Bullying

[jwglass]

i just thought that this is a good topic for us to think about, with the gay student suicides going on, the corbin fisher scandal, and every day that we grew up. check out this video:

http://unicornbooty.com/2011/03/bullied-kid-suspended-for-fighting-back/

i also thought this would be and interesting place to discuss how bullying has shaped us as human beings, and what we did in our lives to reverse it.

personally, i never came out of the closet in high school, and most people in college were accepting of me as a gay man. but i was bullied on the topic of my weight. those of us who remember a member called kodaaa (or something like that). he came onto the scene as a fouton hopeful. he left me one of the nastiest comments i have ever heard on my profile. then Mike R amongst others stepped up and defended me because they realized i am so much more than just an overweight gay man.

in high school it was pretty harsh to walk down the halls and hear comments about my size, and even now, when im working in my store and parents come up to the counter with their kids and one of their kids makes a comment about my size, the parents do nothing to correct what their kids said. just something i think about on a daily basis.

well finally i decided to give in to the suggestions of a certain few friends and joined a chub, chaser, and bear community called BiggerCity.com. that has turned my whole outlook towards my size upside down. i now have a boyfriend who loves my body for exactly how it is, and others that worship my curves. i hear a lot of people that are going through things like bariatric surgery to correct their weight not for health reasons, but for their looks. I often hear how people cant wait to finally be "attractive". its amazing how we have morphed beauty into something waifish and weak. instead lets appreciate the beauty within all of us.

so that was my story, i feel this is a great way for people to get to know where my self confidence comes from, and why i can often seem to have a larger than life personality. id like to hear some other peoples stories. lets remember, the fastest way to cure pain, is to tell the doctor exactly what is going on, and i feel like we have a lot of pain surrounding us.

 

[jwglass]

or not...im glad i put myself out there for nobody to pay attention.

 

[Smiley]

Jeez. Give a guy a chance to respond, will yah? I was asleep for the majority of the time your post has been up.

Bullying has not been a big problem for me. I was bullied from about the 5th through the 7th grades, mostly by Riley MacIver. He beat me up a couple of times and threatened to do it many times more. In junior high, I was stripped maybe twice in gym class and four or five times in Boy Scouts. It's hard to say how much of that was bullying and how much was youthful sex play. At the time Riley really bothered me and I remember discussing him a lot with my parents. With their help, I learned to, one, stand up to the bully (that resulted in the second time Riley beat me up but it also was the last time as I got some good punches in myself), and, two, realize it's the bully's problem, not mine.

I'm grateful I haven't had to go through the continuing pain you've experienced, jwglass.

 

[JLipps4u]

When I was in 2nd grade, a 17yo who was still in 6th grade, came at me from behind and started to choke me and try to drag me into the bushes to rape me. Little nerd that I already was, i gtabbed a recently sharpened pencil from my pocket and stabbed him in the arm with it. He never bothered me again.

When I was in 4th grade, another older kid pushed me causing me to fall and get all bruised up. It was not the first time he picked on me. He was always calling me "sissy boy" and pushing me around. On this particular day, after already being pushed down, he started taunting me, and calling me names. For some reason, I snapped. After standing up with my back to him, I spun around and leaped onto the boy. He was so caught off guard; he fell, with me on top of him. I grabbed his hair and started pounding his head on the asphalt. Before others could pull me off him, I leaned into his face and kissed him in the mouth several times. Needless to say, he was humiliated beyond words. He became the butt of the boy's jokes, and he NEVER messed with me again. In fact, no one did for many years.

As a sophmore in high school, I once again encountered a bully. this guy was mean and of course older, and he wanted to bet the crap out of me, in a bad way. Now at this time I had become a bit more clever. I learned that he was jsut a grunt for one of the local gang leaders. This gang leader was in the band, as was I. I made friends with him, and before long was giving him the best bj's ever! He knew he could get me to suck him whenever he needed. After a few months, the bully got hold of me one afternoon and got in a few punches before I escaped. I ran crying and bloody to the band hall, where I knew Gilbert was practicing. I went right to him, and explained that this guy was after me. Gilbert came out of the band hall and found the guy, and there in front of me and the rest of their gang, proceeded to beat the crap out of this bully. Gilbert made it known to all his gang, that No ONE was to ever touch me again, or they would answer to him. What's more, if they ever saw anyone harassing me, they were to help me. No one ever bothered me again throughout high school, even after Gilbert was graduated and gone.

Although I have always basically been timid and nonviolent, the years have taught me to not back down from confrontation. While I appear to be an easy mark for those who might wish to do me harm, I have also learned how to defend myself, and learned how to shoot a gun (which i loved). I may be small and appear weak, but, I take no shit from anyone.

Life has taught me, that even a bully fears someone else. Find out who that someone else is! Use that information for your advantage! But then, that is just me.

 

[Phillionaire]

Bullying is not only in school, Its in every day life. Its disgusting how this planet and life on it is turning out.

As most of you know, I went to 9 different schools growing up. In middle school, I use to weight about 220 lbs and have the more horrible acne you have seen. My face, Back and chest was covered in pimples. I got made fun of every day of my life in school, from lard ass to crater face, pizza face.. 4 eyes, you name it, I have been called it. Nobody understands how impacting receiving this kind of behavior can effect somebody.

When I first moved to Florida, We moved to South St. Petersburg, not knowing - The Ghetto. I was the only white kid on my bus in 7th grade. There was no assign seating. Well this little black girl told me to get out of "her seat". I'm not Rosa Parks, I'm not your bitch, The is no assign seats, I told her to sit somewhere else. Moving to another seat is pointless and I wasn't about to be the little white bitch on the bus. When I got off the bus I almost got jumped by 7 of them. I made the mistake by telling my mom, who then drove thru their "projects" and that started even more drama. We soon later moved.

As you have seen now, I weigh about 145 lbs, Smooth face and i've been told i'm rather attractive. It's insane how differently somebody is treated just by their looks.

Everyday there is someone who goes out of there way to say something negative about somebody else. People use facebook and read the smallest detail and jump to a horrible and INCORRECT assumption. Assuming something, is not knowing. Its a guess which is for the majority, WRONG!

I've experienced a lot of negativity in my life and as much as it hurt, and made me feel worthless and want to commit suicide and end it all, It molded me into the person that I am today, in which I am most greatfull. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I do good deeds. I will do something for you, and ask for nothing in return. I will hold the door open for you. I will speak to you with Yes Ma'am and No sir. I will treat you like an adult, until you give me a reason not too.

This world has become so Self-Conscience, it does nothing but add stress, on top of the mountain of stress everybody already has. It's mind blowing, how many people base there decisions and judgments off of what other people think. Its disturbing and something needs to change.

I have to go, but I will continue...

 

[Phillionaire]

It seems the more time goes on, the less morals and good values are instilled in us. I mean, just look at the history. Back in the day, Family meant something. Parents raised children. Now there is nothing but Divorces, single mom's/parents, 16 and pregnant. Why do you think most kids are so rotten these days? They have so many insecurities of their own, they don't know how to deal with them besides bring down everyone else and try to expose any flaws they can detect.

Some people are just to oblivious to even comprehend the fact that there is 49 other states then where they live, and 194 other countries on this planet. I just want to tell them all Your shit stinks, nothing revolves around you, open your eyes.

What is it going to take to get people to open their eyes and realize what life is truly about, and what is really important to them.

This social self conciseness is just delaying human beings ability to KEEP evolving and to get smarter and smarter. Everything goes back to ones background, how they were raised, what experiences they have encountered in their lifetime, and what they believe in.

The human mind is so complex, throw in the feelings and emotions, the smallest thing, whether being verbally abusing somebody, mentally abusing somebody, or even physically abusing somebody can set them over the edge.

What is going to make people open their eyes, and realize how life really should be - Everybody working together, to make a better future.

 

[Markymark]

All through grade school and high school, I was bullied. Not for my size as I am now, but because I was underweight, and an easy target. It (bullying) was an easy way for others to make a name for themselves. For the first through fourth grades, I went to catholic school. The bullying was so bad that the nuns told my parents that I would never amount to anything, and they thought I would do better in a private school which had smaller classes, where the teachers would be able to control me. It was typical of them to pass the responsibility off their own shoulders, by implying that I was creating the problem. After four years in a Waldorf school, I was enrolled in a catholic high school, along with the same kids who had troubled me before, and it started again.
Finally, my parents saw the light. They confronted the principal, whose exact words were, "You can't fight his battles for him, he MUST learn to grow up." After graduation, I applied to the seminary, and he immediately called my folks to offer congratulations, and suggested that a letter of recommendation from him would speed up my acceptance. I got on the phone and said, " No thank you Father, I don't need you to fight my battles." Then I hung up. I was accepted. I learned I could fight back, and win, without compromising my own integrity. I learned to love God on my own terms, and left the seminary. I too developed a thick skin, and a fearless attitude. Years later, at a high school reunion, (oh yeah! you better believe I went!), I took my husband, my attitude, and my success in life, and crammed them down the throats of those mean ass dogs, and enjoyed every non-christian moment of it. They're right when they say, "It gets better!"

 

[cumrag27]

I know of what you speak from the School of Hard Knocks!

Bullying is not only in school, Its in every day life. Its disgusting how this planet and life on it is turning out.

As most of you know, I went to 9 different schools growing up. In middle school, I use to weight about 220 lbs and have the more horrible acne you have seen. My face, Back and chest was covered in pimples. I got made fun of every day of my life in school, from lard ass to crater face, pizza face.. 4 eyes, you name it, I have been called it. Nobody understands how impacting receiving this kind of behavior can effect somebody.

When I first moved to Florida, We moved to South St. Petersburg, not knowing - The Ghetto. I was the only white kid on my bus in 7th grade. There was no assign seating. Well this little black girl told me to get out of "her seat". I'm not Rosa Parks, I'm not your bitch, The is no assign seats, I told her to sit somewhere else. Moving to another seat is pointless and I wasn't about to be the little white bitch on the bus. When I got off the bus I almost got jumped by 7 of them. I made the mistake by telling my mom, who then drove thru their "projects" and that started even more drama. We soon later moved.

As you have seen now, I weigh about 145 lbs, Smooth face and i've been told i'm rather attractive. It's insane how differently somebody is treated just by their looks.

Everyday there is someone who goes out of there way to say something negative about somebody else. People use facebook and read the smallest detail and jump to a horrible and INCORRECT assumption. Assuming something, is not knowing. Its a guess which is for the majority, WRONG!

I've experienced a lot of negativity in my life and as much as it hurt, and made me feel worthless and want to commit suicide and end it all, It molded me into the person that I am today, in which I am most greatfull. I treat people the way I want to be treated. I do good deeds. I will do something for you, and ask for nothing in return. I will hold the door open for you. I will speak to you with Yes Ma'am and No sir. I will treat you like an adult, until you give me a reason not too.

This world has become so Self-Conscience, it does nothing but add stress, on top of the mountain of stress everybody already has. It's mind blowing, how many people base there decisions and judgments off of what other people think. Its disturbing and something needs to change.

I have to go, but I will continue...

Dear Phill,

I often have asked myself why people have to utter a word, if they can not to make a positive contribution. I have failed many times myself to live to this simple rule. But, the fact is that there is nothing easier than sitting back and criticizing everything that one comes into contact. My only consolation is, these same people who thrive on being so very negative are, suffering from a poor self-concept themselves. Instead of rising out of this situation, as you have attempted to do, they were content to wallow in their self-contempt and negativity. They appear to be stuck in this rut. But, it is a choice they have made and they have convinced themselves that by criticizing others, they take away some of the glare from the spotlight from them self. What a sad, sad way in which to make one's mark on the world being so negative. It doesn't encourage others to remain friends with them as they get older.

Thank you Phil for sharing your own personal tribulations on bullying in a genuine attempt to right a societal wrong. Kids form many lifelong habits when they partake in bullying. After all, if it didn't get results, it wouldn't exist. Often those results last for years later on. I feel we as a society have relegated our young people to raise themselves without benefit of adequate parenting. We ask young kids at too early an age to assume more responsibility than they are developmentally prepared to assume. Many parents cannot provide proper guidance or at least assisting finding someone having greater maturity to guide their kids in a loving but serious way through maturation into adulthood. Many parents don't have a concept of what it takes for being an appropriate parent/role model. Other responsible adults in the schools fail to adequately supervise their students preventing "bullying from going on". Some teachers even join in with the "bullying" or by accepting it as something unavoidable and part of growing up.

As a society in many instances, we have allowed ourselves to lower our parental expectations to only expect parents to be "best buds" with their own kids. As a consequence, many parents have failed their own kids to help them mature appropriately into constructive and positive-minded young adults. All to often, parents have been AWOL and almost encourages their teenagers by segregating them away from more adult role models. Phill, I am well aware that you have been left in your early teens to your own devices for raising yourself and, as they say, "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps". Since this is almost an impossible task to expect from anyone, Phill, you are to be commended for your own resilience and having to essentially be your own parent. Many others in a similar situation have not faired nearly so well as you. You have my complete respect!

People like you, Phill, must realize that, while this negative aspect of our society is prevalent, all we can do is try to do our utmost in being "positive" and setting a good example for others to follow by avoiding "bullying". Learning by example may not be the quickest way to learn, but it is by far the best way to learn in the long run.

Sincerely,


Stimpy

 

[cumrag27]

There is more than one way to...

All through grade school and high school, I was bullied. Not for my size as I am now, but because I was underweight, and an easy target. It (bullying) was an easy way for others to make a name for themselves. For the first through fourth grades, I went to catholic school. The bullying was so bad that the nuns told my parents that I would never amount to anything, and they thought I would do better in a private school which had smaller classes, where the teachers would be able to control me. It was typical of them to pass the responsibility off their own shoulders, by implying that I was creating the problem. After four years in a Waldorf school, I was enrolled in a catholic high school, along with the same kids who had troubled me before, and it started again.
Finally, my parents saw the light. They confronted the principal, whose exact words were, "You can't fight his battles for him, he MUST learn to grow up." After graduation, I applied to the seminary, and he immediately called my folks to offer congratulations, and suggested that a letter of recommendation from him would speed up my acceptance. I got on the phone and said, " No thank you Father, I don't need you to fight my battles." Then I hung up. I was accepted. I learned I could fight back, and win, without compromising my own integrity. I learned to love God on my own terms, and left the seminary. I too developed a thick skin, and a fearless attitude. Years later, at a high school reunion, (oh yeah! you better believe I went!), I took my husband, my attitude, and my success in life, and crammed them down the throats of those mean ass dogs, and enjoyed every non-christian moment of it. They're right when they say, "It gets better!"

Dear Markymark,

I too was bullied and I had the same thing happen with the same crappy kids following me from my parochial middle school onto parochial high school. It was sheer hell for me too. I hated every day walking to school as if I was walking to my own execution. Yet, I never skipped school once.

I too learned to fight in my own way on my own terms but, I never directly confronted them. My one breath of fresh air was upon graduation to go off to college and start anew, far away enough that they would not be there to continue their shit. Fortunately, there was only one guy that followed me to my college and we hardly ever saw each other.

I guess you were a bit more able to confront others than I was at the time. I have no hesitancy in confronting others on behalf of someone else, but I still do not speak up for myself as much as I should. In fact my inability to speak up for myself is a self-perpetuating kind of thing built upon feelings of low self-worth that the "bullying" contributed. I have always had enough self-resolve so that, if I was not to confront someone directly to achieve my goals, I would attempt to accomplish my goals independently and bypass those negative outsiders all together.

But, after all, there is more than one way to skin-a-cat! Ultimately, I won too!


Sincerely,


Stimpy

 

[jwglass]

thanks everyone for sharing! i totally thought this thread was dying, and thanks phil for sharing your story. a lot of us here think you are perfect, but we all have to understand we have our flaws, and everyone that shared here a true honest people that will go far in life.

 

[Jayman01]

Bullying is just a fact of life in most cases. In order to affect behavior change people need to want to change first. Hopefully one day people will see the error of their ways and move towards understanding and compassion for all.

I was a child of the 70’s and 80’s going through school. This was a time when long hair was the norm. I also have a brother that is developmentally delayed. In those days no one understood dyslexia either. So, I lived my fair share of torment and teasing. My mother was a bit of an extremist to make matters worse. I know that comes with her OCD, Bi-polar, and issues of addiction. So, I guess I kind of got it from both directions. Strange sometimes it was easier to face the bullies than face my mom. LOL. OK, now that I have set the scene let me kind o highlight some details.

My brother caught a case of head lice in the 1st grade. So, my mom decided that she did not want to live with the risk of those pesky critters. She decided that she would just shave our heads bald. Between the comments about Kojack, people trying to see their future in my head, and the head smacking that went as the result of the Benny Hill show I can say we endured our fair share of ridicule. Coupling that with the comments about being a retard because of special learning classes was a great recipe for school fights. Being a student of the martial arts I was forbidden to fight unless it was in self defense. I stuck to those rules and did my best to talk my way out of a fight. I often found that my bald head was so unique that everyone wanted to feel my head because it was out of the usual I guess. If one person can do it then they all can or you are not being fair. (Kid’s rules. What can I say?) Then try to tell some one not to touch your head. You would think someone took away their hot wheels or Barbie dolls or something. You see most kids saw touching my head as a right not a privilege. And not being a parent or a school teacher, who was I to take away their right to feel short stubbly hair on my head? I have always had a long fuse to anger for the most part. However, like any person I had my Popeye phase. (I had all I could stands and I can not stands any more. LOL) When this caged tiger let loose it often wasn’t pretty. And I frequently won the fights only to get my behind paddled by the Principle (yes, they could do that in those days.), then go home to the ass beating of my life when I got home. So, I guess in my case it was kind of enforced that if I was going to look like a freak of nature when I came to school I needed to expect to be treated as one. Because it was often too much work for the teachers or my parents to tell others to be respectful and understand that I may look and act different but I am very much as normal as they are. LOL I think that was where I really began to understand human nature and the propensity of people interacting with things that were not the norm.

Later in life my dyslexia was discovered about the same time I discovered my real man hood between my legs and the brass balls to stand up to my oppressive mother. So, I ran a way and lived in a wooded area near my house for a few days. I refused to come home until I had the right to grow my hair however I saw fit. My grandparents on my father’s side intervened and told my parents that they were going to challenge them for custody if they did not cave into reason and allow me to grow my hair. It was easier than I thought. My mom made my life miserable for a few months until her father started to die. Then she had more pressing issues to deal with. After my grandfather’s death she never seemed to mind my long hair. Go figure… LOL She vented her frustration by succumbing to an addiction to Bingo. Ah, there is another story. LOL

Bullying does not stop there it manifests in all forms in life. Bullying is often dealt with in two ways it is internalized and or it is acted out upon. Usually both happen frequently. I think the thing is to find the strength of character to rise above it and surround yourself with a great support group of spiritually motivated people who can help you us see beyond the human condition and realize that we are often dealing with people who are expressing their fear of the unknown or things beyond their comprehension. I believe that bullies act out their frustrations do their poor communication skills to their unwillingness to use them. Unfortunately, the bullies cannot often see the harm that they have caused. And when their target internalizes and to the point they cannot see any way out or feels hopeless they can become depressed and feel so hopeless that they will lash out in despair or self terminate. I am not sure that there is an easy solution or answer when it comes to bullying. Only that hopefully the bully will eventually see the error of their ways.

As for the human target, all I can say is “the strongest steel is often forged in the hottest furnace.” (If it doesn’t kill you it will only make you stronger.) My prayers are with all those who are oppressed… Nameste…

 

[cumrag27]

If it doesn’t kill you it will only make you stronger!

Dearest Jayman,

Your comments are so very sincere and totally honest. You hold back nothing as you are so very strong in character in large part to the suffering you had to endure early on. When I was a school counselor, I was overwhelmed by overly protective parents that tried to intervene in every issue at school. They said their child did not have to deal with such stress. In fact, they insisted that their child should never have to deal with stress at all while in school. I had to tell them that, if each student had a personal guard assigned to them individually, as a school we still could not guarantee their child would be stress-free and they failed to consider that being stress-free at an early age would only set up the unrealistic expectation for a stress-free life, further increasing their adult child's chances of not being able to handle life with all its warts. Furthermore, when would their child ever learn how to handle stress, if all stress was avoided?

It seemed these parents equated being "good parents" as being someone that totally "protected their child from the real world" and, also, contributed to these kids from paying the consequences needed to become responsible when their behavior was less than appropriate at school. Whatever happened at school, it was always some other kid's or teacher's fault. Never was it their own kid's fault. Being retired, this is one of the aspects I am most grateful to leave behind. It doesn't mean that their kid was always wrong, more like many times they had partial blame for those situations they would find them self in. Much was dependent on their kid's communication skills and keeping an open mind.

Anyway, Jayman, these life challenges have contributed greatly to the well-rounded person you are today. Somehow, you had enough fortitude to get through all this negativity in a positive way. Obviously, it was not easy for you at the time but few things worth achieving in life come easily anyway!

Thank you for generously sharing your life experiences with us. This is precisely why I find the forum such a great learning tool for both the author as well as the reader. I would like to reiterate your words..."If it doesn’t kill you, it will only make you stronger".


Sincerely,


Stimpy