gay-related issues have arisen and I have remained quiet, given the circumstances; in others, I have simply said that I don't agree, state my reasons, and suggested the subject be changed; still in others, I have vociferously argued my viewpoint. It just depends.

There is an old Chinese saying that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step. And the gay rights movement has taken many large steps since Stonewall - in places all around the world (but all you have to do is look at Africa and the Eastern European countries to see how much work is left to do beyond our life times). Look at how long it took the black civil rights movement in the U.S.to take hold and yield the fruit it did in the 60's and 70's; but as someone pointed out here, racism is still with us. For me a bigger blot on the soul of America is how we have treated the Native Americans and still today many are still dealing with the results of that horror.

The reason, I believe, that we in the GLBT community have made such strides in the past 43 years is in no small measure a result of the straight allies who have joined us. People on this forum such as you, Ms. K, lovelumps, and others are but just an example of this. Knowing that all of you guys on the forum, our straight allies, have our backs and advocate for our rights is important and comforting. So thanks to you all.



-

 

[stowe1]

LL's new avatar

I think first and foremost, you have to consider your audience. As you said, they were mostly elderly people who are set in their ways. They would probably not be receptive to new ideas. However, just as they were publically sharing their thoughts, you can always politely disagree. Not start a debate, but politely state that you have different feelings. But I most likely would have remained silent like you. Nothing wrong with avoiding unnecessary strife, especially where "elders" are concerned.

With a younger crowd, I'd very likely politely state my beliefs and explain my feelings more fully. After all, if they feel confident enough to state their beliefs publically, they must allow me the same opportunity to voice mine. When it gets uncomfortable, if it does, I smile and politely change the subject.

LL - love the new avatar. If only I were younger and straight ...




-

 

[Huh?]

I think I would have told the person who started the conversation with me that I didn't agree with their position and really didn't appreciate them starting up a conversation with me on such a topic without asking if it was OK (I actually think that is exceedingly rude--I don't care how old you are). I would then state my opinion, in no uncertain terms, and leave the area. I'd probably tell the receptionist that I am going to wait outside because there is objectionable "discussion" taking place inside. I mean, honestly, is there NO place where you can feel safe going without being inundated by everyone else's opinions? Do people have a right to expect that you are going to discuss such issues with them whenever they feel like it?

You can not argue with people when they start quoting scripture. It's over at that point. Any delusions anyone may have had about having a logical and rational discussion get thrown in the toilet as soon as someone mentions God or scripture. I definitely would have gotten up at that point and told the receptionist that i would not be waiting inside any longer.

 

[grace17]

Hi Huh, believe me if I could have left the area I would have done, but we were being prepped for either theater or laser surgery deep in the bowels of the hospital, dressed in the usual booties, hair covering (mine was bright red!) and hospital gowns that never quite meet where they're supposed to...lol

But, you're right absolutely right when you say it's rude of people to begin a discussion on a controversial issue and just expect other people to agree with them.

Today I had to go back to another area of the hospital for the usual post op checks, I was hoping to see the gent in question and perhaps find an opportunity to speak to him again. Only I didn't take into account two crucial things...my temporary eye patch made it difficult to see much of anything let alone a specific old man in a room full of senior people...and my husband was with me. Greg is well over six feet tall, a part time gym junkie, has ultra military bearing and his normal 'not thinking of anything much' expression makes little kids shriek in fright, so I didn't get to approach anyone and absolutely nobody approached me

On a much lighter note...my eye specialist is one of the most gorgeous looking men I have ever come across. If I could just sneak my camera phone thingie in and turn it on, then accidentally rip his shirt off (or scrubs, he looks hot in both) he'd be a great addition to 'Cute Boy Friday'.

 

[angelone]

In my experience I had to deal with a very elderly community in a very rough section of Richmond, CA. They were products of the Depression and their attitudes showed it. Very conservative and very opinionated about almost very thing. Out of 40 churches in the region of our denomination for Northern California, we were one of two conservative holdouts. I served this community for over five years and have been very blessed that I haven't lost my temper or my sanity yet. But the most significant accomplishment I can point out to pastoring this church is moving the chief elder from rabid homophobia to "don't ask, don't tell." This guy is 99 years old, a former commander in the US Navy, a Goldwater Republican and hated my guts for being too Catholic. Another significant accomplishment is seeing this same elder befriend a gay parishioner and treating him as a son he never had. Seeing them going to lunch together, I would pointedly call out and tease them as father and son. They would laugh and joke to eachother calling dad or son. It took five years for me to see this happen. Why does things have to take so long?

 

[grace17]

In my experience I had to deal with a very elderly community in a very rough section of Richmond, CA. They were products of the Depression and their attitudes showed it. Very conservative and very opinionated about almost very thing. Out of 40 churches in the region of our denomination for Northern California, we were one of two conservative holdouts. I served this community for over five years and have been very blessed that I haven't lost my temper or my sanity yet. But the most significant accomplishment I can point out to pastoring this church is moving the chief elder from rabid homophobia to "don't ask, don't tell." This guy is 99 years old, a former commander in the US Navy, a Goldwater Republican and hated my guts for being too Catholic. Another significant accomplishment is seeing this same elder befriend a gay parishioner and treating him as a son he never had. Seeing them going to lunch together, I would pointedly call out and tease them as father and son. They would laugh and joke to eachother calling dad or son. It took five years for me to see this happen. Why does things have to take so long?

That's a beautiful and inspirational story, Angel. I can't even begin to imagine the effort and patience that conversion must have taken on your part, thank you for sharing it. One of our Forvever Forumite's (not sure exactly who, so I can't say a name) expressed in another thread some time ago how he felt it was better to 'educate rather than anger' in these types of situations when it's possible...he's right

 

[Huh?]

...has ultra military bearing...

That phrase reminds me of the Pet Shop Boys song "Your Funny Uncle." Not germane to the topic, though.

Well, leaving the hospital in that state would have made for some interesting footage on the evening news! You could have started beating on the ground like that Jason Russell (KONY 2012) guy.

http://www.tmz.com/2012/10/03/kony-2012-founder-jason-russell-oprah-interview/